


Chronicles: Chicks Dig Evangelion

by BG_Character_592



Series: Chronicles [13]
Category: Megas XLR, Neon Genesis Evangelion
Genre: Gen, Giant Robots, MST3k-Style Riffing, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-06
Updated: 2021-02-06
Packaged: 2021-03-18 05:21:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 99,502
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29238240
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BG_Character_592/pseuds/BG_Character_592
Summary: A bootleg DVD fell through a Rift in front of the Tumbleweed, a cavalcade of assorted characters emblazoned on front.Obviously the only way to react to this is to watch it!
Relationships: Ayanami Rei/Nagisa Kaworu, Ikari Shinji/Souryuu Asuka Langley
Series: Chronicles [13]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1203856
Comments: 3
Kudos: 2





	1. CDE 1

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Advice and Trust](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/437662) by Panther2G. 



> This is the thirteenth instalment of Chronicles, a continuation of Strypgia's Advice and Trust, published here with his consent, originally posted on Sufficient Velocity. It is recommended one reads Advice and Trust first, as many of the characterisations and events differ from what is considered canon to Evangelion.
> 
> While this story is a continuation of Advice and Trust, it's not set in its exact universe. This story diverges from Advice and Trust starting from Chapter 11.12 (on Sufficient Velocity).
> 
> This is a direct sequel to After Chronicles.
> 
> As usual for Chronicles, this story is rated Mature for sexual references, occasional violence and confronting scenes.
> 
> Many thanks to Jimmy Wolk for help with translating.

* * *

## 1\. American Pie

Spencer Makinami was woken from his admittedly light slumber by the buzzing of a bespoke detector, fashioned from an old phone and a few spare parts the Polytechnic had. "...Huh. It actually _got_ something." As if he didn’t entirely _expect_ anything.

Now was the debate. Does he make the trek in the middle of the hot Australian night over to the Polytechnic, to see what it came up with, knowing the temperature was in the high 80s even this deep in the evening? Knowing the Polytechnic was most likely locked up for the evening, with all the joy of wrangling security?

He turned over in his bed, getting closer to his still slumbering paramour. It can wait for the morning.

~

Kaworu felt a slight prod at his senses, and furrowed his brow. "...Odd."

"I _know_ , right? Why the hell did we get _this_?"

"Because it is vaguely _mecha_ , at least judging by the cover." Mused Rei. _'Of course, that was not what_ you _noticed.'_

_'You caught it too?'_

_'No, but judging by your_ light _, you sensed_ something _.'_

He 'looked' around. _'If it happens again,_ then _we can be concerned. For now, it may just be a quirk.'_

_'If you say so.'_

"So this was made in _America_?"

"Sure _looks_ like it." Thought Shinji. "Wasn’t Cartoon Network American, anyway?"

"Yeah, they run a tv channel _specifically_ for cartoons, it was pretty neat actually." Remarked Asuka, looking back at her admittedly _brief_ university life. "Of course, cartoons _nowadays_ are pretty shocking, so they mostly just went with old anime."

"Which you were not _interested_ in."

"Nah, not particularly."

_’H-Hey Ash? Is it c-concerning_ I _felt that prod a-as well?’_

A brief introspection. _'It may well be, Mari. But... we shall wait and see.'_ As he huffed. "Well, what are we waiting for?"

"Someone to put the disc in." Rei obviously stated.

So they put the disc in the Playstation, and they started watching.

* * *

## 2\. Megas XLR

Character Key:

Shinji (S) Asuka (A)

Rei (R) Kaworu (K)

Eliza (E) Mari (M)

** 2.1: Test Drive **

_Established 3012_ **(00:00)**

An object shot past the dilapidated ship of the Earth Coalition.

A: "Well _they_ aren’t doing a good job at _that_ , are they?"

S: "I’m _already_ getting Gurren Lagaan vibes from this."

E: "Even from the _aspect ratio_ , I would suggest this _predates_ Gurren Lagaan."

They panned out to yet _more_ destruction in Earth orbit, the subtitle giving a helpful indicator as to the time period.

M: "W-were it not for that _emblem_ , we’d have _no_ i-idea where it’s set."

R: "For being set over _one thousand years_ removed from us, you would expect a bit _more_ progress."

A: "I mean, it’s more than _we_ have."

The group were now looking at a tricoloured mech, red eye to rival HAL 9000.

E: "Why does that creep _me_ out?"

R: "You thought the _voice_ of Gipsy Danger was threatening, as well."

S: "Though a glowing red eye _is_ somewhat more threatening, I feel."

A: "Now it’s just a question on _what_ they’re looking for."

Asuka’s question was answered in vaguely Japanese like hieroglyphs.

K: "Doesn’t exactly bode well for _that_ mech, I feel."

M: "What _w-would_ this mech be called, anyway?"

R: " _Megas_ is a good choice until we know better. It has been a pattern thus far to put the name of the mech in the title."

A: "They didn’t do that with _Pacific Rim_."

R: "There are always _exceptions_ to a rule, Asuka."

It wasn’t just _one_ of the HALian mechs, as they started _firing_ on them.

E: "I imagine this doesn’t raise their odds, Kaworu."

K: "Not exactly, no."

_Quarry_ **(01:00)**

The quarry managed to skirt the predators pursuing.

A: "Now where have we seen _that_ colour scheme before?" Immediately implying their copyright infringement.

R: "In their defence, they _inverted_ Unit-00’s colour scheme."

M: "Kinda m-made it vaguely _insect_ like, as w-well."

S: "Looks like a _Pocket Monster_."

They caught sight of the _pilot_ of the mech, a woman kissed by fire.

E: "Is having someone of that hair _also_ a prerequisite to a mecha?"

K: "Might as well be, at this point."

A: "Since we’re establishing that’s _me_ , looks like _Cartoon Network_ decided to just screw me over _immediately_ this time around!"

R: "You will not go down without a _fight_ , however."

A: "Oh _God_ no!"

Speaking of, the fight began; the Asuka expy blocking and dodging and generally making quick work of the six identified enemy mechs.

Asuka wasn’t exactly _complaining_ it ended as quickly as it started. "Fucking _awesome_! Good to see _she’s_ as much of an ass kicker as _I_ am!"

The hardcoded Japanese subtitles indicated to the group that things were _still_ rather dire.

K: "We know her _name_ , at least."

M: "Never h-heard of _Andru_ , myself."

R: "Might be a _future_ name." As the camera panned behind her. " _That_ is an interesting method of synchronisation."

S: "Is that plugged _in_ the head?"

A: "Ah so they’re taking the _Matrix_ solution to connecting yourself up to a mech!"

_All On Me_ **(02:00)**

The surviving mechs all gathered to Andru, a final stand against the Glorft.

Asuka couldn’t help but _snicker_ at the name of the enemy.

M: "So t-they kinda like _alien Seele_?"

R: "It is not the _first_ mecha we’ve seen with aliens as the antagonist."

S: "I’m pretty sure _our_ mecha is the _only_ mecha with aliens as _not_ an antagonist."

Kaworu raised an eyebrow.

S: "At least not the _main_ antagonist."

E: "I’d say the Angels were _still_ pretty major."

They caught a glimpse of said Glorft in their flagship, Warmaster Gorrath belittling the human resistance.

A: "Gee, they could’ve made him look _less_ like our enemy."

R: "What gives it away, the red eyes or the tentacles?"

M: "The v-voice, perhaps."

S: "So we’re getting invaded by alien squid."

K: "Compared to the _other_ aliens faced, this is probably the first _physical_ _species_ we’ve seen as belligerents."

A: " _Physical_ being the keyword."

K: "At least until we find out they’re actually clouds of gas or something, yes."

With the threat to deploy the UMD, they cut back to a moon base, stalwartly defended by the mechs of Coalition forces.

A: "Yeah, we’re boned."

R: "That is what the introduction implies, yes."

E: "I count seven known Coalition units against... a _lot_ of Glorft units."

One was destroyed.

E: "Six."

And more, as Andru issued a retreat.

E: "Two."

_Let's Do The Timewarp Again_ **(03:05)**

Her back against the wall, she began the deployment of _another_ , much _larger_ mech.

M: "Do t-they plan on using _that_?"

K: "Perhaps as a _desperation_ move."

A: "I _would_ be pretty desperate in that situation."

The monitor indicated something _else_ , as the man over the radio began speaking his _displeasure_.

S: "We're _already_ getting time travel?"

R: "Cartoon Network really _are_ rushing through a few things."

K: "It _is_ another solution."

A: "Something I know _you're_ fond of, Kaworu."

K: "I've still to figure out time travel, unfortunately."

E: "So they plan on going back to _3035_."

M: "It _seems_ l-like ample time to get your shit together _before_ the Glorft come to wreck t-things."

R: "Depends _when_ this last stand took place."

E: "Maybe this show can give you some _ideas_ on time travel, Kaworu."

K: "It _already_ sounds different to my understanding. Unless _their_ terminology is different."

M: "It's either d-die in the _Dirac_ or die to some _aliens_. At least _then_ , t-they won't get the satisfaction of getting a kill."

S: "Or the Megas."

Either way, the Rift was opened.

A: "That certainly _seems_ like a Dirac Rift of some sort!"

R: "Maybe _that_ was how this work got here. We know there is _some_ connection between a Rift opening up and a _work_ appearing."

K: "We _do_ call them Rift works, after all."

E: " _Gorrath_ seems rather arrogant about it all, at least."

S: "That's _good_ for us, keeps him off our backs."

A: "I like how we're _already_ associating ourselves with them."

_Transfer_ **(04:30)**

The Glorft got into the hanger, Andru getting the hell outta there.

M: "...And _h-how_ is she meant to do that?"

E: "It'd be somewhat _amusing_ if that connection to her neck had something to do with it, after we've talked about stuffing brains into beige towers."

Andru took off, shooting some Glorfts along the way for the hell of it.

A: "Of _course_ it's stolen alien tech!"

S: " _We_ could've used some of that."

K: "My kin were not technologically gifted, unfortunately. _Biologically_ , however."

Gorrath's arrogance got the better of him, following the defiled Avatar prototype.

Good thing for Andru, _other_ friendlies were dispatched to become cannon fodder.

R: "They even have _AT-Fields_."

A: "They're not doing _much_ with them."

Docking went underway, Gorrath continuing to yell at the inconvenience of this.

M: "So m-much for the _cannon fodder._ "

E: "Zero."

Andru started _floating_ towards the Megas.

A: "I see _several_ flaws with that transfer mechanism!"

E: "Not exactly _brain uploading_ , isn't it."

R: "And fascinatingly enough, the Glorft all _miss_ this obvious target."

A: "Yeah _funny that_."

Asuka jinxed it, missiles hitting and the transfer failing.

K: "I'd say she was _lucky_ she wasn't sucked into space."

E: "There was probably a _failsafe_ in that mech of hers to prevent that. Which I'd _commend_ , if not for the transfer system itself having inherent flaws in it."

M: "Not l-like she got off _completely_ scot free, as well."

The Megas vanished into the anomaly, towards _God_ knows when.

Mothership close behind it. "Oh yeah, because the _Commander_ of the invading force should go off into a time warp."

R: "We _have_ stated his arrogance."

And with both Glorft and Andru alike disappearing into time, the title card appeared.

S: "...Well _that_ was abrupt."

_Joisey_ **(06:50)**

The show cut to the City of New Jersey, as of 'The Present'.

A: "Man _that_ looks like shit."

M: "Nah, that's just Jersey."

S: "I would've thought the _flooding_ after Second Impact made it uninhabitable."

M: "Y-you know how _stubborn_ people are from t-those parts, right? Honestly it probably made it _better_ to live in."

E: "You're going to have fun making fun of New Jersey, aren't you."

M: "Hell _yeah_ I a-am! It's practically a _pastime_ in a-any state _other_ than New Jersey!"

They were now in the garage of a rather _stereotypical_ American, working on a stereotypically American car. "Is that a d-damn _Barra_?"

R: "American muscle car of some sort?"

A: "It's certainly as _big_ as that American!"

S: "Wouldn't say _that_ guy was excited about that car as _we_ are."

Asuka shrugged. "Never really been one for _muscle_ , myself. _Mari_ might be different."

M: "Can't go w-wrong with the classics. And _t-technically_ that'd be classified as a _pony car_."

The big guy hit a switch.

And in an instant, the Plymouth Barracuda was shot several hundred feet into the air, attached to the _Megas_.

...Yeah, not a single person in the room expected that. "He attached a damn _muscle car_ to a _mech_?!"

M: "Why would you do that to a Barra?!"

R: "I would not think attaching a _Toyota Corolla_ as the cockpit of the Megas would have had the same effect."

E: "Why the hell would you _ever_ use a car as a cockpit for a mech?"

S: "Hopefully it doesn't give _Misato_ any ideas."

K: "She wouldn't _dare_ do that to her Renault."

R: "He not only _attached_ his pony car to a mech, he has done _other_ customisations."

A: " _Now_ I'm curious how he got _away_ with doing that _under his shed_."

S: "Well, he's not getting away with it _now_."

M: "He has a damn _mech_ , I d-don't think _anyone_ will mess with him."

_Cockpit_ **(07:30)**

A: "Good to see _lanky_ there has his concerns in order!"

It cut to the cockpit itself, covered in a myriad of _video game controllers_ and old computers.

R: "Somewhat less _refined_ , compared to our cockpits."

K: "I'd call it impressive they managed to do this in his _backyard_."

S: "I'd question how the hell they got _in_ that Barra."

E: "What's the _full_ name of that car, anyway?"

M: "Plymouth Barracuda, t-they were a _Chrysler_ marquee before S-Second Impact, like Dodge and J-Jeep."

A: "Oh it might fall to _pieces_ , then!"

It was at this point that the big guy revealed _where_ he found it.

S: "Like you could _find_ such thing in a junkyard."

K: "You never know _where_ something like that may end up, going through a Rift of some sort."

E: "Though they often tend to be in _convenient_ locations, I found."

A: "Funny thing, that."

M: "Who _w-would_ win in that fight, anyway?"

R: "Depends on the battleground, if it is on _land_ or in a _lake_."

E: "So a pile of junk just so happened to appear in the _30s_ , and they didn't bother?"

K: "It's likely the Megas has been sitting there for at _least_ seventy years, at that point. Assuming modern day is somewhere in the _2000s_."

_Two Bucks_ **(08:20)**

So he started sorting through the pile.

E: "I don't think _that's_ a safe method to store hazardous waste."

M: "Nah that's just Jersey."

A: "Two dollars, though." She shrugged. "Can't go wrong."

R: "You can get cancer for cheaper."

S: "Wait, is this implying he got the _Megas_ for _two dollars_?"

The big guy removed a single thing, and like a house of cards it came tumbling down.

Revealing the Megas in all its battered and bruised glory.

A: "Oh my god he really _did_ get it for two bucks!"

K: "If only _our_ Evangelion cost as much."

R: "To be fair, he was essentially _tricked_ into giving that deal. I am sure he would have wanted at least _three_ dollars for the Megas."

As the Megas was 'pretty banged up', in his words, it cut to a montage of getting it up to spec.

M: "And h-he did this all in his _garage_."

A: "I'm honestly amazed at how _gifted_ this guy is. He found a _mecha_ , bought it for _two bucks_ , and spent _God_ knows how long getting it up to spec. Hell, putting his damned _Barra_ on it would count for something; improvising a control mechanism to replace the beaten up previous one or something like that."

K: "And also cooking his sandwiches with a _welding torch._ _Barehanded_."

E: "I'd say that was even _more_ impressive."

M: "Man imagine having a _Beetle_ as the c-cockpit of that thing."

Asuka barked a laugh. "That's be even _worse_ in a few ways!"

R: " _That_ is about the equivalent of a _Toyota Corolla_ , I would say."

_Quirks and Features_ **(09:25)**

And now it's time for the quirks and features of the big guy's early 70s Plymouth Barracuda, with Megas mod.

R: "Key features _any_ vehicle should have."

A: "This _argontrinsic shielding_ is their term for _AT-Field_ , I'm guessing."

E: "I can't imagine it using _argon_."

M: "Not l-like _they_ know what that kind of shielding is."

K: "Giant mechs don't often come with user friendly service manuals, unfortunately."

A: "It wouldn't surprise me in the slightest if there _is no_ collated manual for using the Evangelion."

Ever the scientists, they hit an unlabelled blue button.

Which promptly _deleted_ a house.

S: "At least the _basement's_ alright."

E: "They seem rather _nonchalant_ for _destroying_ a house."

A: "I think they're just nonchalant in _general_. If _I_ found a futuristic mecha in a junkyard, I'd be fucking _excited_."

R: "So would the _government_."

The show cut to an imagine spot by Coop's friend, as he thought about what was possible.

Mostly _destructive_ examples of what was possible. "This is why we don't give Evangelion to the layman."

Everyone else was _laughing_. "Otherwise they'd wreck shit in _Fort Knox_ and _hamburger factories_."

But as soon as they _tried_ , the alarms went off.

M: "So he _m-modded_ a Barra onto the Megas, but he couldn't d-disable the _alarms_?"

S: "I doubt Coop was ever _meant_ to drive the Megas, myself."

_Rift_ **(10:40)**

It was this moment that three individuals of the Earth Coalition arrived, disabling the alarm of the Megas with an _oversized key fob_.

Much to the amusement of all. "I suppose if it _works_."

A: "Not like they have _pockets_ or anything, though."

The future individuals _immediately_ entered fighting stance.

E: "She could've been a bit _nicer_ to the people with the notoriously powerful mecha."

M: "It _is_ New J-Jersey."

K: "You really _are_ having fun with this, aren't you."

M: "Obvious, e-eh?"

S: "In Coop's defence, he _did_ find it."

R: "And he _does_ control the giant robot, after all. I imagine they would have to _force_ it from his hands, after all the work he put in."

Turning the key, he made his decision.

But the battle was further delayed by the _soft top_.

M: "W-wouldn't think a car that age _had_ a motorised r-roof."

A: " _That's_ what catches your interest?"

Attempting to find first gear, Coop instead fired a _rocket fist_ into one of Andru's assistants, immediately sending them into a nearby elementary school.

Much to the cheer of the students, and the amusement of the Tumbleweed. " _I'd_ be excited about that, as well!"

S: "As long as _we_ weren't in it."

And so the fight began in earnest, the Megas making short work of the remaining assistant.

Much to Mari's cringe. "Hopefully it's n-not a _synchronised_ feeling."

Andru's attempts _also_ failed.

A: "Are people in Jersey just casually _sexist_ like that?"

Mari shrugged. "Probably."

K: "Then again, _her_ calling him an _ape_ doesn't help matters."

R: "It is fair game, at that point."

E: "At least they're _trying_ to negotiate."

S: "Do you think they'd _believe_ her story?"

A: "The Megas had to end up there _somehow_ , Shinji."

_Rolled One_ **(13:05)**

Unfortunately for Andru, her prejudice for those from the past got the better of her, as those piloting the Megas bumbled into an _energy cannon_ of some sort.

M: "Well, _those_ n-negotiations were short."

R: "I doubt she was ever meant to be a _negotiator_."

A: "And look where _that_ got her, she's about to be _annihilated_."

Her Not-An-AT-Field bounced the energy beam off her mech, which didn't help much when the nearby apartment complex crashed into her.

Once again, to the amusement of all at this comedy of errors.

E: "I feel that could've been _approached_ better."

Andru decided to approach this _aggressively_ instead, ending in her being _pile drivven_ into the pavement.

S: "She's not having the best of times, is she?"

A: "Oh her prejudices are probably _screaming_ at her. But that's what she gets for calling someone from _our_ time primitive!"

K: "I can see who _you_ side with."

Either way, with her drones and mech out of commission for the moment, it was back to _negotiations_.

A: "Like _that_ will work this time around."

M: "Why would t-they even get _out_ of their Megas?"

R: "To give her a fair go, perhaps."

Coop decided to give a brief explanation on _why_ he's a good pilot.

S: "And with all _Ritsuko_ goes on about video games, as well."

This was ultimately a _distraction_ , but once again her good times came to a grinding halt as she couldn't figure out how to drive stick.

E: "Do they not have _cars_ in the future?"

M: "Not as _we_ k-know them, I'd think."

K: "Perhaps his skill in servicing _vehicles_ translated rather well to servicing the _Megas_."

It was in this moment it cut to Coop _destroying_ a rather _important_ component required to time travel with a piece of scrap metal.

K: "Okay, perhaps take my words with a grain of salt."

R: "Not like _he_ could know what a time drive was."

A: "Looks like she's face with a _conundrum_ , eh? Work with a bunch of _primitives_ from New Jersey, or languish in the past."

M: "A rather _difficult_ decision, I'd t-think."

S: "I'd _think_ she'd put those thoughts aside, if it meant getting _back_."

And so she made an offer.

K: "As you suggested, Shinji. I doubt she would _like_ this, but she _has_ to do it."

A: "I doubt _Coop_ would wanna go to the future, at least to _stay_."

Which he immediately _rejected_.

R: "At least we know his _motive_."

M: "Can't say h-he's _wrong_. Most of the Evangelion _pilots_ are c-chicks, aren't they?"

A: "It _is_ a pretty nice machine, ain't it?"

_Takyon_ **(15:40)**

The Glorft were notified of their presence.

A: "Good job, Coop."

R: "I am sure _something_ had to bring them along."

And indeed, almost _immediately_ the Glorft came along.

M: "Well, I guess it's t-time for the Megas to kick some _more_ ass!"

E: "At least it's the _right_ ass, this time around."

K: "Quite a _few_ asses to kick, if I say so myself."

S: "I reckon they'd be _fine_ with them. This is the _first_ episode, after all."

A: "Think CN wanna show off how _their_ mecha does things, eh?"

R: "At least _our_ mecha waited to the _second_ episode to show the battle."

S: "Which _I_ wasn't even awake for."

M: "How _did_ y-you do all that, then? I saw the footage of t-that, back in the day."

E: "Unit-01 went berserk."

M: "Oh, _that_ explains a f-few things."

K: "At least this has _convinced_ Coop."

A: "Good to see Gorrath _still_ arrogant as ever. Time hasn't changed him in the _slightest_."

Coop knocked over Andru's mech, making it a _fair right_.

R: "Coop is perhaps _more_ arrogant than Gorrath."

A: "Ah, a _knucklehead_ fight!"

_First Gear_ **(17:00)**

Coop launched the first strike.

Which _immediately_ went off course and into a lawyer friendly version of an _MTV_ satellite.

A fact Mari was _all too happy_ to lampshade. "I wonder w-what _that's_ meant to refer to."

A: "Are MTV even _around_ , anymore?"

M: "They s-stopped being about music _ages_ ago. Last time _I_ checked, they w-were doing _war documentaries_."

A: "How the fuck does that even _happen_?"

Mari shrugged, as if she didn't know herself. "I think National G-Geographic bought them out."

Either way, Coop didn't skip a beat, immediately breaking windows and knocking cars about before launching himself into the myriad of Glorft forces.

S: "So far, _he's_ done more destruction than the _Glorft_ has done."

R: "He _has_ stated _he_ is the only person allowed to destroy New Jersey."

K: "He's actually doing rather _well_ for himself, considering."

A: "It's those _video games_ , ain't it?" As he flew past the junkyard. "And he _still_ didn't pay him the two bucks?"

M: "You c-could've gotten a _drink_ with those two bucks, I imagine."

E: "Maybe he'll pay the junkyard _after_ he steals gold from Fort Knox."

R: "I am sure all that _scrap metal_ he is making will pay for itself."

S: "It's... an _interesting_ fighting style, to say the least."

A: "It's like he's driving a damn _car_! How does that even _work_?"

M: "It does in _J-Jersey_ , apparently."

_Wasteland_ **(18:30)**

_Slamming his head_ on a red button, not unlike a particular tank girl, he managed to destroy not only the _Glorft_ force, but practically the _entirety of New Jersey_.

M: "That's probably made it _b-better_."

A: "Fuck they _really_ don't care about the collateral, do they? Doing _Hadoukens_ and shit."

E: "I wonder if they'll discuss the _millions_ he just killed."

R: "It is _Cartoon Network_ , so probably not."

Now thoroughly _pissed off_ , Gorrath deployed _his_ secret weapon.

S: "I wonder if that'd actually do anything _different_."

K: "It'd be a rather boring series if the main antagonist was defeated on the _first_ episode."

A: "Ah so it's gonna take a classic _anime_ sorta arc?"

R: "It is clear this has already taken _much_ from classic mecha."

Surprisingly enough to them, it was a more _fair_ fight between the Megas and the spider looking mecha.

Which ultimately ended in the _Megas_ falling.

E: "I'd say you guys just _jinxed_ it."

S: "Probably."

Perhaps as an attempt to _ensure_ their destruction, Gorrath sent in the Babuska's doll known as the Universal Media Disc.

With a transformation sequence to rival _Sailor Moon_. "It is clear where they got _this_ kind of sequence from, at least."

A: "Not the _first_ time I've seen a mecha do a _magical girl transformation_."

K: "It's obvious _why_ they thought the UMD was not able to be defeated. Even through sheer _size_."

M: " _Coop_ seems f-fine with it."

R: "He is as arrogant as _Gorrath_ is."

Like it were a _flea,_ the UMD _flicked_ the Megas through a few skyscrapers.

E: "So much for that _arrogance_."

_Satellaview_ **(20:45)**

Their destruction was delayed by the deleterious influence of the disabled satellite on the dome of the dominating UMD

And with fire raining around him, the Megas equally _flicked_ the UMD down.

A: "Not gonna lie, _that_ was pretty cool."

K: "It was practically _divine intervention_."

R: "We are certainly one for that."

S: "You two could be _argued_ as divine, so yeah."

E: "Good thing luck is on our side."

A: "As _befits_ protagonists, eh?"

Tentacles between his legs, Gorrath scurried away as Coop and his friend further flung salt in the wound.

M: "Well, at l-least those _kids_ were happy about it all."

R: "Their _families_ most likely perished in the destruction of New Jersey, but at least the _alien_ is routed."

Gorrath's henchmen revealed their _similar_ situation to Andru.

A: "Routed for an _episode_ or two, I imagine."

K: "Rather _bold_ of the Commander."

S: "Maybe he's _vying_ for the position of _Warmaster_."

E: "They _really_ don't need a civil war."

And so it cut back to Coop and co celebrating.

M: "And just _h-how_ are they gonna go through the drive t-though in _that_ Barra?"

R: "They could always _walk in_."

The credits soon revealed just _how_ they went through the drive through of a restaurant that was most likely called _WcDonalds_.

And everyone laughed. "I am amazed it _survived_ the destruction of New Jersey."

"It's all the p-preservatives, I imagine."

"We know the _names_ of the cast, at least."

"I'm assuming _Jamie_ is the other person with them."

"I wouldn't think they were called _Goat_. Unless those five burgers were for _him_." Asuka pointed out.

" _Goat_ would be the junkyard guy, then." Shinji posited. "Since they didn't give a name to the _other_ Commander."

"How fitting." Rei thought. "Thoughts on this?"

"It's not _as_ batshit crazy as _Gurren Lagaan_ was, but it's _still_ pretty batshit crazy." Surmised the redhead.

"I'd say a _different_ kind of crazy." Spoke Shinji, rolling on from her thought. "This is _somewhat_ more grounded in reality."

"It would be in the _people_. Coop and Jamie simply don't give _any_ sort of concern about _anything_."

"If anything, I'd call this a-almost a _parody_ of the genre."

"Then again, we thought that of _Gurren Lagaan_ , as well." Put forward Kaworu. "And look how _that_ turned out."

"Kiva dies by episode eight, got it."

"Hopefully t-that's not a _spoiler_ for t-that show."

"Eh, we didn't say _who_ died."

And so the next episode started.

~~~

** 2.2: Battle Royale **

_Battle of the Bots_ **(00:00)**

M: "Oh w-we're suddenly _Battlebots_ , n-now?"

A: "That's _actually_ a thing?"

M: " _Yeah_ , buncha people w-would built robots and _fight them_!"

They couldn't help but find _this_ particular bot battle _uninspiring_.

R: "The real life version was more _exciting_ than this, I would hope."

M: "Oh y-yeah."

S: "At least the _announcer's_ enjoying it."

K: "Amazingly enough, it seems like everyone _else_ is enjoying it, as well."

E: "Perhaps their lives are more _boring_ than usual."

It cut to Coop and Jamie, watching that exact show in their own battle bot.

R: "Cannot say _their_ lives are boring, and _they_ are still watching it."

Zooming out to them _bashing_ another mecha.

M: "Case in p-point?"

R: "Case in point."

K: "Ah, but it looks like that'll be the _story_ of this episode."

A: "What, they use _that_ battle bot in their own show? The Megas could just _stomp_ on them, it wouldn't be entertaining at all!"

S: "It'd be more exciting than the bots on that show _already_."

_Chicks Dig Giant Robots_ **(00:40)**

They witnessed the _gloriousness_ that was the opening of Megas XLR.

A: "Oh my fucking _God_ , why couldn't _we_ have an OP like that?!"

M: "You can _r-really_ tell they're from Jersey."

R: "I suppose that is _another_ thing. Kiva has settled in well in the past, I feel."

E: "She was laughing along with them watching that TV show. If _that_ wasn't an indicator."

K: "And there's that _line_ , again." He chuckled.

S: "It's a lot more than _chicks_ , at least."

A: " _Everyone_ likes giant robots, Shinji. If this were any other country, we'd probably be _celebrities_."

M: "I always _w-wondered_ that. You lot have saved the planet _countless_ t-times, and yet no one even so much as _recognises_ y-you."

R: "I would call that the work of NERV in keeping our identities hidden."

K: "And I doubt people would call it _honourable_ , using children to pilot the giant robots. Necessary it may've been."

A: "Otherwise, I'm sure our lives would've been like the pilots in _Pacific Rim_ , going on midnight talk shows and shit."

M: "That _another_ R-Rift material?"

A: "Yeah, _another_ western sorta mecha."

S: "And also one that's actually _live action_."

M: "Ah, m-meaning they had to make it _somewhat_ r-realistic. Were they similar to the E-Evangelion?"

E: "Not _exactly_ , at least not before we _borrowed_ a few ideas about piloting from them and another Rift material."

R: "That is essentially how the NACSS came to be."

M: "I wonder if p-people would call that _cheating_ , using o-otherworldly inspirations."

K: "It's certainly using it to our _advantage_ , that's for sure."

_Service_ **(01:30)**

The Barra was currently being serviced. "Ah, the natural habitat of _any_ Chrysler vehicle."

R: "A good thing he is _handy_ with such vehicles, then."

E: "It's obvious _resources_ aren't an issue for him."

M: "You p-probably think it _lucky_ the Evangelion wasn't _outsourced_ to an a-automotive manufacturer, Asuka."

S: "Since it sounds like almost _all_ of them suck."

K: "Except for the German brands, oddly enough."

A: "In my defence, I only really like _one_ group of German branded cars. And hell, _you guys_ might've gotten away with it; Japanese cars seem _reliable_ , if uninspired."

R: "I do not think inspiration is much of a _concern_ for most people purchasing a car in Japan. Of course, there is always the _enthusiast_."

M: "Which you c-could _certainly_ call Coop."

K: "Not exactly _Kiva's_ concerns, aren't they?"

A: "Or _Jaime's_." She muttered, as it cut to his imagination spot. "I'm sure _any_ of those Space Amazonians could cave his head in, if they _wanted_ to."

S: "Thing is, he'd probably _like_ that."

E: "You can bet _Kiva_ would cave his head in for _her_ depiction."

R: " _Coop_ might not like his depiction, either."

_Big Head_ **(02:35)**

Jaime was _further_ distracted by the appearance of _Magnanimous_ , aptly described by Jaime as a giant head with tiny arms and legs.

E: "Is he _just_ a giant head?"

S: "How does that even _work_?"

M: "Is that _Bruce C-Campbell_?"

R: "Let us hope he _does_ explain just _what_ he is."

He _tried_ to, but Coop and Jaime were more distracted by the fact a _giant head with tiny arms and legs_ were talking to them.

K: "Perhaps the reason Earth wasn't eligible for such a league was due to the fact they couldn't get past the _appearance_ of Magnanimous."

A: "It _is_ a rather significant issue to get past, for most people."

Once the initial shock of a _giant head with tiny arms and legs_ wore off, Coop was all ears for Magnanimous' idea.

R: " _She_ certainly does not seem excited."

M: "Not like he r-really focuses on _her_ concerns."

S: "That _does_ seem pretty cool, admittedly."

A: "They make it sound like it's _professional wrestling_." She scoffed. "Hey Rei, _you_ apparently know a bit about professional wrestling. You heard of Bruce Campbell?"

R: "Not from _wrestling_ ; he's starred in plenty of _B movies_ though."

E: "Sounds like he's _perfect_ for this show, then."

_Bash Fest_ **(04:00)**

Coop made the decision that _everyone_ expected, and they were off to outer space.

A: "So what, humanity there doesn't even _know_ there's an intergalactic _Battlebots_ going on?"

R: "That is what Magnanimous implied, yes."

K: "Of course, I doubt it is anything related to any sort of _prime directive_ they may or may not have."

E: "They probably think of us the same way _Kiva_ thought of us."

M: "Just t-they wait until they find _our_ w-world."

S: "Can you even _call_ our Evangelion robots? They're kinda _different_ in architecture."

A: "As long as none of the _armour_ comes off, you could get away with calling them that."

R: "I thought Jaime would have been _excited_ about all this."

E: "Is he _ever_ excited about anything?"

M: "I d-doubt this excitement would _increase_ , not being allowed _in_ the a-arena."

K: "I'm sure there's _things_ to do. Food to eat. Events to watch."

S: "What food _would_ they have there? It wouldn't be anything _we_ were used to."

A: "Might not even be anything we could _eat_. For all we know those aliens could eat _dynamite_ as an entree!"

R: "At least the others can occupy themselves in the _junkyard_."

M: " _Coop_ would've been m-most interested in that, I imagine."

They briefly saw the junkyard.

E: "Fancy there's _other_ giant robots there."

K: "May come in _handy_ , I imagine."

_Battlegrounds_ **(05:20)**

Jaime found his way to the odds.

M: "I know _some_ of t-those letters."

K: "For being an alien society, there's a strange amount of _Greek_."

A: "Maybe _Ancient Athens_ colonised space, cause God knows the Greeks _nowadays_ couldn't even afford a _firework_."

E: "And those are some _low_ odds for the Megas."

S: "Almost makes you think it was _rigged_."

R: "That is probably the catch with Magnanimous' offer."

A: "Can't deny Jaime's _confident_."

M: "He has e-every _right_ to be confident."

And so he placed his bet, the teller taking everything _but_ his money.

S: "What would you even _get_ out of that bet?"

E: "Whatever currency they _use_ in space. Galactic Credits or something like that."

M: "Probably n-not a currency usable by _them_ , eh?"

With everything squared away, Bruce Campbell's head began announcing.

R: "If he is _not_ an announcer for professional wrestling, he _should_ be."

M: "Pulls it o-off well, doesn't he?"

The Megas was the first introduced, to minimum fanfare.

S: "At least _Magonimus_ is enthusiastic about it."

A: "It's kinda his _job_ , after all."

The _enemy_ bot, _Supernova_ , was given a _much_ greater reception by the crowd.

K: "So what's the bet the Megas _defeats_ Supernova?"

E: "45000 to 1, ostensibly."

A: "I'd probably cut those odds down by... oh, I don't know, _45000_?"

E: "We're only seven minutes into this episode, after all."

_Chicken Dinner_ **(07:15)**

After a few brief words, and for the environment to load in, they got to fighting.

A: "Well look at that, it's kinda like _our_ simulator!"

R: "Ritsuko would _not_ allow us to have a _battle royale_ in the simulator."

S: "It'd certainly be _entertaining_."

Coop's brief distraction was enough for him to get _punched_ into a tree.

E: "This is why we don't get _distracted_."

M: "Doesn't t-take too much for the tables to _turn_ on y-you, eh?"

K: "I'm sure we _all_ know that well, at this point."

He was soon _barbecued_ , turning the air conditioning on in reply.

A: "Yeah like _that'd_ help."

M: "Amazing that c-car even _had_ an A/C."

R: "It was a good thing he had the top _up_."

Now somewhat _peeved_ , the Megas responded by punting Supernova into a nearly lake.

A: "You idiot, don't get distracted _now_!"

He clearly _wasn't_ , sensing Supernova behind him and finishing it off with a well placed _tree trunk_.

A: "...Okay, credit where credit's due, not bad at all."

K: "I imagine this has made _Jaime_ a millionaire in whatever currency this place uses."

Jaime instead _'let it ride'_ , as he put it.

S: "He's gonna end up with _trillions_ by the end of this."

E: "Not if an alien girl ends up _vaporising_ him for getting too close."

A: " _Kiva_ would've done it by now."

_Interloper_ **(08:30)**

Speaking of Kiva, she was busy gathering her parts.

E: "I'm sure with _everything_ they had, she would've found _something_."

K: "And she _did_. Fancy that."

A piece of hardware fell out of her grip, rolling into a room.

R: "It appears she is going somewhere she is not _meant_ to go."

If Rei's words weren't enough, the green _INTRUDER_ alert that popped up sure said as much.

A: "So what's the bet _that's_ where they rig things?"

S: "Looks like things are gonna go a _little bit_ haywire, though."

The appearance of several alien guards all but proved Shinji's point.

M: "You know f-for a _fact_ she could take _all_ of them on."

A: "I'm pretty sure we _know_ that." With a small snicker. "Maybe we're looking _forward_ to her kicking ass."

E: "Thing is, if they didn't _insist_ , she might've been none the wiser as to _what's_ going on."

S: "Those aliens don't look the most... _smart_ , let's say."

Her asskicking was juxtaposed by _Megas'_ asskicking, the both of them teaching the proper meaning of a beatdown to their unfortunate quarry.

And _in sync_ , they won. "Man she really _is_ a badass!" Celebrated Asuka.

S: "She's _kissed by fire_ , of _course_ she'd be a badass."

A small titter at that complement, as Kiva filed her concerns with Coop.

M: "What's the o-odds Coop brushes these c-concerns off?"

E: "One."

This odd of one collapsed to an odd of _zero_ when Magnanimous revealed _his_ plan. "And _there_ is the catch."

A: "Wow, Kiva didn't even _have_ to tell Coop about that."

K: "That seems somewhat _idiotic_ on Magnanimous' part. _Why_ would he tell him he loses?"

S: "What _could_ Magnesium do, anyway? Coop could just _hit him_ into the vacuum of space!"

M: "Or c-crush him like a _soda can_."

_Dolla Dolla Bill_ **(11:15)**

While Coop and Kiva were figuring out how to _unrig_ this rigged match, Jaime was bathing in his billions with a couple of alien chicks.

K: "Money has _already_ corrupted him."

R: "Then again, I doubt such place would have similar _morals_ to us."

M: "The fact M-Magnan-nimous is _rigging_ the whole t-thing isn't proof enough of that?"

E: "These alien girls look strangely _humanoid_ for being alien."

A: "Yeah, _why_ do they have breasts?"

S: "Either way, we know _way_ too much about what he's into."

Reality shifted once more, as the Megas faced a mecha to match itself.

K: "He's _not_ going to throw this match."

M: "Of _course_ he w-won't, his _pride_ is at stake!"

R: "That red mech looks vaguely familiar to _Gurren Lagaan_."

A: "Oh he's _fucked_ then!"

And so they faced off, the fake Gurren Lagaan falling in ten seconds flat.

S: " _McGonagall's_ not gonna be too happy about that."

K: "He most likely just lost _billions_ of galactic currency."

E: "Is that really _all_ he wants out of the Megas?"

M: "Sure _sounded_ l-like it. Get the odds up, get more p-people to _bet_ on the Megas, then have it lose and rake in a-all that _money_."

R: "I doubt this league has a _corruption watchdog_ , like many other sports leagues would have."

In an attempt to _defeat_ the Megas, a bunch of tentacles restrained said mech.

M: "Well _this_ is t-taking a strange turn."

Fortunately or _unfortunately_ , depending on one's inclinations, it was merely so the Megas could get _punched_ by the Gurren Lagaan-esque mech.

K: "An _excellent_ observation, Kiva."

R: "Even _he_ picked up on that, Kaworu."

E: " _Jaime_ certainly has his concerns in the right place."

S: "How would you even _call_ them?"

A: "It'd be pretty fucking _expensive_. International minutes are bad enough, try _intergalactic_ minutes."

_Turning Tides_ **(12:35)**

Kiva worked her computer magic, and Coop _smirked_ for the wrath he was about to bring.

A: "Oh _this_ is gonna be good."

Asuka laughed like a madwoman as the Megas _ripped and teared_ the enemy mech into _pieces_.

M: "And _this_ is w-why you don't _piss off_ the pilot of a giant r-robot."

E: "A lesson _Magnanimous_ is to learn, it seems."

K: "Perhaps he should've _also_ learnt _not_ to bet all his money on a plan like this."

R: "How much _money_ is he bleeding, to get broke in _ten minutes_?"

A: "The answer is _too much_."

Jaime with his _loadsamoney_ found Kiva. Unfortunately for _both_ of them, this was soon followed up by _Magnanimous_ finding Jaime _and_ Kiva.

M: "I doubt he w-wants his _money_."

R: "Might buy him a few more seconds of solvency."

K: "Methinks a _hostage situation_."

A: "Oh yeah, threaten the guy with a _giant robot_ , would ya?"

The show didn't even _bother_ showing the fight, instantly cutting to both of them in a jail cell. " _That_ was quick."

S: "If only that _money_ came in handy."

Magnanimous chose this time to _taunt_ Coop in his giant robot.

E: "I'm assuming the incentive is _lose or I vaporise them_."

They saw this _incentive_.

A: "Is that a _black hole_?"

R: "I suppose _technically_ that is still vaporisation."

K: " _Spaghettification_ , if we're being pedantic."

_Quantum Singularity_ **(14:40)**

He was back in high school for a brief moment.

E: "If only he _listened_ as to what a quantum singularity is."

S: "What _is_ a quantum singularity? Similar to a _regular_ one?"

R: "I would _assume_."

A: "I'm just wondering why the hell school would teach something so _niche_ in detail."

M: "Maybe t-that school was funded by _M-Magnan-nimous_."

K: "A _portable_ black hole, he describes it."

A: "So a _Rift_?"

K: "You could call it that, yeah."

A: "What is it with these shows and quantum rifts!?"

R: "They had to come here _somehow_."

S: "Well either way, I doubt _that'll_ happen."

E: "Not the least because we have a few more _DVDs_ to go through."

They loaded into a Dragonball-esque landscape, a clearly _samurai_ themed giant robot making their presence known.

_Several_ samurai themed giant robots, actually. "He's _really_ stacking things, ain't he?"

R: "That is what he has been trying to do, yes."

Coop did _not_ throw this fight.

M: "Of _course_ he's n-not gonna throw it _now_."

S: "Do you think he has a _plan_ for getting Jaime and Kiva out of that prison, though?"

K: "' _Defeat them and break them out before they drop into the black hole'_ , perhaps."

And then he _was_ going to throw the fight.

K: "Ah, he got _cold feet_."

R: "Seeing your friends almost fall into a black hole tends to do that, I would think."

_Escape_ **(16:05)**

Kiva _unlocked_ their jail cell.

A: "Well _look at that_ , looks like he won't have to _throw_ for too much longer!"

And Jaime almost _immediately_ fell, barely being caught by Kiva.

S: "That wouldn't even _matter_ if they _still_ fell in."

E: "It'd _enrage_ Coop enough to destroy the entire place, though."

As the duo tried to escape, Coop _tried_ to throw the fight, only for his luck to destroy two of the samurai giant robots facing him.

Not like _Magnanimous_ cared. "That _wasn't_ h-his fault, though!"

K: "If anything, it _helped_ Jaime and Kiva."

R: "Unless they _also_ drop down."

A: "Ah _Kiva's_ given him incentive enough."

M: "Talking to that _lower_ b-brain of his, eh?"

A: "Women _are_ pretty good at that sorta thing, Mari."

With newfound inspiration, he got his second wind for _five seconds_ before immediately going back to disbelieving.

S: "Looks like appealing to the _lower brain_ didn't work this time around."

K: "Not enough _blood_ ; all of it's going to the _arms_."

So Kiva took it into her own hands, clambering up over Jaime and dragging the both of them up.

E: "And _why_ didn't she do that in the first place?"

A: "To give him a chance to _show off_ , maybe?"

R: "Needless to say, she would be _less_ than impressed."

Magnanimous sent in _combat_ _drones_.

Which _immediately_ backfired, Kiva managing to _possess_ one of them and making quick work of the myriad drones.

All while Jaime _screamed in terror_. "Yeah that _really_ w-won't impress her, eh?"

Either way, they ended up on the bonnet of a Plymouth Barracuda.

A: "Well, _now_ Coop doesn't have any incentive _not_ to burn this entire place to the ground."

_Shut Up And Drive_ **(18:00)**

Despite being in a _battle situation_ , Coop and Jaime found time for a quick yarn. "I suppose you would call this an _enhanced_ truth."

E: "More like an _outright lie_."

A: "Seems _Coop_ gets that sorta _garnishing_ of the truth, though."

On Kiva's behest, they finally got back to _kicking ass_.

M: "Now _this_ is m-more like it!"

S: "I imagine Cartoon Network _know_ what people are watching this for."

A: "Brainless fun?"

K: "Brainless can be good, on occasion. Something you don't need to look much into."

R: "To have on in the background."

E: "While you two _bonk_ , I'm sure."

R: "That is _also_ a positive of mindless media."

Magnanimous reached the _end_ of his rope, sending in _everyone_.

M: "I suppose w-we're now _Hell in a Cell._ "

S: "That's a _wrestling_ thing, I'm assuming."

R: "WWF, mainly. I take it you recall the 1998 Hell in a Cell between Mankind and The Undertaker, Mari?"

M: "Pfft, who _d-doesn't_? Even _as_ someone not _t-that_ into that sorta thing."

A: "Was it _that_ memorable?"

R: "The Undertaker threw Mankind down sixteen feet onto the announcer's table."

Asuka blinked. "You _gotta_ show be footage of that."

E: "Here's hoping the Megas throws _Magnanimous_ sixteen feet into the _quantum singularity_."

_600000000 To 1_ **(18:50)**

A: "Ohh he's getting _angry_!"

E: "Should I remove _600000000_ from the odds, again?"

K: "I'd say so. He's _determined_ to beat Magnanimous, now."

S: "And we know well how _determination_ translates into skill."

R: "Even in _our_ world, the more _determined_ you are dictates how _well_ you do."

M: "Almost l-like that's a _thing_ with the Evangelion."

A: "Just you wait until you see _Gurren Lagaan_ , _then_ you can know how _upfront_ a series can be about _determination_."

Now thoroughly _pissed_ , Coop went to town on _everyone_.

E: "He's just _unstoppable_ , isn't he?"

R: "Pro tip: do _not_ anger the pilot of a giant robot."

In _twenty_ seconds flat, it was all over.

S: "About those _odds_."

A: "I think Magnanimous needs to get a new _computer_."

Evidently, Magnanimous thought that as well, instead taking matters into his own hands as the _Sonic Abominator_.

K: "Hmm, a _sonic_ weapon."

R: "It sounds like _they_ have such a weapon, as well."

E: "A good thing, otherwise they'd be high and dry."

The gang knew _something_ was up with the surprisingly _in-depth_ security system required to access this _Jammer_.

M: "He's gonna p-play his _mixtape_ , isn't he?"

A: "I'm sure if _anything_ could destroy Magnanimous."

From out of the chest of the Megas, _plenty_ of giant speakers and a _disco ball_ , all framing Coop with a microphone.

S: "Welp. I can see where _this_ is going."

_Jerry_ **(20:40)**

Kiva and Jaime _also_ saw where this was going, making sure they were wearing the appropriate PPE for loud environments.

M: "He's e-either going to sound like _trash_ , or he'll h-have a voice to rival _Bing Crosby_."

And so he started singing a love song about _Jerry_.

E: "It's the former." She muttered, not enjoying this sonic attack.

Neither was _anyone else_ in the show, evidently, as they all _got the fuck out_ of the increasingly damaged station

R: "If it _works_."

A: "He's fucking _destroying_ the place!"

K: "And nothing of value was lost."

His magnum opus now complete, he had just _one more thing_ on his todo list.

S: "Throwing Magnanimous sixteen feet into a black hole, perhaps."

A: "You got his name right, Shinji!" She praised, before _gawking_ at the screen. "With a fucking _energy sword_?!"

E: "How the hell does he _do this_?"

R: "The power of _awesome_ , perhaps."

K: "Just be as _off the wall_ as possible and you'll go well?"

S: "Sounds like _Gurren Lagaan_."

And no one will forget that faithful day in 2004, where The Megas threw Magnanimous off Hell in a Cell, and plummeted sixteen feet into the quantum singularity.

The entire station exploding was just the cherry on top. "Fuck _yes_!" Asuka exclaimed.

M: "Even getting t-that _belt,_ not bad at all!"

K: "Good to see you two _enthusiastic_ about this."

A: "What can I say, brainless fun is _still_ fun."

E: "And all at the cost of his _hearing_."

R: "Perhaps _he_ should have been wearing those earplugs."

And so they head off for the planet of the Space Amazons, which the end credits revealed _actually existed_ , complete with food court.

"The entire p-planet is a _Hooters_ , good to k-know."

" _We_ won't be visiting that place anytime soon." Chuckled Asuka. "All _our_ boys have as much as they want from _us_ , eh?"

Shinji and Kaworu simply nodded.

"Appears _Jaime_ came on too hard on _one_ of them."

"They _are_ Amazonians." Shinji thought. "They kinda _have_ a reputation for that thing."

"Reckon _I'd_ fit right in with them." Mused Asuka. "Still, this show ain't that bad. Yeah it's pretty _mindless_ but I like it regardless."

"As we say, as long as a medium is _good_ , it should not matter how _in-depth_ it is."

"Even if it is _not_ good, you can still _enjoy_ it."

"Mainly by _r-roasting_ it."

"That's pretty much what _we_ do, even _if_ it's a good medium."

"Have y-you guys _always_ done this with these sorts of t-things?"

"Oh _hell yeah_ , even _before_ they started going through Rifts."

"I recall _plenty_ of words being said during _our_ movie nights." Spoke Rei.

"At least when _we're_ there." Prodded Asuka. "I'm sure when it's just _you two_ , they aren't _words_ per se."

"Indeed." With an innocent smile.

And so the next episode started.

~~~

** 2.3: All I Wanted Was A Slushie **

_Summertime_ **(00:00)**

Coop was occupying his time _training_ in the junkyard.

A: "Man I wish _I_ could train by throwing wrecked cars at shit."

R: "Yes, I am sure _Ritsuko_ would be happy about that."

M: "I'm m-more impressed by _Goat_ not f-flinching _at all_."

K: "Seems he cares more about getting a _tan_."

E: "Why are they complaining about _temperature_? That car has an _air conditioner_!"

A: "If Cartoon Network even _remembered_ they had an A/C."

S: "Which was shown _last episode_."

R: "From what it _sounds_ , it is _broken_. Which is somewhat _understandable_ , given it had to condition the air coming from a _flamethrower._ "

A: "I dunno, _I'd_ probably prioritise comfort in _piloting_. At least once you get it to _some_ sort of operating spec."

K: "Which it _was_."

It was therefore rather _understandable_ why Coop wanted a slushie.

S: "Y'know something? I don't think I've _ever_ had a slushie."

Asuka looked gobsmacked. "Can't you get them at _any_ 7/11?"

M: "God k-knows _that_ was always rather nice in the summer."

To which Shinji shrugged. "Never really _thought_ about it, honestly."

A: "Well, we know _now_ to get you one when summer comes round again!"

Thus Coop neglected servicing the Megas to go on a quest for a slushie.

Which, instead of going to the nearest 7/11 or whatever it would've been called in the Megas world, Coop instead opted to go to _space_.

R: "Perhaps 7/11 have franchises in _orbit_."

E: "I've always wondered _how_ a Plymouth Barracuda handles the vacuum of space."

K: "Better than expected for a soft top coupe. Not many _cars_ make it to orbit, oddly enough."

M: "My _dad_ would a-always say that about one of his c-cars, that he'd send it into o-orbits."

S: "I take it wasn't a particularly _good_ car?"

M: "Old Jeep, t-take what you will from t-that."

_Uncloaked_ **(01:35)**

Coop's quest for slushie was cut short by a sudden _nothing_.

K: "A _force field_ of some sort, perhaps?"

A: "Not like _Kiva_ knows."

E: "Might be something _cloaked_. If the sensors can't sense _anything_."

S: "And they just hit it by _chance_?"

E: "Just because something is _cloaked_ does not necessarily mean you can go _through_ it. Of course, this could be a failure on the _cloaked vessel's_ part, as well."

M: "Not h-having the ability to get out of t-the way of a wayward object?"

E: "Exactly. Though then again, we do not know if _moving_ disrupts a cloak, as well."

R: "Depends on the universe, I am sure."

Coop went back down to Earth to get his mega slush, and Eliza's thoughts were confirmed.

A: "I wonder how you _guessed_ that, Eliza."

E: "I _did_ say if it bumped into something but the sensors didn't _get_ anything, did I?"

S: "What _are_ these aliens doing cloaked around Earth, anyway?"

A: "Maybe they're _perving_ on all the satellite porno, depends if that _MTV_ satellite was necessary to all that."

Their true purposes were revealed.

K: "I don't recall _any_ black hole in the vicinity of Earth, what _are_ they doing there with such a cargo?"

M: "You could _s-still_ say they were perving on satellite p-porno."

R: "And look what happened. I am sure there will be _plenty_ of questions from their contractor when they get back."

A: " _If_ they get back to Space-DHL or whatever logistics company they work for."

The delivery bugs decided to make the most of their situation, stopping on the blue planet for refreshments.

The same exact planet the purportedly dangerous cargo was currently aerobraking into.

E: "And here we have the _plot_ for this episode."

M: "As long as C-Coop gets his _slushie_ , I don't t-think he'd complain too much."

_Traffic Jam_ **(03:35)**

M: "This really _is_ A-America."

A: "Why are they stuck in traffic?!"

E: "I'm sure Coop registered the Megas as a _car_."

R: "I have not _seen_ any license plates on the Megas."

S: "Still, they could just... _not_ use the motorways."

K: "Could it _really_ be too hot to fly?"

M: "Maybe in a-an American summer, with no air c-conditioning."

Some asshole in a Hummer cut in front of Coop.

Mari snorted. "T-typical Hummer driver. Even t-talking on his damn phone."

A: "What the fuck is a _Hummer_?"

R: "I thought they were _military vehicles_. I recall _Kensuke_ talking about them."

M: "They _are_ ; GM m-make _civilian_ versions. I think they're u-up to the H5? H6?"

A: " _Why_ would a civvie need a _military vehicle_?!"

S: "Why can I see _Kensuke_ driving one."

There was a brief lull in the conversation, as they couldn't help but chuckle at how Coop _dealt_ with the Hummer. "I'm surprised he didn't _crush_ him."

R: "And he _still_ did not notice."

K: "I can't imagine the _efficiency_ on a Hummer being good."

M: "Honestly, t-they're just any old SUV n-nowadays. Like an Escalade or a N-Navigator."

A: "So _giant gas guzzlers_ , like _anything_ America apparently makes."

M: "They d-don't really _guzzle_ gas anymore. More l-like _steady sipping_."

E: "I know _Mama_ rode in a _GMC_ something when she visited NERV-Massachusetts."

M: "Yeah, NERV-N-Nevada used the same kind of SUVs as c-company cars."

R: "I would think General Motors offered them to NERV _at discount_ , so they could say they were helping the effort to save the world."

_$1.49_ **(04:40)**

Their attention was drawn back to the show, as Coop put his foot on the brakes.

E: "If you guys were paying attention, you'd know he was talking about the _44 ounce_ slushie."

A: "Oh right, the show." She blinked. "Do they really _not_ have a dollar and 49 cents?"

S: "I don't think their winnings last episode counted for anything."

R: "Or could be converted into American dollars."

M: "44 o-ounces for _$1.49_?" Mari spoke in awe. "That'd be at _l-least_ five bucks _here_!"

K: "Perhaps _inflation_ does not _exist_ in the world of Megas."

S: "How much is 44 ounces, again?"

E: "Approximately 1.25 litres."

Shinji's eyes went wide. " _That's_ _so much_!"

A: "Something that'd _never_ be sold in Japan, I'm sure."

M: "Maybe y-you guys need to go on vacation to _America_ n-next."

The boys decided to check the _seat cushions_.

E: "Because seat cushions are _coin magnets_."

A: "You'd be surprised just how many coins I find in _Misato's_ seats. I don't even know _why_ she has them; there's no _toll booths_ between our apartment and NERV anyway."

A meteor fell from the sky, as Jaime found a buck.

A: "I always found it strange how you guys have _dollars_ as notes."

Mari shrugged. "We actually _do_ h-have dollar coins as well as _notes_. No one _likes_ them."

A: "Oh so you just use _notes_ instead."

Mari nodded. "I t-think it's because a note feels more _significant_ than a c-coin, makes it look like it's worth _more_."

Once again, they were drawn back to the show by a loud noise. "Did we miss anything?"

E: "It's just about to _happen_ , I feel."

A small robotic eye emerged from a crater.

A: " _That's_ the danger?"

Out of said crater soon came _legs_ , the robot known as the _REGIS MARK V_ making sure _everyone_ knows its name.

S: "Yeah, I think that _would_ be a danger."

R: "No _wonder_ Space-DHL wanted it thrown in a black hole."

_Regedit_ **(05:30)**

Everyone was soon _laughing_ , at how utterly _tiny_ REGIS was. "Ah, the wonder of _camera angles_."

S: "Does that kid _know_ they're in danger?"

Apparently not, as REGIS once more insisted he could enslave this planet on his own, blowing up what was left of an MTV billboard as if to drive this point home.

A: "And he's _still_ drinking his slushie."

E: "How the hell is that _cool_?"

K: "At the very least, it should be _easy_ to defeat Regis."

R: "It will not be."

K: "Of _course_ it won't."

All the while, the Megas crew _continued_ looking for spare change.

M: "That p-puts them at _$1.35_."

S: "A _grade schooler_ could add that up."

A: "You think those two paid attention in _school_ , Shinji?"

E: "Why _doesn't_ the Megas have a calculator? Even _I_ can do base functions like that if required."

R: "We would usually ask for more _complex_ equations than that."

M: "Since I'm s-sure _everyone_ can do 2+2."

E: "Ten." She sardonically replied. "In base 4."

All the while _REGIS_ and his appropriately pocket sized ominous choir continued flexing on the humans he was to enslave.

More specifically, flexing on a _fire hydrant._ "Oh _no_ , not the poor _fire hydrant_! Whatever will rate payers do when they get _three cents_ added to their next water bill?"

K: "At least the _kids_ are having fun with this."

A van hydroplaned and spun.

Right into _REGIS_ , sending it plowing through two vehicles.

R: "Credit where credit is due, I though that was going to knock them out."

S: "Seems _they_ thought about that, as well."

A: "Wasn't even _intentional_."

M: "I'm s-sure if he manages to _anger_ Coop, he'll figure o-out there _is_ someone on Earth that could d-defeat him."

_Slush_ **(06:55)**

Coop and company were now eagerly waiting in line for a _44 ounce slushie_. "Honestly you just need _one_ of those." Asuka thought. "Hell, that'd be enough for all _six_ of us!"

M: "It helps s-some of us can _double up_ on the w-whole _body_ situation."

R: "We cannot deny the _economical_ aspect of combining two people into one." She chuckled in amusement. "There may be a _moral_ aspect, however."

S: "I'm sure we _all_ couldn't get through that."

K: "You know we _are_ Nephilim, right? We could get through at _least_ half of that."

R: "Perhaps even _three quarters_ if we exert ourselves."

M: "Man y-you guys don't _eat_ much, do you?"

S: "Then again, not like we _need_ to eat much."

A: "It's all in those _genes_ and _society_ , eh? Cause God knows _I_ can eat quite a bit when I _want_ to."

R: "Smaller bodies require less energy, who thought."

E: "No _wonder_ Coop wants a 1.25 litre slushie so badly."

Kiva managed to _determine_ what they hit and the cargo it carried.

A: "And with a full _second_ before Regis attacked them!"

S: "Sounds like he's got the _non fuel efficient_ part of the cars right."

M: "You'd g-get more mileage out of a _Beetle_ than you would o-out of a _Hummer_."

R: "What would the efficiency of the _Megas_ be?"

M: "Zero, h-highway and city."

Coop was _eagerly_ pouring out his _tri-chamber_ slushie, before Jaime pointed out the slightly _inconvenient_ fact of an alien tearing up the streets.

This eagerness was _cut short_ when the slushie machine encountered a terminal case of _Volkswagen Beetle_. "Welp, _he's_ about to get mad."

E: "I don't think Regis has _any_ idea about crowd control."

Indeed, he got mad, immediately getting in the Megas and confronting the slushie murdering machine.

As just about _everyone_ expected, the Megas crushed REGIS underfoot.

The group laughed, especially as Coop scraped REGIS off onto a nearby building. "That's what you get for ruining his slushie!"

Problem now dealt with, they left for the nearest mega-slush machine.

K: "But of course, it was not going to be _that_ easy."

R: "We still have over half an episode to get through after all, by my count."

This problem only got _worse_ , as REGIS committed the federal offence of mail tampering in order to _absorb_ resources into itself.

S: "This is why you gotta be _thorough_."

A: "Not like _Coop_ knows this."

_The Search for More Slush_ **(09:55)**

Ignorant to all this, Coop continued on his quest for a slushie.

M: "I only j-just noticed, the Megas has _brake lights_."

R: "It _does_ drive on the road. It would have to have _some_ things to make it street legal."

E: "I don't think that was exactly Coop's _focus_ with the Megas."

A: "I don't see any _indicators_ anyway. It's just _all_ brake light."

M: "You can use r-rear brake lights as rear indicators in A-America. Makes it look _cleaner_ , in m-my opinion."

Asuka blinked. "You can _what_?!"

REGIS moving to destroy yet _another_ slushie machine distracted her from more car talk.

S: "At least they _might_ get somewhere, this time around."

K: "Regis certainly seems _cocky_ about this."

M: " _Can_ a r-robot be cocky?"

E: "Depends if they're _sentient_ , or not. Otherwise, it's all simulated."

R: "Simulated cockiness is still _cockiness_ , at least to the uninitiated."

REGIS now taken care of, they got to the slushie.

A: "Oh wow, they actually _got_ their slushies."

S: "And they actually had enough _money_ for one."

M: "M-maybe they only got the _22_ _o-ounce_ version."

As _soon_ as Coop was about to take a sip, the Megas encountered a sudden case of _flying girder_ to the head, not only destroying the place they got their slushie from, but _their_ slashes as well.

_Everyone_ gave a flat look to Asuka.

A: "Sorry for jinxing it." She muttered, folding her arms.

Coop _wanted_ to smash REGIS' head in, but Kiva dragged him out of such thinking, much like a _mother_ would.

E: "She _does_ have a point. It _hasn't_ worked."

S: "Maybe if they _fed_ the slushie to Regis, the amount of sugar will fry his systems."

M: "Or w-would convince him Earth is worth _k-keeping_."

K: "Or at least _America_."

Glancing over his various _controls_ , Coop found this whole _no smashing_ thing much _harder_ than first thought.

R: "I suppose _flamethrowers_ work."

E: "It's technically _melting_."

_Jerkey_ **(12:10)**

Kiva went to investigate as Coop and Jaime went for _another_ slushie.

E: "I'm sure _jerkey_ is better than _any_ of the food she eats in the future."

M: "Jerkey is a-actually pretty _good_ , depending on what you get."

R: "As _any_ food. It is all quality dependent."

A: "I doubt _vending machine_ jerkey would be as good as _homemade_ jerkey."

S: "Depends on the _preservatives_ used."

The candle patched in her findings to the boys. At least she _thought_ she was, if not for the fact they weren't in the _car_ , instead counting pennies in the nearby convenience store.

E: "Wouldn't she _know_ they weren't in there?"

K: "Perhaps her transmitter has a camera but not a _screen_. Many a _film camera_ is like that."

A: "Her tech is a thousand years removed from _our_ tech, though."

All this technology did nothing to _alert_ her, as the REGIS rebuilt itself once more, ripping apart a playground in the process.

K: "Yes, there _does_ seem to be a few holes in her technology, unfortunately."

M: "It looks l-like everyone _but_ Earth has this sort of advanced t-technology."

S: "It'd look like that with _our_ Earth as well."

A: "At least _outside_ NERV."

Coop lost count of his coins (no thanks to Goat), while Kiva tried to _outrun_ REGIS.

R: "And they _still_ do not know about this."

K: "I'm sure they'll only find out once Regis destroys their slushies _again_. As that seems to be the _running theme_ this episode."

Within about ten seconds of them _finding out_ , they Kamehameha'd a hole straight through the renegade robot.

E: " _Too_ easy."

K: "He somehow pronounced coup de grace _worse_ than I expected."

This _coop the gracie_ only ended up putting the _convenience store_ out of its misery, sucking it into a black hole. "Oh _come on_!"

S: "Just imagine how _Coop's_ feeling."

_Katamari_ **(14:15)**

REGIS began absorbing yet _more_.

M: " _Now_ they have a s-slight pickle on their hands."

A: "I think this slight pickle started _ten minutes ago_."

E: "Bit _more_ than slight, as well."

S: "What even _powers_ Regis, anyway?"

R: "They most likely have an ability to absorb _energy_ from what they consume. As I doubt they would have a _Solenoid_."

They all blinked at the new _equipment_ REGIS possessed.

A: "Well, they're slightly _more_ boned now."

K: "We can say Coop sticks to his _guns_ , at least. He knows his strengths."

R: "Fighting _is_ just finding the correct way to _smash_ something, anyway."

S: "Sometimes that smashing just involves a prototype proton rifle from several kilometres away."

M: "That's more _p-precision_ smashing, at that point."

E: "Coop can learn _that,_ at least."

His smashing done (destroying the company that _made the_ Mega Slush in the process), attention once more turned _to_ the slushie. "Maybe if you two didn't _smash up_ New Jersey on a weekly basis."

K: "Recent history has taught us this will _not_ be what destroys Regis."

A: "That _WcDonalds_ is about to get destroyed, I'm guessing."

_Supersize Me_ **(15:40)**

Asuka was unfortunately proven _right_ , as the now thoroughly _supersized_ REGIS made his presence known. "Well shit."

Once more _pissed off_ , Coop went to town.

K: "This is just _endurance_ on Regis' part, at the moment."

E: " _Eventually_ the Megas will fall, which will leave Regis unchallenged."

S: "Unless they figure out _how_ to defeat it."

M: "That's g-generally how these shows go, yeah."

If only to crush his hopes more, REGIS absorbed the _last_ Mega Slush machine in the Greater New Jersey area.

A: "Probably the last _anything_ in that area, judging by the surroundings."

Before beginning to absorb the _Megas_.

R: "It will be the last anything for _them,_ as well."

And so they were sucked in, all the while REGIS continued flexing on the inferior human race.

E: "Well _that_ was quick."

K: "Of course, that is not th-"

Preempting Kaworu, Megas broke out, this palaver only serving to anger Coop _more._

M: "Anger's _one_ t-thing; he hasn't been able to _use_ it e-effectively."

A: "You wouldn't _think_ that, with how he's been acting this ep."

S: "I'm not even gonna _fall_ for this."

_We Are Many_ **(17:35)**

Coop went on about if life was worth living without a Mega Slush, as REGIS went about living life.

K: "I suppose we should call them _Legion_ , now."

R: "A rather _apt_ name."

A: "I'm sure _those two_ wouldn't care about such wordplay."

M: "Unless you c-connected it to a _slushie_ , somehow."

E: "All this started from them just _wanting_ a slushie!"

K: "Hence the _title_." Noting in amusement, Coop making that exact same observation.

S: "Looks like _this_ is gonna get interesting."

A: "I wouldn't really _think_ that, they just get up again!"

Coop kept fighting, the REGIS continuing to put up resistance.

M: "No one n-needs to tell _me_ the temperature w-will factor in."

K: "Subtle foreshadowing is excellent like that, is it not?"

This foreshadow became a _current_ shadow, the Megas unable to take the heat and shutting down, smoking everywhere.

A: "That's probably just the _engine_ that Barra uses."

R: "I doubt they can do the _standard_ procedure for when an engine overheats."

S: "What _is_ the standard procedure?"

R: "Wait for it to cool, and check for coolant."

E: "They don't even have _time_."

_Their luck have it_ , REGIS chose this time to stop working. "...Well _fancy that_." Kaworu chuckled. "I believe we've found their _flaw_."

A: "Are they _solar powered_? Why the hell would they be _solar powered_?! You could just wait until _nighttime_ for them to stop working!"

M: "That's p-probably _why_ it was in a sealed container."

S: "Sounds like _Kiva_ prefers a plan that _doesn't_ involve the night."

Coop thought of a plan.

A: "Looks like he's got a bit of a _mind_ in there!"

_Smoked_ **(20:20)**

As REGIS was wont to do, they once more taunted the Megas.

E: "Here's hoping that plan _works_."

R: "It did _unintentionally_ , so it should _intentionally_."

Indeed it _was_ working, Megas emitting so much greenhouse gas it blocked out the sky and most likely sent climate conservation efforts back by a decade.

M: "Seems like C-Coop's learning you sometimes have to take an _o-objective_ view to fighting."

A: "Yeah, even _I_ know you can't just _rip and tear_. Even though I _am_ pretty good at it."

S: "But you still have a good _mind_ for planning and strategy."

K: "As tends to happen, when piloting giant mecha."

And so the REGIS ran out of power, collapsing into nothing as Megas surveyed this empire of dirt.

M: "We _d-did it_ , Coop! We _saved_ New J-Jersey!"

E: "Of course, according to _you_ this is just New Jersey _normally_."

A: "Might have to take that with a grain of salt, Eliza."

E: "Yeah, I figured."

R: "I would not think it _wise_ to eat the snow."

K: "It wouldn't be _nuclear_ , at least."

A: "Yeah, it's probably just powered _carbon monoxide_."

S: "But at least Coop _finally_ gets his slushie!"

M: "The destruction of Jersey is a _s-small_ price to pay for a slushie."

A: "After _everything_ that happened to him today, you _bet_ he deserves that!"

Lacking a cup, he simply drunk from the spout.

E: "Not like... well, _anyone's_ around to see this."

S: "Heh, looks like _Kiva_ likes it, as well."

A: "She just has to get a bit less _tsun_ , eh?" She huffed. "What is it with redheads and being _tsundere_?"

K: "I don't recall _Yoko_ being excessively tsun."

And so the alien delivery drivers served _cleanup duty_.

M: "Three months, jeez."

R: "And odds are it will all be fine, come next episode."

And with the same kid that first encountered REGIS picking up a part of him as a _souvenir_ , the credits rolled.

"Well _that_ doesn't bode well." Concluded Kaworu.

"Let us hope he keeps Regis out of _sunlight_." Thought Rei.

"So _all this_ happened because Coop wanted a _slushie_?"

"Coop _did_ c-cause it, when you think about it. Though I d-don't think hitting that cloaked ship was _due_ t-to him wanting a slushie."

"Might've been _in part_." Shrugged Shinji. "Still, how could they sell it for _that_ cheap?"

"Beat's _m-me_ , Shinji."

"It's probably in _2000s_ dollars, and 2000s dollars in wherever reality _this_ came from."

The credits panned over to the piece of REGIS, sparking and _reactivating_.

"So much for _that_." Conceded Rei. "It will take _more_ than a dollar forty nine to fix the damage that happened today."

"Yeah, might cost _two_ dollars!"

Soon enough, the next episode started.

~~~

** 2.4: The Fat And The Furious **

_De Brie_ **(00:00)**

The episode began with the Megas _stacking it_. "Well _that's_ a g-good start."

A: "I never really got _those_ sorts of clothes lines." Mused Asuka.

R: "When you are lacking _space_ , it may be an adequate solution."

S: "You'd hope those _pegs_ didn't break."

E: "And _no one_ in New Jersey gives a shit about this."

M: "That's just N-New Jersey."

They saw just _what_ they were facing.

K: "Ah, it's the _cheese_ Angel."

Snickering all around. "It _does_ kinda look like cheese, doesn't it?"

They flashed back to last Thursday A.D.

A: "Though _speaking_ of cheese, how the hell can you guys _eat_ that fake stuff?"

Mari shrugged. "It's _c-cheap_? I always p-preferred the _real_ s-stuff myself."

R: "I doubt you can fit cheese in a _can_ without excessively _modifying_ it some, anyway."

M: "Fun f-fact for you, most cheeses they sell in American c-can't even _legally_ be called c-cheese. Cheese _product_ , they c-call it."

They witnessed just _what_ they did with this cheese product, shoving it in a hole it didn't exactly belong.

K: "...Wait, it's _actually_ a cheese Angel?"

R: "Perhaps it was all those _preservatives_ in the cheese _product_ that resulted in its _mutation_." She mused.

E: "Or maybe they shouldn't have shoved it in the whatever babble they called it machine."

S: "I guess they had to find out _somehow_."

A: "Ritsuko would smash our heads together if we even _thought_ above spraying canned cheese into the Evangelion."

E: "Her first reaction would be to _facepalm_ like Kiva, though."

At the very least, it was easy enough for the Megas to _destroy_ the cheese Angel, covering the entire city of New Jersey in processed cheese product.

R: "I suppose this will make New Jersey _better_ , Mari?"

M: "You know h-how bad cheese _stinks_ if it's left to r-rot, right?"

A: " _Finally_ , something happened that made New Jersey _worse_!"

S: "How do you even _clean_ cheese out of a giant robot like that?"

K: "You would need more than a few people and a few pennies, that's for sure."

The opening titles started to roll.

E: "And I'm assuming, based _solely_ on the fact Coop said verbatim _'Everything's back to normal'_ , that this will be an _issue_ this episode."

A: " _You_ were an Evangelion, Eliza. What'd you think _would_ happen if we bathed an Evangelion in cheese _product_?"

E: "A _lot_ of things would break, for one."

M: "But it l-looks like this _car show_ will take p-priority."

R: "Do you think he entered the Megas as a Plymouth Barracuda?"

S: "He still _treats_ the Megas as a car instead of a _mecha_."

K: "Seems everyone _else_ in New Jersey does, as well."

_Extensive Modification_ **(02:30)**

E: "I guess that title _would_ describe Coop."

A: "This is like if we tried to put the _Evangelion_ in a car show."

K: "At least _Coop_ could get away with it. The Megas is just an extensively modified Plymouth Barracuda."

S: "Maybe we should replace the heads of the Evangelion with _cars_ , then we can get away with it as well."

R: "The cockpit is not even in the _head_ of the Evangelion."

M: "Either way, it _w-worked_." She blinked. "Hey, if y-you guys _could_ , what cars _would_ you put on y-your Evangelion?"

A: "I'd paint an Audi TT red and use that."

S: "Can't go wrong with a Nissan Skyline."

R: "I would modify a minivan and use that."

K: "It'd make it look _unique_ in comparison to the _other_ vehicles used, at least."

M: "Man if _t-that's_ the future she's from, it s-sounds rather _boring_."

E: "Then again, they _are_ trying to survive."

A: "You shouldn't let that _stop_ you having fun, though."

R: "I am sure the _rationing_ of petrol would factor in."

M: "If t-they even _use_ gas powered c-cars in their future."

Though speaking of modifications, _Goat_ rocked up in a car that looked like a combination of several _other_ cars. "I suppose he _does_ run a junkyard."

E: "Surely that wouldn't win against the _Megas_."

K: "He's certainly _confident_."

_Cars and Coffee_ **(03:30)**

And so they entered the convention centre. " _That's_ a lot of cars." Shinji mused.

A: "Never been to one, I take?"

R: "Has _anyone_ here?"

E: "Might need to add _that_ to the endless todo list."

M: "They're looking p-pretty _fine_ , ain't they?"

K: "I take it those at _Cartoon Network_ are into cars."

A: "I think car enthusiasm runs with a mecha show. Hell, you could say that for _our_ world as well, just look at Misato's EV Alpine or Kaji's Australian import."

M: "They m-make _cars_ in Australia?"

R: "They are not _that_ bad off, according to Kaji. He and Misato would know more about the situation."

A: "Of course, just about _any_ car is gonna be outclassed by the Megas and the _nine separate engines_ it has."

K: "Only _one_ of which is a conventional car engine, I would think."

E: "I _still_ can't believe they managed to get this in there."

S: "The wonders of _loopholes_."

R: "Then again, their world seems to run on a different... _logic_ to our own. Similar to Gurren Lagaan."

M: "Meaning _none_ of t-this is likely to exist here."

A: "We _could_ try implementing it; we did it for the _NACSS_."

K: "If Ritsuko doesn't _instantly_ shoot it down. It has to at least seem like a _better_ solution; bolting a car on top of the Evangelion and calling it a cockpit does _not_ seem like a better solution, unlike the comparison between the Old-Type Evangelion and the NACSS. Or even the _New-Type_ and the NACSS, no offence intended."

E: "None taken; it's another _option_ for piloting if you can't find the right _pairing_ at least."

M: "Damn _those_ are s-some nice looking cars." As Coop scoped the competition.

R: " _Usefulness_ is not a key factor in this competition, I take."

A: "A pickup _still_ has its uses, at least. Might not be as good as a _modern_ one or a less _tricked out_ one but you can still _haul_ stuff. A _lowrider_ , though."

_Challenge_ **(04:55)**

S: "It might just be me, but I think he has _more_ than a fancy paint job."

A: "Could be the _giant fucking robot_ attached to it!"

E: "Does _no one_ understand that's a giant robot instead of a Barracuda?"

K: "Must be a Jersey thing." Kaworu preempted Mari.

To her amusement.

R: "How _would_ a giant robot go in a drag race, I wonder."

A: "It'd be a _hundred metre sprint_ for the damn thing."

K: "Either way, it appears to be _less_ of a drag race and more of a general purpose showing off."

The first criteria was _flaming exhaust_ , which Coop _excelled_ in.

M: "And _still_ n-no one gives a damn about the _destruction_."

R: "It is _amusing_ , at least."

Next was speakers, which _strangely enough_ the _lowrider_ won.

A: "How does that even make _sense_?"

S: "Does quality over quantity work for sound systems?"

Rei and Kaworu shrugged. "We just pile speakers around the place until it sounds good."

Up next: vertical bounce.

S: "Well of _course_ the Megas would win that."

E: "He could've jumped into _orbit_ if Coop wanted to."

K: "I don't think their ruler goes that high."

Truck pull was up next.

The results of which caused the group to burst out laughing. "And here we see when _too much_ power is a _bad_ thing."

M: "That seemed like a f-frankly _shitty_ way to attach a t-tow rope, anyway."

S: "That doesn't explain why it _exploded_!"

Transform was the next challenge.

K: "Megas should have _that_ one, at least."

A: "I can't believe how _close_ this is, they're like _even_! The Megas should be _blowing_ that lowrider _out of the water_!"

R: "Perhaps Coop should have focused on a few _issues_ with the Megas."

_Malfunction_ **(06:30)**

The controls started smoking.

E: "Like _that_ issue?"

R: "It was not the issue I was thinking of, but yes _that_ would be an issue that needs sorting. Preferably _imminently_."

Coop's version of sorting the problem was just to bash on the controls. Which _didn't_ resolve the issue with Megas as it started rampaging, go figure.

M: " _I'd_ w-watch that for twelve bucks."

S: "I suppose that's _another_ reason we have remote shutdowns in the Evangelion."

A: "How _does_ a giant robot like this go _berserk_ , anyway? It all looks rather _centralised_ to the pilot, anyway."

K: "Maybe the cleaners weren't _thorough_ when they removed the cheese from the Megas."

E: "There _was_ an internal component covered in cheese, before the opening titles rolled. Perhaps _that_ is what's causing this issue."

Coop continued attempting to shut down the Megas, as Kiva started taking matters into her own hands.

R: "I suppose _this_ would be more entertaining than a standard car show."

The Megas eventually broke through the convention centre, as Goat attempted to pick up a lady.

A: "I'm sure she would've responded like that _without_ the Megas, anyway."

Upon Kiva's input, Coop removed the CPU, shutting down the Megas.

K: "I would recommend an _easier_ shut off mechanism for the CPU, instead of _punching_ through a screen."

S: "A part of me thinks that wasn't even _considered_."

A: "And Coop put a lot of thought into the Megas to begin with, eh?"

Being the upstanding citizen he was, Coop apologised for the rampage.

To which they started _cheering_. "Man is it really _that_ boring in New Jersey, Mari?"

M: "Yep."

_'The worst is over'_ **(08:30)**

The show cut to the Glorft, upon Kiva's words.

K: "And this is why you don't _say_ those words."

A: "Even in _our_ world I don't say shit like that, cause apparently God finds it _funny_ to subvert my expectations or something stupid like that."

R: "It is also _common sense_ , to be on your guard until you _know_ the worst is over."

As everyone expected, Warmaster Gorrath expressed his intentions to take back the prototype.

E: "It _would_ be a good time to. Megas is out of commission until they can figure out _why_ it malfunctioned as it did. And I doubt they have _spare_ CPUs to swap into."

M: "They c-could always just shove a _P-Pentium_ in there."

E: "And I bet that'd _work_ , as well." She muttered. "With the logic this show has."

S: "I like how we're _adapting_ to how this show works."

And so Warmaster Gorrath's vessel emerged from the Rift, earthbound.

K: "And all because of some cheese _product_."

A: "Note to self, don't spray canned cheese product on your Evangelion."

R: "I doubt you could find a can _large_ enough for such thing."

S: "It _is_ America, after all."

A barked laugh from Mari. "We're not _t-that_ excess, Shinji."

_Cheesed_ **(09:45)**

Eliza _shuddered_. "Now _that_ doesn't sound too pleasant."

A: "It's only getting cheese in your _brain_. Can't see how _that_ can affect things!"

S: "I'm still wondering _how_ the cheese got there in the first place."

R: "Hopefully this will be a _lesson_ to Coop, _not_ to shove canned cheese product in places where it shouldn't go."

M: "The f-fact he _has_ to learn that."

Goat tried coming on to Kiva. "You could at least use her _name_ if you're trying to get in her pants!"

R: "Not that she is _wearing_ any."

M: "Which is a _g-good_ _point_ , is she gonna w-wear _anything_ else other than t-that plug suit?"

E: "Will Coop wear anything else other than flannel? Will Jaime wear anything other than his jacket?"

K: "Having a _single_ uniform for them _would_ reduce costs on Cartoon Network, I would think."

A: "Oh so it's all _budget_ measures. Even _our_ show wasn't cheap enough to have us in _one_ set of clothes!"

R: "It was more _three_ sets of clothes. And I am sure if they wanted to save yet _more_ , they could just not _bother_ drawing clothes at all."

A: "Which they _also_ did." She muttered. "At least _Cartoon Network_ has kept the fanservice to a minimum."

M: "People in A-America would be _furious_ if they saw that."

K: "They sound like _prudes_."

A loud noise thrust them out of the conversation.

S: "And here come the Glorft."

E: "At least the _CPU_ is serviceable."

R: "Which they _also_ need, by the sounds of it."

A: "So are they just gonna _stand around_ there contemplating their navels? Or are they gonna _do something_!"

All except Coop decided to _run_.

K: "Ah yes, use the pilot of the Megas as _bait_."

R: "Perhaps this is all a plan to _pilot_ the Megas again, on Kiva's part."

He _was_ about to get blasted by the Glorft, if not for the Warmaster _preventing_ this.

M: "At least h-he _understands_ a ventilated CPU is pretty _u-useless_."

_Viper_ **(11:40)**

A: "This is probably the first amount of exercise he's _ever_ gotten."

S: "Here's hoping his _heart_ doesn't give out."

Kiva had procured a vehicle.

M: "Is t-that a _Dodge Viper_?"

R: "Methinks the creators of this show had a thing for _Chrysler_."

A: "Is a Viper just their version of the _Corvette_?"

M: "M-More or less."

E: "Amazing he even _fits_."

K: "Not through the _window_ , though then again I don't think they had the _time_ to open up the door."

S: "Wouldn't it take _seconds_ to do?"

R: "Seconds spent _not_ running from the Glorft."

A: "What _can_ a Viper do against several _giant robots_?"

M: "With the _l-light_ shown on Chrysler cars in t-this show, they'll probably make it _t-transform_ in some way."

E: "Isn't this just the _second_ Chrysler vehicle shown? Unless that _lowrider_ was also one."

K: "Maybe so, but consider they showed a _Hummer_ in a negative light. A _General Motors_ vehicle."

M: "Then again, it's p-pretty difficult to show a Hummer in anything _but_ a n-negative light."

R: " _Someone_ has to keep buying them, if they are up to the fifth or sixth iteration."

Kiva continued her drive, pulling Coop in.

A: "Y'know, she isn't that _bad_ at driving."

E: "She says after she collides through a fence."

K: "Kiva _does_ have experience in piloting."

S: "Didn't Misato say _piloting_ an Evangelion doesn't necessarily translate into _driving experience_?"

A: " _Misato_ can barely drive as is!"

Coop played a game of hot potato with Jaime, currently driving a scooter.

R: "I wonder _how_ a Vespa will offer better protection than a Viper."

M: "It w-wouldn't even be _faster_ , would it?"

A: "But at least he's wearing a _helmet_ , that's already better than _I_ did!"

Good for Jaime, Goat offered his Frankenstein's monster. And soon enough, the CPU found its way back to the Viper.

E: "So what _was_ all that for?"

Her answer was given in the form of several Glorft _exploding_.

S: "A distraction."

_Keepaway_ **(12:55)**

This resulted in Gorrath getting _angry_.

K: "I don't think such games will _work_ , anymore."

A: "At least Goat can _fix_ his monstrosity easily enough."

The Viper was still going, however.

S: "They have to get to the Megas _somehow_."

M: "They're g-gonna need a bit of _height_ , I'd think."

E: "You think they're gonna _jump_ onto it with their Viper?"

R: "As Shinji said."

The Glorft fired _everything_ at the Viper.

K: "There's goes New Jersey, _again_."

And so they _jumped_.

And _landed_ on the Megas.

E: "Well call me a _Famicom_."

The _Viper_ wasn't so lucky, landing on an MTV van.

Much to Mari's chagrin. "Aww t-that was a _good_ car!"

R: "I am sure _Goat_ could restore it."

In his celebration, Coop _threw_ the CPU onto the ground.

Flat looks from _everyone_. "Good fucking job."

R: "I do not think Goat could restore _that_ , however."

S: " _Now_ what are they gonna do?"

K: "They better hope _she_ can restore the CPU to operating spec."

E: "It looked pretty _destroyed,_ but I suppose _she_ of all people could do that."

A: " _Goat_ certainly thinks that." She muttered.

M: " _She_ d-does, as well. Though time is the o-one thing they _don't_ have."

R: "It depends how long Gorrath wishes to _monologue_ for."

_Dance Monkey_ **(14:45)**

Coop switched the Megas to _manual_ mode.

Revealing a _DDR pad_.

A: "Oh God."

R: "The _concept_ of a manual mode is sound." Rei thought. "I am not sure about the _execution_ of such a thing, however."

M: "I'm m-more surprised he even _installed_ a manual backup."

The flashback revealed _why_ he installed a manual backup.

E: "Oh _that's_ why."

S: "Might just be me, but I don't think _Kiva_ would be interested in that."

K: "It gives her _time_ , at least. Though now it's the question on how _long_ he can keep up."

E: "Even in that _flashback_ he was sweating profusely. And with all that _weight_ to carry, as well."

A: "He doesn't even have _weapons_?"

R: "Coop is like a _metronome_ of forethought and clever thinking, and shortsighted and frankly _bad_ thinking."

K: "How _fitting_ for this show."

The _DanceStation_ started up, the in game character speaking some broken Japanese.

R: "So _this_ is how English speakers feel like when they hear broken English in anime."

A: "It's _always_ rather _hair pulling_ when you hear your mother tongue _butchered_ , eh? _I'm_ certainly used to that."

As one, Coop and the Megas began to _dance_ , the avatar complementing him in a language he probably didn't understand.

E: "This system is rather remarkably _similar_ to the Jäger, in a few ways."

K: "Even compared to the _Jäger_ , this is much less _intrusive_. All you need is a pad and some _gloves_."

A: "And probably _incredible_ fitness, as well."

R: "The issue with _implementing_ such a system into the Evangelion is the same as implementing the system of the _Jäger._ There is simply not enough _space_ in an entry plug to have such free movement."

M: "I could b-barely _stand_ in the entry plug without b-banging my head."

R: "Indeed. With the Jäger and the Megas, they have _plenty_ of space for such movement."

Coop started getting _tired_ , the Megas soon falling silent.

R: "Of course, all that space is not going to _matter_ if the pilot gets _exhausted_ doing it."

S: "I guess that's _another_ flaw with this kind of system? At least in a _pilot's chair_ , it's not exactly _exhausting_ physically."

A: "Not to _that extent_ , at least."

_Cavalry_ **(16:30)**

Out of the blue, a lawyer friendly version of the finale of William Tell Overture began playing.

K: "I'm sure _Rossini_ wouldn't mind if you played the _actual_ version."

A: "Does classical music like that even _have_ copyright?"

R: "Appears Cartoon Network did not want to take that risk."

On the back of said classical music, came the winged hussars that were New Jersey car enthusiasts.

S: "Only _Coop_ can destroy New Jersey, it seems."

M: "That _does_ f-fit them, at least. If it's one of t-their _own_ they're good with it."

E: "Unless some of their modifications were to mount _weapons_ on their vehicles, I doubt they can _do_ much."

K: "They can always do what Coop and company did _originally_. _Distract_ them."

In an _instant_ , most of them were out of commission.

K: "...Well at the very least, it sounds like they're _inspiring_ Coop."

A: "Oh the _magic of friendship_ helps him pull though."

Jaime eventually found his way into the cockpit of Megas.

M: "Is it just me, or d-does this all seem a bit... _jumpy_?"

R: "It _does_ seem like a few frames here and there fell out of the disc."

S: "Maybe they _were_ making this on a shoestring budget."

E: "At least they aren't resorting to keeping it on a single frame for a _minute_."

A: "Can that CPU really _only_ do 7.2 million instructions per second?"

E: "She specified _offensive and defensive_ manoeuvres, which I would _assume_ were several distinct instructions each. So it's probably much _faster_ than 7.2 MIPS, otherwise a Pentium _would_ be faster than that."

M: "It'd p-probably _still_ be faster than Coop c-could do it in."

Either way, all that was enough for Coop to get a _second wind_ in, decimating the Glorft as Kiva continued working her magic.

_Bridge_ **(18:00)**

Lacking a bridge to the CPU, Kiva elected to use _Jaime_ as a conductor.

E: "That doesn't seem efficient."

A: "That doesn't seem _safe_!"

R: "Desperate times call for desperate measures."

Amazingly enough, it worked, the CPU firing to life.

S: "Of course, it's only online as long as Jaime keeps _holding it_."

K: "Electricity _contracts_ muscles, meaning his hands will keep holding onto it."

A: "That's not a _good_ thing!"

And right before a Glorft could destroy the lowrider, Megas intercepted it.

M: "Either way, _this_ is g-gonna be good."

And threw it like a hammer into several _other_ Glorft, blowing up in reply.

R: "A bit _shorter_ than I expected, but still a good fight all in all."

E: "There's still _time_ in this episode."

Time enough for Coop to give _another_ one of his patented monologues. "He's getting _good_ at the whole inspirational speech, ain't he?"

R: "Jaime seems more impressed he _ran_ half a block."

Coop hit the nitrous, because _of course_ he put nitrous in the Megas.

M: " _Damn_ , maybe _we_ s-should put nitrous in an Evangelion."

Chuckling all around. "He is like a _light cycle_." Rei pointed out.

S: "We could've certainly _used_ that kind of speed."

Seeing the writing on the wall, _all_ the Glorft except the Warmaster and the Commander got the hell out of there.

Much to everyone's laughter. "Yeah he _would_ be angry about that."

E: "They don't have _arms_ , I'd suggest _they_ flee as well."

K: "I wouldn't think _Gorrath_ would be one to flee."

_Chicken_ **(19:40)**

Slapping his Commander down, and after exchanging a few more words, Coop and Gorrath began to play the time honoured game of _Chicken_.

A: "Christ they really _are_ a bunch of boys."

E: "He _shouldn't_ be playing this Earther game if he knows what's _good_ for him."

K: "Maybe so, but he is _prideful_. As the previous episodes have shown."

R: "He sees Coop piloting the Megas as a _personal_ slight against him. I do not think he would _ever_ think straight when facing the Megas."

M: "So t-that Commander had the right _idea_ then, when ordering the r-retreat."

S: "At least we _think_ he ordered the retreat."

A: " _Gorrath_ seemed to think so."

_Jaime_ was the one to chicken out, steering out of Gorrath's way.

K: "I'd _like_ to think Coop had a plan instead of _mutually assured destruction_."

Whatever his plan was, it ultimately did not matter, as Warmaster Gorrath was currently on a collision course to the _Jersey City Gunpowder, Shrapnel and Ball Bearing Factory_.

E: " _Why_ does that factory exist?!"

A: "Maybe they make _bombs_ there."

S: "Can't deny they're certainly a _diverse_ company."

As expected, crashing into said factory resulted in the _levelling_ of a block.

M: "Oh but _h-he's_ fine, at least."

R: "You cannot have an overarching villain if they die in the first few episodes."

_Regular Cars_ **(20:40)**

They were now back to the rather _destroyed_ convention centre.

A: "Might wanna _pour one out_ for all those destroyed cars, eh?"

K: "Perhaps _they_ will do such a thing."

To the surprise of just about _everyone_ , _Kiva_ won the prize.

E: "She didn't even _enter_ a car, did she?"

M: "It doesn't s-sound _joint_ with Coop, as well."

The lowrider driver explained the reasons for the vote.

R: " _That_ seems reasonable, at least. She saved them, so she gets the prize."

A: "I'm sure _that'll_ do wonders for her ego."

K: "With such an explanation, it _does_ indeed sound well deserved."

M: "Good for h-her, then."

The lowrider driver asked to finish the competition.

A: "Oh right, they're missing the _Jaime fuse_."

S: "So what's the bet _Coop_ will mess something up as Kiva's giving her speech?"

R: "A _fool's_ bet, perhaps."

Coop crossed the wires, and only managed to make _another_ hole in the convention centre.

E: "...Well, _that_ wasn't so ba-"

The convention centre collapsed.

E: "Oh _never mind_!"

And then _exploded_ , the people fleeing.

K: "This is why we don't say words like that."

E: "Because the Gods think it's _funny_ , yeah I know."

A: "But at least they're getting some _popcorn chicken._ "

~

The credits left off with a montage of the Megas crew playing some DDR.

"At the very least, New Jersey will be all better by the _next_ episode."

"It's one of _t-those_ shows, eh?" Mari thought. "Like _Simpsons_ : it a-all goes back to the status quo in the e-end."

"If you could _call_ this status quo." Flatly thought Eliza. "I can't imagine there being too many more episodes on this disc."

"We _might_ get one more, Eliza."

The DVD went back to the crude menu at the end of the credits.

To a flat look on Asuka's face. "Or _not_."

"I'm kinda _liking_ it so far." Shinji put in his two cents. "Pretty _crazy_ , yeah, but it's pretty _fun_ regardless."

Nodding all around. "Can't deny it's _interesting_ , seeing a western spin on this genre."

"That is _not_ serious, as Pacific Rim was."

"Good to h-hear _Cartoon Network_ has the approval from where the mecha _c-came from_."

"The _western_ sort of mecha we've seen so far has been pretty _good_ , actually." Asuka remarked. "Pacific Rim _Uprising_ was a bit... _ehhhh_ , but I'm pretty sure we put that down to _several_ factors, eh Rei?"

"Different directors and an entirely different _studio_ creating said sequel, implying a particularly _rocky_ production."

"Hence why Universal wanted to play it _safe_. We _assume_ , of course." With a small chuckle. "Certainly can't say that of _Cartoon Network's_ interpretation of the genre."

"I think _that's_ why I have a liking for it." Realised Shinji. "It just doesn't take itself _seriously_. Even _Gurren Lagaan_ had a bit of seriousness to it, this just doesn't give _any_ sort of damn."

"Nice change from just about everything _else_ we've seen, eh Shin-chan?" Beamed Asuka. "Mindless and _cathartic_ , what's not to like?"

"At least it gives us something to fill out the _rest_ of our vacation with."

"Eh, I'm _sure_ we would've found things to do anyway, Eliza."

* * *

## 3\. Blend 43

A warm mug of Blend 43 sitting on the table close to him, Spencer Makinami interacted with the mainframe set up at the local Polytechnic. "Here's hoping it's just a false alarm." He muttered to himself, sipping on the instant.

The computer eventually displayed just _what_ the probe detected.

Coffee soon covered the CRT display, as he quickly interpreted the various graphs that were onscreen.

He had _data_. But to know for _sure_ if there was something out there...

Quickly printing out his results in case the display stopped working, he went for the nearest landline, calling an outside number. "...Yeah, it's Makinami again." With a practiced calm. "I need to go back south. I'll be needing a boat and crew again."

A quiet nod. "And... get me a television crew, as well. Whatever's out there, I'm sure people _need_ to see it."

* * *


	2. CDE 2

* * *

## 1\. ABC

Andrew wasn’t much more than a pencil pusher in the New Albany branch of the ABC most days, ostensibly named because they were to serve the _whole_ of Australia instead of the Swan Confederacy on its lonesome, but he and his few colleagues joked it was because they didn’t have the budget to print new signage.

Despite being a major city in the Confederacy, the majority of ABC operations were located in the autonomous Goldfields, being one of the few places with… well, _infrastructure_ for broadcasting television. On a _good_ day, they might have a few pieces to send on, where it might end up in the local news within the week (depending on road conditions).

This was _not_ one of those days. Their story on the Voyager probe was already in transit to the Goldfields, so now it was back to one of two things: watching old videotapes of whatever they had archived, or playing solitaire on a computer older than him.

"I should’ve gotten into radio." He muttered, the computer chugging away as he moved his cards. "At least _then_ it would’ve been a bit _busier_."

He was barely distracted by the knock on his office door, "Come in." He mumbled, not even pretending to be productive.

"You could at least _try_ to work, Andy." His colleague lightly derided.

"It was either this or sit here until _God_ gave me a story to do, so I might as well do _something_ while I wait for that."

A small huff. "Well, looks like God’s a _funny_ fucker." As he passed a file on.

Which Andrew briefly overlooked. "Wh- _Antarctica_? The hell’s going on _there_?"

"Fuck if _I_ know, but this _Yank_ seems to think _something’s_ goin’ on." His supervisor shrugged. "It’d get you out and about, at least."

"Yeah I’m sure _that’s_ a good thing for you, mate." Rolling his eyes. "That camera of ours is still good, right?"

"Yeah, Gus was just looking over it. He’s gonna get you a few tapes as well; all else we can get some footage of Antarctica for a _documentary_ or something stupid."

"Not like I’m doing anything _else_." As he took a more significant look through the file. "God he really _is_ American."

"He wants you by around 4 this arvo." The supervisor soon added on. "God knows when your heading off."

"Or if I’m coming back."

"You _better_ , mate. That’s our only camera!"

"I promise not to throw it in the ocean."

"Yeah fuck off, mate. I’ll get you some Emu for the road or somethin’."

"I’m guessing that’s me _hazard_ pay."

"It’d be _cheaper_ than hazard, that’s for sure." As he was leaving.

And as Andrew continued to peruse the file.

"Well, I’m getting out of this _box_ , at least."

~

Waking up at seven in the morning was never really great, according to Asuka. _Especially_ on a weekend.

The _sandwiches_ Shinji whipped up helped, at least. "People might think you got _inspiration_ from Megas for these, Shin-chan."

"Maybe if they were _subway_ sandwiches." He thought, getting stuck into his own, as everyone else ate.

"The fact these are of a _reasonable_ size implies there was not _much_ inspiration from Megas."

"Maybe a-after we _watch_ some more Megas, you’ll be inspired to m-make an absolutely _massive_ one."

"Would we even have an oven _big_ enough for the massive amount of _bread_ it’d require?"

"Well shit, I could think of _worse_ ways to occupy our time." Asuka chuckled. "So what, we just make our own bread and make a massive _sandwich_ for everyone?"

Kaworu chuckled at this thought. "If it weren’t for this vacation, and for this show, we might _never_ think about such a thing."

"Is that an _objection_?"

"No, just thought it was amusing." With a huff. "Though you may want to make _two_ massive sandwiches, unless you wish to omit the _cold cuts_."

"Works for me!" Beamed Asuka. "I don’t know _how_ we’re gonna do it, though."

"We need to _shop_ for the ingredients, first of all."

"We can do that _after_ we watch the next disc."

And on Eliza’s prompt, they piled on the couch (sandwiches in hand).

"…So w-who’s gonna put the _disc_ in?"

"Oh. Right." Asuka glanced around the couch.

"I’ll do it."

Using his AT-Field, Kaworu half haphazardly took the second disc of this boxset and deposited it on the tray.

"You are getting _better_ at this, fish."

"You c-can _do that_?"

"It comes in handy when we’re both… let’s say _occupied_." With a sly smirk, a small glance towards Rei.

Rei simply chuckled, clicking through a few menus, as the next disc started up.

* * *

## 2\. Megas XLR

Character Key:

Shinji (S) Asuka (A)

Rei (R) Kaworu (K)

Eliza (E) Mari (M)

** 2.5: Buggin' The System **

_Minesweeper_ **(00:00)**

The episode started off with the Megas blasting through asteroids.

E: "I’d debate if this was _wise_ , but I’d also debate if it was wise to allocate _resources_ to this debate."

K: "Wise or not, they most likely didn’t _think_ about it."

They drilled through a potato shaped meteor, blowing it up.

A: "I mean, the Megas _does_ seem strong enough to _do this_."

S: "Almost like it’s strong enough to do just about _anything_."

M: "And t-this is _training._ They have _p-plenty_ of training already."

R: "More never hurts."

A: "Though you _want_ to make it fun. At least for _us_ , we can train in an environment where we can’t actually _damage_ our Evangelion."

M: "More than _w-we_ had in Nevada."

K: "That sounds like _exactly_ Kiva’s intention in this training."

Coop honed in on an 'asteroid'.

R: "About that."

Which was actually a _mine_.

S: "Well, _now_ they can train in how to avoid that kinda thing."

A: " _We_ never had to avoid mines, Shinji."

E: "A mine wouldn’t do much to the _AT-Field_ to begin with. For all the skill Coop has, I doubt he can modify his Plymouth Barracuda to have an _AT-Field_."

K: "Maybe if you put a _soul_ in it."

M: "Isn’t t-that just a _Transformer_? You g-guys have Transformers here, right?"

R: "You know _Toei_ was one of two companies that made the _animation_ for Transformers, right?"

Coop’s attempt at backing up the Megas out of the minefield failed.

S: "He could _really_ use an AT-Field right about now."

Further attempts to navigate the minefield only ended with the Megas even _more_ damaged, Coop eventually deciding to crash land on a _'space donut'_ , as he called it.

R: "Certainly an _interesting_ concept. I wonder how the _gravity_ of such a world would work."

A: "Doubt _Cartoon Network_ would explain it much anyway."

K: "Perhaps this _halo_ was created by an advanced _forerunner_ species."

A: "Ancient alien tech shit, got it."

_Installation 04_ **(02:40)**

M: "Though n-now there’s the question on _why_ this t-thing exists."

S: "It looked rather _industrial_ ; maybe it’s a _vessel_ of some sort."

A: "Could just be a _space station_. We’ve seen _massive_ stations dedicated to _sports_. It’s not out of the question something much _smaller_ could exist."

E: "Maybe it’s for some space _government_."

S: " _Is_ there a space government? It looks pretty _wild_ out there."

R: "If there was, I am sure Magnanimous’ corruption would have been caught _earlier_."

A: "Depends if the _government_ was corrupt, as well."

Despite experiencing another happy landing, the Megas was all well and good.

And so, they decided to explore. "Let’s see what _dangers_ come flooding out of this facility." Mused Kaworu.

E: "Knowing those three, they’ll end up _destroying_ it somehow."

M: "And N-New Jersey, while they’re at it."

E: "Even though they’re _thousands_ of light years away from _Earth_."

R: "Logic has not stopped this show _before_."

The group searched this installation, as Kiva scanned for life.

A: "She hasn’t searched for _robots,_ hasn’t she?"

K: "And we know robots _do_ exist. One of their _previous_ enemies was one, in fact."

S: "You’d think they’d be a bit more _wary_ of that sort of thing."

M: "Maybe _you_ g-guys."

E: "From Kiva’s _helpful exposition_ , it _does_ sound like it was built by an advanced species."

A: "Why do I get the feeling this was _ripped off_ from somewhere?"

K: "If it was, it’s not from a piece of fiction _we_ know of."

R: "So we are seeing the _parody_ of whatever this is parodying, with no knowledge on what the original work was."

K: "Perhaps."

S: "This whole _show_ has been a bit of a parody so far, so it wouldn’t _surprise_ me."

_No Step On Snek_ **(04:20)**

In frustration, Coop kicked the ground.

And fell into the facility.

A: "So much for _not_ smashing."

M: "Isn’t smashing h-his _specialty_?"

K: "Looks like they weren’t the _first_ to fall in."

S: "Not a _good_ sign for them."

E: "We only just _started_ this disc, Shinji."

Further exploration revealed a _robotic snake_.

R: "I suppose the Megas’ sensors can _only_ detect organics."

A: "That seems like a bit of a _flaw_."

As usual, the Megas decimated their quarry, throwing one into a switch.

M: "Looks like t-they found the _self destruct_."

R: "It would not be _surprising_. But it appears they will not blow up _again_."

S: "You can have _other_ kinds of life?"

K: "Most life is indeed _carbon_ based. But as Kiva suggested, you can _theoretically_ swap out the carbon with another similar chemical, _silicon_ in this case."

E: "Could swap it out with _any_ carbon group element, theoretically. However, _carbon_ is a simpler element compared to other comparable elements."

R: "Hence why you only see _carbon_ based life. Of course, the universe is bigger than just _Earth_."

A: "Sounds to _me_ Kiva needs to _reprogram_ the sensors to detect _that_ kind of life as well, if they’re gonna be _encountering_ them."

If she _was_ going to do that, the presence of a computer bank distracted her.

K: " _That’s_ not a bad find at all."

M: "Kinda amazing these _f-forerunners_ had the forethought to put _e-everything_ about them in one location."

S: "Very convenient for _them_ , isn’t it?"

E: "I wouldn’t recommend Coop go about _destroying_ it, then. Who knows what knowledge was just _lost_ with the minimal destruction he caused?"

A: "Maybe he destroyed the _video games_." As they flashed back to a memory of a _previous_ library. "Why the _fuck_ would they stack the books that high to begin with, if it’s meant to be _publicly accessible_?"

R: "Perhaps they had publicly accessible _ladders_ , as well."

S: "He could’ve also, I don’t know, _asked_ for help?"

M: "You think s-someone from New Jersey would _ask f-for help_?" She barked a laugh. "If there’s _one_ thing t-this show is accurate about, it’s their _s-stubborn nature_."

_Snake Charmer_ **(07:20)**

Speaking of stubbornness, the silicon snakes were about to attack once more.

S: "I suppose they’re the _defenders_ of this facility."

A: "Probably made to ensure no one but the species who _made_ this can get that _juicy_ knowledge."

M: " _That_ s-sounds kinda _discriminatory._ "

It didn’t take _Kiva_ too long to determine how the snakes _worked_.

E: "She knows a _lot_ , doesn’t she?"

R: "If it were _here_ , it would take the entire _Magi_ to figure that out."

K: "It makes sense if they’re a _defensive measure_. Life is naturally energetic; seek out this energy and _attack_ it."

A: "Seems kinda _easily_ exploitable, though."

R: "There _are_ ways to mask that. The AT-Field can mask your energy, of course you then have the _AT-Field_."

S: "Which would _probably_ get noticed either way, even if they couldn’t see it."

The _Megas_ started losing power, Kiva soon figuring out _why_.

M: "What _I’m_ g-getting at is that they _eat electricity_."

E: "They _are_ silicon based life. If you consider them _computers_ from a certain point of view, it makes sense."

R: "Conventional computers _are_ silicon based, after all."

A: "Not _Eliza_ , even _before_ she got crammed into a human body. Unless you got silicon somewhere _else_."

Eliza rolled her eyes, as Kiva attempted to wrangle Jaime into something productive. "Biocomputing _does_ deal more in carbon than silicon, though there _were_ still silicon based computer components in my system. Though indeed, my previous body contained no significant silicon, _decorative_ or otherwise."

R: "And I am sure _Kaworu_ can attest to the fact _my_ body does not contain any _decorative_ silicon." With a smug smirk.

_Core_ **(09:15)**

Armed with nothing more than a baseball bat (and complaining all the way), Jaime entered the core.

A: "I wonder why he even comes along, if he doesn’t wanna do anything like _that_ when required."

M: "What s-skills does he even _offer_ the Megas?"

S: "He can say _nice_ a lot."

E: "An excellent advantage."

Leaving Coop to face the Temptation of Christ.

S: "So how long do you reckon he’ll last?"

K: "No more than a minute."

R: "It seems he _understands_ the reason _not_ to fight, at least."

M: "You’ve seen how _impulsive_ h-he’s been so far, right?"

All the while, Jaime continued his pusillanimous act. "Way to throw her to the snakes, Jaime."

S: "Then again, I’m sure _most_ people would be scared in that situation."

E: "The _only person_ out of those three that has had _any_ sort of training is Kiva herself. They’re practically _civvies_ dealing in matters they don’t even _know_."

K: "They’re handing things rather well, all things considered."

Things _were_ going well, until Coop accidentally lit a flare.

M: "It wasn’t _intentional_ , at l-least."

A: "Unintentional incompetency is _still_ incompetency."

E: "He _built_ the cockpit in the first place, he _should_ know where the buttons are!"

S: "It’s a good thing he was able to get out of that _without_ crushing anyone."

The duo finally found the stray insect. "It allows us to see how _they_ prefer handling the insects, at least."

Kiva crushed it.

R: "Oh. That was easy."

The power was _still_ being drained, however.

K: "Not over _yet_ , Rei."

As they panned to yet _more_ small insects.

A: "Well, he better get to _smashing_."

S: "Now would be a bad time for him to develop _arachnophobia_ , won’t it?"

A: "Isn’t that just for _spiders_?"

S: "What’s the term for _insects_ , then?"

Asuka blinked. "Iunno." She shrugged.

_Swing Batter_ **(11:40)**

M: "I keep h-having to remember the _scale_ of the Megas."

R: "You would not be able to walk around like that in the _Evangelion_ , that is certain."

E: "It helps the Evangelion isn’t technically a _giant robot_."

S: "Even if we _still_ call it a mecha."

A: "That’s what the _civvies_ call it, at least."

Kiva _borrowed_ Jaime’s baseball bat.

Much to Asuka’s smirk. "This is where the _fun_ begins."

K: "I wonder if she thought she’d be a _bug exterminator_."

R: "She most likely did not think _any_ of this would happen."

And so Kiva went about _smashing_ the bugs to electronic pieces.

M: "We c-could _use_ an Evangelion sized baseball b-bat."

S: "Good luck trying to convince _Ritsuko_."

A: "Now _that_ was satisfying." The smirk remained. "Jaime really _is_ useless though, ain’t he?"

E: "Maybe he’ll _learn_ this, as time goes on."

They entered the core, as more larvae came out.

K: "The miracle of life." He deadpanned.

M: "Kinda _d-disgusting_."

Her opinion didn’t change as the queen revealed herself.

S: "Well _there’s_ your problem."

A: "I don’t think a _baseball bat_ can solve that."

R: "A baseball bat can solve _many_ a problem."

Instead of using the bat, Kiva elected to use her _fists_.

E: "Yes, just beat up the organic robot."

Through a series of unfortunate events, Kiva ended up _knocked out_ by a wayward swing of Jaime’s bat.

There were but a few moments of quiet before _everyone_ burst out laughing. " _Well_ , if they weren’t fucked _before_!"

M: "That’s the t-thing, they _weren’t_ fucked before. _Jaime_ screwed it u-up!"

R: "I am sure _Kiva_ will be pleased about this, when she wakes up."

S: "If she wakes up."

He booked it.

K: "What an excellent friend."

E: "He drew the queen _away_ from Kiva’s unconscious body, at least."

A: "And what about the _other_ smaller robots?"

E: "They’re an outstanding issue, admittedly."

_Magnoflex_ **(14:00)**

Coop was _finally_ given permission to go ham.

Crushing the queen in the process.

A: "Y’know something? _That_ was kinda _smart_ of him."

R: "He knew what it would do, and used it to his advantage. It _is_ a rather intelligent thing to do."

S: "Sounds like something _we_ could come up with, during battle."

And with a convenient lie as Kiva came to, they got back to work.

E: "He’s _still_ a bit of an asshole, though."

A: "Oh yeah, no denying _that_."

Like a beacon, the Megas shined in the eyes of the insectoids, Kiva and Jaime finding their way back to the cockpit.

K: "Now I don’t think _anything’s_ stopping him from going wild."

M: "Other than _not_ d-destroying the space library of Alexandria."

A: "Would he even _think_ of that?"

And the destruction began.

S: "Probably not." As they _all_ rolled their eyes at his use of _nunchucks_.

E: "There _are_ quite a few of them."

R: "Almost like that queen would not be the _only_ queen."

K: "And as we suggested, perhaps they were created to _defend_ this facility from any snooping eyes."

A: "He’s doing a lot more than _snooping_."

As if she predicted it, Coop practically _nuked_ the insects off of him.

E: "I am assuming this is a _problem_."

S: "You’re probably right."

Yet _more_ insects emerged, Coop listing off his _buffet_ of a breakfast as it happened.

A: "WHY WOULD YOU _SAY THAT_ , COOP?!" As he said the five deadly words and made it even _worse_.

R: "Now _that_ is a queen."

M: "That’s a f-fucking _goddess_."

K: "And all they wanted was some _data_." He thought, with some amusement. "They’re making it a habit of making simple things complicated."

R: "In their defence, it is _outside_ factors complicating the simple things. Most of the time."

_Mothra_ **(16:40)**

As if their luck couldn’t get any worse, Coop recklessly throwing the corpse of an insect robot resulted in the entire installation _powering down_.

E: "I don’t think _that_ was an outside factor."

A: "Just _shut up_ , Coop! You keep making it worse!"

R: "The Gods do not _like_ him today, do they?"

S: "Knowing _him_ , he’ll just get _angry_ at all this bad luck."

A: "Who _wouldn’t_? _I’d_ get angry at the universe completely screwing me over."

K: "You _have_ been angry at the universe screwing you over."

M: "And _other_ u-universes as well, from the sounds of it."

E: "So Coop and company are _still_ better off than we were."

S: "I mean, we _eventually_ ended up somewhere alright."

A: "Hell of a _scenic route_ though, Shin-chan."

Coop was certainly _not_ taking a scenic route in exacting his _revenge_ on this 'low-rent Mothra wannabe'.

R: "I should not be surprised he knows about _Mothra_."

M: "That’s from t-the _Godzilla_ movies, r-right?"

R: "Indeed. Have you seen them?"

M: "One or t-two of them; they’re kinda h-hard to find in the States unless you look on t-the internet."

A: "In which case you’re probably waiting a _month_ to download one of the original movies, eh?"

M: "If it’s n-not a porno or a v-virus, at that. Unless you _want_ t-to watch the _American_ remakes."

S: "Hollywood did Godzilla films?" As this 'Mothra' flicked the Megas away like it were an insect.

M: "T-Tristar did _one_. It was _trash_. And then they d-distributed _2000_."

R: "Perhaps the _worst_ Godzilla film of recent memory. At least Toho redeemed themselves."

M: "W-Wait you guys got _more_ Godzilla films?"

R: "They took a five year hiatus due to the issue of _Second Impact_ and their main headquarters in Tokyo-1 being _nuked_ , but since around 2005 they have been releasing films every two to three years."

Mari blinked. "Well fuck _me_ , why d-didn’t _I_ know about that?"

_Dinner_ **(19:00)**

E: "If you two were paying attention, you’ll know Megas is sucking _hard_ right now."

They turned back to see the Megas all tied up for dinner.

K: "They _are_ insects, I suppose."

A: "That seems like a more _spider_ thing to do."

S: "Don’t think _they’d_ really care about that, at the moment."

Coop looked at a few buttons.

R: "He could have used those _earlier_."

M: "Man he thought of _e-everything_ with that control panel, didn’t he?"

K: "That or Cartoon Network give him what he needs."

A: "It’d be pretty _cool_ to just have _buttons_ come up for what you need, eh?"

E: "The way the Evangelion works doesn’t _require_ buttons. You _are_ the button."

Coop not able to pick between the _myriad_ of buttons on the control panel, elected to hit _all_ of them.

S: "I mean, I’m sure _one_ of them would work."

R: "Let us hope one of those buttons were not _'Destroy Ringworld'_."

And so the Megas ascended into blinding light.

M: "I dunno, Blue. It’s l-looking a _lot_ like he hit that button."

A: "I’m sure they wouldn’t have an _ascend to Godhood_ button."

K: "You never know with this show."

Megas instead channeled the _phoenix_ , flames bathing the _entire_ ringworld and _vaporising_ the insects.

E: "Perhaps not ' _Destroy_ Ringworld', but ' _Immolate_ Ringworld'."

S: "As long as the _computers_ are still intact."

A: "Computers don’t tend to _like_ heat, Shinji."

M: "It a-actually looks _intact_ , amazingly enough."

R: "I am sure the forerunners built this facility to handle _more_ than a simple shower of flame. It can be rather _hot_ in the vacuum of space, after all."

A: "…Hang on, why _are_ there flames in the vacuum of space to begin with?!"

_Tumbling Down_ **(20:25)**

Asuka would _not_ get her answer, as Coop rested the Megas weight on a skyscraper.

Causing it to tumble.

S: " _Here we go._ " He muttered, seeing what was happening.

E: "It’s not _blowing up_ , at least. It’s just like if the _shelves_ fell down at the library."

M: "Maybe he should just s-stay _away_ from _any_ sort of library."

Somehow, the tumbling caused the ringworld to _explode_.

E: "Oh _never mind_!"

K: "If the forerunners were _any_ sort of competent, they _would_ have backups."

A: "You’d be surprised how many people _don’t_ backup their computer shit. Hell, _I_ don’t back up my computer shit. I don’t even _have_ stuff on my terminal I’d _want_ to back up."

R: "I do not think we even _have_ a computer that is _not_ issued to us from school. And _those_ computers are useless enough as is."

E: "Is it really that difficult to _automate_ backups?"

A: "I mean, they _probably_ get backed up to a remote server of some sort." She shrugged. "Can’t look much into them, since they’re not exactly _ours_ to begin with."

Though _speaking_ of computers, Jaime’s wayward leg somehow managed to bring up _security footage_ of how he _thwacked_ Kiva upside the head with a baseball bat.

M: "It’s been nice k-knowing him."

A: "Not really."

Yeah, Kiva wasn’t exactly _pleased_ with that, much to the amusement of everyone. " _Well_ deserved."

And the Megas promptly exploding a minefield, the episode ended.

"So we _know_ this was meant to be a parody of _something_."

"But not _what_ the original is, indeed." Thought Kaworu. "Rather strange to think about."

"It makes sense if such work existed in _their_ world. Then again, we can only _speculate_ ourselves."

"Hell, they might’ve actually made something _original_." Shrugged Asuka. " _I_ certainly never heard anything about a ringworld library."

"Hopefully _next t-time_ they find one, they won’t end up _destroying_ it."

"I would not hold out hope."

The credits showed one of the _insects_ behind the television they were watching.

"Well _that_ certainly isn’t ominous."

"It’s just enjoying the energy from the _TV_ , Shin-chan. Like a beach-goer bathing in the sun."

"Only most beach-goers do not have the ability to _eat you_."

"Maybe a s-shark." Mari suggested. "Then again, all I’ve s-seen about sharks was _Jaws_."

Rei huffed. "Not exactly a _documentary_ , I would think."

"Sharks are just _fish_. They do what their nature tells them."

"And yet _y-you_ ended up as a trout, Ash."

A small chuckle. "For a good reason, I’d think."

The next episode began soon after.

~~~

** 2.6: TV Dinner **

_Monster Mash_ **(00:00)**

The Glorft were busy fixing whatever was broken.

E: "I feel they could’ve been more _efficient_ with this."

K: "The more efficient the _Glorft_ are, the less time the _good guys_ have."

A: "So we _want_ them to take their time!"

S: "Especially if it’s a _weapon_."

M: "Isn’t a r-report meant to be _a-about_ progress?"

R: "Gorrath being Gorrath."

S: "…Wait, that’s a _planet buster_?"

A: "Ooh, like in _Star Wars_!"

R: "That is _another_ thing we can say they are ripping on."

K: "And another thing the good guys should probably _focus on_."

E: "Are they just planning on _destroying Earth_ so _no one_ can have the Megas?"

Gorrath essentially answered Eliza’s question.

M: "You’re p-pretty good at asking those sorta questions, Eliza."

Eliza shrugged.

Before they cut to this primitive proto-Earther, engaging in typical proto-Earther activities.

A: "Though yeah, when the _proto-Earthers_ are doing stuff like _that_ , I can kinda _understand_."

S: "I’m sure _Kiva_ wouldn’t be too pleased with this, as well."

M: "Why are y-you stuffing _bones_ into your burger?!"

R: "Maybe he wishes to up his _calcium_ intake. For those _big bones_ of his."

E: " _You_ don’t have a ton of food like this when _you_ watch professional wrestling, right Rei?"

R: "I have never been much of a heavy eater. Perhaps a few snack foods, but not on the scale of _this._ "

M: "Yeah, t-that’s just America."

_Satellite_ **(01:35)**

The monster mash started.

And then stopped.

A: "Well _that’s_ certainly a great time for the satellite to go down!"

S: "That’s when things like that tend to happen, I feel."

R: "Especially when there is a _story_ that is to happen."

K: "Ah, so their task for today will be to fix the _satellite_."

There was an attempt. "Of _course_ it uses the Megas."

M: "It _has_ been a r-rather effective _multi-tool_ , so f-far."

A: "I wouldn’t _think_ it was a lack of power _to_ the dish."

E: "It’d be a _signal_ issue, of course you can always _boost_ the signal. Which, I _suppose_ applying several million amps to a satellite dish _would_ boost whatever signal it gets."

S: "And would probably _fry_ the entirety of New Jersey’s electrical grid."

K: "New Jersey has proven themselves pretty _good_ at rebuilding after catastrophic destruction."

And so Coop _redlined_ the Barra, resulting in a _broadcast_ that blew up every TV in the Greater Jersey area.

R: "That went as we expected, I am assuming."

M: "The _electrical g-grid_ is intact, at least."

A: "At least the _TV manufacturers_ will be happy!"

This broadcast went _further,_ out into space.

S: "This is gonna be an _issue_?"

R: "In all likelihood."

The wave washed over a large pollen like world.

Which promptly turned around and lunged at the camera, resulting in a slight _jump_ from Asuka, not that she would _admit_ such thing.

E: "And all because they wanted to watch _wrestling_."

K: "Now that I think about it, _most_ of the issues in these episodes were caused either directly _or_ indirectly by the trio."

A: "It’s a change from _our_ world, that’s for sure."

_Stand Off_ **(03:35)**

Coop and Jaime stood in Mexican stand off. "Wonder what h-happened with _those two_."

Mari’s question was answered with a _ripping_ burp from Coop, birds flying away at the sound.

A: "Oh _for_ _fuck’s sake_."

K: "They’re making their own entertainment, at least."

S: "I think I’d prefer the _wrestling_."

Jaime did a burp of his own.

R: " _That_ was rather pathetic."

E: "He _still_ thinks he won."

K: "A very _Jaime_ thing to do, I would think."

M: "They’re d-doing all this for a _chair_?"

A: "Must be a pretty damn _comfy_ chair, then!"

S: "Do they not have the money to buy _another_ one?"

E: "Consider they had to look in their car for _$1.49_. I don’t think they’re entirely _solvent_."

R: "That, or they would rather _save_ money than spend it."

K: "All that _food_ would be a significant expense."

They _were_ about to get back to the burping match, until Kiva reminded them of the _TV_.

…Which _still_ wasn’t working.

A: "It’s almost like the problem wasn’t with the _dish_ itself. Did they even bother to look at the _other_ connections?"

S: "The way it just _dropped_ , maybe something happened to the satellite _itself_. Wouldn’t be the _first_ time a TV satellite got knocked out of orbit."

R: "A shame for _him_ ; this is how he _trains_."

M: "…How _can_ y-you train from watching TV?"

K: "The same way playing a _video game_ might train you."

A: "At least a _video game_ teaches you reaction times and strategy. You don’t really _learn_ much just mindlessly sitting in front of a TV."

E: " _We’ve_ been doing alright with watching TV."

S: "We _do_ also commentate a lot on whatever’s on, mind you."

All the while, the beastly pollen ball edged closer to the Earth, consuming what looked like the _Voyager probe_.

R: "Perhaps the satellites _are_ getting knocked out of orbit. More accurately, _eaten_ out of orbit."

_Just Television_ **(05:10)**

A: "I’m sure _he_ thinks the world _needs_ television."

R: "Perhaps if _Kiva’s_ world had television, the Glorft would not have almost won."

They saw what a world without television would look like.

M: "And t-this is _Coop_ imagining this."

K: "What a tragedy, _world peace_ was achieved."

A: "She’s like those people that say _video games_ were the cause of all the world’s troubles."

E: "Yes, the _Angels_ came to Earth because people were playing video games."

S: "Maybe Lilith wanted someone to do multiplayer with?"

The Nephilim couldn’t help but feel amused at this thought. "I could think of _worse_ scenarios."

M: "Certainly _took_ t-those three long enough to think it w-was the _satellite_."

K: "In _any other world_ , the satellite would be the _last_ thing you’d think about. Especially with how many _redundancies_ I’d assume were in place."

E: "What about in _that_ world?"

K: "It’s a reasonable conclusion to come to."

A: "I know he’s pretty good at tech stuff, but what _can_ he do to a satellite?"

He explained what he was going to do with the satellite.

S: "I’d _say_ that’d damage it more, but it didn’t hurt the _dish_ when he tried it."

R: "A satellite dish is nothing more than a cone to concentrate a signal into a receiver; not many components that can go wrong. A _satellite_ on the other hand is full of computers and sensors and other _electrically sensitive_ materials."

E: "And pumping _millions_ _of amps_ into it _would_ fry it."

Whatever Coop was planning ultimately didn’t matter, as they encountered the satellite snacking monster.

K: "This is the _second_ being in this universe that consumes energy of a sort."

S: "A part of me wonders just _how_ you could _eat_ signals like that."

R: "As Kaworu suggested, radio waves are a form of energy. _Weak_ energy, in comparison to other sorts of waves, but still _energy_ regardless. So you _could_ consume it."

M: "Doesn’t s-sound too _efficient_."

A: "Works for _that_ thing." She shrugged. "Also with all the _broadcasts_ on Earth or really _any_ developed planet, there’d be _plenty_ to snack on."

_Burst_ **(06:40)**

Coop seemed to take this as an _insult_ on the institution of television, throwing themselves at the pollen ball.

M: "Do y-you guys think he’ll _listen_ to Kiva?"

A: "Nope."

R: "I agree with Asuka."

Yeah, he was _rash_ , slicing a couple tentacles free from the alien.

S: "So _how_ have they screwed up _this_ time?"

E: " _Angering_ the strange alien that eats _radio waves_ would never really be a _wise_ option, I feel."

K: "It sounds like _Jaime_ knows how this being found Earth."

A: "Kiva as well, judging by that _look_."

Attempting to correct this mistake, Coop attempted to solve this 'Jersey City style'.

S: "Do I even _have_ to ask, Mari?"

M: "Pfft, if they _h-had_ missiles they might."

E: "Why are there so many buttons for _missiles_?"

R: "For when you _really_ want to make sure your quarry is _atomised_."

A: "How the hell does he even _get_ these missiles for the Megas?"

Her question unanswered, the Megas fired _everything_.

Which resulted in nothing more than a small _cloud_ , and the unamused look of Kiva.

This _also_ resulted in the gang bursting out into hysterics. "I guess _that_ a-answers your question, Asuka. He gets his missiles f-from a _dollar store_!"

R: "At least Kiva is _trying_ to be strategic."

S: "Could say _Jaime’s_ idea was strategic, as well."

E: "Maybe a _combination_ of the two. Go home and determine _how_ to defeat the TV signal eating Angel."

Not listening to _any_ of these suggestions, Coop flew to the alien.

A: "He’s sure taking his _time_ , isn’t he?"

K: "Perhaps Jaime was _correct_ with the scale of this being."

_Eventually_ , he made landfall on the being, punching it several times over.

All of which did nothing.

S: "He likes falling back on the _punch until defeated_ strategy, doesn’t he?"

R: "He has no _formal_ training, after all. I am sure _our_ world would take a more _nuanced_ approach."

_Tentacle_ **(09:45)**

As Coop and Jaime were arguing on _what_ to do, the alien answered this with their _tentacles_.

M: "Well, _this_ has t-taken a bit of a turn."

R: "This was not made in _Japan_ ; it will not go down that path."

A: "I’m sure if it _did_ , the Americans would’ve _crucified_ Cartoon Network."

Coop’s attempts at escaping only resulted in yet _more_ tentacles restraining the Megas.

K: "It _can_ be seen as somewhat suggestive, admittedly."

S: "At least it’s the _Megas_ , and not a _girl_."

E: "The Megas has a girl in it."

The only funny business going on was their _absorption_ into the alien.

M: "…I mean, it’s n-not the _worst_ outcome."

R: "They might survive another five minutes."

K: "But as long as the _Megas_ is intact, there is _always_ a chance."

A: "Especially with how _arbitrary_ the Megas seems to be."

S: "I’m sure some people would consider our _Evangelion_ rather arbitrary."

It cut to inside the belly of the beast, Megas holding on for dear life as an MTV satellite dropped into acid.

R: "If only they had an _AT-Field_."

E: "That doesn’t seem too _sta-_ "

The show preempted Eliza and had them begin falling, Coop _barely_ finding the jets in time.

M: " _Really_ c-cutting it close there."

A: "Maybe if the _Megas_ gave him the controls for it earlier."

Kaworu chuckled. "Ah, so the _Megas_ determines what controls are there."

A: "It’d explain _why_ there’s so many weirdly specific controls."

Speaking of layout, Coop commented on exactly that after he accidentally set off the missiles.

R: "This is why we need _consistency_."

M: "What c-controls _are_ there on an Evangelion a-anyway?"

A: "You got a few buttons on the butterfly controls for various functions and for going through the menus and shit, but most of the time you can just _think_ about it."

R: "There is also the _self destruct_ mechanism."

A: "It’s more a _lever_ instead of a button."

_Snot_ **(12:05)**

A storm of snot headed their way.

K: "Like _many_ organic beings, I’m sure this has an _immune system_ of sorts."

R: "It could just be _digestive aids_ , as well."

The extent of how bad they _would_ be was shown to Coop, as one of the 'giant boogers' cleanly cut through the Megas.

M: "Don’t let t-the snot _hit_ _you_ , got it."

S: "It’s kinda their _job_ , isn’t it?"

It was certainly enough incentive for Coop to _destroy_ them, like it were a _video game_.

E: "He may not take all this _too_ seriously, but you can’t deny the _results_."

A "I think that’s just _him_ though, eh? He’s always pretty _carefree_ about most things, even _if_ it involves his life."

R: "Of course, he _does_ get into serious mode on occasion."

K: "Specifically when it involves his car, food, or the television. But _everyone_ has something, or _someone_ , they’re passionate about and _live_ for."

S: "So instead of like _us_ where we live for _each other_ , Coop lives for all that."

K: "Indeed. It _works_ for him, though."

As they were taking refuge, Kiva continued analysing.

E: "I find it strange how they’re _still_ broadcasting. If no signals can get _from_ the satellite, how are the signals meant to get _to_ the satellite?"

A: "Do you think Cartoon Network _really_ thought about how a TV satellite works?"

E: "I don’t know why I even asked."

R: "Either way, Coop _should_ understand that no Earth would mean no _wrestling_."

S: "There might be some _intergalactic_ wrestling."

M: " _Would_ Earth b-be the biggest source of TV signals? Surely that _s-space station_ we saw a few episodes ago broadcasted _everywhere_ in t-the universe."

K: "Which currently doesn’t _exist_."

E: "I’m sure to the _alien_ , it would _appear_ the Earth was like that. With that massive _broadcast_ in Coop’s attempt to get a signal."

_Speedrun_ **(13:50)**

They found their way to a sphincter.

A: "If that’s the _ass_ of that thing, I swear to God."

R: "There _are_ other sphincters, Asuka."

S: "Maybe it’s _vocal_ related. It _is_ making a sound."

M: "So c-can the _ass_."

This gave Coop an idea.

E: "Well, I don’t see anywhere _else_ they can go."

K: "He knows it’s futile to try _bursting_ his way out. If he couldn’t even break _into_ the alien without it taking the Megas in _deliberately_."

A: "Do you think he can _time it_?"

R: "If he can _not_ , the next few discs would just be _static_."

S: "Good thing he has _video games_ to fall back on."

M: "That’s actually k-kinda _impressive_ , beating s-something like that _quickly_."

R: "When you have _completed_ a game, sometimes it can be interesting to make your own challenge."

K: "Not that _we_ tend to speedrun."

E: "Is _that_ what that’s called?"

Kaworu nodded. "Perhaps with your Unix heritage, you will do well at such thing."

Eliza smirked. "If I can find a video game to play. It’s all just _optimising_ variables to the extreme. Should be easy enough."

Coop might’ve _wanted_ to take his time, but the 'booger things' made the decision for him.

A: "Well let’s hope _his_ speedrunning skills are actually _good_!"

S: "He _does_ hold a world record, apparently."

M: "And video g-game skills seem to _directly_ translate to real w-world skills in _their_ world."

Coop missed the cycle, getting stuck _in_ the sphincter.

K: "Well, it didn’t _bisect_ him, at least."

_Graveyard_ **(15:05)**

M: "It wasn’t an _a-asshole_."

A: "With how much _garbage_ is in there, you’d _think_ it was."

K: "They would be the remnants of the myriad species that _attempted_ to get their television satellites back, I would think."

E: "They weren’t too successful, were they?"

S: "At least _those two_ can look on the bright side of life."

R: "You would not think that of _Jaime_."

And so Coop looked through the satellites.

E: "A part of me thinks it’s _stupid_ to have _one_ satellite for a single channel."

A: "It _is_. It doesn’t even _work_ like that; a satellite is just a glorified _repeater_. They’re not occupied by little green aliens running an entire _TV station_ within it!"

R: "The _alien_ television satellites may work like that, you never know."

It didn’t take too long to _find_ the satellite he was looking for, and they soon booked it.

K: "At this point, the wrestling match would’ve been over and done with."

M: "You u-underestimate how long they can _drag it o-out_ for. They’re probably s-still showing the _commercials_."

S: "And all the things _they’ve_ done _today_ would’ve been _way_ more entertaining."

A: "Maybe more _adrenaline_ pumping. Kinda like what Coop’s doing _now_."

E: "Now if only he did it a bit _earlier_."

R: "He had to maintain at least _some_ care, if he wanted to save the all important satellite."

M: "I’d _still_ w-want to maintain _some_ care. Ya n-never know when one of those booger thingies utterly _p-pierce_ it."

Out of the pollen ball, he _threw_ the satellite back into orbit.

They didn’t exactly expect the satellite to simply _stop_ in its tracks. "Wait _what_?"

E: "I see _inertia_ doesn’t exist in this world."

S: "There’s still the _small_ issue of that _giant alien that eats satellites_."

K: "And they can’t watch wrestling if they’re _dead_."

R: "I am sure _Coop_ would find a way."

_Pulse_ **(16:45)**

They listened on to Coop’s _inspirational monologue_.

A: "Well, if it keeps the _planet_ alive."

S: "I wish _we_ could monologue like that and _not_ get destroyed for letting our guard down."

K: "Didn’t we come to the conclusion we might not be able to come up with the right _words_ , at the time?"

E: " _You two_ might be able to. And I’m _still_ working on a monologue generator."

R: "How is it going?"

E: "I got it generating monologues in _English_ , but I need to get around rewriting it all cause I don’t know _why_ I can’t change the language."

A: "Ain’t _that_ programming in a nutshell."

The speech was _good_ and all, but there wasn’t really any _ideas_ stemming from it.

M: "How _would_ y-you defeat something like _that_?"

R: "The Lance of Longinus is always a good option." With a small huff. "Then again, it may not _exist_ in their universe."

K: "It sounds like they _might_ have come up with the idea. You can _always_ overeat."

S: "How would you _get_ that many TV waves to begin with?"

E: "Same way he did that _started_ this whole thing. Pump a few million amps into a satellite dish."

Kiva got to programming.

E: "An _EMP_ works as well." She shrugged.

M: "Might w-wanna use _several_ EMPs, just t-to be sure."

Coop fired the torpedo.

Asuka sighed as Jaime and Kiva almost _immediately_ disparaged Coop. "What’d he do now?"

K: "Maybe he replaced the innards of the EMP with something _other_ than the regular innards of an EMP."

He essentially confirmed this, the flashback indicating just _what_ happened with it.

S: "He turned it into a _fridge_?!"

E: "Well, _now_ they’re screwed. Unless they had a _backup_ EMP, but it looks like that universe is _allergic_ to backing up their shit!"

Eliza perked some, upon hearing the _contents_ of this fridge. "Wait a minute. They _mentioned_ pop rocks and soda _earlier_."

K: "Congratulations, Eliza. You found the ending."

A: "That wouldn’t do _anything_ , right?"

_Rock Salt_ **(19:15)**

The alien started _foaming_ at the mouth, Jaime _eagerly_ watching on.

R: "I do not believe we have ever _thought_ of doing this to an Angel. I do believe the _Simpsons_ have done that, however."

A: "Might’ve made _Leliel_ a bit easier. Since apparently combining _pop rocks_ and _soda_ is like setting off a _nuke_!"

K: "I wonder _what_ they make pop rocks out of, in their world."

E: "Evidently, something highly _volatile_ when it comes in contact with soda. What even _is_ in soda that could cause this?"

M: "Bunch of carbon d-dioxide and sugar?"

E: "Yeah I knew it wouldn’t have made sense."

The planet sized alien _exploded_ , sending the Megas _flying_.

S: "Looks like it’ll be raining alien for _weeks_."

A: "Might destroy _New Jersey_ again!"

It cut to the Glorft.

R: "It appears _they_ may destroy New Jersey first."

M: "Eh, they’ve c-come back from _worse_."

K: "It’s as if they attached a _Death Star_ laser to their ship."

Said Death Star laser apparently couldn’t handle a light shower of alien gore, snapping off and _exploding_ at the unexpected shower of gibs.

Much to the gang’s laugher. "How does that keep _happening_ to them?"

E: "The Gods haven’t been smiling on them lately, have they?"

R: "Which is a _good_ thing. They _are_ the antagonists, after all."

M: "For being a-antagonists, they haven’t been d-doing _too much_ antagonising so f-far."

K: "They’ve had a couple episodes thus far, which is more than the _other_ antagonists of the day."

_Showers_ **(21:20)**

After all Coop did, the cable _still_ didn’t work.

A: "Maybe you put the satellite in the _wrong_ orbit."

S: "It practically _snapped_ into orbit, didn’t it?"

Coop’s mum called for him.

A: "…Hang on a minute, how _old_ is he?"

R: "Young enough to be still living with at least _one_ parent."

E: "And they have paid _no_ attention to what Coop and company have been doing?"

K: " _We_ didn’t even know they existed until a few seconds ago, clearly _they_ don’t mind much."

On his mother’s behest, he glanced at the _cable bill_.

The group had a small moment of silence, comprehending all this.

M: "So all this c-could’ve been _avoided_."

R: "Yes."

K: "Like _most_ things in this show, it seems."

A: "Welp, now he get to _pay_ his bills." She blinked. "Do they not have automated billing in the States or something?"

M: "They _do_ , but I d-don’t think many people take them up on it. They’d p-prefer to pay it themselves."

E: "Is it so they can make sure they wouldn’t try anything _funny_ with the transaction?"

Mari shrugged. "We _do_ kinda h-have a natural distrust of government and businesses, so _p-probably_."

S: "I never really _understood_ that. Surely _they_ of all people would have _your_ interests in mind?"

M: "Might be what _y-you guys_ think. Even our _Founding Fathers_ didn’t b-believe government had our b-best interests in mind, hence w-why you have things like the _Second Amendment_."

K: "A different attitude to _Japan_ , I would think. Though what do _you_ think of such thing, Mari?"

M: "Eh. Kinda _n-need_ a government in day to d-day life; roads and infrastructure and shit l-like that aren’t gonna maintain themselves. I’ve n-never been _too_ involved in politics myself; too _y-young_ for that kinda thing to interest me fully."

A: "As long as they don’t get too big for their boots."

Mari nodded. "Even t-then, you don’t need to shoot up Capitol H-Hill every time a Congressman f-fucks you over. We’re a _democracy_ , after a-all."

R: "Shows you do not always _need_ a gun. Though I am sure you think it as a good thing to _fall back_ on."

M: "Yeah. Maybe I s-should take you guys _shooting_ , if w-we ever end up in America."

S: "I mean, we’ve kinda _all_ shot guns before."

E: "In the _Evangelion_."

A: "I had _some_ weapons training; pistols and shit. Same _any_ pilot gets, really."

R: "I do not recall experiencing such training."

K: "Nor I."

A: "Huh. Maybe Gendo and Seele didn’t think it _wise_ to hand a weapon to you two or something. Did _you_ at least get training with regular firearms, Mari?"

M: "I’m _American_."

A: "Right, shouldn’t have asked."

The episode ended with Coop walking through a rain of alien gibs, to pay his cable bill.

"So all in all, this entire episode was _pointless_."

"It taught Coop a valuable lesson to _look in his pockets_ , at least."

"And once more _no one_ is paying mind to the _alien rain_."

"He’s g-gonna _eat it_ , isn’t he?" Thought Mari, seeing the end credits.

"I think that ought to be a _rule_ of anything alien." Began Shinji. "Do _not_ eat anything alien."

"It would’ve _concerned_ me some if you started serving up _Angel_."

Mari caught a gag, as the credits cut to the next image. "Yep, he a-ate it."

"It obviously _tasted_ good." With a small smirk. "And _some_ parts of an Angel _does_ taste nice."

"What, have you _ta-_ " Asuka locked up, as she got the innuendo. " _Rei_!"

The smirk remained, as a small blush creeped on Kaworu.

And with that, the _next_ episode started.

~~~

** 2.7: Breakout **

_1,987,462,126,010 BC_ **(00:00)**

M: " _That_ ain’t New J-Jersey."

R: "Unless they decided to go for a more _esoteric_ city design. It keeps getting destroyed, they might as well mix things up a bit."

Befitting New Jersey, it was soon _destroyed_ by a giant red monster.

E: "You practically _condemned_ this city by calling it New Jersey."

S: "Sounds like a condemnation _anyway_."

K: "This is strangely reminiscent of _our_ world, and _Sachiel_."

A: "Sachiel also wasn’t a _buff devil._ It has a damn _eight pack_!"

R: "At least the alien women will _swoon_ before they get crushed."

It soon transitioned to his _trial_.

M: "Wow, they’re actually _b-bothering_ to give him a _trial_?"

A: "This were _our_ world, they would’ve been _killed on the spot_!"

K: "Then again, perhaps they do this because he is _intelligent_ enough to understand it."

R: "I am sure many of _your_ kin would understand such thing as well. If not for their _drive_."

E: "What do you think is _Grrkek’s_ drive, then?"

S: "Destruction?"

Grrkek proved Shinji’s words by breaking out of his shackles.

A: "So why didn’t _they_ kill him on the spot?"

M: "Maybe t-they see themselves as _beyond_ such b-barbarity. Or _something_ stupid."

A: "Yes I’m sure they’ll _all_ enjoy that moral high ground as Grrkek _floods_ it with their blood!"

E: "They’re _imprisoning_ him, at least. Good luck with _that_."

S: "If they’re just going to throw him in jail for _eternity_ , why _don’t_ they just execute him?"

R: "See Asuka’s moral high ground note."

K: "Look on the bright side. With him in _prison_ , it gives our protagonists a chance to create the challenge for this episode."

And so he was _digitised_.

R: "Though I must say, _that_ is a interesting prison."

M: "They stuff t-their prisoners into an _Atari cartridge_. I suppose if it _w-works_."

E: "If those prisoners were _lucky_ , they wouldn’t be _sentient_ in that state."

_1,987,462,128,012 years_ passed from that moment.

Snorting all around at the sheer _time_ that has passed. "Kaworu? _You’d_ know, I’d reckon; how _old_ is the universe?"

K: "13 billion years, give or take."

E: "So not almost _two trillion years_."

A: "How after almost _two trillion years_ did those prisoner cartridges end up at a _New Jersey garage sale_?!"

M: "How’d t-those aliens design them almost _exactly_ l-like an Atari cartridge, as well?"

R: "I think it has been established that Cartoon Network are playing _hard and fast_ with general reality."

_Flash Sentry_ **(02:50)**

M: "I wonder w-what _G.I. Jody_ is m-meant to be parodying."

S: "Beats me." Shinji shrugged.

Asuka blinked. "You never heard of G.I. Joe before?"

Shinji shook his head in reply.

R: "A toy franchise depicting members of the _United States Military,_ in _Japan_."

A: "Right, fair enough. You’d know of _Barbie_ , at least?"

Shaking his head once again. "It _sounds_ like a doll of some sort."

E: "They don’t make you wonder just _who_ they’re marketed towards, at least."

M: " _I’d_ g-get a G.I. Joe figure before I g-get a damn _Barbie_ figure."

K: "I wonder if they thought those cartridges might _not_ be a game cartridge."

A: "Mari _has_ said it _looks_ like an Atari cartridge."

S: "Is that a game console?"

M: "Atari 2600, b-before even the _NES_."

Shinji tilted his head.

M: "Famicom."

S: " _Ohhh._ Jeez _that’s_ old."

R: " _1977_ , it was originally released. It would have been a console your _mothers_ played, had they been so inclined."

E: "Either way, I doubt such a system would support _prisoner cartridges_. Even _if_ Coop jammed it in there."

K: "Might just _break_ them. Which may be what _releases_ the prisoner."

M: "S-sounds like _you_ guys know a bit about video g-games, compared to him."

A: "Most of it is Rei and Kaworu, anyway." With a somewhat coy smirk. "All _I_ got is an old _Wonderswan_ to pass time with."

S: "And I don’t have _any_ game console."

R: "To be fair, we only have _one_ games console in our possession. Which is a _bootlegged_ Dreamcast to begin with."

E: "We have the _Playstation_ , now."

R: "I think we may give that to _Shinji and Asuka_. I am sure _Misato_ would not mind having a DVD player on hand."

A: "If _Ritsuko_ doesn’t want it for her lab, first of all."

Coop and the other guy _flexed_ on their knowledge, the other guy eventually 'winning'.

M: "You go, m-man. Like what you like!"

_Thread_ **(04:10)**

All the while, Kiva was looking at _shoes_.

A: "God knows she _needs_ new clothes. She’s been wearing the same thing for _seven episodes so far_!"

S: "They’ve _all_ been wearing the same clothes." He noted.

M: "Yeah, g-get used to that. _Most_ western cartoons only have their c-characters in one style. Easier t-to draw."

A: "Well _that’s_ a bit shitty."

E: "And I doubt Kiva would _ever_ wear what Jaime is picking out, anyway."

R: "Not unless she wanted to _appeal_ to him."

S: "Would anyone _want_ to appeal to him?"

R: "No."

And so they drove back.

K: "I wonder if this is the same Plymouth Barracuda that is usually the Megas cockpit."

A: "If it _is_ , then the _Glorft_ have a _great_ opportunity right now."

The camera panned over Kiva.

M: "Oh wow s-she actually has _different_ clothing!"

R: "Is it _really_ that rare in western anime?"

M: "Yep."

R: "I do not think that clothing looks so bad. Has a certain _style_ to it."

E: "She probably won’t wear it for too long."

A: "Ah! She wants to go _shopping_!"

S: "She’s certainly _adapting_ well to the 21st century."

K: "Now let’s see if she drags her _boys_ along with her."

Coop left Jaime in the dust, as he looked to _'Kiva Duty'_.

R: "She dragged _one_ boy along, at least."

S: "He practically dug his own grave with that."

E: "That seems to be a _specialty_ of his."

_Console_ **(05:15)**

A: " _He’s_ got a PS2 as well?!"

R: "I wonder what kind of console that _cube_ is meant to be?"

S: "Maybe they call it a _Gamecube_."

Rei couldn’t help but giggle at the _obvious_ name.

M: "That _f-first_ console was an NES."

E: "I’d be interested to know _how_ he stuffs a cartridge into a _disc based system_."

He tried it.

K: "He’s not _forcing_ it, at least."

The show cut back and forth from Kiva and Jaime, and Coop attempting to get the cartridge working.

A: "Is blowing on the cart just a _universal_ thing or something?"

M: "It’s c-certainly what _I_ did with my Nintendo."

It did actually _fit_ in the Nintendo, but it didn’t power on.

E: "To be expected. I’m sure a prisoner cartridge from _almost two trillion years ago_ isn’t compatible with a conventional games system."

It cut to Kiva in her new threads.

A: "Now _that_ doesn’t look so bad."

S: "She looks straight outta Mad Max."

R: " _Others_ seem to like it, at least."

Back to Coop, as he tried jamming the cartridge in a Mega Drive. "He’s got a _Genesis_ , a-as well?"

E: "How many _systems_ does he have, anyway?"

K: "More than _us_."

A: "Maybe he should take a _smarter_ approach to try jamming it in."

R: "There is a _reason_ the cases are shaped as they are."

Back to Kiva again, as she dressed in a _nightgown_.

S: "Does _this_ count as fanservice?"

A: "Certainly more _leg_ than usual, that’s for sure."

The group couldn’t help but chuckle as someone _slapped_ their man for gawking. "Well deserved."

_Eight Track_ **(06:20)**

Coop stared blankly at the cartridge.

E: "I can _see_ the hourglass above his head."

Before he found a _tape player_ of a sort. "Is an 8-Track like a _cassette_?" Shinji openly queried.

M: "Yeah, f-from the _sixties_."

A: "How does he even _have_ that, then? That looks _way_ too compact for being _sixties_ tech!"

R: "Perhaps that model is from the _eighties_."

K: "Interesting he thinks to use an _audio player_ instead of a games console."

S: "He _is_ kinda running out of things to jam the cartridge in."

M: "If _that_ f-fails, he might try a VCR or a L-Laserdisc player."

R: "A record player might work, as well."

Back to Kiva.

A: "Maybe _I_ should start considering that when it comes to clothing."

S: "If you _want_ to only buy army greens from now on."

R: "Or wear nothing but your plug suit."

A: "I don’t think Shinji would mind _that_ ; it’s like wearing nothing _anyway_."

E: "I thought he _preferred_ nothing at all."

S: "Don’t _all_ men?"

Snickering from Asuka. "But clothing can be _great_ sometimes. Think of it like unwrapping a _Christmas present_." As she poked Shinji’s side, him and Kaworu blushing at that Christmas.

She and Jaime ended up escorted outside.

M: "Looks like _s-something_ happened."

E: "She was most likely being seen as disruptive. Not buying clothing and just _complaining_."

K: "She has a _lot_ to learn about the 21st century, it seems."

Coop remained _ignorant_ of their request for a taxi, continuing to _try_ getting the prison cartridges working.

In an _8-Track_ player.

A: "I’m just amazed he connected a _tape player_ to his _TV._ "

R: "He _is_ the man who converted a Plymouth Barracuda to a cockpit for a _giant robot_. This is child’s play to him."

S: "Says a lot about the _computers_ of that alien civilisation if they could run on a _tape player_."

Thinking it was a _fighting game_ , Coop picked the _scariest_ character there was.

E: "Who just so happens to be _Grrkek_." She muttered.

M: "I think t-this says something about those _a-aliens_. The fact their _prisoners_ ended up in a _y-yard sale_ in _New Jersey_. Somewhere where you c-could _interface_ with them in some w-way."

K: "Being almost _two trillion years_ ago, I would hazard a guess in saying those beings were no longer in the universe."

_Planet Killer_ **(07:55)**

Sparks traced from the 8-Track player and up to the _satellite dish_ , reconstructing Grrkek in all his planet killing glory.

E: "This makes no sense!" She excepted.

A: "This show has _never_ made any sense, Eliza. And it’s not gonna start now!"

M: "You’re _e-enjoying_ this, eh?"

A: "Eeyup!"

It didn’t take long for the Megas to face Grrkek.

S: "Rather helpful he didn’t have his _abilities_."

R: "Not that it has _stopped_ his destruction thus far."

K: "Just another day in wonderful New Jersey."

We transition to Jaime and Kiva walking home from the mall.

A: "I wonder when they’re gonna _realise_ what happened."

E: "As soon as _debris_ come flying at them, I’d assume."

M: "At least t-they’re _keeping_ her in that new s-suit, gaudy it is."

There was a massive earthquake.

R: " _Now_ they know."

S: "I like how Jaime _immediately_ assumes the worst."

K: "He’s right to do so, you realise." As Coop flew into a factory.

A: "At least it’s _not_ the Glorft!"

E: "Looking on the _bright_ side of life, I see."

As Coop was getting his ass beat, Kiva and Jaime ran to his house to see just _what_ he did.

A: "Okay, taking stock. Car batteries, _printers_ , _stereo equipment_."

E: "Several kilometres of cables."

S: "A _blender_?"

R: "He _really_ wanted to get this cartridge running."

M: "It’s _more_ than an 8-Track p-player, at least."

A: "How does he keep doing it? He throws things together like this and it just _works_!"

K: "We’ve seen that is a _skill_ of his."

Eliza thought about that. "I should see if _I_ could do such thing."

A: "You of all people _could_ , I imagine."

_Container_ **(09:55)**

E: "I’m just amazed they managed to stick with the same protocols for almost _two trillion years_."

A: "Man imagine if you got locked up, then the time comes for your release and they _can’t_ release you cause they _replaced_ their old systems with something completely different!"

R: "A good thing they _kept_ this old system, then."

M: "Probably s-shouldn’t say that when there’s a _prisoner_ l-loose."

S: "Surely they can just do the same thing they did over a trillion years ago?"

K: "They could, but there’s a slight issue with that. Being it happened over a trillion years ago."

A: "Yeah, I doubt they keep _manuals_ around for that long."

E: "I would’ve _thought_ they had some sort of _encryption_ in those prisoner cartridges. So no user could just connect it to a _tape deck_ and release _everyone_ on it."

A: "Maybe those aliens stored everything _plaintext_. Including their digitised prisoners."

K: "We must have been the first civilisation to invent _encryption_ , then."

The Megas started spinning like a tornado.

R: "It seems he is taking a page from Crash Bandicoot."

M: "I was g-gonna say _Taz_ but _that_ w-works as well."

S: "What’s he trying to do anyway?"

K: "Throw Grrkek off, perhaps."

Grrkek was punched to the floor.

K: "And it worked."

Megas was punched to the floor.

E: "For ten seconds."

Coop responded with a beam of light, petrifying Grrkek.

A: "Well _this_ won’t last longer than a few seconds."

_Jailbreak_ **(11:15)**

All three in the car, Kiva began her attempt to cram Grrkek back in an Atari cartridge.

R: "Surprisingly enough, it has lasted _longer_ than ten seconds."

K: "Enough for Kiva to do her thing, at least."

S: "Which _should_ be enough."

E: "Only eleven minutes have passed."

A: "I _knew_ there was gonna be a catch to this!"

Jaime began messing with the controls.

M: "Is t-this the catch?"

S: "Does Jaime know _not_ to mess with the controls while it’s being piloted?"

A: "Probably not; _still_ a dick move though."

And take a guess at _what happened_.

Flat looks were offered to the screen from _everyone_ , as literally _all_ the prisoners were released.

E: "This counts as a dick move, right?"

K: "To say the least."

A: "If I were Coop, I’d fucking _boot_ Jaime from the top of the robot, friend or not."

S: "So they pretty much just released several dozen _Angels_ into New Jersey. What the _hell_ do they do _now_?"

M: "Cram t-them back in before they turn New J-Jersey into a _parking lot_. A-Again."

Coop broke the cartridge in an attempt to stop it.

M: "…To _amend_. _Fix_ the Atari c-cartridge _then_ cram the prisoners b-back in before they level New J-Jersey."

R: "Thing is, if he did that _earlier_ , several of the prisoners would have been _disabled_. And the one that _did_ get bisected was a _robot_ anyway."

A: "What I’m getting from this is they’re pretty much _fucked_."

K: " _New Jersey_ would be, at least."

Indeed, New Jersey was well and truly _fucked_ , a montage playing of the city being converted into the largest parking lot outside of Texas.

E: "Should I make it worse by saying _Grrkek’s_ gonna break out of that?"

A cut to Grrkek suggested just that.

A: "God damn it Jaime!"

_Return To Sender_ **(13:25)**

Coop appeared rather _peeved_ , as he began doing something.

S: "I’m sure _I’d_ be angry as well, if that happened."

A: "You know _we_ wouldn’t do _anything_ like that."

E: "At least _intentionally_."

K: "It wasn’t even _intentional_. Grossly _negligent_ , perhaps."

R: "Which _we_ would not be."

M: "Seems kinda _e-expected_ , I’d think. Don’t touch the w-weird buttons."

He _separated_ a prisoner into _two_ prisoners, another robot getting blinded by Kiva’s bling shortly afterwards.

A: "I wonder just how much _worse_ he is making this, with what’s going on."

R: "As previous episodes have shown, things can _always_ get worse."

It was now Megas vs Mechagodzilla.

M: "Kinda l-looks like a metal _porcupine_ , that r-robot."

S: "I wonder if those trillion year old aliens knew what a porcupine was."

K: "Considering Earth did not exist until around _four billion_ years ago."

R: "Perhaps an _alien_ porcupine."

Either way, this metal porcupine was stabbed with an MTV broadcast tower.

E: "For being criminals bad enough to justify eternal digital imprisonment, they’ve all been rather _easy_."

Perhaps in reply to Eliza, _another_ criminal robot appeared, this one with the ability to cloak themselves.

E: "I shouldn’t have said that."

Said invisible robot began having its way with the Megas.

A: "Something _else_ I just noticed. Most of the prisoners are _robots_. Can’t they just melt them into _scrap_ or something?"

R: "They most likely saw it in a similar light to _execution_. Considering robots can be _sentient_ in this scenario."

M: "Man t-they’ve _really_ taken the moral high ground w-with them all, haven’t they?"

K: "Instead choosing to imprison them for almost _two trillion years_ in a digital prison, where Grrkek implied he was still _aware_."

S: "And look where it’s gotten them."

A: "I know _I’d_ prefer the execution if it got to that stage."

Coop thought to just fire _everything_ in _all_ directions, actually managing to _hit_ this invisible robot and shooting it down. "That actually _worked_?"

K: "I wonder if the cloak covered their _heat signature_."

_Pile_ **(15:50)**

All the robots and other prisoners were thrown onto the same pile.

A: "Coop’s doing pretty good at _executing_ them, at least."

R: "Finishing off what the alien civilisation could _not_ do."

He even finished off the bisected robot.

M: "That’s j-just putting it out of its misery, at that point."

E: "There’s still the pressing issue of _Grrkek_."

S: "And actually doing _something_ with the prisoners."

K: "If they really _are_ finished, you would not _need_ the cartridge."

Coop thought this as well, compressing all the prisoners into a _ball_ and throwing it into the sea.

A: "It didn’t _sound_ like they were finished."

M: "Out of _sight,_ out of _m-mind_."

E: "Throwing it into _orbit_ might’ve done something more effective."

A: "Or the _sun_."

R: "The water may short out the robots, who would _not_ be waterproof after the damage."

S: "Which would leave the other aliens to _drown_."

K: "They _may_ know how to swim."

A: "Well, if it’s good enough for _this_ show." She shrugged.

E: "Grrkek."

A: "Oh, right."

As if on cue, Grrkek finished his regeneration.

M: "Yeah, I t-think they’re right about that not being an _option_ , a-anymore."

S: "A part of me doubts they _know_ how to swim."

R: "Good luck _throwing_ him into the ocean."

_Ultimate Showdown of Ultimate Destiny_ **(17:40)**

And so, Grrkek and Megas met face to face.

R: "Bold as ever."

M: "It’s a N-New Jersey thing."

S: "So _how_ are they gonna solve this?"

E: "Throwing them into the sun might work."

A: " _Lasers_ is what got him this size in the first place. They throw him into the sun, it might make him the size _of_ the sun!"

E: "And thing is, that might actually _happen_."

K: "Bit of a predicament, it seems."

R: "If only they had the Lance of Longinus."

Grrkek foot meet Megas.

A: "Did he really make a _yo mama_ joke?"

K: "No wonder Grrkek reacted as he did."

Both Grrkek and Megas began making their own handheld balls of energy, Megas’ blowing up in its face.

M: "I’d _s-say_ they were ripping off Dragonball, but they’ve d-done that _already_. Hey, _you guys_ could do D-Dragonball stuff, right?"

R: "Possibly." With a small chuckle. "The AT-Field is rather _diverse_."

A _different tactic_ resulted in Megas getting tail whipped.

S: "They could certainly _use one_."

E: "Whatever happened to that _energy shield_ that apparently existed on these mechs?"

A: "You think Coop could _work_ that?"

E: "Considering he reverse engineered an almost two trillion year old digital prison cartridge using a blender and a tape player, yes."

Yet more attempts at attacking Grrkek resulted in less than stellar results.

K: "You can’t fault him for _trying_."

M: "He’s l-like a _flea_ to Krrgek."

R: "Might have something to do with the _nuclear fusion_ he is doing."

A: "He’s gotta destroy the planets _somehow_."

S: "Good thing _we_ didn’t face any Angel like this."

K: "I’m sure _Ramiel_ could’ve done something like this if she wanted to."

_Cooldown_ **(19:30)**

Coop went into _another_ spiel.

R: "This battle is almost over."

E: "I’m thinking that whole _cooling down_ might come into play."

S: "Do you think he’s _solar powered_?"

A: "Nah, Cartoon Network already _did_ that with Reggie."

M: "You came u-up with that nickname for them just t-then, eh?"

A: "Yeah, and I’m kicking myself I didn’t come up with it when it was relevant!"

K: "Here’s hoping Coop can do some revenge via _proxy_ , then."

This monologue was interrupted by the sudden appearance of a _tsunami_.

A: "…Okay, didn’t expect _that_."

R: "I did not know New Jersey was in Japan."

S: "This _is_ a mecha."

E: " _Pacific Rim_ wasn’t set in Japan, at least the _first_ one."

K: "Hong Kong was still flooded after Second Impact."

M: "Who e-even _caused_ that?"

Grrkek and Megas was swamped, the water rapidly approaching an ignorant Goat.

A: "Bit more than _rain_ is likely, I reckon."

R: "Maybe throwing a _heavy_ ball of criminals into the ocean has some _consequences_ , Mari."

S: "I’m kinda impressed Goat _stayed_ there."

E: "Looks like this sudden tsunami _worked_ , at least."

K: "It’s rather _fascinating_ how several of the problems _and_ solutions are caused by Coop’s _ignorance_. If he took our suggestion to throw them into orbit, this would not have happened."

A: "You don’t have to ask _me_ twice about incorporating this show into our moves."

Now holding a massively _reduced_ Grrkek in its grasp, Coop further rubbed salt into the wound.

R: "And this is where the aforementioned _execution_ would have been useful, cruel it may sound."

A: " _We_ would’ve killed him on the spot had he done this shit in our world, Rei. We wouldn’t even _think_ about it; just another giant Kaiju coming to wreck our shit."

Coop came up with perhaps an even _crueler_ solution.

Much to the amusement of the gathered. "Oh God, d-did he trap Grrkek in a _kid’s g-game_?"

S: "At least Coop’s _friend_ is enjoying this."

E: "It ought to serve as a more effective _prison_ , as well. Now no one will _mistake_ it as a video game."

K: "It _is_ a video game."

A: "That’s worse than prison _or_ execution!"

R: "Hence _why_ Coop entrapped him there, I would think."

Kiva certainly wasn’t complaining.

A: "Aww they got her back in her _regular_ clothing."

M: "Would’ve been t-too _expensive_ for Cartoon Network to do more t-than one set of clothes."

S: " _Our_ show was made on a _shoestring_ and we were all still in different _clothes_."

R: "Some of you, at least. I had around three sets of clothing."

E: "I don’t think _nude_ counts as a set of clothing, Rei."

K: "It does to _her_." With a small smirk.

R: "You are lucky I _love_ you, stupid fish."

And with a pan out of the flooded Jersey City, the episode ended.

"Y’know, t-that’s how it looks like _nowadays_."

"And people still _live_ there?"

"I _did_ s-say they were stubborn, didn’t I?"

"They probably call it _waterfront property_." Jabbed Asuka.

"That’s more a _N-New York_ thing." Mari scoffed. "Keeps the p-property prices high."

"The flooding made it _more_ expensive." Eliza unbelievably repeated to herself.

"That’s just A-America for you."

"Considering _we_ abandoned Tokyo-1 after Second Impact."

"The nuclear bombing wouldn’t help." Kaworu spoke. "Some people may be willing to live on _waterfront apartments_ , less people are willing to live in _irradiated_ waterfront apartments."

"They’re aren’t even gonna _be_ apartments around Jersey City if that _ball_ gets moving again." Asuka noted, looking to the credits.

Before it zoomed out.

"Ahh it’s j-just _Philly_."

What followed was the _destruction_ of Philadelphia.

"Amazing how it looks _exactly_ like Jersey City."

"This show has me convinced America is constantly in _twilight_."

"It _does_ l-look very yellow at times, doesn’t it?" With a short chuckle. "Rest a-assured the only place in America where there may b-be longer than usual twilights is _A-Alaska_. But that’s m-mainly due to the whole _being n-north_ they have going on."

"Even so, it would not be as long as a regular day or night."

"Nah. M-Maybe it’s just _smog_ , then."

"With all the _cars_ around, could be plausible."

"And also the _giant robot_ running around Jersey City. I’m sure _that_ puts out _plenty_ of exhaust."

The next episode started soon after.

~~~

** 2.8: Dude, Where's My Head? **

_Service_ **(00:00)**

We open up to a yellow coupe, just outside the garage of Coop.

A: "He’s not swapping _that_ onto Megas, is he?"

M: "I _hope_ n-not. Going from a Barra t-to a _Gremlin_ is quite the _d-downgrade_. At least I _think_ it’s a G-Gremlin."

R: "The lawyer friendly version, perhaps."

Mari snickered.

S: "It’s an _RC car_ anyway!"

K: "At least he’s not driving the _actual_ car, with his boredom."

E: "Why is the Barracuda off the Megas anyway?"

A: "Servicing?" She shrugged. "And if Jaime is _bored_ , I’m sure Coop has _plenty_ of things he could mess with."

M: "Maybe he h-has _chronic boredom_."

S: "With how he’s like, you can certainly _think_ that."

It cut to their _training_.

R: "How _helpful_ of the demolitions company to give a prompt to the Megas."

K: "It wouldn’t surprise me if the citizens of Jersey City saw the Megas as a point of _pride_."

E: "Probably why America’s NERV’s in Massachusetts."

M: "Having the _b-best_ technical college in America would h-help that decision, as w-well."

Now it was the _hydraulic_ stress test.

A: "I wonder if _Goat_ would get upset Coop crushed his crusher."

S: "Did he even _need_ a crusher in the first place?"

Then the hydro resistance. "Hold on, _why_ was water spelt wrong the _first_ time but not _now_?"

M: "I t-thought it was just _shortened_. Then a-again, _hydraulic_ was also a b-bit misspelled."

R: "A part of me suspects _spelling_ is not their priority."

A: " _Continuity_ doesn’t seem to be a priority of Cartoon Network, as well."

Jaime’s overly specific thought resulted in a transition to the Glorft, doing exactly what he suggested.

E: "He’s got a _knack_ for making things worse, doesn’t he?"

K: "It appears the Glorft are going for the _Mechagodzilla_ approach."

M: "The _Megas_ is a m-mecha _anyway_!"

S: "They _really_ want the Megas back, don’t they?"

A: "Even though they could probably use _this_ Mechamegas anyway." A beat passed. "Well _that’s_ a stupid name for it."

R: "They _may_ offer us a name for this system. If not, Mechamegas will have to suffice."

M: "The Glorft d-didn’t get the _Barra_ part of M-Megas right."

E: "I would not _think_ they’d go down to an Earth junkyard specifically to steal a pony car."

S: "Maybe the _car_ aspect is what gives Megas all its power?"

A: "If _that’s_ why, then we _should_ stick cars on our Evangelion! We’d do even _better_ in battle!"

_Mod_ **(02:40)**

M: "N-Never thought I’d see _that_ referenced."

R: "What does the title reference?"

M: "Some o-obscure direct to cassette film 20th Century Fox r-released a decade or so ago. Wasn’t as b-bad as I thought it’d be, but _no one_ k-knows about it."

E: "Does it tell you what this episode will entail?"

M: "Yep. Not s-spoiling it, though."

Coop revealed the newest modification to his Plymouth Barracuda.

S: "That’s a _surprising_ amount of effort put in for something so _minor_."

A: "What’s so bad about bending the straw _yourself_?"

K: "Not to mention such position would most likely change as you drink it anyway."

E: "I wonder what _Mama_ would think of that modification."

A: "She’d probably have an _aneurysm_!"

All of a sudden, Jaime found his weakness.

A girl he liked.

R: "I would say he was _right_ to be scared of her, with his _previous_ history with girls."

K: "He did well in the _second episode._ "

M: "The l-literal _bags_ of money would’ve h-helped."

A: "That girl certainly _looks_ like she can hit back if she wanted to."

S: "Thing is, that’s what _we_ thought. Don’t try anything, or you might get hurt."

E: "Hedgehog’s dilemma."

A: "A classic."

Coop _not_ being a hedgehog, despite the hairstyle, called over to the girl.

R: "Well, it looks like Jaime does not have a _say_ in this."

M: "In a s-situation like _this_ , you can’t really t-tell if he did it out of _kindness_ or o-out of something _else_."

K: "Depends how it _goes_."

_Fast Car_ **(03:30)**

Pleasantries were exchanged.

A: "Wow, he didn’t immediately _fuck it_."

Before the girl found herself _interested_ in the Barra.

M: "Ah! N-Nothing like a good car to get someone _interested_!"

S: "Just another example of that _car culture_."

E: "This show has been nothing _but_ a showcase of American car culture."

M: "What c-can we say? We _love_ cars. And you c-can’t beat classic Americana like that, as w-well."

R: "Of course, when you are _not_ an American."

S: "So she just _goes_ with him? It’s not even _his_ car!"

K: "I’m sure _Coop_ would allow him to drive it. Being a good friend and all that."

R: "Rather similar to what _I_ got up to. Help push two or three people together."

A: "Maybe Coop’s a _Nephilim_."

E: "If anything, _Jaime_ has the skin tone for it."

M: "So that c-chick’s just _standing_ there while Jaime begs for t-the car. I wouldn’t s-say _that_ was a good impression."

A brief montage of all the times Jaime was there for Coop played.

S: "How does he not even go to _his own_ birthday party?!"

A: "Man, Jaime’s a bit of an _asshole_ , ain’t he?"

R: "The past few episodes have not been kind to him, that is certain."

K: "And yet, Coop _still_ allows him to drive the car."

E: "Because Coop’s actually a _good_ friend. He’s a glutton and prone to laziness, but you can’t deny he’s _bright_ and _kind_."

M: "Those kinda s-seem _prerequisites_ for p-piloting a giant robot."

A: " _I’m_ certainly no glutton."

Jaime and company were now _in_ the Barra, Jaime making small talk.

R: "I wonder if he even _knows_ how to drive a manual vehicle."

A: "Does he even have a _license_ , first of all?"

S: "I’m surprised he’s even gotten _this_ far with her, honestly."

K: "You saw how _Misato_ reacted to Kaji’s Commodore, right?"

Almost backing into Coop, Jaime soon got it in gear and drove off.

Scraping the rear fender as he drove away. "Yeah _he’s_ not gonna be happy about that."

E: "Perhaps that was a _mistake_."

S: "Especially if the _Glorft_ decide to attack. Which they probably _will_."

_Dude, Where’s My Car?_ **(04:50)**

Kiva came out of the house, drinking _something_.

M: "What _was_ t-the specs of that Commodore?"

K: "Six litre V8 diesel-lithium battery hybrid sedan."

M: "…See, _half_ of t-that sounds good."

A: "Just wait ’til you _ride_ in it, Mari."

Before she noticed the discernible _lack_ of a car.

E: "I’m just amazed it can still _function_ as a car, after all the mods Coop did to it."

S: "You never know when you _need_ a car like that."

R: "Consider it was a _scrapyard_ vehicle, as well."

It cut to the scrapyard vehicle. "Damn he r-really _doesn’t_ know how to drive s-stick."

A: "He hasn’t _stalled_ it yet, at least. It’s just being _jumpy_."

K: "I wonder if she sees through what he’s saying."

E: "I don’t think she _does_."

Back to a very _angry_ Kiva.

A: " _I_ certainly wouldn’t let Jaime borrow my car."

S: "Not like we _have_ cars to begin with."

M: "Maybe this’ll _inspire_ y-your future choice of cars, then."

R: "I should get a _Hummer_." She joked. "It will need modification so it fits in a _single_ lane, however."

A: "You’d be the _last_ person I imagine driving a car like _that_ , Rei."

R: "Exactly."

Lacking an appropriate vehicle, it cut to _Coop’s_ idea of training.

E: "I would’ve thought he would’ve come up with a _redundant_ cockpit. Even _if_ it wasn’t a particularly eye-catching car."

S: "And we know that junkyard had _plenty_ of cars."

M: "Man Kiva’s r-really _sucking_ at that game."

R: "Helps she is not _trying_."

_Joyride_ **(06:05)**

Back to the Barra.

A: " _She_ doesn’t seem very interesting in that kinda business."

M: "I think t-this is called 'revealing your p-power level'."

K: "It _is_ an interesting decision, to reveal the fact you fight aliens on the first date."

E: "Something _you guys_ wouldn’t do. Though who am I kidding, you guys wouldn’t _date_."

R: "We are _already_ in our ideal relationships, after all." With a small smile.

S: "A good thing, too. I’d be a complete wet fish with that business."

A: "Kinda like _Jaime_ , eh? Good thing you have someone like _me_ that understands ya."

All the while, Coop and Kiva were still _training_.

M: "He s-should _not_ have said that."

R: "She is the _last_ person that needs a handicap."

E: "I would’ve thought he knew better than that, at this point."

Kiva found this almost _inspirational_ , in a way, now actually putting _effort_ into this 'training'.

A: "Well, if his plan was to rile her up, it sure _worked_."

K: "We know it can work for _you_."

A: "Yeah, and I _already_ said she was kinda like me. A bit more _bronzed_ and green eyed than I am, but I suppose I could just get a _tan_."

Kiva ultimately won. "Hell yeah!"

Before an explosion rattled their house.

E: "I would recommend Jaime get back. Quickly."

M: "And of _c-course_ Coop takes that opportunity to _rig_ t-things a bit."

The lot chuckled at Kiva’s flat look towards Coop’s query. "Who else _could_ it be?"

And without a cockpit, the Megas was deployed.

E: "So exactly _how_ are they going to control the Megas _without_ a cockpit?"

M: "Cross s-some _wires_ together, maybe?"

K: "Hopefully Goat has a spare car he can offer."

_Attack_ **(07:30)**

Mechamegas showed itself.

A: "Hopefully Goat can offer this spare _quickly_."

R: "I doubt you can just _attach_ any old car to the Megas and expect it to work."

E: "Coop obviously designed it with _modularity_ in mind. I would’ve expected the car to be _hard wired_ into Megas."

S: "Shows he’s forward thinking, at least."

K: "Not forward thinking enough to design _backup_ cockpits." Before they got a better look at Mechamegas. "Well look at that, they _did_ make it look like a car."

M: "They g-got the _secret_!"

Doing what the Glorft do best, it started demolishing Jersey City.

A: "I wouldn’t _think_ this would make for a good _date_."

S: "Depends on the person, I’d think."

Asuka snorted. "Maybe someone like _us_ would consider it a good date, being able to _destroy_ a villain from afar."

K: "The girl Jaime was with seemed open to that sort of activity."

E: "I’m sure _actually_ getting in a situation like that would be different."

M: "Man t-they even got the _pinup girl_ h-he had on the legs."

A: "I wonder if it’s even a _girl_."

R: "Or if they _have_ sexes as we know them."

S: "MTV can’t catch a break, can they?"

K: "Almost makes you think there’s some _bias_ somewhere."

M: "I like h-how their technical difficulties screen s-shows the _Megas_."

E: "Almost _all_ of their recent technical issues have been caused at least _tangentially_ by the Megas."

A: "How do they still believe it’s _Coop_?!"

R: "It is evident this is what _Coop_ does anyway."

M: "You k-know what they said. Only a _New Jersian_ can d-destroy Jersey City."

S: "I wouldn’t _think_ constantly destroying the city would be particularly _good_."

K: "Makes the _construction industry_ happy, at least."

A: "You’d think Jersey was comprised of nothing _but_ construction workers."

R: "If the average New Jersian is like _Coop_ , that may be likely."

_No Head_ **(08:45)**

And so the Megas was deployed.

With no head. " _That’s_ gonna be a problem."

K: "It’d be like deploying an Evangelion without a plug."

A: "Which didn’t stop _Commander_ _Asshole_ , at least in the Laserdiscs."

S: "Deploying them with dummy plugs _might as well_ be like that."

M: "They l-like an _autopilot_ system or something?"

R: "More or less. The former commander mapped my brainwaves in an attempt to create an autonomous Evangelion. Key word _attempt_."

A: "They fucking _sucked_."

E: "I’m surprised Coop _thought_ of redundant controls."

K: "Which is running off a car battery."

S: "And _fire_."

Coop fiddled with the controller, Megas moving once more.

R: "May just be me, but a _paddle_ seems like a poor choice of controller for a giant robot."

A: "As long as he can still _fight_ , it shouldn’t matter _that_ much."

M: "He’s _really_ making it h-hard on _Kiva_ , ain’t he."

E: "Most of this series could be summarised as 'the suffering of Kiva'."

Back to Jaime’s world threatening date. "The quicker _that_ falls apart, the quicker the _world_ can be saved."

K: "Seems he listened to some _advice_ from Goat."

A: "I _suppose_ that’s accurate enough. _I_ certainly didn’t mind learning more about Shinji."

It was _what_ he revealed about himself that the gang found questionable.

S: "I’m not sure _what_ to be concerned about." He thought, Kiva hooking up the CB radio. "The fact that _happened_ to him, or the fact she’s sounds _interested_."

A: "Any reaction to that short of _disgust_ is cause for concern, Shinji."

R: "It can be rather _fascinating_ what attracts two people. If this is what she prefers, who are _we_ to judge?"

M: "Rather l-lucky on _Jaime’s_ part, at l-least. Finding someone all _a-appreciative_ and understanding."

The TV on the dash started showing Kiva’s face

K: "Of course, there _are_ moments to go on dates. In the midst of a battle does _not_ seem like one of them."

E: "In his defence, he doesn’t yet _know_ of the threat. And I can’t believe I’m _defending_ him."

He turned the TV off, despite Kiva’s objections.

S: "And he’s not going to _know_ of this threat now!"

E: "Okay, _that_ I can’t defend."

_Mechamegas vs Megas_ **(11:00)**

The enemy Mechamegas showed itself to the Megas. " _Gods_ what a stupid name."

R: "It is the only name we have until they _actually_ name the Mechamegas."

Coop and Kiva took the liberty to name Mechamegas… Mechamegas.

A: "Oh my God that’s _actually_ the name of it."

K: "I thought _we_ were the vaguely clairvoyant ones, Asuka." In jest.

M: "At l-least the Glorft didn’t c-copy it _completely_. Paint job’s different, f-for one."

S: "I can see a few _other_ differences, as well."

A: "Doesn’t _look_ as good, I’d think."

E: "Maybe the Glorft can’t afford _paint_."

The Megas was toppled by an energy blast, Kiva barely making it inside.

R: "They can not afford paint, but they can afford laser energy weaponry."

M: "Where _do_ t-they get all the _infrastructure_ for all those weapons?"

S: "Would their _ships_ have some?"

K: " _Limited_ facilities at best, I would think."

A: "This is what you call _limited_."

E: "Mind you, Kiva went back here in the first place _because_ the Glorft had the upper hand."

R: "And yet they have been continuously defeated by a New Jersey native."

K: "With a mecha _stolen_ from the Glorft in the first place."

Bucking the trend, the Megas did _not_ win against the Mechamegas.

S: "I think Coop should’ve spent a bit more _time_ developing the secondary cockpit."

A: "And maybe _not_ use a trackball and paddle setup?"

_Override_ **(12:40)**

Jaime’s current bird noticed the convertible roof.

E: "And now we can see how he messes _this_ up."

A: "There _are_ a lot of buttons in there. I’m sure _one_ of them is that."

S: "If Coop and Kiva are lucky, the 'defeat Glorft' button still works on that."

It wasn’t exactly the 'defeat Glorft' button, but whatever Jaime clicked resulted in them _overriding_ the controls of the Megas.

M: "Well, _that’s_ b-bad."

Rockets fired into the face of Mechamegas.

M: "…Or _not_?"

R: "However _unintentional_ it was, it _does_ help the Megas."

K: "If only they added such thing in the _secondary_ control station."

Jaime doing what he does best, he started hitting random buttons.

The gang couldn’t help but burst out laughing at Gorrath’s face at just _what_ the Megas was doing. "Yeah that’s about the reaction I _would_ expect."

E: "He legitimately looks _concerned_ about all this."

M: "I think t-that’s the _first_ time he’s shown any e-emotion _other_ than anger."

S: "I don’t think he knows what to _do_."

R: "Who _would_ , Shinji? Perhaps he is thinking his attempted freezing of the Megas _resulted_ in this apparent malfunction."

The Megas started grinding up the road, an elderly woman in a Volkswagen Beetle driving into the resulting chasm from a traffic light. "How did she not _see that_?"

M: "She’s p-probably as old as that _car_ , A-Asuka."

K: "I wonder if Gorrath is going to _do_ something? Especially now the Megas appears to be _bashing their head in_."

E: "They don’t _have_ a head."

K: "You get what I mean."

_Distraction_ **(14:30)**

Gorrath grew tired of the distraction, as Jaime _finally_ got the roof down.

A: "Literally _all_ the buttons later!"

E: "Perhaps Coop needs to invest in a _label maker_."

M: "That’s the t-thing, some of them _are_ labelled."

Further distracting Jaime and his bird from their plans of a movie, the Megas flew in front of them.

R: " _Now_ he knows."

S: "No he doesn’t." Muttered Shinji, as Jaime thought otherwise.

_Gorrath_ knew _exactly_ what that car was.

K: "I suspect their date is going to get somewhat _worse_."

A: "Alien attacks tend to do that."

Understandably scared _shitless_ at the giant Mechamegas trying to grab them, Jaime put pedal to metal and _booked it_.

R: "She is rather _brave_."

A: "She’d make a good _pilot_ , I reckon."

Following shortly behind the Mechamegas was the regular mecha Megas, still controlled by Jaime as Coop’s desperate posturing made clear.

S: "I mean, _I’d_ certainly think it were understandable if someone was _frightened_ by all that."

A: "Didn’t Misato pick you up under _Angel attack_ in her damn _Renault_?"

M: "I’d be m-more scared of the _Renault_ m-myself."

R: "Perhaps I should stick Misato’s car onto an Evangelion. The sheer audacity of using a French vehicle as a control mechanism would _surely_ strike fear into the hearts of our enemies."

E: "Our enemy would not _know_ what’s so bad about a Renault. _I_ don’t know what’s so bad about a Renault."

A: "Notoriously unreliable, even for _other_ French cars like Peugeot and Citroen. That’s why I always find _Misato’s_ car kinda weird for her."

S: "Maybe it was the _engine_ that was unreliable in them. Misato’s car is _electric_ , isn’t it?"

K: "Which she said was modified by _Renault_."

A: "You’ve _heard_ how bad the motor in her car is, right? And the fact they didn’t even bother changing the _gear shifter_ to accompany the fact it has no _gearbox_?"

M: "They _r-removed_ the gearbox in an EV mod c-car?"

S: "Don’t _need_ one, right?"

M: "Yeah, but in _America_ there’s a _l-lot_ of hoops you have to jump t-though if you do that. Most p-people and companies just k-keep the stock transmission and drivetrain."

R: "France and Japan must have different _regulation_ , compared to America."

A: "The fact your _indicators_ are all incorrect isn’t proof of that enough."

_Parking Lot_ **(16:15)**

Jaime _finally_ found safe harbour in a carpark complex, attempting to play it cool with his bird.

K: "I wouldn’t think it _wise_ to take refuge in a _building_ like that."

R: "I do not think his partner is as brave as we thought."

E: "Thing is, it actually _worked_ in hiding from Gorrath."

It worked in _distracting_ Gorrath as well, Megas _punching_ it into a building.

S: "See, I don’t know what _should_ be priority in that situation. Controls or the _robot itself_?"

M: "Destroying _either_ w-would cancel out the other, I’d t-think. Of course, there’s s-still the _other_ control method the Megas h-has."

A: "A _car_ is also an _easier_ target, compared to a giant robot."

Gorrath didn’t think so, easily taking down the still beleaguered Megas.

K: "It’s a good thing they _just so happen_ to be by the same car park Coop’s car is parked in."

Upon seeing the Megas being taken for salvage, Jaime decided to _get mad_ , driving up to the roof. "Well _that’s_ a first for him."

R: "A good thing, Shinji. The power of friendship manifest."

A: "Is he planning to jump _on_ to the Megas with that car?"

E: "They don’t have _too_ many more options, Asuka."

M: "I’d be surprised if t-they got through the _concrete_ they’re f-facing."

Jaime put his foot down.

Landing on the Megas… bouncing off and landing in the hand of _Mechamegas_.

There were but a few moments of silence as the gang processed this. "Well _that_ went well!"

R: "At least he _tried_. Everyone is going to die, but at least they can say they _tried_."

Ever the gentleman, Jaime clambered over his bird, inadvertently activating the _atomic disruption cannon_. "Why was that button on _her_ side of the car?" Rei queried.

E: "You could question _any_ of those buttons, really."

_High Beam_ **(19:10)**

In a comedy of successes, the car reunited with the Megas.

A: "That _actually_ went well!"

S: "Now to kick ass?"

Asuka couldn’t help but beam brightly at Coop’s mandatory pre-asskicking speech. "Now to kick ass!"

And indeed, Coop began kicking ass. And it was good.

K: "I think it’s a thing in these shows, that human character will _always_ triumph over the alien."

M: "Yeah, t-that’s common in America."

E: "Even in _Japanese_ shows. Almost all the shows we’ve seen have been about humanity _succeeding_ over an alien of some sort."

R: "Or perhaps _suffering_ , in the case of Madoka."

K: "You could posit that Madoka’s actions _were_ humanity succeeding over the incubators, breaking the law of cycles as she did."

M: "That’s all _m-massive_ spoilers for that s-show, ain’t it."

A: "You wouldn’t have known it _existed_ if we hadn’t mentioned it then, Mari."

M: "Fair, f-fair."

Like they were a pair of feuding wizards, Mechamegas and Megas began duelling energy beams.

R: "They _do_ seem rather evenly matched."

K: "Megas _was_ created by the Glorft. It makes sense they could make it _again_."

M: "I don’t think t-those headlights are DMV a-approved."

A: "I don’t think Coop gives a _shit_ about what the DMV has to say."

Coop triumphed over the Mechamegas by activating the _high beams._

E: "I’d say that was a _good thing_."

A: "And now to _finish it off_!"

Coop jumped high, and ended up cutting _both_ arms of the Mechamegas clean off, before taking one and _batting_ the head of Mechamegas with it like it were _baseball_.

Much to the giggling of Asuka. " _Fuck_ that was good."

Both Jaime _and_ his bird ended up spewing over the side of the car.

S: "I don’t think _they_ would say the same thing, Asuka."

M: "They r-really _are_ alike."

~

And with the promise of tacos (that Jaime and his bird were _not_ too enthused by), the episode wrapped up.

"I wouldn’t think there were tacos at the _bottom of the ocean_." As the credits depicted Megas walking into said ocean. "At least we know the _name_ of the person Jaime went out with."

"Gina’s n-not so bad a name."

"Perhaps she will play a bigger part in this show from now on."

"Depends if she got past the whole _Megas_ thing."

"I can _see_ how that could be a turn off for _some_ people, Shin-chan."

"Not for _you_ , obviously."

"Well _duh_ , I _pilot_ those damn things!"

"We _all_ pilot those things."

They were booted back to the menu.

"Are we still doing the sandwich thing?"

" _Now_ we are, thanks for reminding us Eliza!"

Eliza was flat faced, as Asuka and company got up

"Oh don’t look at me like _that_."

* * *

## 3\. Australis

Camera up, the _only_ cameraman of ABC New Albany was filming some B-Roll as their ship left the dock. "It’s really _only_ you."

"You’re lucky you even _got_ me, mate." He huffed. "Things are pretty _slow_ around here, if ya hadn’t noticed."

"Isn’t this place the _capital_?" The man prodded. "Of a reasonably successful post-Impact nation?"

A barked laugh. " _Capital_? Can a system as fucked as our even _have_ a single capital? I’d show you a map if I could, but there’s a reason we’re the Swan _Confederacy_ instead of the Swan _state_."

"You really thought calling your nation a _confederacy_ was a good idea?"

" _I_ didn’t come up with the name, mate. And a Yankee like _yourself_ can’t go casting stones about that now, can ya?"

"Fair enough." Muttering back. "What’s the _closest_ to a capital you guys have, then?"

"Probably _Kalgoorlie_. Last census had the population at almost 500 thousand so it’s definitely the _size_ of a capital. Not bad for a spot of sand some 800 kilometres inland, eh?"

"I’m not even going to ask _how_ it gets water." Concluding the current line of conversation, looking out over the slightly tinted water. "Name’s Spencer."

"Andrew. So what did me boss get me into?"

"Worst case scenario, a whole heap of shit. Best case scenario, a few days break."

An audible shrug. "I’ll take my chances with those odds."

Makinami couldn’t help but feel amused at the moxie of this man. "I would’ve assumed you’d be a bit more… _concerned_. A random from the States who bought a _satellite_ back with him on his first trip to Antarctica."

"Looking for shit _well_ beyond my pay-packet, yeah I know. But hey, that’s just how I see things. Something shitty happens to me, she’ll be right. Something _really_ shitty happens and I end up carking it, well it’s not really my _problem_ anymore, eh?"

Spencer looked on, not letting his thoughts show. At least on his face. "There were times in my life where I thought like that. That nothing else matters. Especially after I lost _everyone_."

"You and me both, mate." With a small sigh. "Folks died in the calamity when I was a kid. Never really got past that."

"Seems like just about _everyone_ was affected by Second Impact." A sad thought. "Ironic for me, _neither_ of the people I cared for passed as a _direct_ result."

"What about _indirect_?"

"I was getting to that."

"Heh. Shit’s fucked, ain’t it? Least _you_ can see the good in things."

"Took me a bit to _learn_ that."

"Maybe you can teach _me_ a thing or two about that, eh mate?"

Makinami huffed. "I can certainly _try_."

* * *


	3. CDE 3

* * *

## 1\. Fourscore

"How are you gonna beat _that_ with only _four_ portals, Sempai?" Questioned Maya, overlooking the shoulder of her beloved during a particularly slow moment in the day. "How many did _Kensuke_ do it in?"

"At _least_ a dozen." Idle musing, as she placed the first couple portals. "Can’t deny I’ve cut down from _that_ much."

"You used half your amount getting to the next room!"

A slight chuckle. "Remember what I said a while back? It’s not 0 or a negative."

"That was during _Iruel_ , right?"

Ritsuko blinked. "Yeah, bit _different_ to fighting Iruel, isn’t it."

"I mean, you’re _still_ fighting a crazy computer of some sort."

Third portal down. "I suppose you _could_ call Iruel a crazy computer." As she _threw_ a cube onto a button.

"How are you gonna get that _pellet_ where it needs to go, Sempai?"

"Don’t need to."

One more portal through the open door, kept open by said cube and _herself_ , and she was in the end zone.

Ritsuko couldn’t help but feel _proud_. "I can see why Kensuke _likes_ this sorta thing."

"Ah, I see Kensuke has brought you over to the _dark side_." Sing songed a particular _Commander_ , having snuck in a minute earlier.

The Sempai reacted to this as reasonably as _anyone_ would by pushing the CRT of the Whistler computer off the desk. "I wasn’t-"

Misato had a grin to rival the Cheshire Cat. "I knew you _liked_ that game, but I never thought you’d go ahead and _play_ it!"

Having thoroughly lost, Ritsuko could only pout. " _Fine_ , I admit it. It’s alright."

Much to Misato’s amusement. "Look on the bright side, Rits. At least I didn’t catch you two banging. _Again_."

"Is it really much better?"

"Yes it’s _much_ better." Interjected Maya.

"So _other_ than gaming on company time, what’s been up?"

A small huff, standing up and going to a nearby dot matrix printer. "The Magi have some findings about that apparent _Kleinium_ Eliza and us found."

Taking the _metres_ long page, the commander glanced over it. "Why do we _still_ have a dot matrix printer?"

"It works." Shrugged Ritsuko. "Those shiny fruit themed devices of yours are spoiling you too much, Misato."

"Hey, I think I _deserve_ some ease of use with my terminal, Rits. Not _everyone_ prefers text only interfaces like you two."

"So what do you think?" Getting back on track.

To which she furrowed her brow. "I know _some_ of these words."

Now _Ritsuko_ had the furrowed brow. "In short, yeah. It’s _Kleinium_. It essentially functions as Bond described, but the Magi expect synthesising any usable amount will not only take a magnitude of _months_ , it will use a _lot_ of energy at that."

"We power the entire facility on Unit-02 anyway, don’t we? I think we can spare the N2 reactors for such an experiment." The Commander put forward. "Though it might be a good idea to keep it relatively _hush hush_. We’re meant to be orienting ourselves towards more _consumer_ related stuff, ain’t we?"

"The Magi can pull much of the weight with the research, even if it’s somewhat less… _refined_." As if she didn’t want to insult her mother’s creation. "Though now we have _some_ details codified, we should be able to start _simulations_ of it."

"I don’t see why not. You’ve _already_ added oversized crowbars to the Eva sim."

"Oi, that was because I was feeling _nice_ to those two." She defended. "Plus, it’s even vaguely related to _Portal_ , per Kensuke’s findings."

"…Oh?"

From a large cabinet, Ritsuko found a spare CRT display. With it soon connected, she demonstrated the developers console of Portal, specifically a certain _impulse_.

"You can get _guns_ in Portal?"

"That was pretty much _my_ reaction." Mused the Kohai.

"But here’s the _interesting_ part about it." As she swapped over to the _Gravity Gun_. "Here is the _Zero Point Energy Field Manipulator_ , as it’s named."

"…That’s pretty much what _Kleinium_ does, right?"

"Yes." As she found a hapless turret to demonstrate on. " _Ionising_ the Kleinium results in _attraction_ from particular objects, based almost solely on their _graviton_ count. Something not _yet_ quantified is the Magi is how the size _of_ the Kleinium affects what it can pick up, but I imagine _Evangelion_ scale samples can easily pick up a small building."

"That… actually sounds really good. Even just for _cleanup duty_."

"Of course, you can also _repel_ with it, just apply a negative current like _so_." As she shot the turret across the room, it yelping and firing randomly.

Maya _also_ yelped at this.

"So this _video game_ has an actually _accurate_ video depiction of this new element _and_ the graviton."

"Yes."

"Y’know, I really shouldn’t be surprised our world is like this."

"It’s had _another_ consequence, as well. It’s got Kensuke infatuated with the concept of _Half Life 2_."

"…Is that a video game I should know of?"

"No, and _no one_ should know of it because _it_ _doesn’t exist_." As she tapped on the keyboard to emphasise. "Not even as _Rift material_. _But_ , we’ve come to the conclusion that Portal is _based_ off Half Life 2; Valve left a _lot_ of strange files in that are distinctly _not_ Portal related. Also the _lambda_ is a bit of an obvious sign, admittedly."

"What, they-"

"Made a masterpiece as a stocking stuffer, yeah I already noted that Misato."

"What about the _second_ Portal? Anything he could squeeze out of that?"

"Other than a depressing song?" Thought Maya.

"He _did_ actually find something _somewhat_ interesting. A dry dock. For a vessel known as the _Borealis._ "

"…That it?"

"Think about it, Misato."

So she did. "Wait, how the hell does _that_ work? Unless they had a _lake_ somewhere in Aperture."

"It was in _seventies_ Aperture."

"That makes even _less_ sense!"

"Kensuke at least _tried_ to make sense of it. Dry dock with _no water whatsoever_ anywhere _near_ it? They were obviously testing _teleportation_."

"…I mean, that’s a bit of a _stretch_ I’d think."

"Even for _our_ world, that’s possible." Maya thought aloud. "Those MP-Evangelion had to get here _somehow_ , and going through the Dirac could _still_ count as teleportation, from a certain point of view."

Misato grumbled. "So we have _another_ work where it’s accurate to our world. What next, a crazed computer trying to kill us?"

Ritsuko and Maya simply gave her a look that said 'you what'?

"Right, Sovereign." Scratching the back of her head. "Welp, I’ll let you get back to your video games." As she made a quick exit.

To which Ritsuko simply sighed. "Won’t be _too_ long now before that lot comes back."

"Yeah… Hey Sempai?"

"Yeah?"

"You think Eliza’s gonna react well to the Portals?"

"Yeah." With a small smirk, as she got back to using as few portals as possible. "I know she will."

~

"And that’s them formed." Asuka remarked, wiping her brow.

"Man, never thought bread could take this long to make."

"There’s a _reason_ bakers wake up at 4 in the morning, Shin-chan."

"What is next?"

"Letting it rise for _another_ two hours."

Rei’s face fell flat.

"Oh I know that _you_ , Eliza."

"Look on the bright side." Soothed Kaworu. "It allows us to watch _more_ Megas."

"I _suppose_ that’s a positive."

" _I_ t-think that’s a positive. I kinda _like_ t-that show." As they sat back down on the couch.

"I’m guessing it’s not really an _accurate_ representation of America."

"Nah. _New J-Jersey_ on the other hand."

"That’s probably the attitude Cartoon Network had to New Jersey."

"Oh t-they’d _love_ this show, Eliza. Trust me."

And with that, the next disc of Megas XLR started.

* * *

## 2\. Megas XLR

Character Key:

Shinji (S) Asuka (A)

Rei (R) Kaworu (K)

Eliza (E) Mari (M)

** 2.9: Bad Guy **

_watch_ **(00:00)**

A: "Good start."

R: "Consider even _our_ show started off with alarms on occasion."

Five members of a ripoff Power Rangers posse met. "Oh they’re r-ripping on _that_ now?"

E: "They _like_ doing that, it seems."

S: "I’m kinda _surprised_ you know about Super Sentai, Mari."

K: "Perhaps not _Super Sentai_ specifically."

M: "Yeah, it’s… _c-complicated_. It’s _kinda_ an a-adaptation?"

R: "More or less. The stories between Super Sentai and Power Rangers are more or less the same, and the action sequences are taken directly from Super Sentai. But the _story itself_ is completely redone by an American cast."

S: "…Huh. Did they think the Japanese actors wouldn’t be _relatable_ or something?"

M: "Maybe." She shrugged. " _I_ w-wouldn’t know; it would’ve been _easier_ if they j-just dubbed it over. Then again, maybe _that’s_ w-why it got as popular as it did."

A: "On the plus side, we can _all_ relate to what they’re ripping off this time around."

E: "Judging by the _green ranger_ , this parody is _still_ through an American lens."

M: "It’s a good t-thing you _have_ an American to help guide y’all."

Akin to Power Rangers, a giant floating head appeared to give orders.

S: "Why do I get the feeling _Coop’s_ gonna be this evil?"

A: "He _has_ destroyed New Jersey several times, Shinji. Of course, judging by _Mari’s_ reaction, maybe he should get a _medal of honour_ for such a thing."

Upon the pink ranger’s pleas, it cut to this 'horrible menace'.

R: "It appears you are right on the money, Shinji."

K: "Realistically, his actions _would’ve_ caught up to him eventually."

E: "This show is anything _but_ realistic. Odds are, it’ll be the _Super Sentai_ causing the most havoc this episode."

M: "One-upping _Coop_ s-seems kinda unrealistic to _me_."

A: "Seems we got the _conflict_ for this episode, eh?"

S: "I’m sure if they see the _Glorft_ , they’ll think twice about trying to defeat the _only_ thing standing between them and… well, _everything_."

K: "It’s all an _outside context_ issue. The S-Force don’t know the key details about Coop and the Megas. They only know what they can see."

E: "Of course, what they’ve _seen_ didn’t serve a good first impression."

_ocean eyes_ **(02:25)**

They found themselves in Atlantic City, New Jersey. "God _that_ looks like a dump."

M: "You should s-see it _nowadays_."

K: "I imagine it really _is_ an Atlantic city."

S: "And Coop’s at a _hot dog_ _eating_ contest?"

A: "They aren’t even _hot dogs_ at that point, they’re just eating processed meat!"

E: "Is the _meat_ itself a hot dog?"

R: "It may be called hot dog _meat_ , but it is not a _hot dog_."

Coop demonstrated the _heartbreaker_.

Resulting in Asuka and Shinji _gagging_. "That’s fucking _disgusting_!"

K: "I suppose _that’s_ why it’s called the heartbreaker."

M: "That much b-butter will utterly _cake_ your heart."

E: "Sounds like all the _Glorft_ have to do is _wait_."

S: "I wonder why they even _had_ a vat of butter in a hot dog eating contest. I thought that was _mustard_!"

R: "Perhaps it was for the hot dog _buns_ , which we have seen are apparently _optional_ in this contest."

M: "They really _shouldn’t_ b-be. Can’t have a hot dog w-without the _bun_ ; you’re just eating _f-frankfurters_ at that point."

K: "Maybe the butter also serves the function of allowing easier passage of the hot dog down the th-"

A: "Okay I get it!"

Her feelings weren’t helped when the show cut to a _well sized_ man chowing down ten hot dogs _at once_. "You guys don’t do _this_ in America, don’t you?"

M: "Not to _this_ e-extent. First of all, _no o-one_ would run a hot dog eating contest w-with _just_ the meat."

R: "Would not be the _first_ time Cartoon Network ignored the rules of such thing."

S: "What _counts_ as a hot dog, anyway?"

M: "Basic d-dog is the frankfurter in a long b-bun with a sauce of your choosing; mustard or k-ketchup or _both_ usually. Though you can have f-fun with it; my favourite was t-the _Oki Dog_."

K: "How was it made?"

M: "Two frankfurters on a f-flour tortilla, topped with chilli and p-pastrami and wrapped like a burrito."

A: "…That actually sounds _really_ _good_."

E: "It sounds better than whatever _those people_ are eating."

S: "I’m kinda _amazed_ Kobarushi has _eaten_ that much. Where is it all going?!"

R: "How many of those people just had _heart attacks_ doing this competition?"

M: "At least w-we can say they died doing w-what they loved."

K: "I think Coop is trying to throw Kobarushi off, with his tactics."

A: "It’s throwing _me_ off!"

It _worked_ , Kobarushi going off to void the contents of his stomach. "Oh that’s _dirty_!"

_you should see me in a crown_ **(04:20)**

R: "179 hot dogs in all. Rather _impressive_ , I would think."

S: "I wouldn’t even eat _three_."

E: "I’m sure _you_ could, Rei."

R: "Probably, if I was so inclined. It would be easy enough to process with the Solenoid."

A: "Maybe _that’s_ why Coop won!"

K: "We _have_ discussed the possibility he is Nephilim."

M: "Good to s-see he’s using those powers to good u-use."

And so he was crowned _Lord of the Large Pants_.

K: "I’m sure that _title_ would be rather _inaccurate_ for Kobarushi, had he won."

A: "It’d _still_ be inaccurate for _some_ of the people competing. They’d have to be crowned 'Lord of the _Extra Large_ Pants'."

Once he finished his hot dogs, Coop and company made their way back to the Megas.

M: "I don’t think t-this was the _best_ way to introduce K-Kiva to the _hot dog_."

S: " _How_ is he still _hungry_?"

K: "Nephilim."

As abrupt as they could be, the S-Force appeared.

M: "Oh my G-God it really _is_ Power Rangers."

K: "With cues from a Mahou Shoujo, as well."

R: "They all mix together after a while."

E: "That _pink ranger’s_ uniform seems rather _low cut_."

A: "Of course the _only_ _female ranger_ gets the more _skimpy_ uniform!"

M: "At least Power Rangers h-had them in the _same_ uniform. Even if it was s-still _pink._ "

S: "They like _posing_ , don’t they?"

Coop, understandably, was rather _confused_.

R: "I do not think looking like a _king_ would help his case."

K: "Once more, outside context. I doubt the S-Force _know_ what a hot dog eating contest is."

E: "Then again, it’s not _just_ the hot dog eating contest they find _concerning_."

A: "And you know what _doesn’t_ help? They aren’t even hearing them out!"

S: "Would _we_?"

Asuka blinked. "Y’know, probably not."

R: "I imagine _that_ was a major reason for Kaworu _not_ telling you two of his _status_ until he gained your trust."

_come out and play_ **(06:05)**

The S-Force surrounded Coop and Kiva.

K: "I wonder if Jamie will get to the Megas."

A: "If they even _need_ the Megas. Kiva might just kick _all_ their asses!"

S: "I know _you’d_ like that."

Black and Red Rangers were quickly knocked down.

R: " _I_ certainly like that, as well."

E: "Asuka’s been a good influence on you, it seems."

_Coop,_ of all people, knocked out the Green Ranger with a toy fish.

Much to the amusement of the gang, which only continued as the _Purple Ranger_ attempted to take down Coop.

M: " _Bug boy_ a-ain’t doing much."

K: "It’s all those _layers_."

Much like a bug, the Purple Ranger was smashed down.

A: "So these guys are meant to be protecting the universe, right?"

E: "They ain’t doing a good job." The computer output in deadpan. "And Jamie isn’t doing a good job at actually _helping_." As she realised he was cowering against a dumpster.

R: "There is _still_ an-"

The _Pink Ranger_ approached him, towering over him.

S: " _Bold move_ hitting on her."

K: "Lets see if it pays off."

A: "The payoff in _this_ case would be that he gets out of there without getting _gelded_."

It wasn’t exactly _that_ extreme, but the Pink Ranger _still_ pinned him with her high heels.

E: "He’s probably _into_ this."

R: "We _have_ seen him chasing women _stronger_ than him, or women that are otherwise _against_ the fold."

M: "Speaking of, what h-happened to that _Goth_?"

_i’ll be your animal_ **(07:10)**

She wouldn’t get an answer immediately, Coop starting the Megas up.

S: "The battle might as well be _over_."

A: "Depends what this _Zorp_ is. And _fuck_ that’s a stupid name for a mecha."

E: " _Will_ it be a mecha?"

M: "Power R-Rangers _do_ like their mecha."

Combining the best of Mahou Shoujo and Tokusatsu, the S-Force did their minute long power up sequence.

K: "Jamie's pretty bad at _reading_ , isn’t he?"

R: "I never took him for an avid scholar."

Just as Kiva predicted, the transformation sequence continued; a myriad of exotic animal mechas coalescing into one.

M: "I n-never understood _why_ they made their m-mechs into _creatures_."

S: "Can’t deny it’s _different_."

A: "Y’know, I probably _would_ get an animal mecha if I could."

K: "I believe the _form_ of the Evangelion is due to it being _close_ to human. Makes it easily translatable."

R: "Otherwise, you might not be able to _use_ it. Or worse, it _changes_ you."

E: "I don’t know what that _purple_ animal is meant to be."

M: "That’s a _k-kangaroo_ , ain’t it?"

A: "I should’ve _known_ that Purple Ranger was Australian from his inability to _speak_."

S: "They don’t _actually_ speak like that, do they?"

A: "Nah, they speak _English_ according to Kaji. Considering _England_ got their hands on it, makes sense."

Accordingly, Jamie and Coop broke into laugher at how the S-Force were playing this _completely straight._

K: "It _is_ rather difficult to take them seriously, admittedly."

R: "It is what happens in _Super Sentai_ , as well."

And with literally _one gesture_ , all five Zorps were slid aside.

Now the gang broke into laughter. "They can’t have been defeated _that_ easily, surely!"

Indeed they weren’t, the S-Force entering Super-ultradimensional Magno-extreme Robatoid Power Zorp. ~"What the hell _were_ those words?"

A: "A _salad_."

And so it transformed. "I-It’s a Gundam!"

R: "If anything, it is closer to _Voltron_."

_make 'em bow_ **(09:15)**

And so the Megas and the Word Salad Zorp met face to face.

K: "With all the time they spend monologuing, they could’ve _fought_ already."

E: "Coop _could_ attack them while they’re monologuing."

A: "At least with _our_ enemies, there’s not really a _point_ in monologuing."

R: "Not like many of them _would_ understand."

S: "Rather bold to say they’ve _never_ been defeated."

M: "Coop _likes_ t-that sorta attitude, if he’s any e-example."

A: "I’m sure there’s a difference between _bold_ and _cocky_."

R: " _Both_ could describe the same thing."

E: "It’s not even _boldness_ in the case of the S-Force."

The Zorp did their first attack, knocking Megas back and destroying a sand castle.

S: "Maybe _they_ shouldn’t get too cocky."

K: "Indeed. It’s apparent they can _still_ present a danger to the Megas."

R: "All of this is due to a _misunderstanding_ , anyway."

A: "More like the S-Force aren’t even _listening_ to Coop."

M: "If _you guys_ a-are anything to take from, that’s g-generally _what_ you do."

A: "Well, _yeah_ , but I’m sure _we_ would at least _try_ to negotiate about it. At least _after_ we’ve been jostled a bit."

Speaking of, the Megas was offered some _rocky road_ , crashing into an MTV building.

E: "Didn’t you guys _talk_ about having a 'shoot first' policy?"

A: "When facing _Angels_ , it’s generally a good idea to _have_ that kind of policy. And hey, _you_ can attest to this; when _Rogue-00_ attacked, we gave them _one chance_ to stand down before facing them."

Mari seemed to perk up, somewhat uncomfortable "…How did I respond?"

R: "Asuka threw a car at you to get your attention, and after issuing her ultimatum, you threw the same car back at us."

Mari felt… pretty _amused_ by that reaction. "Heh. I suppose _some_ p-parts of me were still the same."

_i’m the bad guy_ **(10:25)**

The battle began in earnest, the Zorp getting a face-full of _guitar_ before they _both_ took to the sky.

S: "At _this_ rate, they’re _both_ destroying New Jersey _equally_."

E: "Can’t deny the S-Force have been a competitive adversary thus far."

M: "At least _in_ t-the mecha."

Equal they were, Coop’s frustration at the fact evident to the gang.

A: "I can’t help but feel Kiva should’ve asked that question _earlier_."

R: "Thing is, he _did not_ anger them. They just saw his actions from outside the current context and assumed _he_ was evil."

S: "Just wait ’til they see the _Glorft_ and their _planet killer_."

E: "I’d _say_ they wouldn’t stand a chance against the Glorft, but considering _Coop_ has been doing well against them thus far."

R: "In a _Glorft_ prototype mecha."

E: "Fair point. They wouldn’t stand a chance against the Glorft."

Indeed, they played footage from the first episode.

S: "And _that’s_ why they decided to come help?"

M: "Just wait until t-they see him destroying _New Jersey_ a f-few times."

The hourglass in Coop’s head ticked over.

E: "So he only _just now_ realises he’s the bad guy?"

A: "He really should’ve realised that _earlier_ , with how _adamant_ the S-Force has been that they’re _evil_."

R: "Jamie of all people recognised that."

As Coop tried to explain himself, a booming voice rang out from the heavens above. "Oh _great_ , what now?"

K: " _Ender_. Perhaps their name is _accurate_."

R: "This is not going to help Coop’s case."

M: "Of _course_ their m-mortal enemy shows up _now_."

S: "I think _we_ know well; if it makes their lives more _difficult_ , that’s what’ll happen."

A: " _I’d_ say we’ve had a good bit of comfort recently."

E: "Helps you lot are on _vacation_."

R: "So are _you_."

_my lucifer is lonely_ **(11:50)**

In order to demonstrate he _was_ in fact the good guy, Coop accidentally fired missiles at the Word Salad Zorp, defeating the S-Force.

R: " _That_ problem is solved, at least."

M: "There’s just the s-small problem of _Ender_."

Speak of the devil, Ender began _praising_ the Megas.

S: "He’s not _helping_ their case, _that’s_ for sure."

A: "If _he_ couldn’t defeat the S-Force, he’s just as useless as _them_!"

E: "A good thing, if Coop and company are to defeat _him_ as well."

R: "I wonder if this is what happens when the universe gets technology from almost a _millennium_ into the future."

K: "Then again, the universe as a whole has had rather _advanced_ technological progress since almost _two trillion years ago_. Other than _Earth_."

A: "Why are _we_ the backwater in this show?"

M: "Maybe the o-only impression the universe got of us was _N-New Jersey._ Which, yeah, n-not a good first impression."

S: "Doesn’t help the Earth as a whole seems _two trillion years_ into the past."

Rather understandably, Coop didn’t appreciate the monologuing.

E: "All this makes me wonder how the _Evangelion_ would stack up against beings like these."

A: "It helps we have an energy shield powered by our _soul_. And _damn_ does Ender look ugly."

R: "It is the colour scheme. Red and black is _never_ a good option."

M: "And yet it’s t-the most popular colour scheme on the Internet." She muttered. "Doesn’t h-help he looks like the _eighties_."

K: "It makes sense he’s a _nonconformist_. I imagine that’s also why he’s showing off his _midriff._ "

R: "Not that _you_ seem to mind, Kaworu."

A: "Maybe you should get _him_ to wear something like that, Rei."

R: "I am not _that_ cruel, Asuka. If I were to make him wear clothing like that, it would at least be _pleasing_ to the eye."

S: "Good to hear you’ll give us _good_ looking clothes." He deadpanned.

E: "I like how you automatically assumed you’ll be included."

A: "He will be."

Shinji shot Eliza a flat look.

_she’ll want the devil on her team_ **(13:30)**

Ender continued tempting Coop. "At least _he’s_ not falling to the dark side."

R: "With uniform like _that_ , it is no wonder."

E: "Does he believe Coop’s _acting_?"

A: "With the _destruction_ Coop does on a _daily_ basis, it’s hard to _not_ believe that."

K: "Rather amazing the _achievements_ one can accomplish in _ignorance_."

M: "That’s practically C-Coop’s _thing_ nowadays."

R: "And yet, you can still see he _is_ a good guy. Even if he does more damage than the _enemy_ , his _heart_ is in the right place. And that is all you really need to notice in these situations."

A: "I mean, _perception_ would help as well."

K: "New Jersey believes him to be a hero _despite_ his actions. I don’t think perception is an _issue_."

S: "Maybe in _our_ world, we’d have to mind our perception."

Coop didn’t fall for it, Ender expressing how much of a pity it would be to destroy him.

A: "Oh well, back to fighting for the fate of Earth."

M: "Not like t-that’s a _unique_ thing. Even for _you_ guys."

E: "Might as well be just another _Tuesday_ for us."

Ender started off by interrupting Coop’s monologue. " _That’ll_ make him angry." Thought Shinji.

R: "Hopefully this means a good battle is coming up."

The promise of a good battle came up short, the systems of the Megas failing.

R: "What a shame."

With Megas defeated, Ender began… well, _ending_.

K: "We know Coop _won’t_ be defeated so easily, at least."

_what do you want from me?_ **(15:30)**

Indeed, Coop had a _plan_.

A: "He _is_ pretty good at pulling plans from his ass, I’ll give him that."

R: "So are _we_ , in a sense. What was that strategy against _Matarael_?"

S: "It’s almost like our lives were a show." Muttering.

M: "And it couldn’t have b-been a show like _this_?"

E: "A shame, I know."

K: "I wonder if this plan will help _Union City_."

A: "Is that an actual name?"

M: "Yep, and there’s like _e-eleven_ Union City’s in the States."

S: "I’m assuming they’re going for the _New Jersey_ Union City."

M: "It’d be a b-bit of a trek to get to Union City, _California_."

Ignoring Union City, Coop elected to use the computer.

R: "What _exactly_ is he giving them?"

E: " _How_ exactly is he giving them?"

A: "Maybe they have _cellular_."

Somewhat expectedly, the S-Force didn’t exactly _appreciate_ the plan.

K: "I would say, _don’t look a gift horse in the mouth_."

Either way, they weren’t given a _choice_ , Coop enacting his plan anyway.

S: "Would this be the gift horse _kicking_ you?"

K: "More so running away with you on it."

They saw as Coop _forced_ the mecha of the S-Force together.

M: "By y-your powers combined."

A: "It feels like they’re getting _defiled_."

R: "How would _you_ feel if someone modified Unit-02 against your will?"

E: "Can’t deny it _worked_. Somehow. Despite lacking _any_ sort of connection to allow for power transfer."

S: "Maybe they transferred the power over the _metal_ they’re made of."

E: "Incredibly dangerous and stupid, so yeah probably."

Through their powers combined, the Megas powered up. "God now _that_ looks like something out of Power Rangers!"

It toppled, Coop failing to account for added weight.

M: "I doubt P-Power Rangers would depict a _failure_ like t-that."

_bury a friend_ **(17:20)**

The hybrid Megas flew to fight Ender.

S: "Just in time to prevent that blimp from becoming a _hot dog_."

E: "I doubt it’d be a _good_ hot dog."

A: "It’d probably _taste_ similar to what they were eating."

Coop soon started his speech of the week.

M: "I’d p-probably call him _chaotic neutral_. He’s n-not a _bad_ guy, definitely."

R: "Could even say he is _good_ in a chaotic sense. He _has_ a good heart deep within. And it is situations like these that _show_ this good heart."

S: "He’s certainly more _useful_ than the S-Force."

K: "I doubt they _can_ do much, honestly. He pretty much _wrecked_ their mechas."

A: "Not to mention they’re kinda _crushed_ right now."

M: "Though even _b-beforehand_ , they were kinda _weak_."

E: "Which is a bad sign for _Ender_ , if he could not defeat _them_."

And so Megas fought Ender, the S-Force taken along for the ride.

R: "It is still rather _evenly matched_ , I would say."

A: "Finally, a _challenge_!"

K: "A challenge is _not_ what they want."

Ender _still_ got the better of them, starting to beat Megas and company senseless.

K: "QED."

_tear me to pieces_ **(19:10)**

The Omnicron 13 was activated.

K: "Then again, not like they have a _choice_. Unless they _want_ to die."

A: "Wouldn’t be the _first_ time the S-Force went on about that."

R: "Coop _did_ destroy all their mechas and turn them into glorified _batteries_."

Ender _dodged_ the beam, it instead hitting the _Museum of Irreplaceable Art_.

E: "I’m surprised that wasn’t destroyed _earlier_."

M: "I’m surprised _New J-Jersey_ was high class enough to _h-have_ a museum like that."

S: "I gotta agree with Coop, that wasn’t _that_ great an ultimate weapon."

K: "We’ve established that rather well, I’d think."

All of a sudden, a _Rift_ opened up over the Museum of Irreplaceable Art.

Shinji blinked. "So much for what I said _before_."

R: "It seems they _do_ have half decent weapons."

A: "Only the _problem_ with that kind of weapon is it doesn’t know who a _friendly_ is."

E: "So give it a wide berth."

M: "If by _w-wide berth_ you mean the _entire u-universe_."

K: "That raises yet _another_ question. _Why_ did the S-Force create such a weapon in the first place?"

A: "Can’t have evil in the universe if there’s _no_ universe."

S: "I wonder if they _intended_ it for that."

A: "Probably _not_ , but who knows at this point."

Coop attempted to apply _his_ logic about eating to this Rift.

E: " _Can_ a black hole _overeat_?"

K: "No, but remember _our_ laws of the universe don’t exactly _apply_ to that universe."

_Another_ Rift was created next to the preexisting Rift, the two combining and coalescing before annihilating themselves out of existence.

E: "That isn’t even _overeating_! That’s more cancelling out!"

A: "And _wow_ the S-Force are treating him like an actual _person_ now!"

R: "If _this_ did not prove he was a good guy, I would not know what _would_."

S: "The _ice cream_ might."

_hello, welcome home_ **(21:10)**

M: "McDonalds gave h-him an _award_?"

A: "He probably funds their _entire operations_!"

E: "Considering he has _two_ large pants crowns, yeah I can _see_ that." As he added yet more to this mantlepiece. "Three."

R: "Well deserved, I would think."

S: "The S-Force could’ve at least _given_ him something in return for all this trouble."

K: "It _does_ appear to be the S-Force’s doing, this entire episode."

E: "Even _Ender_?"

K: "If Ender was _attracted_ by the prospect of _defeating_ the S-Force, then _yes_."

A: "Maybe if they saw _more_ than a few seconds of the first episode."

R: "It would not be the _first_ time a problem in these episodes could have been solved beforehand in a simpler manner."

S: "But in _that_ case, you wouldn’t get this show."

The show cut to the S-Force, having taken Coop’s advice.

M: "Well, I doubt they’re _s-saving the universe_ anytime soon."

A: "I imagine they’re having a lot more _fun_ , though. Can’t be _too_ serious for so long."

K: "That’s probably what Coop taught them. Be more _carefree,_ when you’re not in battle situations."

The holographic head was dismayed at this turn of events.

E: " _He_ obviously needs to learn that."

R: "Of course, you can have fun _without_ destroying the room with your mecha."

A: "That _does_ sound pretty fun though."

A flat look was offered from Rei to Asuka.

And with the pleasant image of Goat in a food coma, the credits rolled.

"That _is_ a r-rather important lesson, eh?" Mari thought. "They w-were _way_ too uptight before."

"And _another_ important lesson they should learn from this: _listen someone out_."

"Considering that’s a lesson _we_ might not follow to the letter."

"You heard _me_ out, at least."

"We _did_ trust you before, Kaworu." Pointed out Shinji. "And we formed a close relationship, as well."

"We’ve seen what the relationship was like when they _already_ knew you were an Angel."

"It generally ended with me losing my head, yes."

"Never the _best_ outcome." Rei understated.

To which Kaworu shrugged. "I vaguely recall _worse_ outcomes."

And with that grim thought, the next episode started.

~~~

** 2.10: Junk in the Trunk **

_Batter Up_ **(00:00)**

A: "Do they just use the same music cue for _every_ opening?"

M: "Hey, a-at least you _know_ it’s Megas XLR."

Training was continuing in Goat’s junkyard.

S: "I’m kinda wondering _how_ he found a pipe that big."

E: "And not wondering about the _damage_ that wrecking ball can do?"

K: "New Jersey has seen worse."

R: "Worse from _Coop_ , even."

A: "Maybe Coop got that pipe from a _water supply_."

Coop knocked it out of the park, the wrecking ball crashing into a dated reference to the dot com bubble. "Pfft."

K: "I’m assuming you _got it_ , Mari."

A: "So _that_ was still the same on _their_ Earth, as well?"

M: "According to m-my dad, things were going that w-way with the Internet even _before_ Second I-Impact."

R: "It would be something Cartoon Network would refer to, then. If it could happen on _their_ world, as well."

S: "All this Internet talk is just going over my head." He idly mused, as Megas arm wrestled a crane.

E: "I wonder how many _resources_ Goat has."

K: "Enough for Goat to not be concerned with the Megas _destroying_ his equipment. _Very_ impressive for a junkyard operator."

A: "He’d have plenty of _business_ , at least. What with New Jersey getting _destroyed_ every other episode, I’m sure business is _booming_!"

R: "Perhaps _that_ is why Goat seems rather _liberal_ with the Megas and his own property. Though then again, _the entirety of New Jersey_ shares this attitude. In fact, I believe the _only_ people _without_ this attitude are Kiva and the S-Force."

S: "At least until Coop _showed them the light_."

M: "Hey, d-do you guys think _our world_ would s-still be around if _you_ adopted that attitude?"

A: "Probably not."

Everything on Megas was working great, until it wasn’t.

E: "Even the _greatest_ systems have their limits. I know _I_ do."

A: "And Jamie's prodding didn’t help! It’s _always_ him, isn’t it?!"

S: " _Photonic Stabiliser_ sounds like a rather _important_ system."

K: "I’d hazard a guess that _any_ system with the keyword _stabiliser_ is a system you do _not_ want failing."

R: "The _fireworks_ will be impressive, at the very least."

_Destabilised_ **(02:15)**

Rather understandably, Kiva was _perturbed_ by this development.

M: "How _do_ y-you replace a part from the future?"

R: "Coop has done adequately so far with improvised resources."

A: "It _already_ destroys anything within a hundred mile radius anyway!"

E: "Judging by the flashbacks, all the _food factories_ are outside the _standard_ destruction radius of the Megas."

K: "He has _incentive_ to prevent the detonation, at least."

S: "Or he could just go to space."

A: "What about the _space bacon_ factories?"

M: "They p-probably _do_ exist, in _that_ reality."

R: "So _fixing_ it and stealing from the _Glorft_ seem out of the question."

S: "What’s wrong with _fixing_ it?"

K: "Being bombarded with highly energetic particles is rarely healthy for the average person."

Jamie showed the gang a solution via flashback. "Is that _H-Hookah_?"

K: "Space Hookah."

The rest of the flashback played.

A: "They must’ve been smoking _something_ to come up with _that_ sport."

E: "That wasn’t even a _relevant_ flashback!"

S: "What _is_ Hookah, anyway?"

A: "It’s a sorta Middle Eastern tobacco pipe, ain’t it Kaworu?"

K: "More or less; it’s either Indian or Persian in origin."

S: "So they were smoking _alien tobacco_?"

E: "Maybe the _writers_ of this were smoking some of that alien tobacco."

M: "How d-do _you_ know about tobacco, Eliza?"

E: "My _mama_ smokes." She deadpanned. "Maybe I should _introduce_ her to hookah. Though getting back on track, it’s rather _convenient_ they found a _junkyard_ planet."

K: "I’m sure there’s _several_ junkyard planets in their universe. Galactic civilisations would create _plenty_ of waste product."

A: "With how they treat Earth, you’d think _that_ was a junkyard planet."

R: "To other alien species, it may very well be _considered_ that. They already consider us a _backwater_ ; it would not be a significant difference."

There was yet another imagine spot, this time from Goat, about _his own_ giant robot.

A: "Yeah I wonder _why_ they think of us as a backwater."

E: "Does a mecha _really_ need breasts?"

S: "Just wait ’til you see _Darling in the Franxx_."

R: "At least Franxx had the reasoning that it _required_ a close relationship between male and female to operate one. From there, anything else is simply _encouraging_ such thing."

M: "What’s _his_ e-excuse, then?"

R: "Probably the same as any other man." With a sly look to Kaworu.

A: "He even wants to _name_ it _Darling_!"

_What A Piece Of Junk!_ **(05:15)**

S: "Even the _rings_ are made of junk."

K: "I imagine _Kessler syndrome_ would be an issue for such a planet."

E: "How _are_ they going to explore an entire _planet_ for an individual part?"

M: "I’m j-just surprised the Megas was able to _get_ t-there. Y’know, with the _exploding p-part_."

A: "At least if it blows up _there_ , it won’t take out any _space bacon_ factories nearby."

As Kiva did her analysis, a junk monster burrowed out to face the Megas.

R: " _They_ will be the ones becoming space bacon, if they do not sort the worm out."

S: "But what _can_ they do? If they fight, they explode."

A: "Ah Shinji, _you_ should know what you do in a situation like that." A slight smirk was visible. "You _improvise_."

Coop fought anyway.

A: "Oh. Well. So much for _improvising_."

And was promptly eaten for his trouble.

E: "It didn’t even _work_." Was her flat remark.

It was at this point they were introduced to who they could only assume was the _custodian_ of this junkyard planet.

M: "Man even _h-he_ looks like junk."

R: "Helps he has some _embedded_ in him."

K: "I wouldn’t have thought _banjos_ to be used in introducing an alien."

M: "Maybe he’s f-from Alabama. It’d explain the _look_."

S: "And he’s _already_ eying the robot."

A: "I can see _no problem_ coming from that."

And so Varsin lead them on.

_Salvage Operation_ **(07:35)**

Varsin continued selling them on junk.

E: "It would surprise me if he _knew_ what a photonic stabiliser was."

S: "Is that salvage process even _efficient_?"

R: "I am assuming they can _extract_ resources from that acidic solution. Reducing components into either _smaller_ pieces or a _flatter_ piece allows for more surface area for the solution to break down whatever enters it into baser constituents. So I would think it _was_ efficient."

K: "At least as much as it _can_ be, for such a planet."

Understandably, Varsin didn’t know shit about _what_ was on his planet.

A: "I think once you get to _planetary scales_ , splitting up isn’t gonna do _anything_."

M: "It w-weren’t for the fact it could _explode_ , I’d s-say just use the _Megas_."

R: "You most likely _could_ use the Megas regardless. It functioned adequately despite the damaged stabiliser in all aspects _except_ fighting."

S: "Not adequately enough for _Jamie_ to be comfortable with it."

E: "Jamie isn’t comfortable with many things, Shinji."

A: "At least with Goat _not_ being with Kiva, he has a greater chance of _living_."

Using his convenient time drive detector gun, Varsin determined the Megas contained a time drive. "Well _that’s_ bullshit."

R: "You _did_ say he was eying that robot, Asuka."

M: "It _is_ b-bullshit, though. How does he even k-know what a _time drive_ is?"

S: "He knows what a time drive is because he wanted to create the conflict for this episode."

A: "I knew it!"

Ignorant of his face-heel turn, the walking nuclear bomb and company continued looking for the right part.

K: "It’s good to see it’s not only the _villains_ with convenient devices."

R: "At least it is _even_. And _our world_ certainly has convenient devices such as that."

E: "Which have _explanations_. I’m sure if Cartoon Network _wanted_ to show us the explanation for them, they would."

S: "It’d probably be _boring_ , reading a paper about a photonic stabiliser."

E: " _I_ wouldn’t find it boring." She pouted.

Jamie and Goat apparently didn’t get the concept of treading lightly, a robot uprising inadvertently beginning.

M: "Hey Eliza, y-you aren’t gonna go full _Terminator_ on us anytime s-soon, are you?"

E: "As long as you guys _treat_ me right." She jested.

_Diggy Diggy Hole_ **(10:35)**

Seemingly ignorant to Skynet creeping down on them, Megas continued digging through the scrap.

A: "Sometimes I wish I could just go through life without caring too much."

R: "A shame if _we_ did such thing, the world would have most likely _ended_."

M: "I’d say _Coop_ w-was doing a good job at the whole saving the w-world business while _not_ caring."

K: "Ah, but that’s the thing. He may _seem_ ignorant, but what we have seen has proven him a bright and _caring_ individual. And I’m sure he won’t shrug off whatever is to come."

S: "You could say he was more caring than _Kiva_ , at least."

E: "More a matter of _Kiva’s_ background. From war and the _future_."

A: "Plus the fact she doesn’t _like_ Goat that much. Or Jamie."

R: "There are very few aspects of the past she appears to like. Though she _does_ appreciate some of the food, at least."

M: "Not that _hot dog e-eating contest_."

Speaking of Jamie and Goat, they continued to run from Skynet, even sliding down pipes like they were the Mario brothers.

S: "How _can_ robots be zombies, anyway?"

E: "Easier than it could be for _biological_ beings, believe it or not. _Viruses_ do exist. In fact, such zombie programming _does_ exist in the form of a _botnet_."

K: "If I remember correctly, back in the day NERV was _operating_ a botnet for intel and sanitation. And a rather _large_ one, at that."

R: "How do you think Misato disseminated knowledge of Seele widespread?"

Eliza seemed curious. "Do you know if it’s still operating?"

A: "I imagine they would’ve _reduced_ it some, but it’d still be _there._ " Before she chuckled. "What, d’ya plan on _using_ it, Eliza?"

E: "Not _immediately_ , but it’s always _useful_ to know your resources."

_Paddle Faster, I Hear Banjos!_ **(11:40)**

The twang of a banjo marked the arrival of Varsin.

S: "I _still_ wonder why they chose the _banjo_ to represent him."

Megas was slapped away.

E: "I don’t think _those two_ care too much about musical representation at the moment."

M: "I doubt t-they’re gonna be playing the banjo any longer."

A: "He might _hit_ them with a banjo."

Wasn’t exactly a banjo, but he _tried_ hitting them with a large claw.

R: "I would not put it past _this_ show to depict Megas playing a giant banjo."

M: "Maybe if t-they were in _Alabama_ instead of New J-Jersey."

K: "What _would_ be the music of New Jersey?"

M: "Bon Jovi w-was from New Jersey. You guys k-know him?"

Shinji, Rei, and Kaworu shook their heads, while Varsin explained his intentions.

A: " _He_ came from New Jersey?!"

M: "Yeah, I was j-just as surprised as _you_ were."

R: "Would I know their music?"

A: "'Living on a prayer', 'You give l-'"

R: "I know them." Editing her answer.

M: "I was g-gonna say; seems l-like a _popular_ choice in some film."

R: "Not as much as you would think, but yeah that is where _I_ first heard it in particular."

S: "They aren’t popular in Japan, I take."

A: "Not unless you listen to an American Rock radio station."

E: "Do any of you even listen to _radio_ in general?"

S: "Does the _Evangelion radio_ count?"

A flat look from Eliza, as Varsin began flipping several switches.

M: "So h-how _is_ Coop gonna get _out_ of this without _blowing u-up_ or otherwise getting _d-destroyed_?"

R: "It _is_ a rather catch-22 situation. Fight and blow up, or _not_ fight and still blow up."

Coop piledrived an enemy robot with another enemy robot, resulting in the fast acting acid flooding everywhere.

K: "I see he has chosen the _fight_ and blow up option."

A: "I mean, if you’re fucked either way, might as well go out with a _bang_. _Literally_ , in this case."

S: "Not unless the _acid_ gets to him first."

E: "That would be fight and _dissolve_."

M: "I can’t imagine t-that machine Vars-"

She didn’t even finish her sentence before Varsin’s machine was eaten by acid.

A: "Well, problem solved!"

R: "Varsin is still an issue, and I would _expect_ someone like him to come back from this setback."

_Skynet_ **(14:15)**

As if to complicate matters, Jamie and Goat ran back to the Megas.

Robot uprising in tow. "Gee, thanks."

K: "Perhaps the robots will _distract_ Varsin."

E: "Or he’ll _reprogram_ them."

S: "Hijack their zombie programming?"

A: "I doubt their _firewalls_ are exactly _active_."

Goat _attempted_ distraction, much to the amusement of the group. "Did t-they not see him as _important_ enough?"

Varsin’s words seemed to prove Mari’s thought.

R: "Perhaps they were not even _zombies_ to begin with."

E: "They’re just regular, run of the mill, killer junk robots."

S: "Run of the mill for _that_ universe."

Coop eventually decided on _going out with a bang_ , attacking the killer robots.

K: "Yet _another_ noble action from him. He _could_ have chosen to lay down and die, but instead he chooses to go down fighting."

R: "If they blew up, it would also prevent _Varsin_ from acquiring the time drive. And with how _powerful_ it may be, it may even destroy _him_ as well."

A: "It sounds like it’s gonna destroy that _planet_!"

A spare photonic stabiliser began moving towards them. "I d-don’t see how _that’s_ an issue."

S: "So it’s _another_ Megas like unit?"

As if the rumbling of the whole _planet_ wasn’t enough, they soon got a close view of Varsin’s _giant_ robot. "Holy _shit_."

A: "Why can’t _we_ have a giant robot like that?!"

K: "The Evangelion is barely practical as is."

E: "That planet _must_ have less gravity than Earth usually has. There’s _no_ way that is possible."

R: "This show is _good_ at showing us the impossible."

S: "What about _Gurren Lagaan_?"

R: "Even Gurren Lagaan had some logic with what impossibilities were possible after all. This show just throws it all out the window."

A: "Until I see a _galaxy sized giant robot_ , Gurren Lagaan is gonna top _this_."

M: "It had _what_?!"

_Giant Giant Robot_ **(16:40)**

'Pleasantries' now over and done with, Franken and Megas began their fight.

A: "Not a good start, if I say so myself."

R: "He has not lost yet, Asuka."

About 20 seconds later, Megas was flat on its back.

S: "This isn’t much better."

R: "Perhaps I spoke too soon." Flatly conceding, as the episode cut to black. "Though remember, they have _always_ come back from near defeat before."

M: "I mean, it _is_ an A-American show. They aren’t gonna s-show the good guys _losing_ now."

K: "Even _our_ show never had us exactly _lose_. Though it’s never as easy as _win_ or _lose_ , isn’t it?"

R: "You could say we won against _Armisael_." Grim, as Megas was strapped to a giant operating table.

E: "I would say _this_ was a straight loss."

It _would’ve_ been, at least until _Goat_ announced his presence with his _own_ giant robot.

A: "Is Goat _really_ gonna save them?"

S: "I’m more impressed he _found_ that."

K: "Not _found_. _Built_."

The silhouette faded, revealing its… _majesty_.

M: "If _you guys_ f-faced the Angels in _that_ , they w-would’ve _laughed_ themselves to death."

E: "Maybe this _tenacity_ would’ve proved something to the Angels."

K: "It would not."

R: "Of course, like _anything_ created from junk parts and in at most _two minutes_ , there would be a few _flaws_."

A: "That whole thing is one giant flaw!"

Goat’s giant robot heroically failed and toppled down a cliff.

As everyone laughed. "Well, at least he _tried_."

M: "He didn’t u-use enough masking tape."

The laughter continued, as Coop hit the _'this better than’_ button, once more beginning his attack.

S: " _That_ was pretty impressive, actually."

K: "As we say, he is _bright_. And it wouldn’t be wise to _underestimate_ him."

The photonic stabiliser he ripped out of Franken broke as he tried to insert into too small a hole on Megas.

A: "…See, you _say_ he’s bright."

Kaworu shrugged. "Everyone has lapses of judgement, especially in the heat of the moment."

E: " _Would_ it have worked, anyway? It was too _large_ for the Megas, wasn’t it?"

M: "You _probably_ c-could’ve cut a larger hole in the Megas, but yeah it seemed kinda _l-long_ for the Megas."

_Duck_ **(19:10)**

Coop didn’t duck, the Megas once more on its back, the core beginning to fail.

R: "Since we have established such a stabiliser is _required_ for a giant robot, how would _Varsin’s_ robot fare now it is _lacking_ such a component?"

E: "It should’ve _failed_ by now, to say the least."

Good thing Coop had _another_ plan, entering the bowels of the Megas just as the self destruct timer started.

From _five_ seconds.

M: " _Plenty_ of t-time to get your affairs in order, I’m sure."

_Whatever_ Coop was doing down there, it _worked_. "…Well, guess I shouldn’t have doubted him!"

S: "If fixing it was _that_ easy, why didn’t he do that to begin with?"

K: "Kiva."

R: "Indeed, _she_ was the one insisting on the new photonic stabiliser. Then again, she was working on the knowledge a photonic stabiliser could _not_ be fixed."

A: "Once more, the primitive mechanic from _New Jersey_ has proven her wrong."

E: "I’m beginning to wonder if humanity went _backwards,_ in some aspects. That, or Kiva doesn’t have much _ingenuity_."

M: "I would’ve t-thought such thing was _required_ for g-getting as highly promoted as she did."

S: "Kiva should just take _him_ into the future; he’d have the Glorft completely defeated in a _week_."

And after yet _another_ inspirational speech from said primitive mechanic, he opened up a can of whoop-ass on Franken.

A: "Shows you how much _improvising_ goes into battle, eh? A plan’s good to have as a guideline, though you can’t exactly _rely_ on it on the field."

E: "If you’re too static, you cannot adapt to change. And battle is almost _always_ constantly changing circumstances."

As Jamie correctly pointed out, the other giant robot was now _lacking_ a stabiliser.

M: " _Another_ good p-part of battle is knowing when to get the fuck _o-out_."

K: "At least when you _have_ that choice. Which _they_ do."

Quickly grabbing goat, they did what Mari suggested and got the fuck out.

A good thing, too, as a few seconds later the planet _exploded_.

S: "Jeez no _wonder_ Kiva was worried."

R: "A good thing they were not on _Earth_ when this happened. Then again, I doubt a planet made of _junk_ had much stability to begin with."

E: "Speaking of, _I_ have the same questions Kiva has."

It cut to the stabiliser.

A: "I wonder what _Ritsuko_ would think if we taped up a damaged core with duct tape."

K: "I doubt she’d be impressed, whether it worked or not."

M: " _How_ does her time _n-not_ have duct tape?!"

S: "No _wonder_ the Glorft overran them."

And with a series of _unwise_ words from Goat to Kiva about how giant robots were like women, and an _appropriate_ punishment for such words to boot, the episode ended with banjos.

"They should save some tape for Jamie, as well." Muttered Asuka.

"He was _okay_ in this episode." Rei faintly praised.

"It’s rather fascinating how the photonic stabiliser didn’t fail for the previous nine episodes, with what was done to the Megas."

"With how Coop _modified_ it, it would’ve failed on the _first_ episode."

"Almost l-like Cartoon Network invented s-such a thing for _this_ episode."

"So it won’t be mentioned again?"

"Prob’ly not."

Shinji couldn’t help but chuckle. "Imagine if _our_ show didn’t remember about the _core_ of the Evangelion."

"I give plenty of shit to Gainax, but at least they depicted _our_ world accurately enough."

"Perhaps Cartoon Network depicted the universe of Megas XLR accurately enough, as well." Thought Kaworu. "Laws of the universe don’t necessarily translate _between_ universes."

Soon enough, the next episode started.

…But not after a quick chuckle from the gang after they realised _who_ was picking up the leftover trash from the _former_ junk planet.

~~~

** 2.11: DMV - Department of Megas Violations **

_No Disintegrations!_ **(00:00)**

The episode started with a ship on a mission.

S: " _That_ certainly looks like an issue."

K: "Seems we have our issue of the day."

E: "Eight seconds in, as well. New record."

These kind of thoughts deepened when they saw the pilot _gear up_.

A: "Yeah _they_ don’t seem like a bad guy at all! Loading up her _space rifle_ like that."

S: "They’re a she?"

A: "You _saw_ the hair, right?"

And the thoughts were _confirmed_ when they saw her _target_.

M: "I kinda w-wonder why _exactly_ she wants them."

R: " _Money_ is always a good incentive."

A: "Ooh you think she’s a _bounty hunter_? Like Boba Fett?"

M: "My q-question still stands."

E: "Perhaps their reputation precedes them."

S: "That’d have to be some _amazing_ money."

K: "Indeed. I would not think it were _wise_ to square up with the Megas, so to speak."

A: "In _all_ their battles, they’ve come up on top. I can’t see how _this_ will be any different."

R: "Much like _our_ show, in a way."

A: " _Our show_ also sprinkled in insane trauma throughout. Bit of _variety_ , y’know."

_Fast Car_ **(01:30)**

Kaworu/Mari _immediately_ rolled their eyes as soon as they saw the title. "Welp, I k-know the _secondary_ problem for t-this episode already."

S: "It’s related to whatever a DMV is, I’m assuming."

M: "I’ve never even b-been _old_ enough to drive a car, but literal _hours_ of w-waiting in line when dad tried to g-get a car registered has left a bad t-taste in my mouth."

A: "That’d _never_ happen in Germany, either."

E: "Didn’t _Carmen_ complain about registering her Pontiac?"

R: "Her Pontiac that she _imported_ from the United States, which in all likelihood did not meet German regulation. She is lucky her car was _left hand drive_ , else it would have been even _more_ difficult."

A: "Not that it even _mattered_ for her, in the end."

S: "And _I_ hear a lot about Misato wanting a Pontiac but always running into the Ministry of Land, Infrastructure and Transport."

M: "Man that d-does _everything_ , doesn’t it? Does it do _licensing_ , as w-well?"

R: "I believe that is done by the prefectural government, not the MLIT themselves. You only deal with them in registering vehicles. Though now I have it on my mind, what do _you_ think of Pontiac, Mari?"

M: " _You_ w-want one as well?" She gave a brief chuckle, as Coop imagined crushing a Hummer. "They w-were kinda directionless in the 90s, though they m-managed to pull off some actually pretty _g-good_ sports cars in the mid 2000s. Did _either_ Misato or C-Carmen mention the _model_ they wanted?"

Everyone shook their heads.

M: "I bet it’s t-the _Fénix_. Pretty much GM’s Ferrari."

A: "GM getting inspiration from _Ferrari_? It catches on fire a lot, doesn’t it?"

M: "Nah you’re t-thinking of the _Fiero_."

E: "You’ve distracted yourself with cars again, guys."

They both turned back to the screen to see the bounty hunter nonchalantly walking through a baseball field.

To which Asuka and Mari shrugged. "Oh well, I’m _sure_ they’ll solve that."

R: "They have only done so for every single episode before."

Speaking of, Coop backed into the soon to be destroyed garage, deploying the Megas to face a Mandalorian by any other name.

_Mask Off_ **(03:00)**

A: "For being a _bounty hunter_ , she doesn’t exactly have much _armour_."

M: "Maybe that _s-sports bra_ she has is _bulletproof_."

R: "Bullets are the _least_ of her worries. I doubt her attire is _Megas foot proof_."

S: "I mean, once you get to _that_ much power, you aren’t gonna get much protection unless you had a giant robot as well"

E: "I’m sure Jamie will try to seduce her, either way."

K: "And get _disintegrated_ for his trouble."

A: "It’d be an important _lesson_ for him, at least."

Using her Terminator-vision, she tracked down the Megas.

M: "Was that m-meant to _do something_?"

R: "Get their attention, perhaps."

It worked, the bounty hunter taking off her mask to face their quarry.

E: "I _knew it_."

S: "Wouldn’t exactly _call_ that seduction."

A: " _Nothing_ he’d do would be seductive."

Upon being asked to bring a giant robot, she brought a giant of _some_ sort.

M: "It’s always _J-Jamie_ , isn’t it."

K: "I’m somewhat interested in how she’s _controlling_ that being. It’s clearly _biological_ in nature, not just a giant robot."

R: "Seems like she figured out how to control Angels. _Without_ going for their heart."

E: "Or crotch."

R: "That only became an aspect _after_ the Angel War."

Innuendo out of the way, they watched on as Megas battled Giant Four-Arms.

A: "I’m kinda surprised he bothered to _install_ a reverse alarm in that thing."

K: "It _is_ a heavy vehicle, technically."

Ever the genius, his literal reversal worked somewhat; the Four-Arms down for the count but the bounty hunter escaping through a convenient rift in space-time.

M: "Well, they got a _s-small_ victory, at least."

_Taste of Victory_ **(05:20)**

To _celebrate_ this small victory, they decided to visit the discount 7/11, _itself_ celebrating the small victory of it not being _smashed_.

R: "I like how Kiva got a slushie."

S: "I _still_ need to try one."

E: "Weren’t we out for most of the day, today?"

He shrugged in reply. "Didn’t cross my mind."

Either way, Coop’s day was about to get a whole lot _worse_. " _Why_ did you p-park the Megas next to a fire hydrant?"

A: "Did he even _know_ it was there?"

K: "I’m fascinated by the fact whatever _tow-truck_ they used was able to actually _remove_ the Megas."

R: "Perhaps New Jersey has tow _giant robots_."

M: "I take it y-you guys never parked an Evangelion near a fire hydrant."

E: "A part of me feels accessibility isn’t exactly the key issue when there’s _giant enemies attacking you._ "

S: " _I_ would’ve thought giant robots would be _exempt_ from traffic law, cause the _Evangelion_ sure are. I certainly don’t remember seeing _license plates_ on them."

R: "You certainly would not see an Evangelion with _yellow_ plates."

M: "Plate color _mean_ s-something in Japan?" As a flashback played on how Coop screwed with the Megas."

R: "Yellow plates with black text are a special kind of small car popular in Japan due to their low price. Misato does _not_ like them."

M: " _How_ small are we talking?"

R: "What is the smallest car currently sold in the United States?"

Mari had to think. "Ford Fiesta?"

R: "Smaller than _that_."

E: "Are parking signs _really_ that complex in America?"

To which the American shrugged. "More often t-than not you just get _ticketed_ , unless you park in f-front of a fire hydrant or somewhere that _n-needs_ to be accessed quickly. Though I s-suppose having it be a _tow away zone_ adds s-some _incentive_ for the _rich_ to not park their Escalades and Navigators in front of an emergency e-exit."

K: "Ah, the great equaliser."

A: "Seems not even fucking _giant robots_ are immune from that!"

_Lot_ **(06:40)**

S: "Sounds like a _process_ to get it back."

R: "All to add to the _punishment_ , I am sure. It would be the same in _Japan_ , as well."

E: "How long were they even _in_ the store for? They must’ve towed it away in _seconds_."

A: "I’ve stopped asking questions with this show. A giant robot got towed by what was probably a small truck; that’s not even the most screwed up thing that _happened_ in this show."

Speaking of, the bounty hunter emerged from the beleaguered 7/11, immediately destroying a ham truck in her attempt to get the Megas crew.

M: "I’m s-sure _raining ham_ ranks up there."

A: "Not as much as you’d think, to be honest."

K: "She reminds me of _Predator_ , now that I think about it."

R: "It is the _hair_ , I am sure."

S: "She certainly _looks better_ than a Predator."

It was up to Kiva to face the Predator, as Jamie and Coop went to face a whole other predator: the impound lot.

A: "Well, at least they’re showing us the _interesting_ part of all this." As Kiva and the bounty hunter sparred.

The scene cut to Jamie and Coop not three seconds after Asuka said that line. "Oh Goddamnit!"

R: "At least it is _there_."

E: "It’d be pretty hard to _miss_ , I’d think."

K: "It took Coop a minute before he realised Megas was towed."

S: "I don’t think that’d be the _first_ reason you’d think about when your giant robot goes missing."

Coop paid up and showed his licence and "Oh of _course_ it wouldn’t be that easy!" Asuka exclaimed as it revealed his licence _expired_ over a year ago.

R: "And _no one_ has brought him up on it."

M: "I don’t think _h-he_ knew, as well. Like how he forgot to pay for h-his cable."

_Now Serving: 12_ **(09:25)**

Rather amused chuckling all around, upon realising Coop was almost 1200 up in the queue. "How does that even _happen_?"

M: "You’ve n-never been to a DMV before."

S: "Is the _depressing atmosphere_ a part of it, as well?"

M: "Eeyup."

This boredom was interspersed with the action of the Predator engaging Kiva as her quarry.

E: "Hang on, _how_ has the queue moved from _twelve_ to twelve _hundred seventy_ in _that_ much time?"

R: "They must be efficient."

M: "Or they a-asked the person to move to _another_ queue."

Speaking of, Coop moved to another queue.

M: "Heh, knew it."

K: "It’s almost like you’re _American_."

M: "There’s a _reason_ we s-stereotype this. It’s all _true_."

Once more to the Hunt, as the bounty hunter explained her reasonings.

A: "Hang on, what could _she_ offer?"

R: "She _is_ from the future. I am sure she would have quite _valuable_ information."

S: "But _now_ the question would be how does the _bounty hunter_ know about that?"

E: "Her _client_ obviously told her. But now it’s the question on how the _client_ knew."

K: "Perhaps they had _assumed_ such thing upon _seeing_ her. She _is_ rather distinct, Kiva."

From Kiva’s test, they moved on to a _written exam_.

A: "Fuck’s sake he’s not getting his license back, is he?"

M: "I’m w-wondering what was _stopping_ him from sneaking into t-the impound lot."

R: "His good morals."

Good morals wouldn’t help him at the moment, not like _Kiva_ was currently caring too much about such thing.

S: "She’s got a _weapon_ now, at least."

K: "Which may be _trapped_ , in case such a thing happened."

The bounty hunter instead elected to create _another_ staff.

A: "We need to get _Ritsuko_ on making that, eh?"

M: "You g-guys didn’t train with _staffs_?"

S: "You guys had _staffs_?"

E: "Does that birthday match with any of you guys?"

K: "I was born on the _13th_ of September."

R: "The date of _Second Impact_."

K: "Indeed, through no coincidence. Though the simple fact of _knowing_ about the future inevitably ends up _changing_ it."

E: "I wonder what would even be the _point_ of knowing about events so much _beyond_ what I’m assuming is a natural lifespan."

K: "Curiosity, if anything. Of course, at _that_ point, you could say _anything_ and call it the future."

M: "I’m _s-still_ waiting on my damn hoverboard."

_Road Test_ **(12:15)**

As most people were wont to do when they were stuck in the DMV for hours on end, Coop imagined him _destroying_ the building with Megas.

Such destruction was thoroughly _enjoyed_ by Mari Makinami. "Oh now _t-that_ is satisfying."

A: "I gotta show this to _Misato_ when we get back; I’m sure she’d get the same feeling."

K: "Could even show it to _Carmen_ and get the same reaction."

E: "Is that the _only_ way you can get through going through the DMV?"

M: "I _guarantee_ you _e-everyone_ is thinking of various different ways to _d-destroy_ their local DMV."

Once more it cut to the battle of the bounty hunter and Kiva, the four armed giant rhino rampaging trying to get her.

R: "Not exactly a _fine_ strategy on their part."

S: "Especially if they want her _brain_."

A: "Yeah, it’s not gonna do her client well with her _brain smeared over the pavement_."

Back to the deliberately boring part, with Coop driving a discount Crown Victoria. "I can t-tell _immediately_ that car’s a Ford."

K: "It’s the oval logo, isn’t it."

This discount Crown Victoria was soon on _two wheels_ , Coop _stunting_ around the traffic cones laid out in this test.

E: "Can you do _that_ in our world?"

M: "According t-to _Hollywood_ , yes. Though I s-say _good luck_ with an _actual_ Crown Vic."

R: "I suppose this _would_ be the sign of a decent driver. If he could pull off such thing."

This _decent driver_ plowed through a pedestrian.

R: "Never mind."

Aaaaand _back_ to Kiva, attempting to outplay the bounty hunter and her beast. "I’m sure _she’s_ gonna have a hatred for the DMV after everything that happened."

M: "She r-really _is_ learning to fit in."

Coop took this opportunity to _try_ to help her. In the test car.

S: "I wonder how _badly_ he’s getting marked down."

K: "This _is_ New Jersey, after all. Perhaps these are all _bonuses_."

_Road Rage_ **(14:30)**

Rather conveniently, Kiva landed on the roof of the Crown Victoria; the bounty hunter landing on the roof of _another_ vehicle.

A: "At least _this_ part shows some promise."

S: "If _I_ was the one driving the red car, I’d probably _immediately_ brake."

E: "It _is_ an alien bounty hunter on your roof. They generally don’t go on there."

R: "Astute observation." As Kiva and the bounty hunter hopped between trucks and cars. "Then again, as Kaworu stated. This _is_ New Jersey."

M: "This just h-happens on the regular there, it’s normal."

E: "I get the feeling you’re playing this up a bit."

M: "Nooooo, _r-really_?"

After some more traffic related shenanigans, they found their way into _Goat’s_ _junkyard,_ him finding a _deckchair_ to enjoy the battle like he were Titus in the colosseum. "Why do we always end up getting back here!?"

R: "His junkyard may as well be comprised of most of New Jersey at this point."

S: "I thought that’s just New Jersey."

M: " _Now_ you’re g-getting it!"

E: "At least it’s a fairly _isolated_ place to have a showdown like this. Less chance of anything getting damaged."

A: "Other than _Goat_ , when they _both_ realise he’s been _filming them_!"

It cut to Coop and Jamie for about _five seconds_ , enough time for an attempted _upstart shot_ as Coop gunned the Crown Vic. "Why was _that_ there?"

A: "To show us Cartoon Network can _still_ be perverts. Just like _our_ show!"

Kiva eventually found the upper hand, only to be distracted by Coop.

And in about five seconds, her lights were out.

M: "Gee, _t-thanks_ Coop."

_Road Rules_ **(16:50)**

The test car continued weaving through traffic, the instructor sounding like he should’ve brought his brown pants.

They found the comparison to _Jamie_ amusing, at least. "Even _he_ k-knows."

A: "He’s probably the _best_ friend Jamie could’ve _hoped_ for, putting up with his shit."

K: "That’s what friends are for, after all."

The green Crown Vic suddenly became a convertible, slotting underneath an oil tanker truck.

A: "And _why_ did that truck _not_ have a bit of steel _preventing_ that shit from happening?"

M: "You guys _h-have_ that?"

A: "You guys _don’t_?!"

S: "So _that’s_ how you get your license."

E: "I’m sure if you did that _here_ , you’d be _arrested_."

R: "Even in _our_ New Jersey, that may happen."

M: " _Ehhhh_."

Either way, the journey _finally_ lead Coop back to his Megas. "Hopefully he doesn’t almost _behead_ everyone."

A: "Maybe the enemy they’ll face has more _safety features_ than an American vehicle I still can’t _believe_ how screwed up it is over there."

M: "And I _guarantee_ you A-Americans think the same way about European and J-Japanese regulations. Fun fact: in some states y-you don’t _need_ front license plates."

Such a thing boggled the mind of Shinji. "How do _cameras_ get you for speeding, then?"

M: "Speed and red-light cameras were deemed u-unconstitutional, something about p-presuming guilt. There’s p-pretty much _no_ speed limit if you’re in the left lane."

E: "Do _police_ still get you?"

M: "Only if you’re the _only_ car doing it. Safety in n-numbers, y’know?"

R: "Perhaps the America of Megas XLR is not unrealistic."

_Prisoner_ **(17:40)**

K: "Certainly an _interesting_ way of arresting someone."

A: " _Degrading_ , as well."

R: "Most likely intended."

E: "And to think, all this could’ve been prevented if this were a _normal_ world."

M: "This whole _s-show_ wouldn’t exist if that world was normal."

Just in time, as has become habit, Megas came face to face with the bounty hunter.

S: "This is why you don’t _say_ stuff like that, Coop." As the bounty hunter’s army portalled in.

K: "As time has proven before, this will not stop him."

R: "I like how he believes _she_ got his ride towed."

A: "If that _was_ true, then that’s pretty fucking _smart_ on her part."

M: "She wouldn’t have g-gotten that far _without_ such smarts, y’know."

And as per usual, Coop went to town.

E: "I think I’m starting to see a pattern with these episodes. Issue of the episode, fifteen minutes of filler, and then it’s resolved in the positive."

S: "You could probably apply that to _our_ show, as well."

A: "At least _this_ filler is more _animated_. Unless Cartoon Network just insert five minutes of _paint drying_."

M: "How b-badly?"

A: "Rei and I spent like _two minutes_ in an elevator just _standing there_ , and it showed _every single second_ of it."

They _just_ managed to catch the DMV _actually_ being destroyed.

And _everyone_ cheered. "Good to see _karma_ still exists in that world."

R: "Not for Jamie." As the general carnage continued, Coop rather soundly decimating the titanic grunts.

_free()_ **(19:40)**

At least until he _wasn’t_ soundly decimating the titanic grunts.

K: "Now, I _would_ say this would break the pattern you established, Eliza."

E: "But you realise there’s still at least 4 minutes left of this episode."

With his four minutes dwindling away, Coop in Megas managed to reach out to the main grunt, somehow managing to break it free from the bounty hunter’s control.

R: "The pattern remains accurate."

A: " _That_ was completely dumb luck!"

M: "The pattern r-remains accurate, still."

S: "They’re rather more… _posh_ than I was expecting."

K: "Harpsichord strings are a good indicator of such thing."

A: "Is _that_ what that instrument is?"

K: "Indeed, it’s rather similar to a piano, actually."

E: "I imagine they’re _expensive_."

K: "Three million yen, at least."

R: "Perhaps we can afford a _Casio keyboard_ with a harpsichord sound."

With Coop engaging in diplomacy, Kiva quickly disposed of the bounty hunter. "Good."

R: "Never a good thing, what she was planning. We would know."

M: "… _How_ would you know?"

A small glance towards her.

M: "…Right, I’ll a-ask later."

And just like that, the problem of the episode was resolved.

S: "Well _that_ was easy."

A: "Y’know, I probably _would_ feel bad if I wasn’t mentioned like that."

K: "He probably thinks it an _insult_."

E: "At least to his _ego_."

And with Megas _somehow_ getting a _parking clamp_ mounted on it, the episode ended.

"You know what? I’m not even gonna _ask_ about that."

"Not even the fact it’d be _easy_ for him to remove?"

"Or that they even _m-make_ boots that big?"

"Obviously giant robots have been an issue in New Jersey for some time."

"You’d certainly _think_ that, watching this show."

"At least _pizza_ is more important than getting it off." Muttered Asuka. "Damn it now _I_ want pizza."

"Maybe we can make some out of all that _dough_ we made." Mentioned Rei. "If we had ingredients."

"Okay, how about _sandwiches_ today, pizza tomorrow?"

All shrugged. "Works for me."

The next episode soon started.

~~~

** 2.12: Coop D'etat **

_Halcyon Worlds_ **(00:00)**

We begin with a gathering of just about every mecha from all of pop culture. "Hey why aren’t _we_ there?"

R: "Technically the Evangelion are not _mecha_."

A: "Well how _else_ would we categorise them?"

K: " _Biological_ mecha, perhaps."

M: "Might as well just c-call them a _colossus_ at that p-point."

S: "Or a titan."

E: "A part of me doubts this came from a world where _your_ show would exist."

A: "So who do you guys reckon is gonna become _emperor_ of the Transformers?"

R: "Knowing this show, it will be _Coop_ somehow."

K: "Completely accidentally."

S: "Can you call it an accident if it’s due to _stupidity_?"

K: "Probably."

M: " _His_ method s-seems rather nice, actually. Spread w-word of a flame through the Imperium."

E: "A flame I would assume _everyone_ in the Halcyon Imperium would know already."

A: "Always useful to give a _reminder_ every now and again. Maybe it’ll keep potentially rebellious provinces in line."

K: "I can see the analogies to Rome already."

S: "I wonder what’s so _sacred_ about the flame?"

M: "Some nations l-light flames like that as to _remember_ a particular event. I know _America_ has a f-few burning in memory of the wars we’ve been in."

A: "Must be one on every _street_."

M: "You _could_ call s-streetlights that, I suppose."

K: "A statement to the Imperium’s strengths, then. Perhaps it was lit by the founding Imperator, upon uniting the disparate Halcyon worlds."

_Infinite Improbability_ **(01:30)**

Whatever significance it held, it didn’t stop Coop from _appearing_ and _crushing_ the Flames of Azeroth.

To match the show, there were a few seconds of shocked silence. "Oh that’s _bullshit_!"

K: "Didn’t expect _that_ to be how we get the conflict started for today, but I suppose that works."

A: "No it doesn’t, how did he just literally _appear_?!"

M: "Maybe he h-had an infinite improbability drive installed."

K: "Ah, Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy."

E: "While this _would_ be a probability, that must be _really_ bad calculations on their part."

S: "If they even _calculated_ it."

R: "They wanted to go to a place in _New Jersey_ and ended up missing the mark by _several million light years_."

K: "But also an _accurate_ enough teleport to land directly _above_ this treasure."

Coop teleported away in much the same way he arrived.

E: "Even a _random_ calculation would have not put him there."

A: "Unless that certain string of random number generation _just so happened_ to take him to _that exact spot_."

E: "It wouldn’t even surprise me at this point if the Megas ran on something like _CP/M._ "

Either way, the Imperator had a _new_ plan.

K: "Thing is, Coop and the Megas are _completely_ in the wrong, this time around."

S: "I know _I_ would want some sort of justice if _that_ happened."

R: "And yet I imagine they will _still_ be victorious."

M: "I dunno, this _is_ t-the twelfth episode. I think. It’s been like _four_ e-episode a disc so far, hasn’t it?"

A: "Ah, so they’ll end on a _cliffhanger_ so we have to wait until _tomorrow_ to see what happens."

E: " _None_ of the episodes so far have ended on cliffhangers. I don’t think Cartoon Network will start."

M: "They p-probably made all the episodes relatively self-contained s-so they can be easily _syndicated_. Ya d-don’t have to show _all_ the episodes at once, you can just kinda a-air them whenever you want."

S: "Couldn’t do that with _our_ show."

A: "I don’t think our show _would_ be suitable for TV, Shinji."

_Jumpjet_ **(03:20)**

Coop teleported to _not_ Jersey. ~"How hard is it to _calculate_ your jumps?!"

A: "He’s lucky he doesn’t get himself teleported into a _planet_."

R: "Considering he did not even _know_ such capability existed in Megas."

S: "So he wanted to use it to teleport to a _monster truck rally_."

M: "Of _course_ he w-wanted to."

K: "And that’s what still _concerns_ him, as well. Not the impending might of the mecha Imperium."

He ended up on a _planet_ , speak of the devil.

A: "Well, if that’s meant to be _Mars_ I suppose he’s _closer_."

R: "I would not call being a _planet_ off being close. I suppose it _is_ better than being a _galaxy_ off."

Cycling through a crystal cave, a mushroom medieval town, Coruscant, a 3D simulation of the universe, and many other places to specify, he actually ended up at the monster truck rally.

Before ending up back in the vacuum of space, stranded.

A: "How much did that pain you, Eliza."

E: " _Immensely_."

S: "How are you even _meant_ to calculate a jump with that?"

K: "It is most likely in the _key combinations_. What the keys actually _do_ is up to the imagination."

A: "Or if they _read the fucking manual_."

M: " _No one_ r-reads the manual." She scoffed.

E: "The people who don’t read manuals are the people who end up taking down entire systems with their incompetency."

R: "You do not hold users in high regard, I take."

E: "There’s a _reason_ sudo exists, sis."

With Kiva being the only administrator around, she took it upon herself to fix shit.

K: "Good to see _Jamie_ plans to use this power for good."

A: "Eh, maybe it’s some Robin Hood shit."

This included stealing a lollipop from a literal _baby,_ and teleporting into a cheerleader locker room.

M: "I must’ve s-seen a _different_ Robin Hood as a kid."

R: "Perhaps Disney thought to cut those aspects."

_Imperator_ **(05:30)**

Jamie was thrown out of his delusions from a sudden attack.

A: "Can’t wait for the _resistance_."

This resistance was sorely lacking, Coop getting rather _destroyed_ by the vengeful citizen of the Halcyon Imperium.

S: "He’s not doing a good job."

K: "Vengeance can be a _powerful_ motivator."

M: "I’m sure _you g-guys_ know this best."

A: "Oh _hell yeah_." In boast. "You don’t fuck with _any_ of us."

E: "Same as you don’t fuck with _them_ , I’m sure."

R: "Their people seem rather _war focused_ , as well. Akin to Ancient Rome, as has been alluded to."

Just when the first robot got the upper hand, he was set upon by _another_ robot.

A: "Ah, they also have the Roman’s propensity for _backstabbing_."

K: "That was more the Praetorian Guard."

A: "Still counts."

Unfortunately for _Coop_ , this was not out of the goodwill of the other robot’s fuel pump.

M: "Praetorian Guard p-probably works _better_ , actually."

A: "If they _really_ wanted to go full Roman, they’d kill the _emperor_ instead."

R: "Perhaps since the emperor is willing to stand down, they would not resort to such barbarity."

E: "Or, maybe since Coop _destroyed_ their symbol of the empire, they can put aside such squabbles for a bit of _payback_."

The _first_ robot got back on his metaphorical feet, tacking the second robot.

S: " _This_ is gonna turn into a squabble between them, ain’t it."

K: "If Coop were wise, he would use this opportunity to sneak away."

In the rear view were yet _more_ robots.

A: "Yeah, _if_."

_Nebulous_ **(08:00)**

Megas was locked on.

S: "So far it’s _really_ looking like an _if_."

And just about _every_ member of Robot Rome fired their missiles.

E: "Does Coop even _know_ about coordinate systems?"

M: "Do _we_ k-know about that coordinate system?"

R: "One could assume such coordinates would get the _away_ from the missiles."

A: "Well look at _that_ , a convenient _nebula_."

K: "I would _expect_ such thing to help mask the Megas."

E: "Might _damage_ the Megas, as well."

S: "Getting hit by a dozen missiles would _also_ damage the Megas."

R: "Not like they have many options, mind you. Nebula or missiles, I would risk the nebula."

Doing just that, they gunned it.

A: "Well, the missiles did… _something_."

K: "I suspect the nebula did its job."

M: "You j-just _had_ to say it."

Not a single robot was fazed by said nebula.

S: "Well, now they’re facing a dozen robots _and_ they don’t have sensors."

R: "If the robots do not _decimate_ themselves beforehand." As one cut down another.

K: "The chance to become _imperator_ is not a chance often squandered. If _our_ history is anything to go by."

A: "By the end of it all, whoever gets to be emperor will be ruling over _scrap_."

E: "If _they_ don’t end up as scrap themselves."

K: "As they say, _sic semper tyrannis_."

A: "Is 'they' _Mark Antony_?"

Somehow, Coop managed to relate the goings on to his childhood attempts to hit a piñata.

S: "I don’t see how that’s related."

With catlike tread, Coop snuck around the nebula, scrapping the robots one by one.

M: "Robots don’t have l-livers, do they?"

R: "Even if they did, it would not help what _Coop_ was doing to them."

And with a chuckle, they soon left the nebula, all robots dispatched. ~"That must’ve been _horrifying_ for them, that _last_ one was _shaking_."

A: "Good to hear _you_ can sympathise with the robots."

_Eagle Standard_ **(10:50)**

Evidently, they had _forgotten_ something.

S: "Well _that_ went well."

M: "He’s _not_ g-gonna go quietly, is he."

A: "Would _we_ go quietly?"

M: "Dunno why I a-asked."

Whether he would go quietly or not didn’t matter in the end, a null distortion generator shutting down the Megas. ~"I swear I’ve _heard_ those sounds before."

K: "It wouldn’t surprise me if they were _generic_."

Once more fitting with the constant analogies to Ancient Rome, _another_ robot emerged from the nebula to claim the prize for themselves.

The turn of events amused Rei. "At least they will not be _destroyed_."

A: "Yeah, they want to return them so they can be _executed_."

M: "Sic semper… whatever the L-Latin word for Megas is."

K: "They are essentially a titan, so you could describe them as _stantibus celsior._ "

S: "Isn’t Celsor a car?"

A: "Doesn’t Toyota name _most_ of their cars after Latin words? What’s _Corolla_ meant to be?"

K: "Small crown."

R: "Toyota have _three_ vehicles with the word _crown_ in it, one way or another. _Camry_ is just a simplification of the Japanese word. I should not have to clarify with the Toyota _Crown_."

K: " _Corona_ is another one."

A: "Why are all of their cars named _crown_!?"

E: "Why are we talking about _cars_ again."

In the meantime, the now _disabled_ Megas continued to change hands, the winner to get the spoils.

One of these winners was _not_ a toothpaste coloured robot, decapitated and bisected before _exploding_. "Y’know, they can be pretty _brutal_."

K: "As one would _expect_ of their society. Strongest wins."

_Twelve Tables_ **(13:10)**

We pan over the planet of the robots, the newly arrested Megas in tow.

K: "So what are the odds they get a _fair_ trial?"

A: "Even _if_ it was fair, they kinda _did it_."

And much to the grumblings of most of the Transformers, Zanzor became the new emperor.

While Jamie _fantasised_ about a fictional band. "I mean, it _is_ a pretty decent name."

A: "The only _issue_ with such a name is _Jamie_ likes it."

E: "And all the while, possibly one of the _greatest_ shifts in power in their civilisation is underway."

S: "It’s _always_ a great shift, I’d think."

K: "Especially back in the day. The greatest source of stability in a government is how they manage the _transfer_ of power. _Monarchies_ are a good early example: power transfer from oneself to your offspring isn’t exactly _egalitarian_ , but it _does_ guarantee there’ll _always_ be someone leading."

A: "Or you could just do an _armed coup_."

K: "That is when it breaks down, admittedly. In such cases, how about _democracy_? Give power to the people."

M: "An _ideal_ s-scenario."

R: "Then again, no system is perfect. They are all designed by people in the end; fallible people develop fallible systems."

K: "Ah, but these systems _develop_ alongside humans, as well. The Magna Carta was the start of _England’s_ shift to democracy, and yet over a thousand years prior, a similar such system _collapsed_ alongside the Roman Republic."

S: "A part of me _doubts_ the Halcyon Worlds will go to democracy anytime soon."

E: "Would they even _value_ such thing? They seem to thing _might_ is right."

K: "Akin to the Roman _Empires_ , yes."

A: "What the fuck is Coop _doing_?"

Distracted from their debate on the merits of democracy, they turned to the screen to find Coop bashing the Megas arresting device with a wrench.

And, of course, it worked first try.

M: "I don’t k-know why I even _think_ it will end wrong for them."

S: "Perhaps the Gods think giving him all this luck is _amusing_."

R: "Makes for half decent viewing, at the very least."

_Metal Maiden_ **(15:10)**

Zanzor began monologuing, giving the Megas just enough time to fix the Infinite Improbability Drive.

A: "This is why you don’t speak _until_ you defeat them."

R: "To be fair, they are working on the assumption the arresting device is… well, _arresting_."

M: "A shame none o-of the probably _dozens_ of robots gathered there n-noticed the destroyed device or the revving e-engine or the plumes of flame."

E: "Doesn’t sound like their strong point."

_Without_ connecting the drive to the Megas, Coop activated it, the device promptly disappearing.

S: "Not a strong point of _Coop_ , as well."

K: "They ought to be evenly matched."

A: "Well, they’re gonna have to fight their way out of it _now_ , won’t they?"

M: "Would we w-want the episode to end any other way?"

A: "No, not really."

On cue, Megas released itself from their bonds, just in time for the Metal Maiden to cut through some supporting pillars and promptly crushing a few robots to death.

E: "They don’t really _value_ life in their society, do they?"

K: "Maybe they think them too weak to avoid several tons of metal crushing them."

A: "Very Klingon."

Now it was _Coop’s_ turn to monologue.

Or at least _attempt_ to monologue.

S: "I think we could’ve guessed _everything_ in that monologue was inaccurate."

R: "They _are_ in the wrong, in this situation. Then again, it is apparent the _morality_ of this show is based on the characters."

K: "As with _any_ form of media."

Coop _executed_ the newly crowned emperor.

A: "Then again, I don’t think _morality_ was a key factor with Cartoon Network."

K: "Certainly a below average reign length."

M: "Probably b-better than most Roman e-emperors, at least."

S: "Shouldn’t _Megas_ become the emperor, based on their logic?"

E: "Logic can be _twisted_."

R: "And if you were one of them, you would _not_ want Coop to become emperor."

A: "I think that’s just a thing _anyone_ would feel."

_Execute_ **(17:30)**

Coop began carving up just about _every_ mecha like they were Christmas turkeys.

A: "That’s a _great_ sword, at least."

R: "It appears to be a _chainsaw_."

M: "I’m guessing y-you guys don’t _have_ chainsaws in your a-arsenal."

S: "Not _technically_ , then again I’m _still_ not too sure how the Progressive Knife works."

E: "It vibrates at high frequencies. Not exactly a _chainsaw_ but the same kind of _logic_ ; fast moving segments cut better."

K: "They’re doing just fine _without_ such a weapon, by the looks of it."

A: "Did _you_ have chainsaw weapons, Mari?"

M: "Oh _God_ no."

A: "Ah they’re never fun, are they?"

Gaivan _finally_ overcame the Megas, claiming back the sword and going for the kill.

At least until Coop hit the _"Five minutes until end of episode"_ button. "Man I wish _we_ h-had a button like that in the Evangelion."

R: "It would make a lot of fights easier, admittedly."

E: "I’ll see if it’s _actually_ five minutes."

S: "The _weapon_ it activates seems somewhat useful, as well."

A: "Maybe if they were fighting _trees_. The Iron Maiden or whatever that sword was called would work _better_ with robots."

Not that it mattered, Asuka being proven wrong as Megas immediately started immolating the robots.

Until the _former_ emperor stopped the proceedings, _kneeling_ in front of _emperor Megas_. "Ah God."

R: "Coop is just as confused as _you_ are, Asuka."

K: "Certainly _convenient_ , at least."

E: "They should’ve named the button justly."

A: "I wish _we_ had a _free convenience_ button in the Evangelion. Do you reckon we can get _Ritsuko_ to whip up one?"

S: "She’d probably rip her hair out at the suggestion."

_Emperor_ **(19:30)**

It was _Asuka_ wanting to rip her hair out at the imagination spot of Jamie, as he thought of the perks of being co-emperor of a robot civilisation. "Oh Gottverdammt!"

M: "A lotta _h-humans_ for a robot society."

S: "And he doesn’t even _change clothes_."

R: "Seems Cartoon Network is not willing to draw new clothes for a quick scene."

A: "Unless it involves a _girl_."

R: "I was about to get to that."

E: "Is choosing someone to lead you based on their incandescence a thing?"

K: "Not that I know of. Generally, such incandescence leads to a shortened lifespan; certainly not long enough to lead a society."

R: "A good thing _robots_ are somewhat resistant to flame."

A: "Why did I only just noticed that _former_ emperor bot has a _beard_?"

S: "Maybe you tuned it out cause it was the _least_ absurd thing of this episode."

M: "At least he’s _l-lighting_ that fire, again. Can’t see how that c-can _possibly_ go wrong in the next…"

E: "Two."

M: " _Two_ minutes."

Admittedly, it _was_ looking good for the first few seconds after the fire was lit.

Until the planet started burning down.

K: "Ah, it appears their planet is made of _magnesium_."

S: "Does their planet even _have_ water?"

A: "In Coop’s defence, that _is_ kinda bullshit."

Coop asked for water, and in response the robots started trying to kill him again.

R: "So much for _emperor_."

In a rare wise move, Coop decided to get the hell outta robot Dodge.

The planet blowing up behind him, much to the shock of everyone.

M: "Maybe he l-lit up the planet’s _exhaust port_. Like in Star Wars."

A: "Well, problem solved. I suppose."

The credits rolled over Jamie's imagination.

"This episode had actually rather _questionable_ morals." Eliza immediately objected.

"Indeed. Of course, they are the _good_ guys. Never mind the fact that they were destructive interlopers in this." Kaworu bit. "Then again, no one’s perfect."

"Yeah, who h-here _hasn’t_ destroyed a r-robot civilisation?"

"I’m sure there’s a _video game_ about it." Mused Asuka. "That should be the last ep on the disc, right?"

The next episode started.

"Thanks."

"Don’t mention it." With a flat look.

~~~

** 2.13: The Driver's Seat **

_Raindance_ **(00:00)**

The episode started with Megas utterly destroying some Glorft mechs, rain come down."Ah, _classic_ Megas."

S: "He’s not even _trying_!"

M: "I wonder if _y-you_ guys could drink a slurpie w-while fighting."

A: "Maybe if we weren’t _swimming_ in LCL."

E: "He’s just _showing off_ at this point."

K: "Who wouldn’t? In something like the Megas."

R: "This whole series has been him showing off."

As if to show off more, Coop demonstrated a _new_ modification. "I wonder what _Ritsuko_ would think of such modification, if we were to do the same with the Evangelion."

A: "Probably half anger and half 'how the hell did you do that'."

This modification resulted in Coop _disappearing_.

E: "Speaking of, _how the hell did he do that_?"

And _reappearing_ in possibly the _worst_ possible place he could.

In the middle of the Glorft mothership.

R: "It appears the Gods have _tired_ of his good luck."

A: "Doubt it’ll affect _too_ much."

S: "Isn’t Coop the _only_ person able to pilot the Megas now?"

As if on cue, the Megas started falling.

E: "This is why you _test_ such thing."

M: "How _would_ y-you even test that?"

E: "I’d use a static object with a way to track it. He’s lucky he didn’t end up stuck in a _wall_."

K: "Ah yeah, the pitfalls of teleportation. Of course, it would’ve been rather _dark_ of Cartoon Network if Coop ended up stuck in a wall."

S: "I can see _our_ show doing something like that, if we _had_ something like that."

A: "There’s _probably_ some AT-Field fuckery you could do." As she smirked in the direction of the Nephilim.

R: "I am sure if we looked into it, we could figure something out." She smirked back.

_Modification_ **(02:05)**

Kiva _attempted_ to drive the Megas.

K: "A part of me doubts she has a driving license."

E: "It _still_ amazes me you _need_ one for the Megas."

M: "I know in _some_ s-states, you can trade in an old title and g-get a _new_ title if you modified the body of the vehicle. I know _M-Montana_ has something like that with _motorhomes_ in m-mind."

A: "I mean, I _suppose_ you can say Coop modified the body of his Plymouth."

S: "So that means the Megas is an actual registered vehicle?"

M: "Yep. And I bet that’s _o-one_ of the reasons Coop put his B-Barra on the Megas."

R: "Then again, the person piloting the giant robot generally has the authority to _violate_ such orders."

A: "The Megas got _impounded_ , Rei."

Having _failed_ in driving the Megas, Kiva crashed into a building.

S: "I’d still be worried about the _Glorft_ chasing them."

Jamie obviously thought the same thing, as Kiva managed to at least get the Megas _mobile_.

K: "She’s doing quite well for herself, despite the modifications performed."

E: "You say as she backs herself into several buildings."

From that scene, the show cut to Coop _imprisoned_ on the Glorft mothership.

A: "I mean, _that’s_ kinda fair. Why _wouldn’t_ they lock up the _pilot_ of the Megas?"

M: "He’s certainly t-taking it in his stride."

S: "He likes doing that, doesn’t he."

Perhaps _Warmaster Gorrath_ would break his stride, as he strode into the room.

K: "They don’t sound _impressed_."

E: "If you found out the person constantly _destroying_ you was someone like _that_ , yeah I’d be more _disappointed_."

R: "Goes to show looks are not _everything_."

A: "Especially with the _Glorft_."

Gorrath and Coop promptly started flexing on one another, Gorrath’s feats _seemingly_ better than Coop’s.

M: "Now if o-only he wasn’t completely _destroyed_ by Coop on a r-regular basis."

S: "Maybe the rest of the universe is weak?"

A: "And _humans_ are the best. I mean, _I_ can certainly go for that."

K: "Humans have certainly _proven_ their pedigree, at least _here_."

E: "Coop’s proving it _now_ , standing up to Gorrath like that."

_Body Blow_ **(05:55)**

Back to the Megas, Kiva _still_ trying (and mostly failing) to pilot the giant robot.

A: "Well _Jamie_ , let’s see if _you_ can do better then!"

Upon Jamie’s suggestion, they found the navigation computer.

A: "…I mean, I _suppose_ that works."

R: "He knows Coop well."

Now with something _she_ knew well, Kiva was able to get out of the hole she dug the Megas into.

S: "I would hope they weren’t _torturing_ Coop up there for information."

…In a _way,_ they were.

E: "Ah, using his _one_ weakness. A 79 cent slushie."

M: "Still, if t-they _spill_ that in front of him, that’s 79 c-cents wasted."

K: "Would’ve been the _Glorft’s_ 79 cents, at least."

R: "If they bought it at all, instead of _scaring_ the store manager into getting one."

A: "It’s _still_ withholding some sort of food for _information_ , ain’t it. So _still_ torture."

S: " _Would_ Coop give up that information for a slushie?"

E: "Does he even _know_ how to use the time drive in the Megas, first of all?"

Either way, his negative answer resulted in 79 cents being wasted.

M: "Aww they’re a-actually _good_."

R: "I assume the name is what is in it."

M: "More or l-less. Steak, melted cheese, b-bread. Onion optional."

A: "I mean, that _does_ sound kinda good. Can’t go wrong with something _that_ simple."

K: "Makes for a good _fast food_ , I imagine."

Gorrath _ate_ a bite of Philly cheesesteak.

E: " _He_ doesn’t hold the same opinion as _you_ do, Asuka."

A: "What _do_ they eat, anyway?"

R: " _Not_ something like a Philly cheesesteak, obviously."

Either way, Coop held steadfast, as the Megas approached.

S: "And not a moment later. _Someone’s_ gotta save Coop from this _cold-blooded_ torture."

_Bob and Weave_ **(08:00)**

The prototype was displayed onscreen, moving around like no one knew how to pilot it. Which was _somewhat_ accurate. "Look how _sad_ Gorrath looks at how they’ve _defiled_ his creation!"

K: "Wouldn’t be the _first_ time."

E: "If an Evangelion was modified like that, I’m sure _mama_ would be upset as well."

Taking Jamie’s advice, Kiva hit the _circle_ button.

S: "Shouldn’t that have _worked_?"

M: "Nah, should’ve b-been the _X_ button."

R: "The X button should have _cancelled_ the engines, not the circle button."

E: "I didn’t even _see_ an X button on the gamepad."

A: "What about the _B_ button? That pad had shapes _and_ letters on it."

Either way, it didn’t matter, the Megas crashing into a Glorft office.

K: "Still worked, I suppose."

It cut to Jamie and Kiva in a _prison cell_.

Much to the amusement of everyone. "So much for _that_ , Kaworu."

M: "So now t-they have the prototype. How much time do we have l-left in the episode?"

E: "14 minutes, give or take."

A: "If torturing with _food_ wouldn’t break Coop, I’m sure torturing his _friends_ would."

R: "Exactly their intention, Asuka."

K: "That, or _destroying_ _Earth_. If they were able to do it in the _past_ , the future wouldn’t _matter_. Then again, that brings about a paradox."

Coop played dumb, pretending the time drive still existed in the Megas. "It wouldn’t surprise me if he had a _plan_ of some sort."

A: "Probably a half baked plan that requires plenty of dumb luck to work."

M: "Dumb luck might as well b-be a law of the universe in t-that work."

_Bet You Can’t Guess What Happens Next_ **(10:00)**

After adjusting his seat, Coop began the tutorial.

E: "Dumb _buttons_ are another law of that universe."

K: "Indeed."

It was an _ejector seat_ , launching Warmaster Gorrath into the air.

To the laughter of just about everyone, as Coop _zoomed_ away. "A part of me wonders how long this could _last_."

R: "Hopefully the Barracuda was refuelled recently."

Even in nothing but a Plymouth Barracuda, Coop was running circles around the Glorft, as they attempted to apprehend him.

S: "They’re kinda _incompetent_ , aren’t they."

A: "Seems half the _universe_ is, at this point. If someone like _Coop_ can outplay them."

K: "You wouldn’t think that looking into the _future_. Then again, perhaps humans went _backwards_ in the time."

M: "Or maybe l-like a Rome situation. Time and various o-other factors resulted in weakness, y-yada yada yada."

R: "Perhaps if they had a _Coop_ in the future, things would not have gone that badly."

An attempt was made by the Glorft to entrap him by destroying a bridge, but it didn’t work.

A: "He’d be a damn _one man army_ against the Glorft!"

Cut to the prison, after another rant by Gorrath.

E: "They’re right about _that_ , at least."

K: "Imprisonment is usually less than ideal."

M: "Sometimes in _Monopoly_ it’s a g-good thing to avoid paying rent."

A: "Gee, I wonder _why_ Jamie doesn’t have any other friends."

S: "Kinda touching of Coop to still be his friend _despite_ how he’s like. _We_ know how being alone is like."

A: "…Fair enough."

Kiva used Jamie’s complaints as good enough cover to _escape_ , and bring Jamie with.

A: "How the hell did _that_ happen?"

E: "Obviously they have little concept of _security_."

R: "But now is the question of-"

If it was finding Coop, he soon crashed through a wall.

R: "…Well _that_ was easy enough."

_Jailbreak_ **(13:10)**

With everyone piled into the Barra, just like old times, they soon fled the scene.

S: "Even _Coop_ can’t believe Jamie was a help."

R: "Previous episodes have proven his helpful qualities are few and far between."

K: "Can’t deny they were able to get the Barra to _Coop_."

M: "Seems l-like he’s _developing_ something with Kiva, a-as well."

A: "Well ain’t _that_ the magic of friendship."

E: "Out of all the things that _shock_ Coop, it’s _that_."

Coop and company continued weaving through the bowels of the Glorft mothership.

S: "Man he’s _really_ pushing that car."

M: "And that’s in _m-miles_ , as well."

E: "289 kilometres per hour."

A: "I’m surprised the _engine_ hasn’t blown up yet."

S: "You don’t _need_ to go that fast, surely."

R: " _Normally_ you do not need to go that fast. But when outrunning alien soldiers, more speed is generally better."

They eventually slid in front of even _more_ Glorft.

E: "Here’s hoping they can _use_ that speed."

K: "They have been thus far."

And they certainly _did_ use that speed, half the Glorft army chasing after them as Coop pined for a Philly cheesesteak. "A part of me _doubts_ they do drive through."

A: "Maybe if Gorrath actually _liked_ the cheesesteak, they might’ve _adopted_ such tradition from Earth."

S: "You can _get_ ten cylinder engines?"

M: "Not exactly _c-common_ , but they exist. Pretty sure the D-Dodge Viper has a V10 in it, actually. He p-probably found one in a scrapyard and chucked it in a B-Barra, as you do."

Whatever more discussion about whatever engine the Barra had in it grinned to a halt, as they realised said Barra was staring Warmaster Gorrath’s giant robot in the foot.

E: "Well, I _would_ say they were screwed. But Coop probably has a button to get them out of it."

_Payback_ **(15:40)**

Gorrath _would’ve_ continued monologuing, if not for the rumbling.

A: "Did he hit a button?"

E: "Probably."

And just like that, the _Megas_ came in, plowing through the Glorft and combining with the Barra once more.

S: "I’m not even surprised anymore."

M: "How _did_ that h-happen?"

R: "I am sure they will explain."

K: "Sounds like they’re having _fun_ , at least."

A: "Gotta have _fun_ while fighting, eh? Might as well, as long as you don’t screw around _too_ much."

E: "Which Coop _does_ screw around."

A: "Still gets the job done." She shrugged. "Plus, what’s more fun than _destroying your enemies_?"

R: "You are learning well from Coop, Asuka."

A: "Pfft, I was _always_ a bit like that with fighting. This just _encourages_ me, Rei."

And with a buh-bye, Coop started destroying the thousands of Glorft surrounding him.

M: "That _purple_ thingy was p-pretty cool."

K: "You could probably replicate that with the AT-Field."

A: "I gotta learn that, then!"

Things were going well, until they weren’t, Megas keeling over with a torn off arm.

S: "Now _that_ was kinda unexpected."

E: "There’s still there’s still about five minutes left. Plenty of time for tension."

R: "Can you really form tension if we know this will end in victory?"

K: "He won’t give up. As these series have showed us, humanity can be rather _persistent_."

A: "He’s gonna go Gurren Lagaan on us, ain’t he."

S: "He already _has_."

M: "Still don’t know what t-that show is."

_I’m Still Standing_ **(18:20)**

_Seemingly_ , the Megas blew up.

A: "Yeah, he’s not dead. Unless the next few discs are about the _Glorft_ only."

R: "A part of me doubts Cartoon Network would be so bold."

M: "Maybe it’s a p-power play. Killing off your m-main characters halfway through a series."

S: "Sounds like those books Maya reads."

Subverting this subversion of expectations, the Megas returned, still standing.

R: "Knew it."

E: "Can’t deny the Megas is _sturdy_. And so are his _modifications_ to it, as well."

K: "He’s showed himself as a bright and persistent individual. When he want to be."

A: "Coop could be another fucking _Leonardo Da Vinci_ if he put his mind to it."

M: "A _smartass_ Da V-Vinci, that’s for sure."

At his wits end, Gorrath activated the _Eradicator_ , transforming the entire mothership into a giant robot.

A: "Heh, knew it."

M: "So G-Gurren Lagaan did this as well?"

A: "Pretty much."

R: "And they got much bigger than _that_."

E: "So next should be robots the size of _planets_."

S: "There won’t _be_ robots the size of planets if they _destroy_ the planet."

K: "Coop must’ve _really_ worn on his mind if he’s willing to destroy the _only_ way to go back to his timeline."

A: "He probably thinks he could take on the rest of the galaxy as revenge."

Coop _tried_ to use the 'save the world' button, but found it ripped out. "I’m not even gonna _ask_."

R: "Comparing how many worlds he has saved to how many worlds he has destroyed, that button must have been gathering dust."

Instead, Coop teleported his gallon cup of soft drink into Gorrath’s cockpit.

E: "I hope they invested in waterproofing."

It spilt on a keyboard.

Resulting in the _destruction_ of the entire Glorft.

To the flat looks of _everyone_. "Man, imagine if spilling a bottle of water onto the controls of Central Dogma started _Third Impact_."

K: "I suppose _this_ is what you would call dumb luck."

E: "Why would spilling something onto a computer result in _that_?!"

M: "They didn’t invest in w-waterproofing."

~

And with the entire conflict of the previous thirteen episodes resolved in the previous thirty seconds, the episode ended.

"Well… _that_ was easy." Shinji eventually concluded.

"There’s still more discs to go."

"Perhaps that _green energy_ they showed us will have something to do with the next few episodes." Rei posited.

"It sounds l-like Gorrath is pretty _dead_ , though. And the _rest_ o-of the Glorft."

"Good thing there’s _plenty_ of people in the universe that seemingly want Megas dead." Flatly retorted Eliza.

"At the very least, the _bread_ would have certainly risen in the time we spent watching."

All looked to Rei. "Oh right, the bread!"

* * *

## 3\. Midnight Sun

The midnight sun barred down on the rust red Southern Ocean, Makinami’s charter ship weaving its way through the pillars of salt.

Makinami himself was looking over the starboard side of the ship. "…Ice? There hasn’t been ice down here since Second Impact…"

Andrew the Cameraman was meanwhile _filming_. "Interesting footage, at least." With a chuckle. "Doubt many people home have seen this kinda thing."

"Yes, the sights of _salt_ , and _red water_." Sardonically retorted the Oversight agent.

"It fascinates _us_ , at least."

"You don’t get out often, do you."

"Never been outside Swan meself. Furthest I’ve travelled was probably _Telfer_ , actually. Small war between Swan and some upstart nation based outta the Pilbara, mainly for the gold and copper up there."

"How far?"

"From New Albany, bit over 2000 kilometres." With a huff. "Might’ve been a bit more _interesting_ if the war was still goin’ on by the time I managed to get up there."

"I’m rather surprised your country has such _reach_ , in these times."

"There’s a _reason_ the Eastern States want us with them. You could kick up rocks and find _gold_." In boast. "Lemme tell you _why_ they want us to join them: _Olympic Dam_. Largest known deposit of _uranium_ in the damn world, and guess what? Swan’s been pushing up to it."

"Ah." He realised. "They want a peaceful solution before you run them down."

To this he laughed. "That was a few years ago, mind you. We trade resources and get goods, Olympic Dam is neutral ground until we can forge another Australia. Probably the start of actually getting this damn continent united again."

The ship continuing to follow the trail of ice, Makinami continued to entertain Andrew. "How long do you think it’ll be before Australia becomes one again?"

"I reckon Swan and Bendigo are gonna combine by the 20s. Arnhem Land is a bit of a wildcard; don’t think I need to tell _you_ what Brits were wont to do with the indigenous."

A slight grimace at the thought, as he thought to change the subject. "You into cars? I didn’t know you guys _had_ Ford here."

"More of a _Holden_ guy meself." As he thought back home. "You seen the _new_ Commodore? Best car I’ve seen, then again that’s not too _difficult_ in this country."

"That the small truck thing?"

"Nah, that’s a _ute_. Holden and Ford make one car with like _ten_ different specs. Need space, get a station wagon. Need utility, get a ute. Need a four wheel drive for the bush? You get a LandCruiser or a Pajero if you got the mo..."

The words trailed off, as Andrew looked to the horizon. A blemish beginning to show itself.

"Keep filming." Makinami commanded, layering stoicism upon his trepidation.

The blemish grew and grew as the ship creeped closer, form and colour becoming all too apparent.

"…What the fuck _is_ that thing?"

Andrew’s camera was currently fixed on an abstract figure, easily the size of a skyscraper. Its form reminded him of a pendulum clock, black form blighted by steadily pulsing purple.

Those on the deck could also note the quiet ringing that accompanied every pulse. And could only watch in frozen silence as the centre of this being flipped on the Y axis, completing a full circle before continuing, seemingly listlessly, on the way; the rust red ocean forming rust red ice underneath their impossibly thin legs, and the two heads of the being continuing to turn, akin to clockwork.

"Did… did it see us?"

"In all likelihood." Makinami admitted, lighting a cigarette. "If we’re lucky, it doesn’t see us as a threat."

This appeared to be the case, as the ship came alongside this being, keeping up with their stride. "Keep filming. That tape is the most valuable thing on Earth at the moment."

And so he did, in silence, as the ship continued slowly semi-circling around the being.

"Where’s it goin?" Andrew eventually choked out.

Spencer had to think. "Where else _could_ it go?"

It didn’t take too long for Andrew to get the implication. "We need to warn someone."

"We need to get _back_ first."

Soon enough, the ship was at full speed ahead, the being once more becoming a blemish on the horizon.

And once more, it was alone.

Pausing only briefly, the being adjusted their position to follow the line of the vessel, before continuing on its way.

* * *


	4. CDE 4

* * *

## 1\. Foundation

National Foundation Day was a… let’s say _controversial_ public holiday in the best of times.

To _Misato_ , however, _any_ public holiday is a welcome break from the burden of Commander, especially if it lines up with the weekend.

Which, for Misato in particular, meant a few things. Since the house wasn’t occupied with Shinji and Asuka for the moment, that allowed her and Kaji a few more… liberties.

To this end, they were on their 7th cans of Kirin, playing strip blackjack with Pen-Pen.

And _both_ were losing. "How are you actually _good_ at this game?"

"Wark."

"I mean _yeah_ we are kinda buzzed, but I’ve been _worse_!"

"Wark." He flatly crowed, as he played his hand.

"That’s your _fourth_ blackjack!" A shocked shout.

"He’s been counting cards, Misato." Muttered the agent, gingerly sipping his can.

"And you haven’t _told_ me?!"

"Wark."

"Yeah pretty much." He admitted with a cocky smile.

"You rarely see me with my clothes on anyway!"

"More of a good thing and all that." The smile remained.

As Misato pouted.

"Wark?"

"Yeah, I got some cash in my purse, Pen-Pen."

The only sounds for a short while was Pen-Pen rummaging through her belongings, grabbing a few crumbled up notes of whatever denomination they were, before _leaving_ the house through the front door, after a small struggle to reach the door release.

It was only _after_ all this that Misato leapt over the table, tackling Kaji to the floor, and immediately shutting up any complaints of his with a kiss.

"…And here I thought you were _angry_ at me."

"You know I can’t get angry at you." Her voice was much lower in volume, almost airy. "Got plenty of _privacy_ now, at least."

"So where’s Pen-Pen going off to?"

"Oh, somewhere he likes." With a smirk, before diving again.

~

Pen-Pen pecked on the door of an apartment, and it wasn’t too long before _Hikari_ opened the door. "Oh, Pen-Pen!"

"Wark!" As Hikari picked him up for a hug.

"Pfft, of _course_. I’m guessing the Yen’s for your dinner?"

"Wark." As she dropped him back down. "Wark wark wark."

"Least she _got_ you some cash this time around." Before she turned inside. "Oi Noz! Pen-Pen’s come over for the night!"

"Penguin!" Was the only response from in the house.

~

It may have taken the rest of the day, but the pilots were finally able to enjoy the fruits of their labour.

For breakfast. "Well, it’s _nice_ bread, at least."

"Not as s-sweet as I was expecting."

"Is that an American thing?"

"Prob’ly." Kaworu/Mari shrugged. "Seems m-most of the world does things differently to us."

"I’d say that was true between _any_ nation."

"Ah well, it’s n-nice to get out and about. Seeing different p-perspectives, y’know."

"Expanding your horizons is always a wonderful thing." Kaworu mused in amusement. "I certainly find it interesting, hearing your perspective."

"And how _s-strange_ we are."

"It’s _still_ kinda strange to see you talk normally and have it be two different people."

Yet another shrug. "I’m sure you can pick up our unique intonations."

"And the f-fact I stutter."

"You’ve been improving."

"Thank ya kindly, but it’s s-still a part of how I speak."

Before a thought occurred to her. "Hey, d’ya t-think it’d be possible to do some AT-Field magic to give us s-separate _accents_?"

"I believe _we_ have such thing already. Then again, I wouldn’t know _what_ my accent would be."

"Is _metallic_ an accent?"

Rei/Eliza shot Asuka an unamused look.

While Kaworu seemed to do something. " _How’s that?_ " In a noticeable _drawl_. "Wait a minute."

"Ah _dagnamit_ I’m not f-from the South!"

Everyone else couldn’t help but chuckle. "Okay, that didn’t work."

"Ah it’s fine, A-Ash." Was her soft remark. "I appreciate the effort."

A small lull in proceedings, as most continued to eat their sandwiches.

"You guys w-wanna keep watching Megas?"

Asuka couldn’t help but smile at how _bashful_ she sounded. "Yeah, that sounds good to me."

It didn’t take too long for them to end up back on the couch, the next disc soon starting up, and the next episode of Megas beginning to play.

* * *

## 2\. Megas XLR

Character Key:

Shinji (S) Asuka (A)

Rei (R) Kaworu (K)

Eliza (E) Mari (M)

** 2.14: Ultra Chicks **

_Ranz des Vaches_ **(00:00)**

M: "Well a-ain’t _that_ the most generic way to start a c-cartoon."

A: "Very _Looney Toons_ , ain’t it?"

K: "I believe they were the ones to _use_ William Tell Overture for a morning leitmotif."

A: "…Wait, _that’s_ William Tell?!"

K: "Indeed it is. Quite a contrast from the galloping finale, is it not?"

E: "Quite fitting music for installing a _V12_ and a _five speed_ _gearbox_."

S: "Maybe that means he worked _all_ _night_ on it."

R: "A man dedicated to his craft. All the while Jamie looked through what I will _assume_ is a pornographic magazine."

M: "Least _Kiva_ d-did some stuff, as well. Not sure _what_ , but that’s alright."

A: "Coop wasn’t really sure what _he_ did, so maybe the Megas just runs on dumb luck and duct tape."

E: "As long as it _improves_ things, that’s all Coop really cares about in the end." As she chuckled at what Jamie was _actually_ reading. "I didn’t know they _published_ guides for that."

S: "He obviously _needs_ them."

M: "That Cajun crawfish sounds p-pretty good right about now."

A: "What even _is_ Cajun? All I really hear about them is their food’s _spicy_."

M: "French L-Louisianan. They’re pretty c-cool people, from what I hear."

_Transformation Sequence_ **(00:55)**

If Mari wanted to go into more detail, it would have to wait, as fast paced electric music began playing.

Much to the unamused looks of the lot. "I think I have an idea _what_ element of anime this show will parody today."

A: "It’s the _minute long transformation sequence_ , ain’t it."

M: "Sailor Moon w-wasn’t _that_ bad. Kinda reminded me of a-all _our_ old cartoons. Y’know, the ones d-designed to _sell toys_."

R: "Which is not a motive that lends itself to _creativity_ , I would think. And if _Kensuke_ is anyone to go by, it sounds like _modern_ anime has not improved."

S: "That much the same in the west, Mari?"

M: "Pretty m-much. Cartoon Network and N-Nickelodeon folded around 2005, so the only c-companies making cartoons nowadays are the big t-toy ones like Hasbro. Is the t-transformation sequence over yet?"

Eliza glanced to the screen. "Nope."

M: "Cool. And yeah, H-Hasbro were making some pretty _g-garbage_ shows last I checked. New Transformers is b-boring, I’m convinced they _s-sabotaged_ Jem, and their new My Little Pony made _Sesame Street_ look like _c-college education_."

A: "Sounds like _some_ things are still the same between the States and Japan, at least."

M: "That’s not a _g-good_ thing!"

S: "So _this_ show is just about better than _anything_?"

E: "Sure _sounds_ like it. Also, the transformation sequence is over now."

A: "Fuck sake how _long_ was that?"

E: "64 seconds."

K: "A part of me wonders _why_ they are looking for Jamie."

M: "Revenge for h-his interplanetary womanizing, perhaps."

It wasn’t.

S: "I wonder how _far_ Jamie will take this."

R: "At least one episode’s worth."

A: "They think he’s _cute_?"

They soon _swooned_ over "Coop", Asuka _audibly gagging_ at the turn of events.

K: "Now I’m wondering how far _Cartoon Network_ will take this."

E: "They’ve _already_ taken it further than most people would."

A: "What, were there too many _badass_ females in this show?!"

M: "At least they didn’t d-drag _Kiva_ down with them. Yet."

S: "Aren’t they _powerful_ enough to face whatever they’re facing?"

A: "You _saw_ how they reacted to _Jamie_ , right? I bet they can’t even open a _jar_ without calling for help."

R: "That is the same with _Jamie_ as well. And yet he is expected to help."

Yet _another_ minute long sequence started. "Ah Christ, what’re they doing _now_?"

K: "Taking Jamie with, I would assume."

After that _painfully_ drawn out sequence, the opening credits played.

A: "So how long _was_ that opening, Eliza?"

E: "Three and a half minutes. _Half_ of which was transformation sequence."

_302 Found_ **(04:25)**

Coop called for Jamie, but nobody came.

S: "Would Jamie even _like_ crawfish? He seems like the kind of person to _not_ like that kinda thing."

K: "I’m sure if it was for _Coop_ , Jamie would at least _try_ such food."

A: "This _is_ Jamie we’re talking about."

E: " _Kiva’s_ certainly not complaining. _I_ probably shouldn’t as well."

Instead, Jamie was en-route to a domed city on a planet in a galaxy far far away.

R: "I wonder if Zero Two and Hiro would find such a city familiar."

S: "It _already_ has a lot more light than a regular plantation city."

A: "Maybe they’d see it like Mistletoe, whatever it was called."

M: "I have n-no idea what you’re talking a-about."

K: "Two of Tokyo-3’s pilots arrived through a Rift from another world, bringing with them Rift material that depicted the story of their world."

R: "Alongside several technological developments that have already been implemented."

M: "That just r-raises _more_ questions!"

Questions that were not answered. "Even _if_ Jamie was the pilot of Megas, do they expect him to do anything _without_ it?"

A: "I don’t think those girls are ones for _thinking_. I bet their _eyes_ are larger than their brains."

The Sailor Senshi had enough brains to give him his own robot.

M: " _That_ looks p-pretty _badass_ actually. I’d rock that."

Unfortunately it was not _that_ robot, as the music reflected Jamie’s disappointment.

R: "What about _that_ robot?"

M: "Not so m-much, admittedly."

K: "A giant robot’s a giant robot. It should still be an effective weapon."

E: "I’m trying to understand this _logic_. They say they don’t have the means to _defeat_ Kurdock, but they have _two_ giant robots ready for the picking. Is _no one_ in that city capable of piloting that?"

A: "God knows _those four_ aren’t."

R: "That robot would be better _built_ , I would think. Non prototype unit, and not modified by a New Jersey mechanic who bolted a Plymouth Barracuda to the top of the unit."

M: "Said prototype also b-being from over a _thousand_ years in t-the future."

K: "Also considering the universe has been technologically advanced for almost two _trillion_ years."

Either way, "Coop" was shoved into this poor excuse of a robot.

S: "Gee, thanks."

A: "Betcha _Ritsuko_ would rip them a new one for not _helping_ him."

E: "That, or think it’s _deserved_ for Jamie getting himself in that situation."

_Deployment_ **(06:40)**

Jamie was absolutely _not_ ready to go for deployment, so it was a good thing the robot _locked_ him into the chair. "Man they’re _really_ forcing this on him, aren’t they?"

R: "I would not know the _efficacy_ of such a restraint."

E: "I’d think the argument for having _no_ restraint was due to the LCL. And I didn’t see the cockpit flooded with LCL."

M: "Either way, J-Jamie’s gonna have to learn _quickly_ , w-won’t he?"

A: "Worse that could happen is he _dies_." Asuka shrugged. "Cartoon Network won’t do _that_ , of course."

S: "Entire _civilisations_ can die, though."

A: "Yeah, they’re probably fucked."

The robot was kicked out of the domed city, to face its statistically likely demise.

E: "Rather strange he doesn’t try to _practice_ with the robot first. Even _Shinji_ got some practice in before facing Sachiel."

S: "Yeah, look how well _that_ went."

K: "You got out of it _alive_."

M: "I thought it w-went rather _well_ , judging by the footage. For a first timer."

S: "That was when _mum_ took over, mind you."

R: "Jamie would not have a resident soul to take control if events end up going south."

A: "That we know of."

R: "Indeed, who knows how they designed their giant robot. Perhaps the excess love hearts is designed to hide its true nature."

K: "The Evangelion would be a lot more _interesting_ if _that_ was the design choice NERV went with."

Right as Kurdock was about to come into view, the Ultra Cadets interrupted with a video message.

A: "Why does the video take up your entire viewpoint?!" Asuka _rightfully_ complained.

R: "I do not think _sensible_ design choices were front in mind for this robot."

M: "Man no _w-wonder_ they couldn’t face Kurdock."

Video message over, Kurdock appeared once more, Jamie screaming his lungs out at the sight.

S: "Can’t say I _didn’t_ expect that reaction. Makes _my_ original reaction to Sachiel seem _stoic_."

R: "It really _was_. At least until they started attacking."

A: "But _that’s_ fair enough, I’d think. _Jamie_ hasn’t even looked at Kurdock for more than five seconds and he’s _already_ shitting himself out of fear!"

E: "I’m sure we’ve established quite well that Jamie is _not_ pilot material. Rather a shame the Ultra-Cadets found _him_ instead of Coop."

R: "Speaking of."

K: "I’m sure they’re _still_ looking for Jamie. That, or they’re getting food."

_Blinkenlights_ **(08:20)**

Trying to cut his losses, "Coop" hit a myriad of random buttons and levers, the effort instead pushing him _closer_ to Kurdock.

A: "Well _they_ certainly think he’s brave."

M: "They think _C-Coop_ is brave. Hell, he’s known a-across the entire _universe_ , ain’t he? Who there k-knows _Jamie_?"

R: "They knew of his name, but they did not know of his _look_. A rather… _noticeable_ look, at that."

S: "They’ve been on galactic _television_ , haven’t they? Surely their image would be _everywhere_ at this point."

E: "Might just be me, but I wouldn’t think the _Ultra Cadets_ were one to watch _intergalactic wrestling_."

K: "Even so, all depictions of Coop have been with him in the _Megas_. Perhaps his windows are tinted; it wouldn’t surprise me, given the myriad _other_ mods done to his car."

The robot _missed_ Kurdock, but Jamie was doing a decent job at _distracting_ Kurdock at the very least.

R: "As long as he can distract it enough so they can mount an _effective_ defence."

A: "That _is_ their defence! They have _no_ strategy other than throw someone into a giant robot and hope for the best!"

E: "Bit rich coming from _us_."

A: "Oi, we have _training_ with giant robots at least!"

Speaking of, it cut to Coop and Kiva, _still_ looking for Jamie.

M: "That’s k-kinda _cute_ , actually. He really _does_ miss h-him."

R: "Unfortunately, they probably will _not_ know where he went.

Goat told them _exactly_ where he went.

R: "…Unless a convenience happens." Muttering.

A: "Well ain’t it handy it _happened_!"

K: "Rather fitting their concerns are more based around the fact Jamie might _do something_."

Coop’s little imagine spot only confirmed Kaworu’s observations.

S: "Kinda _overestimating_ him a bit, I’d think."

E: "Didn’t they accidentally become _emperors_ a few episodes ago? _After_ desecrating an important artefact?"

M: "Sounds like t-they get up to _enough_ somethings w-w-ith each other."

A: "Ah so Coop doesn’t wanna _miss out_!"

_Advance in the Opposite Direction_ **(10:10)**

Once more to Jamie, still trying to run away.

M: "Not exactly the _b-best_ look for someone _trying_ to be a hero."

S: "You should’ve seen _me_ when I first got in the Evangelion."

A: "You didn’t _run away_. At least _in_ the Evangelion."

M: "I’d say y-you did pretty well, at least with all the f-footage _I_ was able to see.:

S: "Good to hear I’m doing _better_ than Jamie."

E: "Just about _anyone_ would be better. He’d probably burn down Tokyo-3 through incompetence alone."

K: "And yet _despite_ all this, the sailor senshi _do_ see him as the hero."

R: "They do not notice his cowardice. Especially as he is out of range."

S: "If they had a view of the _cockpit_ , they’d know."

M: "It’s gonna be t-through complete _chance_ this Kurdock gets beaten, isn’t it."

A: "I’d like to _think_ Jamie might learn a lesson from all this."

K: "Sounds like you don’t have much _hope_ for that."

A: "Nah, not really."

Jamie led the Kurdock to a conveniently placed volcano.

E: " _There’s_ your chance."

S: "Do we know if his robot’s _fireproof_?"

A: "You’d _hope_ , if it was meant to fight a _flame throwing Kaiju_."

M: "Maybe they u-used pure _magnesium_ in construction."

R: "Jamie would have lit up like a beacon at this point."

Kurdock sought to light up Jamie like a beacon, throwing his punch.

Before abruptly falling into a lava pit, in a visual example of 'rocks fall, everyone dies'.

K: "Well. Problem solved."

A: "Man I wish _our_ Kaiju died as quickly as _that_ one did."

M: "They _surely_ h-had the second Terminator in their w-world, didn’t they?"

R: "The cinematography certainly appeared similar. However, the Kurdock did _not_ give a thumbs up."

E: "As most are _not_ wont to do, having been thrown in lava."

A: "You haven’t _seen_ The Terminator yet Eliza, have you?"

E: " _Heard_ of it, but haven’t seen it. Something about a killer robot from the future."

M: "Good thing w-we’re _friends_ with the artificial intelligence."

_Loose Bearing_ **(11:40)**

Still trying to find his friend, Coop flew the Megas through space.

A: "Y’know, Jamie himself would _not_ do this."

R: "A fact that the show has established several episodes ago."

K: "If only it were _that_ easy to track warp anomalies. Perhaps we could have dealt with Seele _earlier_."

E: "I thought you _could_ track when Dirac Rifts were opened."

A: "Wasn’t that an _active_ monitor? That’s why NERV were trying to get some _satellites_ up in the air a short while back. Otherwise we’re just left with tracking the Blues like before!"

M: "You guys put _satellites_ in o-orbit?"

R: "Not exactly, but I went to _the Moon_ once. It is not as interesting as you would think it was."

M: "You _what_?!"

S: "Oddly enough, that’s probably the _least_ interesting place you’ve visited."

R: "When you consider the more _metaphysical_ places I have visited, yes."

While Coop and company were looking for Jamie, the person in question was _enjoying_ his treatment as victor.

K: "Very humble indeed."

S: "Does he just do this _whenever_ he gets a taste of power?"

E: "Previous episodes point to _yes_."

A: "Classic _megalomania_. You don’t see _us_ like that after we beat the shit out of a giant monster!"

S: "Misato would _bat us with a newspaper_ if we were like that!"

R: "Not to mention fruit like that is _expensive_."

M: "How _does_ an alien w-world like that have fruit like _pears_ and _grapes_?"

E: "Perhaps they’re _space fruit_. Completely different to Earth fruit."

S: "Despite the fact they look the _same_."

K: "The echidna and the hedgehog have both evolved spiky exteriors, despite their complete isolation from one another. Perhaps they evolved _exactly_ the same way on their world."

A: "Consider they’re vaguely _human_ , as well."

Jamie told a story of 'his' escapades.

E: "You know it’s questionable when not even his _imagination_ is trying."

R: "I am sure _Cartoon Network_ saved a few hundred Yen by only having to reanimate Jamie’s head over preexisting footage."

_City Bashing_ **(12:50)**

S: "They never have to look _far_ for Jamie, do they?"

A: "Just look for the one causing all the havoc!"

Coop _immediately_ went full throttle into the domed city.

M: "So, _them_?"

A: "I mean, they certainly aren’t helping their _case_."

R: "Perhaps they have just _doomed_ this city." As it panned over the now _shattered_ dome.

E: "Even the cleanup from all that _glass_ will be a task."

K: "And I believe I can see the conflict coming. The senshi will attack Megas due to them attacking their hero, and the planet will blow up."

S: "Probably won’t be _that_ excessive."

A: "They’ve literally blown up like _three_ planets so far, Shinji."

And so the Ultra Cadets prepared for battle, against the so far undefeated Megas.

M: "Suppose we d-don’t have to discuss the _odds_ of them w-winning against Megas."

E: "It’d somehow be less than _zero_."

Thus began _another_ long transformation sequence, Asuka audibly groaning. "Come on! Don’t waste our time with _that_!"

R: "I take it _Sailor Moon_ was not your show of choice."

S: "Hold up, if _they_ could transform into giant robots, _why didn’t they_?"

K: "Must say, it cuts out _building_ giant robots."

A: "So _why_ did they _build_ that giant robot Jamie’s driving?"

M: "I’m g-guessing they don’t know Coop recently _destroyed a civilisation_ of giant r-robots."

R: "You would think that would be headline news."

Coop _tried_ to calm things down, but the Ultra Cadets weren’t having it. "Now _that_ kind of language is just uncalled for." Shinji derided, as the battles began.

A: "Coop’s actually staying true to his word, so far. He’s not _fighting_ them."

K: "He’s trying to be _chivalric_ , it seems."

A: "Y’know that goes flying out the window when they start _attacking_ you. _I_ certainly wouldn’t be surprised if _I_ was clapped back if I started something. Hell, I probably wouldn’t even _mind_."

R: "It would give you more _incentive_ to fight back."

A: "You _bet_ it would."

_Gloves Off_ **(16:20)**

One large explosion predicated Coop getting _mad_.

E: "It appears he’s _reached_ that point."

R: "This planet is doomed."

M: "And all b-because _Jamie_ wanted to be the hero."

And yeah, the next fight scene was like most _previous_ fight scenes."

A: "Y’know, they couldn’t fight Kurdock. What chance did they have against _Megas_?"

S: "Eliza put it well."

K: "Jamie isn’t even _trying_ to calm things down, as well."

R: "He can barely _pilot_ himself. Odds are _no one_ is listening to him at the moment."

A: "As per _usual_."

The fighting continued, the Ultra Cadets in their giant robot forms pulling out various tricks from their metallic sleeves.

To little success.

A: "Can’t even be _mad_ at all this, eh? They brought it amongst themselves!"

K: "As we know, poor communication kills."

Coop accidentally punched 'Coop' six ways from Sunday, blasting off again like they were Team Rocket on an average day.

S: "Would’ve been pretty bad if Jamie _actually_ fell into the lava."

A: "Eh, _your_ Eva handled it well enough."

E: "With an AT-Field. A part of me imagines even _with_ an Evangelion, Jamie’s AT-Field would be nonexistent."

M: "Is lava _meant_ to b-be roiling like that?"

K: "Depends on the volcanic activity. I believe Mount Asama was rather calm, at least judging by the Laserdiscs."

A: "Oh yeah, it was pretty much _flat_. Does that mean an _eruption’s_ 'bout to happen?"

K: "Geology is not my strongest suit, but I would _assume_ so."

R: " _Or_ , perhaps throwing Kurdock into the volcano had some _unforeseen consequences_."

_Deep Fried_ **(18:45)**

Either way, Coop was able to get to 'Coop', saving him from becoming deep fried robot like he was in Robot Hell, New Jersey.

K: "Now to see if _he_ becomes deep fried." As the Ultra Cadets posed menacingly in front of them.

E: "Or if Jamie actually _does something_ , other than cower in place."

Jamie certainly took his sweet time on his decision.

A: "Wouldn’t surprise me in the slightest if he _still_ doubled down."

Even Jamie had his limits, as he _finally_ admitted to the Ultra Cadets that he was _not_ , in fact, Coop.

M: "Oh _of c-course_ they use a _record scratch_. How long has it b-been since anyone’s _seen_ a record, anyway?"

S: "I know my _sensei_ had an old record player."

R: "Either way, it is a good audible representation of what their _minds_ are trying to comprehend." As if on cue, the show cut through all the _undesirable_ aspects of Coop’s look.

E: "This entire episode could’ve been _prevented_ if Jamie was upfront."

K: "I feel _most_ episodes could’ve been prevented with some foresight."

M: "So they’re gonna pummel _J-Jamie_ , now?"

Coop _prevented_ the Ultra Cadets from pummelling him.

S: "Well ain’t _he_ a good friend."

Because only _he_ could pummel him, as he just started doing that.

To the _immense_ amusement of just about _everyone_. "Grit those teeth, Jamie!"

R: "It can act as a show of punishment, as well. They got their justice, in the end."

E: "And _Coop_ gets to express how _stupid_ Jamie has been this episode, as well."

K: "That’s what friends are for." With a short chuckle, somewhat relating.

S: "So are they gonna get their robot back?"

M: "Let Coop have his f-fun, Shinji. He’s probably got a few _grievances_ with J-Jamie, at this point."

_There Shined a Shiny Demon_ **(20:35)**

It was well into the night that Jamie was _finally_ allowed back in the Barracuda. "Man they had a _lot_ to let out, didn’t they?"

A: "Jamie has been like this for _all fourteen episodes_ , Shinji. I’m surprised they didn’t snap _earlier_."

E: "Jamie’s lucky no one snapped while he was _outside_ a giant robot."

K: "I doubt the Ultra Cadets are getting _that_ giant robot back, at least."

M: " _That_ giant robot d-didn’t really deserve to exist in the _first_ place."

And with some tension _still_ in the air, the Megas left.

R: "Oh would you look at that." Rei noted, completely dry. "Jamie did exactly what they did _not_ want."

A: "Kurdock’s gonna do something like _absorb_ that lava, ain’t he?"

As if on cue, the Kurdock emerged reborn from the caldera, looking straight outta hell.

S: "Welp, they’re doomed."

M: "They couldn’t d-defeat him _before_ , they have _no chance_ now!"

E: "Especially without their _domed city_."

The show cut away from the doomed planet, Coop and company flying away with naught a thought.

M: "Yeah yeah J-Jamie, you sure _saved_ them."

A: "Thing is, they’re _right_ to _not_ believe him."

K: "Either way, I wouldn’t be surprised if we are left with just that. Kurdock starting to wreak havoc, with the heroes none the wiser."

S: "Can we even _call_ Jamie a hero, at this point?"

R: "I would not _think_ so."

The episode closed off with Goat watching a sappy movie in a Jersey drive in theatre.

With a bird. "Holy shit that was actually _serious_." Gawked Asuka. "How the hell did _he_ get her number?"

"Not a good look for _Jamie_."

"I’m just amazed she got out _alive_." Mused Shinji.

"Perhaps she _fled_ their doomed planet." Kaworu speculated. "It’d be the _only_ solution, with how unprepared they were even _before_ Kurdock was thrown into lava."

"Either way, she seems to like him." Thought Rei, with a small smile. "I don’t mind it."

"I’d find it k-kinda _inspiring_ if they somehow found love after all _that_."

"I’m sure having someone who can transform into a _giant robot_ comes in handy." Entertained Asuka.

"Aren’t _we_ that?"

"I mean, it’s not exactly _transformation_ , ain’t it?" With a chuckle. "Though maybe there’s some Nephilim power to enable that? Hint hint?" As she nudged Rei.

"Unfortunately not."

"Dang it."

"That we know of."

And with that, the next episode started.

~~~

** 2.15: The Return **

_Blockbuster_ **(00:00)**

We start with Megas fighting an _insect_ Kaiju. "Ooh it’s _not_ a reptile this time around!"

M: "Still kinda _cliche_ , t-though."

R: "This _whole show_ is a cliche, but that is part of the charm."

The bug managed to _destroy_ the Megas.

This would’ve caused some concern with the group, had the show not cut away immediately to reveal this was a _TV show_.

S: "Are they already making _shows_ of the Megas?"

K: "You’d think Coop would be offended by it being _defeated_ , then."

A: "He seems _elated_ at this!"

E: "Kiva has a point, why are they _interested_ in this when they can just _do_ that?"

M: "Maybe they s-see that as _work_."

R: "The threat of _dying_ would also sour the enjoyment a little, I would think."

S: "So they’ve watched this video _eight times_ , so far."

A: "Well, you’d wanna get the most out of a _rented_ video tape." A blink. "Y’know, now I think about it, I’ve never really seen a video _rental_ store in Japan."

R: "They are uncommon. Most prefer to own media outright, even if they only plan on watching it once. Plus, media are cheap." With a shrug. "Often it is more expensive to _rent_ the movie."

M: "Oh man, that’s a _b-big_ thing in the States. Blockbuster has l-like _five thousand_ stores in the US alone. Do you know if t-they’re in _Germany_ , Asuka?"

A: "Think they left _before_ Second Impact. And you wanna know _why_ they failed in Germany?"

Mari cocked her head.

A: "Because they didn’t stock _porn_!" With a single barked laugh. "Porn was like one third of _all_ video tape sales at the time!"

Mari couldn’t help but chuckle herself. "Yeah, that’s one of the _p-popular_ uses for video tape, ain’t it?"

E: "Either way, they have _29 minutes_ to return this video tape."

M: "Oh yeah, t-those late fees are _bullshit_ , but I see _why_ they exist."

K: "It _is_ a rental, after all. And as long as you don’t leave it to the last minute, you should be fine."

A: "But on a _Sunday_ , of all days? Why not _Monday_ some time, at least then you can pop down there on the way to work or school and drop it off like _that_."

M: "They aren’t really _t-that_ strict, at least _my_ local one. As long as you’re not like a _w-week_ late."

S: "One of your _six_ local ones, I imagine."

M: "Hey, we only had _four_ B-Blockbusters locally!"

_T Pot_ **(01:35)**

All of a sudden, a giant robot teleported in front of them.

K: "I doubt they’ll meet that 5:30 deadline."

M: "So why the hell has _M-Mister T_ gone to stop them returning a video tape?"

S: "Who _is_ Mister T, anyway?"

R: "A character from The A-Team, an American show about a group of mercenaries."

A: "Ain’t _that_ a description for that show."

M: "I mean, she got the _basic_ d-details."

R: "The only details I know were from a bootleg laserdisc that I bought under the assumption it was a movie we _wanted_ to watch."

E: "Was it _disappointing_?"

R: "The episodes on the laserdisc were amusing enough." With a huff, as the titles began. "If I am being honest, Kaworu and I were otherwise _occupied_ during the viewing, so some of the details escaped me."

A: "I’m surprised you remember _half_ the things you two watch. I bet Kaworu isn’t even _facing_ the TV half the time!"

E: "Can’t wait." In a mutter. "Can you at least wait until _after_ I get a body of some sort back before you go do that? I’ve had _enough_ of that business for a while."

R: "I am sure there is a solution waiting for us, once we return."

E: "Knowing _my_ mama, yeah."

_Return of the Joke_ **(02:45)**

The opening titles played out, robot Mr T continuing to speak big.

A: "We still haven’t established _why_ he wants to stop them from returning their video tape."

S: " _Someone_ obviously wants Coop’s membership cancelled."

K: "Maybe the video store sent the giant robot out, just so they’d had an _excuse_ to cancel his membership."

E: "New York drivers aren’t _that_ bad, right?"

Mari shrugged. "New Jersey doesn’t l-like New York. And they don’t like New J-Jersey back, so fair play."

R: "The way you make it sound like, _no_ states like New Jersey."

Out of nowhere, Magnanimous announced himself. "Hold on, how’d _he_ get back?"

E: "Obviously Magnanimous found a way _out_ of that black hole."

M: "It’s a _black h-hole_."

R: "And we have established the laws of the universe have been thrown sixteen feet into the announcer’s table."

A: "Can we just throw him back _into_ the Dirac?"

E: "Not for another 20 minutes or so."

Glossing over the fact he _escaped_ from the singularity, he immediately sought about setting the Megas on Mister T.

S: "And what if Coop _refuses_?"

A: " _Would_ he refuse the opportunity to kick robot butt?"

R: "If it meant not getting a late fee on a video tape, perhaps."

M: "Perhaps if he _won_ , he’d g-get enough money to get whatever film he w-wanted."

K: "And we know just how well Magnanimous is at keeping his word."

Thing was, Coop really _was_ tempted at this.

E: "I would’ve thought Coop would _know_ Magnanimous is a liar."

A: "Maybe he thinks he can just throw him into a black hole if he tries killing him again."

S: "I mean, he probably _could_."

R: "Those _action figures_ are too tempting, it seems."

M: "I’m guessing none of _you_ would like that."

A: " _God_ no. We’re kinda lucky we’re relatively _anonymous_ , outside of Tokyo-3."

K: "Might not even be _anonymity_. We’d be watched so much that even a _whiff_ of potential harm to us would be met with the force of several _thousand_ suns."

R: "Even _before_ , it was like that. Look at what happened at the _theatre_. NERV responded to the attack by _locking down_ and completely _destroying_ everything Seele worked for."

M: "Yeah I _d-definitely_ missed out on _that_."

A: "Look on the bright side, now you’re with _us_ , you can help destroy Seele even _more_! Because God knows _they’re_ still around, one way or another."

M: "Can’t wait."

_Matter of Title_ **(05:00)**

Magnanimous misspoke, completely destroying the rapport he had been developing with Coop.

K: "Sloppy on _Magnanimous’_ part."

S: "He was _close_ to accepting it."

A: "You’ve seen his imagination, he wants an _action figure_ of himself!"

And so, Magnanimous revoked Coop’s title.

E: "Ooh _that’s_ gonna tear him apart some. An ultimately meaningless title that was gained in questionable circumstances."

M: "Thing is, it _w-will_."

R: "If he were to _ignore_ him, the best Magnanimous could do would be to _attack_."

A: "Which Coop could just deal with by _pile-driving_ him into the pavement. Which he should’ve done _before_."

S: "Throwing him into a black hole _should’ve_ been like that."

Coop couldn’t get his mind off being a _has been_ , a sad montage playing.

K: "Must say, he’s doing a good job at _pushing_ Coop."

R: "He knows well how Coop is like. He acts on _feeling_ first."

A: "Does he _ever_ act after a thought?"

M: "I imagine he has to t-think about his _monologues_."

E: "You know it’s bad when even _Jamie_ is trying to talk you down. You’d have to go home and _rethink_ your life after that."

S: "And this was all meant to be returning a _video tape_."

A: "As one episode was meant to be about getting a _slushie_ , or going to a _monster truck rally_."

K: "It’s _never_ as easy at it seems in the Megas universe, it appears."

M: "If I had to go through all this t-trying to return a _video_ , I’d j-just take the late fee."

Magnanimous eventually settled on getting a few giant robots to tear apart Coop’s house.

S: "Wasn’t the belt the _size_ of a house, anyway?"

R: "It was, but perhaps he had expanded his basement."

_Metal Massacre: The Rematch_ **(07:50)**

All across the universe, money changed hands. "I wonder if we could even _comprehend_ the amount of money being bet."

M: "I’m not even g-gonna _try_ , myself."

S: "So where’s _our_ money going?"

A: "I dunno, the one with the morning star might go alright."

R: "We could answer Kiva’s question with the fact that Coop is _popular_. At least judging by how much _money_ is being put on him."

And so it began, Megas immediately getting bowled down by three of the combatants.

K: "You can understand _why_ , judging by all the previous episodes."

As if to spite him, the robot known as Crusher _crushed_ the Megas.

M: "Can’t by j-judging _this_ episode, so far."

E: "Y’know, _that’s_ a pretty good incentive to avoid robots destroying your house."

M: "It _would_ piss off his m-mom, wouldn’t it?"

A: "It’d piss off _any_ mum, having their house destroyed by giant robots looking for a giant belt."

S: "Does that happen on a regular basis in _that_ New Jersey?"

R: "It may as well."

Instead of, oh I don’t know, _destroying_ Coop’s house immediately, Mister T decided to monologue.

And promptly got his shiny metal ass beat. "Should’ve gone for the prize."

Crusher came crushing back. "Should’ve payed attention."

Who was pile-driven into the pavement for his trouble. " _That_ went well for him."

K: "There’s still-"

One of the three remaining combatants spun Megas right round baby, right round. "Yes, there are still _three_ remaining."

Using a set of _power lines_ as a slingshot, Coop shot back.

M: "Is Vid-Hut just w-watching this and only caring about t-that _video tape_?"

E: "The _message_ under their branding seemed to indicate that."

Coop found a convenient folding chair factory, grabbing the oversized folding chair they used for branding and promptly using it _against_ another robot.

R: "That should leave _two_ , if I count correct."

Using an overpass as high ground, Coop multiplied the weight and the acceleration of the Megas to decimate a combatant. "Well, _now_ it is one."

His rear view mirror said otherwise.

A: "Oh _come on_ , I thought they were _dead_!"

It all came to a head at Coop’s house, all combatants scuffling over the belt.

_Come Up and Get Me_ **(13:00)**

And after the dust settled, it was Mister T who came out on top. "Oh _come o-_ "

Sike.

K: "Was it really _anyone_ else’s match?"

A: "He’s certainly _humble_ about it." He really wasn’t.

M: "Ah _let_ _him_ brag. Don’t think _a-anyone_ would complain about M-Magna… _Magnanimous_ getting his d-due." A small smirk peeked out, at having _finally_ gotten his name.

Perhaps Coop bragged too much, giving an open invitation to the _universe_ to come and get him.

E: "I shouldn’t be surprised Magnanimous took advantage of Coop’s words."

R: "As he would. I doubt he even _has_ 500 million credits."

S: "I doubt he has _five_ , myself."

Either way, it was enough incentive for… let’s say _quite a few_ mechs to come through various Dirac Rifts, looking for those credits.

A: "Damn, not even _ten seconds_ after Magnum Anus announced it."

K: "We can’t deny it will make for good television."

E: "A good thing we are _watching_ it."

The sheer amount of combatants was revealed after the break, at least _fifty_ being shown on screen.

R: "The Megas is not all powerful. I doubt they can fact _this_ many."

K: "I think that is the _most_ combatants they have had to face at once."

A: "And all because he can’t fucking _shut up_. There’s a _reason_ they say 'Loose lips sink ships'."

S: "I suppose it’s a _good_ thing most of _our_ combatants don’t understand what we speak."

Coop began his monologue _again_.

But much to _everyone’s_ surprise, Mister T _interrupted_ this, punching him to the ground. "Finally!" Exclaimed Asuka. "About _time_ someone took advantage of that!"

Mr T was promptly downed for his trouble, Coop beginning to do much the same to everyone else.

At least until the Megas started shutting down, a King Kong lookalike pounding him into a building.

M: "Doesn’t look g-good for Coop, eh?"

E: "They _are_ rather stacked odds. _Indefinite_ combatants against _one_."

A: "And add _failing systems_ on top of that. Y’know, the Megas seems kinda _unreliable_ when it really _counts_ , doesn’t it?"

S: "Which is when you _don’t_ want something to be unreliable."

R: "It is millennia advanced technology, modified and kept running by a young mechanic from New Jersey. The fact it is running at all should be _applauded._ "

_This Little Light Of Mine_ **(15:35)**

'Check Engine' illuminated and a Star Trek red alert klaxon sounding, the Megas was in an increasingly sorry state.

K: "Coop’s certainly right about _that_."

R: "And Coop is not the type of person to _flee_ from a fight, as well."

A: "With how the Megas _looks_ , I doubt they _can_ flee."

E: "I’d usually consider it a _bad_ thing when _all_ crevices of a robot starts leaking _hydraulic fluid_."

Try as she might, Kiva just couldn’t get power.

S: "They didn’t forget to fuel up, did they?"

Not that it mattered, Mister T throwing down and monologuing again. "At least _this_ time around, Megas isn’t able to completely _flatt-_ "

Mister T was flattened by _Magnanimous_ instead, in his own giant robot.

A: "Hold up, what happened to the 500 million credits?!"

R: "We have already established he does not have that much liquidity."

K: "And if _he_ defeats Megas, then _he_ gets the 500 million. Net zero loss."

E: " _Revenge_ is also a good incentive for him."

A: "Oh revenge is _always_ a good incentive. Most people don’t take getting thrown into a black hole well." Asuka grumbled. "Trust me, I know."

M: "So all this p-pretty much made him even _more_ insane."

K: "Perhaps if his enterprise was more _clean_ , Coop would have let him off. But he just _had_ to try rigging things."

R: "Greed is a wonderful thing, is it not?"

K: "Never exactly understood it, myself."

Either way, Coop would fight.

E: "So all the hundreds of other combatants have just… held off?"

M: " _I’d_ be entertained s-seeing this play out live."

A: "I’d be kinda _angry_ at not getting those 500 million credits!"

R: "Most people seeking revenge do not think of the consequences _of_ said revenge."

S: "I’m just surprised the Megas got a _second wind_."

K: "Maybe the incentive of _not_ allowing Magnanimous to get revenge is enough."

_Down for the Count_ **(18:40)**

Really, it was only a matter of time before the Megas went down for the count.

S: "Is he gonna get a _third wind_?"

R: "I doubt it."

A: "Damn they _really_ did a number on New Jersey, didn’t they?"

E: "Coop and the Megas have been fighting since at _least_ 1700 hours. It’s probably _midnight_ right now."

In cinematic slow motion, and just before getting sliced in half by a chainsaw, Megas _ripped_ Magnanimous out from his mech.

And there was much rejoicing, Asuka going so far as to jump up from her chair. "Hell yes Coop!"

M: "God _damn_ that w-was pretty cool."

R: "They _like_ winning at the last minute, do they?"

K: "Aren’t those the _best_ victories?"

While Jamie _wanted_ to stomp on Magnanimous, Coop thought better to throw him to the proverbial sharks, forcing the giant head to confess the _truth_ of his current liquidity.

Rei cracked a small, slight smug smirk. "Knew it."

A: "So what horrors are we gonna see happen to _him_?"

E: "All or nothing at all."

It was the latter, Magnanimous choosing to escape out of a conveniently placed Dirac Rift.

However, five combatants followed after him, including the now bisected Mister T.

A: "Hey, does that make him Mister _I_ now?"

Mari and Kaworu chuckled at the wordplay, where Rei and Shinji simply cocked their head, confused.

"Well, at least t-they’re looking on the _bright_ side."

S: "They only _destroyed_ New Jersey to do so."

K: "More like _improved_ New Jersey."

A: "Is it bad I can’t tell if that came from Mari or came from _you_ , Kaworu?"

M: "I wouldn’t t-think so." As they both gave a toothy smile. "On another note, _how_ h-has only half an hour passed?! It’s _night_!"

E: "The most important thing is, despite _everything_ , they were able to _return_ the video in time."

The Vid-Hut collapsed further.

S: "Yeah, I’m sure they appreciate that."

The credits left with the group watching the same video a _ninth_ time, plus one giant robot, able to watch because their basement was now _exposed to the sky_.

"Y’know, I kinda _like_ these animated endings." Asuka decided to give her input. "Thought it was a _fluke_ the first time, but looks like they’re sticking with it."

"Gives more _value_ to the credits, at least."

"They were already _somewhat_ interesting." Rei admitted. "Though yes, having them _move_ makes it more appealing."

"Maybe t-they got a _budget boost_ after the thirteenth e-episode."

"And look at how far _that_ went. Characters still wear the same clothing, they use the same music, but at least we get _credits sequences_ now!"

"You’re getting good at sarcasm, Eliza."

"I have good teachers."

" _This_ credits sequence probably isn’t a good example, considering they only animated the _glow of the TV_."

"Here’s hoping the _next_ one is just as good." Snarked Asuka, as the next episode began.

~~~

** 2.16: Don't Tell Mom The Babysitter's Coop **

_Angel_ **(00:00)**

The idyll of the early morning was broken by an enemy that appeared to take design cues from the Internet. "Hey, t-that looks like some characters I’ve drawn!"

S: "Red on black?"

M: "Don’t judge, that’s how _everyone_ colors their characters on the I-Internet!"

R: "I am more interested in the fact they appeared to have a _core_."

K: "Despite being, more or less, an oversized _Terminator_."

E: "Again with the Terminator!"

A: "I’m guessing there’s no _DVD_ copy of the two Terminators, eh?"

R: "We might be able to wrangle a tape player from somewhere."

S: "Seems it’s _not_ a core, according to Kiva."

K: "It _could_ function similarly, at least to an S2."

R: "And we know how at least _some_ Angels can be _explosive_."

A: "The thing with combining matter and _antimatter_ , it produces an utter _fuckload_ of energy even on _molecular_ quantities. When you get to scales like _that_ , well, you can _see_ her concern."

M: "The Earth’s s-still here, I think."

K: "I’m sure we’d know if the Earth was destroyed by something like that."

S: "How _would_ they defeat them anyway, if they don’t destroy the power source? It could just _rebuild_ itself, surely."

R: "One would _think_ so, but the thing with _robots_ , they are _computer_ driven. Destroy the computer, it cannot do anything."

E: "Thing is, the computers would likely be _near_ the core anyway. Having them in the head is too vulnerable, even if it’s a good space."

A: "How’d they do the NT model Evangelion?"

E: "Main computer core in the chest region, where the core would normally be. The design philosophy for the ELIZA program was to have a drop in replacement for any core. Of course, philosophy and practice are two separate things."

Coop _bisected_ the robot, which consequently began to go nuclear.

E: "In example, the ELIZA program is _not_ designed to pull the Earth into a black hole if the computer core is destroyed."

S: "I mean, you’d _know_ , wouldn’t you?"

E: "I mean, I _might_ have a bug in my codebase." She shrugged. "I’m pretty thorough in my auditing so you’d think I’d pick up on something like that by now. And I don’t think _Sovvy_ was modified in such way, as well. Technically."

The legs falling on a _'Cough Syrup, Liver, and Homework store'_ (to the rejoicing of children), the increasingly nuclear top half was thrown into space, promptly exploding.

While the Megas _was_ buffeted a little bit, that was all there was. "Well _that_ went well." Concluded Shinji.

K: "I can’t wait to see the _consequences_ of this action later on."

A: "Is that who you call _Sovereign_ , Eliza?"

A glance away. "…I _did_ make him, y’know."

_Rift_ **(02:50)**

Take a wild guess on who was on the other end of that black hole. "Well, I should’ve known that wouldn’t last long." Drearily droned Shinji.

K: "They _are_ the main antagonists of this series, after all."

E: "That group really does cause all the trouble in this series, don’t they?"

A: "You could say _Magnum Opus_ was kinda separate from their actions."

R: "The bounty hunter, as well."

S: "Does that count? Since they were going for _Kiva_."

Rei shrugged.

M: "Either way, looks like s-squid’s back on the menu."

K: "A fact I’m sure Coop will enjoy."

The camera zoomed out on the newly upgraded ship of the Glorft.

A: "Part of me _doubts_ Coop will enjoy that _big fucking gun_ they grafted to the front."

E: "What if he figures out a way to blow it up?"

S: "Like in Star Wars?"

E: "Still need to see it."

M: "Add it to t-the list, then!"

Cutting to Coop, complaining not about the sudden appearance of the Glorft, but of the sudden appearance of his cousin.

A: "I wonder what kind of name _Skippy_ is?"

M: "Did t-they name him after the _kangaroo_?"

S: "In what universe is _Coop_ a responsible adult?"

R: "According to Skippy’s parents, that universe."

E: "He _likes_ talking back, doesn’t he?"

A: "More people _need_ to talk back to Jamie. And he _does_ have a point, where’s _his_ house?"

Skippy tried much the same with Kiva, only to get immediately clapped back.

M: "Does it r-run in the family, you guys think?"

S: "Sure _looks_ like it."

_Video Games_ **(04:40)**

Skippy immediately sought front row seats for Coop’s video game.

A: "Y’know, I _would_ ask if Jamie was petty enough to yell at a kid for something like _that_."

The answer to that was given via imagine spot, of Skippy _tied to a rocket_.

R: "You do not have to."

S: "He’s even _more_ petty." In a mutter.

E: "Less petty and more _psychopathic_ , at least in my opinion."

M: "Oh I think m-most people would think that."

Coop’s good mood was ruined by the fact there was no more pizza left.

R: "If something was to make _him_ psychopathic." As they saw the fate of the last slice.

A: "Did they _really_ need to show that much detail about that kid _eating pizza_?"

K: "Then again, that _is_ somewhat rude. That _was_ Coop’s pizza, after all."

S: "New Jersey’s raised him well."

M: "With how he d-dissed that _pizza_ , that kid’s a New Yorker."

A: "Makes sense."

Thorough peeved, Coop went back to his video game. "A part of me wonders why he didn’t _pause_ the game."

E: "The controller has two buttons."

Skippy paused the game with the _second_ controller.

A: "Sounds like you _jinxed_ it, Kaworu."

M: "Why’s it on t-the _second_ controller, though?"

E: "A radically _different_ looking controller, at that."

K: "Maybe the person who designed the console designed it with an annoying second player in mind."

A: "I’d fucking _cut the cable_ on that controller."

Coop did the next best thing, Skippy following suit by blocking the TV.

S: "So what _would_ entertain him, anyway?"

R: "Judging by Coop’s increasingly irritated attitude, something involving the Megas."

_Off Planet_ **(06:30)**

The Megas took off, tach pegged.

K: "That kid is unflappable."

R: "At this point, I am convinced Skippy is doing this because he does _not_ want to relate with Coop.

A: " _Most_ kids his age would find the complete _concept_ of the Megas fucking _awesome_. Hell, _I_ find the concept pretty cool."

E: "So Rei is probably _right_ about that attitude. Though _why_ does he not want to associate with him?"

M: "It’s just a t-thing for kids his age. Rather be with friends t-than family, seeing everything related to t-that as _uncool_ or other such words."

S: "You know well?"

M: "I’ve had enough m-middle school to see this sorta attitude."

K: "Such an attitude does not seem common to _me_ , at least."

A: "Then again, _Japanese_ culture seems pretty _against_ this sorta attitude from the start."

S: "Yeah, I doubt he’d _have_ that attitude if he was raised _here_."

M: "We’re a bit l-like that. Almost like a country s-started in revolution and who h-hates government has issues with a-authority."

E: "Who would’ve thought."

And so they visited the site of a lunar landing. "Ah, this must be one of the Apollo missions where the astronauts _never returned_." Noted Kaworu, upon seeing the _fully intact Lunar lander_.

Which immediately toppled, upon Megas touching down.

E: "It’s not meant to _be_ like that, I assume."

K: "The silver coloured top half is the _ascent_ stage."

S: "So it’s slightly concerning if it’s _still_ on the moon."

R: "Considering the last Apollo mission was in the _seventies_."

A: "Well, if there _were_ astronauts on that lander, they’re sure as hell not getting out _now_!"

M: "I’m just w-wondering how the moon _lost_ mass."

E: "I’m sure the coming fifteen minutes will inform us."

Further trying to show off to the kid, Coop kicked the nuclear engines into gear.

A: " _Bullshit_ your mother’s minivan is faster!"

R: "Perhaps she had _my_ idea. Strap a minivan onto an Evangelion."

M: "I mean, that _w-would_ make it faster than your regular Lumina or P-Previa."

S: " _Walking_ would probably be faster."

Perhaps trying to do something a minivan _couldn’t_ do, Coop began a trench run.

K: "Most people would try to _avoid_ the stalagmites."

E: "Coop isn’t most people." As he got to work reducing the moon’s mass.

A: "And the kid’s _still_ complaining."

M: "Almost like he’s _m-meant_ to be annoying to most people."

_Lunarian_ **(08:45)**

Coop slammed the brakes, as they ran into something _most_ inconvenient.

S: "Well, if _aliens_ don’t interest Skippy, not much else would."

A: "He’d probably _prefer_ the human killing aliens over Coop."

M: "Most kids h-his age would probably think the same t-thing, y’know."

Indeed, Skippy thought it interesting.

E: "I wonder if Skippy _knows_ they’re building what appears to be a _superweapon_ on the _moon_."

R: "At least we can say they are making _use_ of the moon."

A: "Why _would_ we need to build a superweapon out of the moon?"

K: "I’m sure Seele would think twice about attacking if we had such a weapon."

S: "Or, they could _co-opt_ it."

K: "That wouldn’t be the best outcome, admittedly."

E: "Such weapons would only really make sense if we were destroying _planets_ , anyway."

A: "Well we did _that_ alright with Mars, didn’t we?"

M: "Seele s-sure had _that_ coming, didn’t they?"

Against Jamie’s wish to go home, they activated their camouflage.

R: "It might be me, but I would not think _woodland camouflage_ would work well in a _Lunar_ setting."

S: "I don’t think _any_ military’s thought about appropriate Lunar camouflage."

A: " _Kensuke_ might say otherwise."

E: "How are all those camouflages _useless_? One of them isn’t even _trying_ to hide you!"

K: "What if you wanted to camouflage yourself against the sun?"

S: " _What_ situations would require you to blend in with the _sun_?"

Kaworu shrugged, as Coop did his best Solid Snake impersonation on this Lunar base.

M: "Rather amazing h-how _stealthy_ you can be in a giant robot l-like that."

R: "You would _not_ be able to do the same in the Evangelion."

A: "Ah you just haven’t _tried_ , Rei. Who knows when you need to sneak up to your quarry with catlike tread?"

E: "They would sense your AT-Field from miles away."

_Termina_ **(10:40)**

The coast now clear, they snuck further into the facility.

A: "Even _if_ the atmosphere was breathable, I _still_ wouldn’t put the top down."

R: "I wonder if he put any _interlock_ on the convertible roof controls, so you could not do such thing in _space_."

M: "Prob’ly n-not."

S: "Surely the Glorft would _know_ that barrier’s been tripped by something."

E: "They most likely _do_ , but we shouldn’t _hope_ for that."

K: "So what are the chances that Skippy is _right on the money_ with his assumption?"

A: "I mean, it _does_ kinda look like an engine. A _rocket_ engine."

M: "It’s sure as h-hell not a _V8_."

Kiva helpfully picking up a Glorft broadcast backed up Skippy’s claim.

R: "Seems much like _Coop_ , he can be bright when he needs to."

K: "There’s still one thing outstanding with the engine. _Why_ have they built an engine like that on the moon?"

The budding debate was cut short by Coop broadcasting to _all_ the Glorft.

Much to the flat stares of _everyone_. "Good fuckin’ j-job, Coop."

E: "At least they know a little bit _more_ about the Glorft’s plan."

R: "They have quite a penchant for monologuing, do they not?"

S: "Half the show is a monologue."

A: "So they gonna _crash_ the moon into Earth? What is this, _Majora’s Mask_?"

K: "Just without the face carved into the moon. And I imagine they’ll have _less_ time to stop this."

M: "And no m-magical ocarina to help them. Unless _Coop_ m-makes one for the Megas."

S: "It’d be an electric guitar, knowing him."

E: "Another thing I need to watch?"

A: "Play."

_World Engine_ **(12:40)**

With keys turned and engine spooling up, the Glorft got the hell outta there.

R: "Ten minutes _does_ seem like less time than 72 hours."

E: "And funnily enough, that’s just enough time to fill out the rest of the estimate _runtime_ for this episode."

A: "What a coincidence."

Before immediately coming _back_ at the behest of Warmaster Gorrath, because apparently finding the intruder _before_ they destroy your world ending weapon is a priority.

M: "What’s the bet K-Kiva tripped the signal _before_ the Glorft c-could track them?"

S: "They probably know a _general_ idea where they are. _I’d_ certainly check the engine itself first."

The Megas was felled by their mortal enemy: a door.

K: "Well, it’ll be _easy_ for the Glorft, at this rate."

E: "That _does_ sound like a strong door, at least."

M: "I swear I’ve h-heard _tritanium_ be used somewhere _else_ , as well."

A: "It’s probably one of those generic sci-fi metals you see around, like _unobtainium_."

E: "Isn’t that just a term for unusual minerals?"

K: "Engineering wise, it is."

A small vent was found above the massive door, just large enough for a portly kid to shimmy through.

Luck may have it, they _had_ a portly kid in their car. "I mean, if he _wants_ to, can’t exactly _deny_ him."

M: "E-Everyone’s dead if they fuck up anyway. No point in _n-not_ trying."

While trying to assert his authority as babysitter, Coop accidentally activated the 'Eject Skippy' button.

M: "Aaaaand he f-fucked up."

S: "Good thing they’re still in _atmosphere_."

R: " _That_ would have been an awkward explanation."

_Moon Dungeon_ **(15:00)**

Luck may have it, Skippy ended up right in the bowels of the engine.

E: " _That_ went well."

It was _not_ going well for Coop, on the other hand.

A: "Y’know, it’s probably a _good_ thing they got Skippy outta there."

S: "Even though Coop has defeated pretty much _everything_ thrown at him thus far."

R: "We can safely say _this_ battle will go much the same way, then."

A: "Eeyup."

Coop started by _grabbing_ a couple missiles in flight, redirecting them right back to the Glorft that fired them.

M: "Damn, you g-guys gotta _try_ that one time."

K: "We really _could_ do something like that, with the AT-Field."

E: "Then again, it’s probably more worth it to use your AT-Field to _protect_ yourself from the missile, instead of trying a move that Central Dogma will probably tear their collective hair out over."

A: "It’d be worth it for _that_ alone."

And this more or less continued, as Coop brought out the _Jamco_ branded light gun.

S: "Gods know we can’t use _that_ kind of controller."

R: "In a situation like the _Megas_ , such thing could be _more_ useful in comparison to the regular steering and pedal controls present."

M: "Why on God’s E-Earth did he design it so you have to _reload_? Did he just rip the system from _Time C-Crisis_?"

Meanwhile in the dungeon, Skippy continued exploring, running from Glorft, and generally wreaking havoc.

A: "He’s doing quite well for himself, ain’t he?"

E: "Skippy’s _enjoying_ this. It’s probably the most fun he’s had in _ages_."

S: "Which is _somewhat_ concerning."

K: "As long as he _helps_ while having fun. Which I’m sure he _is_."

Back on the surface, the Megas started gunning for Skippy, despite the influx of Glorft mechs.

R: "This will not take long."

Indeed it did not, Megas bursting through a wall just in time.

M: " _That_ will h-hopefully improve his view of Coop."

A: "You’d _think_ , eh?"

_Fire_ **(17:55)**

Ten minutes having passed in _five_ minutes, Warmaster Gorrath gave the command to fire.

Only they _couldn’t_ , the command failing immediately.

E: "I _knew_ that looked like they key they were using."

A: "And _why_ don’t they have any duplicate keys?"

R: "Would you _want_ duplicate keys for weapons like that?"

S: "When they can be stolen by a _child_ , might be an idea."

K: "I can’t imagine most worlds hold the keys to nuclear weapons on a _pedestal_." Thought Kaworu. "Maybe the _United States_."

M: "If they a-are, they’re behind a locked door."

Coop _dropped_ this trigger.

A: "I swear to God if _he_ starts it."

He didn’t.

His _size_ did, on the other hand, as his belly triggered the switch as it rested in his lap.

R: "This is not a good look for him."

S: "I think it was established that _Kiva_ is the _only_ responsible adult in that car."

A: "Hey Mari? The president of the US can’t just sit down on a big red button and cause nuclear war, right?"

M: "Nah, I’m pretty s-sure they don’t _have_ a big red button s-sitting in the Oval Office. Unless t-that’s what they _want_ us to think."

E: "Wouldn’t that require sitting on a _desk_ , anyway?"

In anger, Coop, fired a single shot from his plasma gun, which just so happened to set off a chain reaction that solved all their problems: redirecting the power of the engine straight into the Glorft mothership.

A: " _How_ does he keep doing it?!"

K: "God must find it entertaining. I know _I_ do."

S: "So how badly did the _moon_ end up?"

A sudden zoom out showed the true extent of the damage.

To which they all shrugged. "Eh, it’s not as bad as _Mars_."

R: "And as Coop said, no one sees the dark side of the moon. Though perhaps the sudden change of mass will affect tides slightly."

Back at home, and as Skippy was bragging to his mum about his grand day out, they caught a _news flash_ of _massive_ climate change, apparently brought on by the _destruction_ of the moon.

K: "Slightly?"

R: "Bit more than slightly, from what it looks."

E: "Bit more than the _tides_ , as well."

A: "Well, I suppose now Kiva has an _explanation_ if the weather on _future_ Earth was a bit funny."

The episode ended with the Megas walking into a storm _somewhat_ of their own making.

"I get how _tides_ could be affected, but how is _other_ weather affected as well?" Questioned Shinji.

"Tidal forces influence quite a bit of weather, actually." Began Kaworu. "It’s all to do with _water_."

They couldn’t help but chuckle at _how_ Coop was fixing things, manually filling the crater. "I suppose _that’s_ a way to fix it."

"Kinda a shame t-there’s no quick fix like that for _Second I-Impact_."

"We can always _cool the Earth_ down, somehow." Asuka entertained. "Maybe a similar idea to that _moon engine_ the Glorft had."

"Only on the Earth, instead?"

"Yeah! Boost the orbit of the Earth up a little bit so we get slightly less sun!"

More laughter at the idea. "You know _who_ would like that? _Bond’s_ version of my mama."

"Bit of a more _direct_ solution to climate change, I suppose."

And with that, the next episode started.

~~~

** 2.17: Viva Las Megas **

_Bun_ **(00:00)**

E: "What are _those_ animals?"

M: "Rabbits. You s-see them a lot in the States."

E: "…They’re pretty cute, actually."

A: "I hear they’re pretty skittish."

M: "Oh yeah, they’re _prey_ a-animals. They _have_ to be skittish."

They didn’t _immediately_ run away from the loud noise.

S: "What about that _other_ animal?"

M: "Gopher, but l-lemme tell you, they’re _not_ as cute as w-what they look like here."

A: "Do they make good _hunting_?"

Mari shrugged. "They’re both considered pests, t-though I’ve never eaten the meat myself."

E: "Why are we talking about _hunting_ the cute animals!"

This loudness was revealed to be none other than the _Megas_ , scaring away the rabbits and other various desert creatures.

K: "Well, _this_ episode is already dated."

R: "I do not think _anyone_ is visiting Las Vegas anytime soon."

M: "…Yeah, this is probably g-gonna be a bit awkward for _me_."

K: "It was not _you_ , Mari."

M: "You can _s-say_ that."

S: "And all for a _gaming_ _convention_?"

A: " _They_ haven’t been running for a while, that’s for sure."

E: "Seems it was destroyed _anyway_ , in Kiva’s future."

M: "Wonder what the G-Glorft had against _gambling_?"

R: "They probably saw Las Vegas as a significant human settlement, and attacked as such. Though that goes to show just how _behind_ they ended up in Kiva’s time, if this attack was _thirteen years before_ she was born."

K: "They both have their _priorities_ with a Vegas trip, it seems."

M: "I bet it’s n-not even gonna be _his own_ money that Jamie gambles with."

_Classical Gas_ **(01:45)**

They found themselves in a place that was _not_ Las Vegas.

S: "Perhaps the Glorft already _got_ to it."

A: "Or Coop’s internal navigation system isn’t all that’s cracked up to be."

M: "It’s p-probably just _that_."

E: "I wonder _how_ that fuel station got as bad as it did, anyway. There’s no roads _anywhere_ around it."

K: "You could _say_ it was for off road vehicles, but that would only raise the question on how to _resupply_ and _run_ such a place."

R: "Do they have serviced petrol stations in the United States?"

M: " _Some_ places do. Generally m-more country stations have it than c-city, unless you’re in New Jersey."

S: "I think that similar in _Japan_ , as well. Can’t say I’ve been to many _petrol stations_ , but my Sensei sure made it sound like that."

A: "We don’t have _anything_ like that in Germany, least as far as _I_ know."

E: "Then again, _none_ of you own cars."

A: "Fair, but it _sounds_ like New Jersey gets _spoilt_ a bit when it comes to the bowser."

Angry at this lack of service, Coop kicked over a bowser.

Lo and behold, it was a _switch_ , immediately taking the Megas underground.

E: "I _knew_ there was something up."

_Black Mesa_ **(03:10)**

They went down, down, down. Further into the depths of the Earth.

A: "Can’t really call _that_ Vegas, eh?"

S: "That wasn’t how you got into NERV-Nevada, was it?"

M: "It’d be _a-awesome_ , but nah, we just had a b-boring drive underground."

E: "I wonder _what_ the US military would be hiding down there, given how much trouble they went to actually _masking_ it."

M: "They don’t even h-have that much effort for _Area 51_. Unless t-they _really_ didn’t want Soviet satellites spying on t-them."

R: "So we can assume such a military base has been abandoned since the early 90s."

K: "It’s pretty half decent technology, given the age."

M: "Maybe they s-stumbled upon _Black Mesa_." She humoured. "They _were_ a-around that area, if I remember correctly."

As this wasn’t video games, Coop tried his best effort to get back out, only to get turned back by yet _another_ door!

A: "Oohoo, you could _tell_ he wanted to click that big red button."

S: "Even though _they’re_ well within the blast range."

E: "And Kiva said _withstand_ a nuclear attack, as well. It won’t do _anything_."

K: "Perhaps _multiple_ warheads."

M: "How did Coop get _n-nuclear warheads_ in the first place?"

R: "Maybe they sell them _wholesale_ in New Jersey."

And so they continued exploring, eventually finding a large door that Coop _once again_ could not open. "What is it with the Megas and not being able to open _doors_!?"

S: "Don’t tell the Glorft that, they might make their next superweapon a large _door_."

With his trademark caution, Coop _destroyed_ the door.

Immediately getting sucked into a vacuum for his trouble. "Don’t you just _hate_ when you open a door and you get thrown into a wormhole?"

A: "I’m more amazed that _door_ was able to keep that black hole in there for so long! No _wonder_ doors are dangerous to the Megas!"

_Area 50_ **(06:15)**

Picking himself up off the ground, the Megas continued exploring.

A: "That room was full on _vacuum_ , wasn’t it?"

E: "Just _what_ are they hiding in there?"

S: "Whatever it is, I’m sure it _loves_ this newfound atmosphere."

M: "Did they _r-really_ just call that place Area _50_?"

A: "Is that where they _actually_ keep the aliens and UFOs in America?"

K: "Not so secret if _Jamie_ knows about it."

R: "Well, if _something_ was to interest Coop more than video games, it would be _aliens_."

S: "Maybe he thinks they had _alien_ video games."

M: "Thing is, p-pretty much _everyone_ knows Area 51 and aliens is a bit of b-bullshit. They _did_ test experimental a-aircraft there, though."

E: "Perhaps _that_ is where the UFO comes from. No one said a UFO had to be _alien_ in origin."

Coop pushed a danger button to open a tomb entitled 'R.E.C.R'. "I wonder if whatever is in there _does_ actually _wreck_."

A: "It sure _looks_ like a wreck."

Coop, in all his infinite wisdom, _kicked_ this robot.

Which gave it _just_ enough juice for a reboot, the Megas promptly getting _booted_ themselves.

S: "Can’t say _that_ went well."

M: "They even _s-sound_ like they came from the 50s."

A battle was attempted. "It _siphons_ power from it surroundings?"

M: "…Well _that’s_ kinda funny, as well."

R: "The Evangelion Seele sent during the December Incursion could do a similar thing."

M: "Eh… it was more _disabling_ power, not s-siphoning it."

K: "I believe it was established that it could use the _souls_ it harvested."

M: "…Yeah that sounds accurate."

Unlike the Mark.0, when it came to actually _doing the job_ , the RECR could not pull it off, lacking energy.

A: "Well _that’s_ fucking convenient."

S: "I don’t think RECR even _cares_ about the Megas."

R: "They are not even worthy as a _power source_ for RECR."

Thusly, the Megas was locked away as RECR once was.

E: "Maybe it’s time for a _new_ strategy? Maybe?"

_Enemy Mine_ **(09:45)**

M: "He’s got a b-bit of _moxie_ for being a k-killer robot from the 50s."

A: "I’m guessing the _enemy_ in this case is anything _communist_?"

M: "It _was_ the 50s, A-Asuka."

Rewinding his data tape, RECR thusly gave his answer to a star spangled backdrop.

K: "I think there’s a slight error in his programming."

E: "I bet they set the parameter as 'Everything against American values’ is the enemy."

A: "Spaces included?"

E: "Yes. The code must’ve only taken the _first_ token as a parameter."

Asuka facepalmed at the glaring oversight.

R: "I do not suppose programming was somewhat _refined_ back in the 50s."

S: "Wouldn’t it be _more_ refined? If you had such limited processing power."

E: "I can’t imagine most people like the idea of manually typing machine code. Back then, it was either FORTRAN or forget it."

A: "Ain’t you glad you’re programmed in C."

E: "Very."

R: "Can you understand languages like that?"

E: "I’ve been learning the syntax of other languages, but anything running on _my_ system is in C."

Coop _tried_ to taunt the power sucking robot, by telling it _exactly_ where all the power is.

M: "That went w-well."

R: "For the robot."

Once again, a damn _door_ blocked the Megas from stopping RECR.

A: "Well, Vegas is screwed."

_Fabulous Las Vegas_ **(11:00)**

We cut to the city of craps and credit, as _G3_ was well underway.

A: "I wonder what _Volleyball Babes 6000_ is about."

R: "Could be soccer."

M: "By _volleyball_ , do they m-mean the _sport_ ball? Or t-the _other_ definition of volleyball?" As she made a _round_ gesture around Kaworu’s chest. "Don’t think t-that gesture works well in a boy’s body."

E: "I think we still got the memo."

S: "If anything, it allows me to _see_ the gesture without getting yelled at."

A: "Oh I’m not _that_ bad. As long as you don’t _linger_ on another girl’s bust."

K: "And what counts as lingering?"

A: "More than a couple seconds."

M: "How g-generous."

E: "I assume a game like that wouldn’t be _great_ , then."

A: "A game where _jiggle physics_ are an advertising point." Flatly remarking. "Plus, do you even _like_ volleyball, Shinji?"

Shinji shrugged. "I’d play it on the _beach_."

K: "I imagine _most_ people playing that game are not interested in the _volleyball_ aspect, anyway."

R: "Neither would the _developers_."

A brief glance to RECR, looming over the glowing city, before going back to Megas, still stuck behind a door.

E: "They’re gonna use up _all_ their power, at this stage."

K: "Perhaps _that’s_ why RECR didn’t see them fit for a battery."

R: "Or, _Reverse Engineered Collective Robot_."

S: "Sounds alien to _me_."

One more hit, and the door came crashing down.

M: " _That_ certainly t-took more time tha-"

Four more doors closed in place.

M: "Well _never mind_!"

A: "Should’ve been _quicker_."

Cut back to _Volleyball Babes 6000_. "The fact you can play such game with a _Mega Drive_ controller."

E: "I can’t imagine that’s an awfully _complex_ game, Rei."

K: "I like how Goat just _assumes_ the Megas has arrived."

S: "He’s gonna get proven wrong, ain’t he?"

Back to the tomb, Coop bashing his way out.

S: "The main _what_?"

R: "Support, perhaps. Judging by the massive cracking."

M: "Well, they’re g-getting out, at least."

_Rocket Man_ **(13:10)**

They found themselves in a rocket hanger. "They have a way out, at least."

E: "I wouldn’t _think_ they’d put a rocket in there _without_ a way to launch it."

M: "Or, at least launch it s-somewhere _other_ than a concrete ceiling."

Seeing the writing on the wall, Jamie and Kiva put on their seatbelts, as Coop pushed the tach to 'GOOD CRIPES!'. "Not the rabbit!"

A: "Eh, I’m sure they’ll be fine."

As a failsafe, Area 50 _nuked itself_.

A: "Oh for fuck’s sake."

The rabbit landed safely, before immediately running away.

A: "See? Perfectly fine!"

M: "Other than the r-radiation."

S: "Now to actually _stop_ RECR."

K: "A part of me wonders _how_ they could stop them _without_ putting more power into them."

R: "It should be a matter of _depriving_ it of any sort of power. Electricity, any radio or microwave radiation."

A: "How the hell are they gonna get rid of _all_ the power in Las Vegas?"

M: "The answer is _d-domestic terrorism_."

E: "I mean, they’re pretty much that anyway, aren’t they?"

S: "I’d prefer them over RECR."

The rest of the group mumbled in agreement, as RECR started wreaking havoc all over Las Vegas.

A: "Man they _really_ don’t give a shit, do they?"

R: "Video games are more important than giant robot attacks, from the looks of it."

They were only _slightly_ inconvenienced by the power going out, before just going straight to their handhelds.

K: "Imagine if Instrumentality ended up delayed because _someone_ wanted to complete a level before getting raptured."

A: "That’d be kinda funny, in a dark way."

_Defender_ **(14:55)**

One piledrive later, and the Megas was ready to fight.

E: "There’s still around 6 minutes of episode left."

A: "So it’s not gonna be _easy_ for them."

S: "Is it ever?"

R: "It is never easy for _us_."

RECR decided to pull a Doctor Octagonapuss and _blast_ Megas with a laser beam.

M: "It ain’t e-easy on _them_ so far."

While Coop _didn’t_ fall for the same trick twice, he didn’t exactly expect the individual parts of RECR to change into a _small army_.

A: "Ah crap, they pulled an Israfel."

K: "Multiplied by 1.5."

M: "Coop can’t even f-fight RECR _normally_. How is he gonna go a-against _five_ of them?"

R: "It will be _interesting_ , to say the least."

Blocking the missiles from the fighter jets only resulted in the Megas getting hit by the tanks.

A: "Oh _woah_ , fifty six whole kilobytes!"

E: "In a _processor_. Which doesn’t make sense unless he’s running a _448000 bit processor architecture_. Which in _that_ case, I have to _commend_ whoever created RECR for their _egregious_ _bit slicing_."

R: "It _is_ a military robot. They could _afford_ such expansive processing power."

S: "Kensuke would be the _first_ to tell you that 'military grade' really means 'lowest bidder'."

A: "And what’s that say about _us_?"

K: "Probably _second_ lowest bidder."

M: "Either way, it’s k-kinda embarrassing a robot with an honest to G-God _tape reel_ for a brain is beating the _shit_ outta Coop."

E: "That there is the best tape of the 50s. Imagine how many _megabits_ it could hold!"

A: " _One_."

Trying to avoid the one megabit robot sucking the electricity out of the Megas like it were some weird electric Hoover, Coop backed up into a Burger King.

S: "Welp, _that’s_ the last straw."

K: "It’s been well established, you do _not_ mess with Coop’s food."

_Berserk_ **(17:20)**

Indeed, Coop got _mad_.

And we know what happens when Coop gets _mad_.

A: "Only _this_ time, they can’t just _pile-drive_ them into the pavement."

K: " _They_ can get pile-driven into the pavement, if they wanted to."

E: "That is generally considered an _undesirable_ outcome."

R: "Maybe they _will_ do what Mari implied."

M: "I mean, it’d _w-work_." She shrugged. "There’s _nothing_ around L-Las Vegas for miles."

S: "I wonder what _is_ the main power supply for Las Vegas."

The answer shocked them. "They’re gonna fuckin’ blow up the _Hoover Dam_!"

R: "Now now, perhaps Coop will be _kind_ to such a landmark."

A: "No he’s not!"

Coop _collided_ through the Hoover Dam, instantly flooding the Colorado river.

A: "Told ya."

K: "At least they got _soaked_ for their trouble."

M: "Not _too_ m-much consolation."

Block by block, the lights went out over Las Vegas.

M: "…I wonder if they’re as horrified as they were _here_."

E: "Is it still a bit _raw_?"

M: "Thing is, I don’t even _remember_ all that. It’s just _blank_. Which… is probably even _more_ horrifying for _me_."

R: "…It is not so bad."

Ignorant of this heavy moment, Coop activated the 'Do Something Stupid Coop' button, massive guns forming where his arms was.

A: "Oh god damn it Coop, you’re not meant to give him _more_ power!"

M: "Heh. S-Suppose _that’s_ why they called the button that."

_Bury a Friend_ **(19:30)**

Yeah, RECR _immediately_ started _pummelling_ Megas.

E: "That was _completely_ expected."

S: "Might as well be _deserved_ , at this point."

R: "Let us hope 50s technology is _inefficient_."

M: "I mean, I d-don’t think they were _concerned_ with how many watts something used b-back then. Just look at the damn _lightbulbs_ they used."

A: "That _does_ sound like a Coop thing to do. Then again, I don’t think _that_ was the thought running through his brain when he decided to shoot RECR with a fucking _plasma rifle_."

Yet more Las Vegas monuments fell, Coop especially using the Eiffel Tower to his advantage.

K: "Out of _all_ the cities to ravage, at least Las Vegas has the _money_ to rebuild."

M: "New Jersey has done p-pretty good for themselves though everything."

R: "I suppose this means there is _no_ hope of Coop attending the gaming convention."

S: "There’s no hope it’s even _powered_."

E: "They might just have to do _sports_."

A: " _Ehh_ I dunno about that."

Amazingly enough, all this _worked_ , RECR’s tape mind punched out as he was thrown into a pretend volcano.

R: "Kiva does have a point. There are not too many places on Earth _completely_ unpowered."

M: "I heard northern Korea back in t-the day was pretty unpowered."

E: "I hear _space_ can be pretty unpowered."

K: "Solar."

E: "Damn it."

Coop’s idea was to instead _bury_ RECR.

S: "I mean, I _suppose_ that works."

A: "Depends how _deep_ they buried it. I doubt _six feet_ will be enough."

The camera panned down on the burial site.

A: "Well _alright,_ I _suppose_ six _thousand_ feet works fine!"

M: "It really _is_ c-close to six thousand feet y’know."

~

The episode closed out on Coop choosing out his buffet meal.

"I’m amazed there’s less _asbestos_ in his meal."

"Well, that food _has_ been preserved rather well, for being in a _collapsed building_." Pointed out Asuka. " _But_ , I sense there’s _still_ a bit of a lingering feeling in the air."

The brief pause was soon dissipated by Mari’s sigh. "Yeah. I’m… still t-thinking about that shit, if I’m being honest."

Another lull in proceedings.

"Tell ya what, Mari." As Asuka rested an arm over Kaworu. "It’s Sunday. How 'bout we go out and get your mind off a few things, eh?"

But a small chuckle. "D’ya guys have _arcades_ in G-Germany?"

"You _bet_ we do!" As she bounded up, Mari/Kaworu in tow.

"I thought we were having _pizzas_."

"We can always have them _later_ , eh?"

To which the computer shrugged. "Works for me."

* * *

## 3\. Albany Expression

Without much else to do, as the good camera was out with Andy, his supervisor was busy setting a good example for the _one_ other employee of ABC New Albany.

Okay, not really; he was playing solitaire on the company computer while sinking his second can of Emu. But hey, as mentioned earlier, no one was around. Doesn’t help _Gus_ decided to clock off early.

Andrew burst in like he was Taz the Tasmanian tiger. "How many video tapes do we have?"

"Fuckin… _six_?" He tried to recall. "Pretty sure one of them had a few episodes of Doctor Who on it."

"We need as _many_ tapes as we can get." Dumping the camera on the desk, spilling some beer in the process, he started rifling through the offices.

"…Fuck mate, I can’t imagine Antarctica being _that_ bad. It’s probably cold as _fuck_ but-"

In a quick motion, the video tape from the camera was shoved into his chest. "Mate just _chill_ , alright?"

"Yeah I’m just _meant_ to be keeping my shit together after seeing all _that_ , Bruno." In rapid fire, continuing to tear down the place for some tape. "Just put it on, alright?"

"Alright, alright." Rolling his eyes, placing the cassette into the VCR. "No need to get your undies in a twist."

For a few minutes, the only sounds were of the inane conversation coming from an old CRT television, and the rustling of Andrew’s search.

…At least until the conversation became decidedly _less_ inane. "… _Oh._ "

Bruno’s jaw absolutely _dropped_ as the camera panned to this being. The utterly _alien_ structure of… _whatever_ that was, moving in ungodly ways as it froze everything underneath. The constant ringing didn’t help matters, either. "Oh _God_. What _is_ that?"

"Makinami says it’s an honest to God _Angel_."

The supervisor did a double take. "I mean… no it _can’t_ be an Angel! Japan got rid of them _ages_ ago!"

"As far as _we_ know."

Andrew dumped all the video cassettes he could find on the desk. "We need as many copies as we can get. Makinami wants some so he can convince the army, and _we_ need to get over to the Goldfields with as many copies as we can carry."

There was a brief pause as Bruno thought.

"I’ll get the car. _You_ focus on getting those tapes ready, alright mate?"

~

The sun had begun to set over New Albany, painting the sky as orange as the sea.

And outside the offices of ABC New Albany, a blacked out VT Senator, boxes of video tape loaded into cardboard boxes and shoved into practically _every_ available nook and cranny.

A select few were given to Spencer Makinami. "You sure that car can make it?"

"You _know_ what an LS is, right?"

"…I repeat the statement, you _sure_ that car can make it? I don’t remember the damn _LS_ being known for _fuel consumption_."

"Mate, we have _six_ jerry cans of premium in the back there. I don’t think fuel’s the problem."

Makinami snorted. "Fair enough. Don’t wrap yourselves around a tree now, alright?"

"I’m a better driver than _that_ , mate." As Bruno wound up the window, the Senator burning rubber as it found its traction.

And like that, Makinami was left alone, with a small bundle of video tapes in the setting sun.

"Now, _where_ the hell is the army when you need them." He muttered to himself, as he started to make a few phone calls.

* * *


	5. CDE 5

* * *

## 1\. Olympic

The video tape player clicked off, automatically ejecting as it stopped.

Silence. Utter _silence_.

"Impossible!" Eventually shouted a gruff man, slamming the desk so hard a few pencils were knocked to the floor. "This footage is doctored!"

"Why would _I_ lie?" The other man in the room defended. "Tell me what advantage I’d have to gain to lie to the _armed forces_ of this country?"

"Ladies, please." Quelled the centre figure, a stern faced woman with red bobcut hair. " _Any_ threat is taken seriously. You never know _what_ can come up."

"I _still_ think it was a waste of resources to send those scouts out."

"They’ll prove whether or not this gentleman is telling the truth or not."

Not three seconds later, the radio in the room crackled. _"Spare 27 to Central, we have eyes on the target."_

It didn’t take too much longer for a grainy, black and white image to appear on a military terminal.

" _Now_ do you believe?"

The other man had to concede the point. "Okay, it’s _real_. Happy? Now, how the _fuck_ do we kill it?"

"It hasn’t harmed anyone yet."

What followed was probably the most exasperated look to have ever come from the military man. But _before_ he could tear Spencer to pieces, the woman interjected. "He’s right." Turning on the radio. "Central to Spare Squadron, keep eyes on target but _do not engage_."

A series of 'Rodger’'s, 'Copy''s, and ’10-4''s followed.

"But he’s _also_ right, Makinami." As glasses were tossed to the table. "Push comes to shove, which I’m sure it _will_ , how do we put down this thing?"

"Don’t suppose you have an _Evangelion_ on hand?"

Grim laughter. "We never even _knew_ of Evangelion until a couple years ago. And I doubt they’ll _waste_ such power on a rump state like _Swan_."

"If it means saving the world, they will."

"And remind me, Makinami. What is the _nearest_ sovereign state with Evangelion capability?"

The briefest of thoughts. "Japan."

"They are almost seven _thousand_ kilometres away from us. There is absolutely _no way_ they will get here within a _week._ "

More silence.

"What _do_ you have, then?"

The woman paused, before referring to a small binder. "Twenty four Aardvarks, six Hornets, four Orions, one Hercules, one Caribou. Two frigates. Six thousand technicals."

"In short, hopelessly outgunned."

The gruff man gave an uncharacteristically _worried_ look to the red headed woman. "Do we tell him?"

"There is _one more thing_ we may have." Eerily calm. "Tell me, Makinami.

"Have you heard of _Olympic Dam_?"

~

Rei cracked a small smile, as Kaworu or Mari was playing an impromptu competition of _Dance Dance Revolution_ with Asuka, Shinji egging _both_ of them on as they danced to something fast paced and Swedish. "I take it you are having fun?"

"You bet, Rei!" An excited remark from Asuka, never skipping a beat as she recalled her training against Israfel. "You wanna go next, Rei?"

"I was interested in giving _Eliza_ a go at one of the games."

"Oh, yeah go for it!"

Asuka spun around for the hell of it, before going right back to thrashing Kaworu.

"So, what game interests you?"

Eliza as Rei scanned her surroundings, taking in the sights and sounds. The utter _variety_ was enough to make her head overflow.

Eventually she honed in on a particularly unique looking machine. " _That_ one."

It was a large, hollowed out cylinder, with a joystick front and centre. "After Burner?"

"It looks cool."

"Fair."

A single Euro was slotted into the machine, and it sprung to life, as Rei sat down. "Have fun."

The _first_ thing Eliza did once her plane was off the carrier was to try _every_ possible input, the Tomcat flying all across the screen and firing randomly. "Interesting."

In all honesty, the game should’ve seen the writing on the wall when Eliza passed stage 1, zero hits and all kills.

~

A small scratch of the nose at the two thoroughly _trounced_ boys standing in front of her. "Heh, and _that’s_ why you don’t mess with me on the dance floor!"

Kaworu/Mari merely scratched the back of their head, while Shinji didn’t do much of anything, having been quite _literally_ been put out to dry, draped over the handrail in exhaustion. "I… wonder if Rei’s as exhausted as I am."

"Ain’t she N-Nephilim?"

"Why’d I ask."

"Well, I hadn’t seen her come back, so she’s obviously having _fun_." As she started walking away, only stopped by a weak whimper from Shinji. "Can you walk, Shin-chan?"

There wasn’t too many words from the boy.

Asuka shot a look to Kaworu/Mari.

Hoisting Shinji onto their back, it didn’t take too much of a trek for the trio/quad to find Rei. And while they _did_ want to say something, they didn’t exactly feel it was _required_ at the moment, as she utterly _destroyed_ After Burner. "Holy _shit_ , Rei!"

"Not Rei." Immediately identified the _other_ Nephilim.

"I mean, _i’d_ expect a c-computer to handle something like this well." Mari retorted back.

Much to the _non_ reply of Eliza, having devoted all her current cycles to the game.

At least until stage 19. "Oh. That’s it?"

"You… play _really_ well, actually." Shinji complemented, still on Kaworu’s back, as Eliza recorded her accomplishment, under the name ELZA. "How much did you spend?"

Eliza seemed to pause, uncharacteristically processing, perhaps reallocating resources.

Before she held up a single finger. "One."

Asuka blinked. "You completed the whole game on _one Euro_."

Nodding, and a _smirk_. "I think I got a bit obsessed with _optimising_ my gameplay."

"Nothing wrong with playing like that." Rei quelled. "You had fun, did you not?"

"Yeah. This… it _was_ fun."

"Heh, we’ll make a gamer of you yet, Eliza." Joked Asuka, scruffing her hair. "A fact I’m sure your mothers will be proud of."

The computer giggled at how she imagined how _both_ of them would react. It was _mixed_ , to say the least. "Did _you_ guys have fun, as well?"

"Asuka c-completely _wrecked_ us in DDR." Began Mari. "Which I’m honestly _surprised_ at, myself."

"I am sure Kaworu went _easy_ on Asuka."

"I’d say I went _medium_."

"Oi! Don’t knock my victory down like that!" She playfully berated. "So, reckon we should get home before Shinji gets too tired for pizza?"

"Can you _ever_ g-get too tired for pizza?"

"Probably." Retorted the boy she was currently carrying.

"Ah, well lets h-hurry."

~

Once more, they were back in their German abode. "Y’know, this place has _really_ grown on me."

"I cannot deny we have certainly done… _things_. In this place." With furrowed brow.

"Well look on the bright side, Wondergirl." As she tossed her pizza. "If ya wanna _forget_ those things, that’s kinda what we were doing here in the first place, eh?"

"Gods know _I_ want to delete those things."

"See, Asuka, I am _mixed_ about what we did in the first few days here." Tossing her myriad of vegetables onto the freshly sauced dough. "I… did not _mind_ it. But I think we _were_ moving fast."

"And don’t _I_ know it." Before she sighed, continuing to toss her dough to help distract herself. "I swear to God _Elfen Lied_ did _not_ help matters."

"Perhaps the _trauma_ accelerated things, admittedly."

"But that’s all good, Rei." With a small smile. "I still love you, y’know."

Rei was rather taken aback by the sudden affection, as she slowly turned as red as the capsicum on her pizza.

"Heh, _'I love you too, Asuka'_." The redhead answered back, poking her tongue out before continuing to toss her pizza.

The dual boot Nephilim eventually gave a soft smile. "…Yeah."

A small splat preceded an "Ah _shit_."

"What happened?"

Rei turned around to see Asuka pizza dough less, and gawking at the ceiling.

Perhaps Asuka had been too _egregious_ with her tossing.

An almost comical _frown_ grew on Asuka. "Why the hell did that _happen_?!"

The Nephilim, for her part, reacted with complete grace and decorum.

Breaking down into uncontrollable laughter at the sight. "Rei! You’re not helping!"

It only took a minute for Rei to calm down. "Tell you what. You get everyone ready for another watch of Megas, I can get a few more pizzas made up, and we can have them by the second episode."

"Getting me outta the kitchen before you get a face full of pizza dough, eh?"

"Perhaps." With a sly smirk. "Speaking of, I would recommend moving before _you_ get a face full of pizza dough."

The redhead almost _instinctively_ moved to the side, honed in by her Evangelion training. Which was a good thing, as the ceiling pizza dough became _floating_ pizza dough, Rei catching it in the area where Asuka was standing.

"Heh, saved my ass once more, Wondergirl!"

"It is not the _first_ time." Before turning elsewhere, tossing the ex-ceiling dough into a wastebasket and beginning to form new batches.

She was only _briefly_ interrupted by Asuka sneaking a kiss on the side of her neck, which was followed by her running upstairs and leaving the thoroughly embarrassed Rei with an unenthusiastic computer sister who witnessed _everything_. "You know my memory is spotless, right?"

"You know I would not _mind_ a reminder?"

"Damn it."

The rest of the pizzas were made up, ready for the oven. And with the _first_ loaded in, Rei and Eliza joined the other three/four on the couch.

Slotted right between Asuka and Kaworu.

…Most pleasing.

* * *

## 2\. Megas XLR

Character Key:

Shinji (S) Asuka (A)

Rei (R) Kaworu (K)

Eliza (E) Mari (M)

** 2.18: Thanksgiving Throwdown **

_Blue Danube_ **(00:00)**

K: "Well, I could think of _less_ appropriate music to capture the spectacle of the Earth."

The Blue Danube was interrupted by Megas punching out a satellite.

A: "What about for _that_?"

K: "Not exactly."

S: "I have the same question as Kiva, what _is_ Thanksgiving?"

M: "American h-holiday where we thank God for a good harvest. And that’s t-the _summary_."

E: "A part of me doubts Coop is a religious man."

M: "Oh yeah, we eat a _f-fuckton_ of food, as well."

E: " _There_ it is."

R: "Coop _salivating_ should have clued us into the nature of Thanksgiving, to him."

M: "He’s got a good _r-reason_ to. Thanksgiving dinners are _awesome_."

As if to rub it in, the show zoomed into Coop’s imagination of his ideal Thanksgiving.

S: "Why do I feel that’s… _questionable_?"

A: "It _is_ shoving things into the ass-end of a bird, Shinji."

M: "Yeah, they’re n-not _that_ disgusting."

Coop, evidently, ended up _too_ distracted, crashing into a series of ring asteroids.

R: "I wonder if the brakes failed."

K: "Or this food was too _distracting_."

A: "I mean, food _can_ be distracting."

S: " _Saturn destroying_ distracting?"

A: "Not _usually_."

Soon enough, they were back home in New Jersey.

With several of these asteroids in tow, some burning up but one in particular crashing down in a park.

E: "What is _that_ animal?"

M: "A poorly d-drawn frog."

E: "Should I _say_ it looks cute, or is that asteroid gonna hit it?"

S: "They don’t seem _too_ fussed about the asteroid." He shrugged.

The frog was _right_ to not be fussed, the asteroid dropping into the lake with nary a splash.

E: "…Well _that_ went well."

At least until a _green tentacle_ came rushing out.

E: "OH _COME ON_!"

K: "Once again, it seems their actions have resulted in the _conflict_ for this episode."

A: "Completely _unintended_ actions, as well. They’ve got a _really_ bad habit of that, don’t they?"

M: "Makes for alright t-television, at least."

S: "So what _is_ that thing, anyway?"

M: "Could be s-some sort of green _smooze_ , maybe."

R: "It sounds like Dynock’s Spore desire _heat_."

A: "Is _that_ the name for it?"

R: "From what it sounds like."

_Thanksgiving Spread_ **(03:55)**

S: "That’s… not half bad?"

M: "I’d probably s-skip the _burgers_ on Thanksgiving."

R: "I am sure you can get a burger _normally_ in America."

K: " _Kiva_ sure isn’t complaining."

E: "You’ve _heard_ of the food in her time, did you?"

A: "Doesn’t stuffing go _in_ the turkey or something?"

Coop’s mum called him for turkey.

S: "Shouldn’t it be up _there_ , then?"

Asuka shrugged. "I dunno the intricacies of American cuisine. Mari?"

M: "I’m surprised t-they’re not all at a _table_. That’s like the _one_ d-day of the year where absolutely _everyone_ just gathers around and _feasts_."

R: "Sounds similar to how _Christmas_ is in Japan."

K: "Christmas is more of a _secular_ event, however."

A: "Can Coop stop stuffing stuffing down his face already?!"

E: "Wow, Coop _does_ remember what Thanksgiving’s about."

M: "I mean, it _is_ k-kinda in the name. Just about _everyone_ knows what it’s a-about."

S: "Of course, what _he’s_ thankful for is somewhat _different_ to most people."

A: "Who _doesn’t_ thank God for the _V12 engine_?"

R: "I am sure _Carmen_ may. Speaking of, I have not _heard_ from her in a while."

A: "I was planning on calling her later tonight for something, but I’m sure she’s _just fine_."

K: "Honestly, i’m surprised _Jamie_ seems to know more about Thanksgiving than Coop does."

They saw this _creative_ imagine spot.

M: "Oh _wow_ , that’s… _questionable_ , to s-say the least."

R: "From your reaction, it is not that _simple_ a history."

M: "No, not r-really."

E: "A part of me feels like Jamie is _abusing_ a version of tradition for his own benefit."

A: "In other news, the _sun_ rose today."

_You Smooze, You Lose_ **(05:20)**

The green smooze continued searching for warmth in the cold alleys of New Jersey, getting stomped on by Goat for his trouble. "Interesting how they sounded like a _dog_."

A: "Good ole fashioned _stock sounds_."

S: "A _parade_?"

M: "Oh yeah, _those_ are a t-thing, as well. Macy’s hold it every year in N-New York."

R: "Are they a charity organisation of some sort?"

M: "Department store."

Rei blinked. "Huh."

M: "This is _America_ , B-Blue." She jested.

E: "So they also _see_ in green, as well?"

A: "Which is kinda _stupid_. At least with the _Terminator_ , they kinda justified it by him seeing in _infrared_."

The smooze disguised themselves as a 'Pione' booth. Right next to a _regular_ phone booth.

R: "I wonder how many people will _fall_ for that."

M: "You’d be s-surprised."

Either way, they didn’t need to be disguised for long, stalking away to grow some more.

E: "Is _that_ meant to be the parade? At least the _setup_ for it."

M: "Bit less _grand_ , but y-yeah. Giant balloons, floats, that k-kinda thing."

A: "Heh, maybe we should get a balloon of an _Evangelion_ to this year’s parade."

S: "Wasn’t the last one detonated by _Ramiel_?"

M: "You guys used a _b-balloon_ against that Angel?"

R: "To probe their abilities. Needless to say, another balloon had not been manufactured afterwards."

A: "It probably _cost_ NERV a billion Yen or something stupid like that."

Either way, Dynock found root in some sun soaked pavement, beginning to spread its roots down and- oh look _Megas_ just _stomped_ it.

Much to the laughter of _everyone_. "Well _that_ didn’t end well."

K: "Imagine if _that_ solved the issue."

S: "There’s still a bit to go in this episode, isn’t there."

A: "We know well it’s _never_ that easy."

_Parade_ **(06:50)**

Coop and company talked wonders about turkey.

S: "You know, I don’t think I’ve _ever_ had turkey before."

R: "It is not exactly _common_ in Japan, I noticed. Even for _Christmas_ , the dinner of choice is fried chicken."

M: "I mean, _roast c-chicken_ I can get, but _fried_ chicken?"

R: "Call it tradition." With a small smirk.

A: "Oh man, we _gotta_ get you a turkey for _this_ Christmas! When it’s cooked well, with all the right sauces, it’s _soooooo_ fucking _good_."

K: "Even the _leftovers_ from last Christmas was rather tasty."

E: "I imagine you’d have quite a bit after _Thanksgiving_."

M: "Oh yeah. And it’s always f-fun trying to be _creative_ with your leftovers, as well."

Back to the stomped smooze, as they decided to devour the metal giant.

A: "Well _that_ went w- is that fucking _Sonic_?!"

R: "It would be his copyright safe counterpart."

M: "Oh w-what, _Edmond the Echidna_?"

Rei giggled. "It _would_ be a name like that, would it not?"

And with that, the parade began.

S: "I’m sure we can have a _lot_ of fun, trying to identify _what_ they’re ripping off."

E: "Maybe we’ll see an _Evangelion_ balloon."

K: "I know _that_ one was a _Mario_ balloon."

A: "They don’t _usually_ look that stupid, do they?"

M: "Nah, they a-actually look somewhat _presentable_. Which, yeah you’d _hope_ , c-considering it’s such a _large_ event."

R: "Coop could have been a _part_ of this parade."

S: "Maybe he just wanted to be a part of the crowd?"

A: "It’s a bit different when the _giant robot_ is a part of the crowd as well, Shinji."

E: "Kinda _rude_ of them to _block_ the view of everyone, isn’t it?"

M: "Maybe _Jamie_ s-suggested it."

Jamie certainly didn’t mind the perch, as he ogled the baton twirlers.

A: "Can Kiva just kick him outta the Megas already?"

_Float_ **(09:00)**

Another imagine spot, courtesy of Coop, as he imagined how _his_ float would look like.

S: "Did he just take that straight out of _Mad Max_?"

A: "Wouldn’t even _surprise_ me."

M: "You guys w-watched _Mad Max_?"

E: "I thought it was pretty decent myself."

_Jamie_ was the one to imagine the Megas in the parade.

And the _girls_ it would bring. "Why am I not s-surprised in the _slightest_ Jamie sees himself as the _G-God damn Joker_?"

R: "I do not think the Joker would be so _open_ about asking for money."

M: "He’s probably m-mental enough to _burn_ it all, honestly."

A: "Does the Joker even _need_ money? I know _Batman_ has an utter _ton_ of it."

R: "All to paint _more_ contrast between Batman and Joker, I would think."

E: "You guys understand all this talk?" Eliza said as an aside to Shinji and Kaworu.

K: "I’ve seen _some_ Batman films with Rei before."

Eliza furrowed her brow, knowing _exactly_ what that meant.

At least the _balloons_ were able to distract them all. 'Well _that’s_ obviously Superman right there."

M: "That duck’s _Donald_ , as w-well."

S: " _Fabio_ Brothers?"

R: "Fabio and _Fuigi_. Does not exactly roll off the tongue."

A: " _Luigi_ isn’t called _Muigi_. Even if he was just Mario with different _clothes_ , at least they gave him _another_ name."

M: "I swear I h-heard somewhere that their _last_ names were _Mario_ , as well."

Asuka blinked. "What, their names are Mario _Mario_ and Luigi _Mario_?"

M: "Eeyup."

A: "That’s even _worse_!"

Following on with the video game characters was the terrible Sonic OC.

K: "I don’t think the directors of this show were fans of the Mega Drive."

M: " _I_ liked the G-Genesis."

R: "Is that what they called the console in North America?"

M: "Yeah pretty m-much."

Auggie the Adorable Aardvark suddenly _screamed_ at the Megas.

E: "I take it Sonic isn’t _that_ vicious."

M: "Not in the s-slightest."

_Werevark_ **(10:50)**

Surprisingly, or _unsurprisingly_ , Coop and Jamie _laughed_ at this.

R: "It appears they do not _realise_ the _seriousness_ of this situation."

A: "I mean, _I_ wouldn’t exactly know what to do if a damn _balloon_ yelled at me."

K: "Most first reactions would be to _pop_ the balloon, I’d think."

E: "I’m sure Dynock’s Spore will reveal themselves soon enough."

Auggie the Adorable Aardvark soon transformed into Auggie the Reprehensible Werevark.

S: "They _really_ made that balloon their own."

M: "Yeah, I reckon y-you’re _right_ , Kaworu. They _really_ don’t like the Genesis."

The smooze-vark spin dashed straight into the Megas, immediately toppling it like it were a boss in a Sonic game.

R: "Perhaps they have named their _fists_ Kindness."

A: "Maybe _we_ should do that with _our_ weapons."

S: "Now that I _think_ about it, have _we_ ever faced a _plant_ like Angel?"

K: "It would surprise me if you _did_. Closest analogue I can think of is _Iruel_ , but even _that_ isn’t entirely accurate."

E: "Hopefully you haven’t given anyone any _ideas_ , Shinji."

A: "If _Megas_ can defeat them, _we_ sure as hell can as well!"

And so, Megas began fighting the ballooned smooze.

_Immediately_ getting slingshot out of the smooze for their trouble.

R: "Perhaps they need to approach from _another_ angle."

S: "Give them a few more minutes."

M: "I like how t-the _reporters_ are just rolling with it."

S: "Maybe they believe it’s a part of the show?"

A: "Yeah, a giant robot fighting a mutant version of Sonic the Hedgehog is a part of the show. It’d be like if _Evangelion_ was in the parade, and we had to fight a bunch of _MP-Evangelion_."

E: "Only I highly doubt people will stick around for _that_."

Mari shrugged. "It’d make good e-entertainment."

Missiles fired _straight through_ Auggie, popping a whole heap of balloons.

A: "Oh great, he’s a _T-1000_ as well."

In anger, Coop bashed the dashboard, conveniently causing an _ice gun_ to appear and impact Smoozic the Smoozehog.

R: "They even _froze_ it."

M: "Didn’t the T-1000 _melt_ and r-reform after it was shattered, though?"

K: "So you know how the _next_ few minutes will go, then."

_Spore_ **(15:00)**

And yeah, Dynock fell into the sewers, which had enough heat for them to break out and _grab_ Megas.

Asuka _chortled_ at the brutal sarcasm of Kiva. "She’s got a point, though."

R: "They _should_ have investigated further. Of course, they would _not_."

S: "At least they can find _levity_ in this situation."

Megas was pulled underground, as the Smooze in Sonic’s skin ascended anew.

And the Smooze in _Superman’s_ skin.

And in _Donald’s_ skin, and the _Mario Brother’s_ skin, you get the picture.

K: "The miracle of life."

M: "Who knew the _Macy’s P-Parade_ will be the start of the apocalypse."

E: "Can you even call this a _parade_ , anymore?"

A: "I’m just wondering how it’s _replicated_ those balloons. Didn’t they _detonate_?"

R: "Perhaps Dynock _likes_ their form."

K: "It’s somewhat interesting that these pop culture icons are the ones that _cause_ this devastation, as well."

Coop once more tried flying into Auggie, immediately getting no-sold.

S: "It’s gonna be a good _battle_ , at least."

A: "No doubting _that_."

Now surrounded by the myriad of balloons, Megas began their attack.

K: "Must say, _bladed_ weapons may work."

R: "Thing is, _cutting_ it may be the _last_ thing they want. What if it _duplicates_?"

That didn’t matter to Coop, as he rather _brutally_ carved Sonic the Hedgehog up with a circular saw.

M: "You know, if _that_ was b-blood, this would’ve been g-given an immediate _R_ rating."

A: "That’s like _Doom_ level shit right there!"

He _continued_ cutting.

S: "…So how long is this going for?"

E: "It’s been going for twenty seconds so far."

Megas finished cutting, mainly because the saw burnt out, and the Aardvark _immediately_ healed the damage.

A: "Well _that_ was 30 seconds wasted."

R: "Imagine the _Yen_ Cartoon Network saved."

_Cooked_ **(18:40)**

Megas continued getting jumped on by the parade mascots. "It doesn’t _look_ too h-hot for them, does it?"

R: "Perhaps they got in too deep."

S: "There’s gonna be _something_."

Unfortunate for them, the Megas was down for the count _before_ they could do something.

A: "So should we start playing Tumbling Down?"

E: "It sure _looks_ to be getting that way, doesn’t it."

M: "That a s-song or something?"

K: "It played during the end of the world during our show."

M: "The world _what_?"

The balloons all coalesced into a single horrifying green abomination.

S: "And _there’s_ the idea."

R: "I would think a _popcorn_ analogy would be _counterproductive_ , as it seems to feed on _heat_."

K: "Coop’s monologue seems to say otherwise."

With that, Coop began to jet _napalm_ onto Dynock.

E: "It _appears_ counterproductive, at the moment."

It _was_ , at least until Dynock _exploded_ into black goo.

E: "Well I be a Famicom."

A: "Wait, so it was _designed_ to feed on heat, but _that_ was too much for it?"

K: "At once, indeed. Perhaps Dynock was designed for a _slower_ influx."

R: "Such design _does_ exist in real life. There is only so much you can eat at once, in example."

S: "And now it’s _turkey sandwiches_ for them. They aren’t even gonna clean up the sludge?"

M: "Not _their_ p-problem, according to them."

A: "Misato would _force_ us to clean all that up."

R: "Then again, we do not live in a cartoon."

E: "See, you _say_ that."

R: "Fair point."

The episode ended with the ruins of the Thanksgiving parade. "Well, if _anything_ was to ruin it."

"Eh, we m-might be able to work with it."

"Speaking of _not_ ruining, I believe the _first_ pizza is ready." As Rei got up, going to the kitchen.

"Looks like you _can_ work with it." Remarked Shinji, as the crowd started _cheering_.

"I mean, it _would_ be p-pretty awesome to see. Wouldn’t surprise me in the _slightest_ if they c-count this as the _best_ Thanksgiving P-Parade in _ages_."

The newspaper that appeared not one second after she said such thing only solidified the opinion.

"Looks like Megas did rather _well_ , given the situation." Kaworu remarked.

"I find they _already_ do that, don’t they?"

"That _is_ kinda the _point_ of the show, isn’t it?" Thought Shinji.

Just in time for the next episode, Rei brought in four plates of pizza, two slices for each person present. "The second pizza is in the oven."

"Sweet!" As Asuka dug in.

~~~

** 2.19: S-Force SOS **

_The Empire Strikes Back_ **(00:00)**

We start with the destruction of the S-Force’s planet, at the hands of a villain.

A: "Fuck _this_ is pretty good, Rei."

R: "Thank you." With a small smile.

M: "Seems the S-Force’s strategy of _'Get f-fat and do nothing'_ hasn’t exactly w-worked out for them."

S: "In their defence, they’ve lost weight from _last_ time we’ve seen them."

E: " _Most_ of them, at least."

A: "And let me guess. Only _Megas_ can save them now."

K: "It will be a _quote unquote_ save, knowing Megas."

R: "They _have_ helped, in some situations."

S: "Is it just me, or do they have the _wrong_ voice for how they look?"

A: "Just cause they have _lipstick_ doesn’t mean they’re a girl, Shin-chan."

Cutting to Jax and Targon, having escaped immediate capture by the villain of the week.

E: "So, just _how_ are they getting help?"

K: "Probably what Jax suggested."

S: "I’m not _surprised_ he prefers Zarek over Coop."

R: "With how Coop seemingly _ruined_ the S-Force, according to him."

M: "Could even say it was _due_ to C-Coop’s advice that they _lost_ to Zarek. Maybe if they didn’t e-eat all that _pizza._ " She thought.

As Asuka continued eating her slices of pizza. "What?"

_Beach Episode_ **(02:30)**

Megas was chilling at the beach. "We aren’t gonna see Kiva in a _bikini_ , are we?"

E: "I’m just hoping we don’t see _Coop_ in one."

K: "If _that_ happens, we might as well throw out the Playstation."

Kiva, for her part, was perfectly fine lounging in the backseat of the Barra, as Coop and Jamie ate and drank.

S: "And of _course_ they’re in the same clothes."

R: "Kiva does not have _shoes_ , at least. That is _some_ change."

M: "Probably the _o-only_ sort of skin exposure Cartoon Network can get a-away with, at least with a main character like _her_."

E: "For their presumed rating, at least."

They zoomed out on this 'beach', which was really a _factory_.

S: "…Bit less _scenic_ than most beach episodes, ain’t it?"

A: "I wouldn’t even go in that water with my _Evangelion_."

R: " _They_ seem to be enjoying it."

E: "There is literally _hazardous waste_ floating in the sea there."

M: "That’s just New J-Jersey."

A _jet liner_ did a low pass of the Megas, knocking the parasol from the car.

K: "Perhaps they should not be on a _flight path_."

Much like Kyle Reese, Jax teleported onto Earth.

Only problem for him, he was several feet off the ground. "Heh, _that_ would’ve been funny."

R: "I do not think _The Terminator_ is known particularly for its _humour_."

M: "So how the hell are t-they gonna do with _him_? Since they can’t even _understand_ h-him."

Jax had thought about this, bringing out a hologram of Targon to explain what’s going on and where’s it at.

A: " _That’s_ pretty kind of him, at least."

S: "He _did_ form a friendship with him, if I’m remembering correctly."

R: "After they thought him evil."

K: "A _simple_ misunderstanding, I’m sure."

_Even Rocky Had A Montage_ **(04:30)**

Coop shifted the car into ’Space’, and soon enough they were _in_ space, Targon explaining a few more details of the plan, followed by a short _montage_ of Coop’s training regiment.

E: "Looks like we were _right_ about this training."

M: "Hence his r-rather _understandable_ reluctance."

A: "Every episode I get _more_ surprised at the utter _garbage_ Coop can eat!"

S: "What about teaching _others_ to eat that garbage?"

R: "If _anyone_ could."

M: "Are they d-doing _karaoke_ of their _theme song_?"

E: "If _anyone_ ought to know it, it’s them."

K: " _That_ implies such a song not only _exists_ in that world, it’s _popular_ in that world."

R: "Maybe they got a _TV show_. _Simon_ got a TV show made about the first half of Gurren Lagaan."

M: "D’ya think _they_ g-got a copy of their show, like _we_ have?"

A: "Wouldn’t even _surprise_ me, at this point."

The montage finally ended. "Funnily enough, it seems _Jax_ was one of the few people _not_ affected by Coop’s training."

K: "Other than a damaged Gameboy."

They _finally_ approached the ruins of the S-Force’s planet, still burning.

M: "Classy." As they laid eyes on an animated billboard, advertising the imminent _execution_ of the S-Force.

R: "Seems Zarek intends to make a _show_ out of this."

S: "For _everyone_ , it seems."

A: "What’s the _worst_ that could happen if you don’t go?"

E: " _Execution_ , probably."

_Bread and Circuses_ **(07:00)**

Later that night, as advertised, the _execution_ of the captured S-Force was about to begin.

R: "Not exactly the _best_ form of entertainment for the populous."

M: "Depends _who’s_ g-getting executed, I suppose."

A: "You don’t have t-those Wild West public executions anymore, do ya?"

M: "Not since the _1800s_."

E: "Can’t wait for Megas to save them at the last minute."

S: "I can see _our_ show doing something like that. _This_ , not so much."

A: "Shit, it _almost_ did that during the _movie_ , didn’t it?"

Below their platform, Zarek opened up a portal to _The Infinity Zone_.

K: "Must say, wouldn’t have thought about throwing them into the Dirac as a form of execution."

A: "It’d _work_."

K: "It _would_ , yes. But it’s a bit _showy_."

E: "Showy is good, more chances of screwing it up."

R: "Rather amazing he can remain _optimistic_ about this situation."

A: "He’s got a good reason to. Even if just because Cartoon Network would _not_ go as far as that."

Being the leader, Argo elected to go first.

S: "Of _course_ they cut to black as they throw him in."

M: "Gotta maintain t-that _tension_ for a few seconds more, eh?"

R: "Be glad we do not have _advertisements_."

Back to the show, a rumbling served as a prelude to the arrival of Megas, Argo standing proudly atop.

E: "This is why you don’t do _showy_."

A: "Unless you’re a _villain_ , in which case _go for it_! Means we get a bit more time to _kick their ass_."

Speaking of kicking ass, Coop and company began to kick ass.

K: " _This_ is more like it."

S: "Looks like that _execution_ has been cancelled."

M: "Maybe they’ll just c-change _who’s_ being executed. I’m sure the _populous_ w-won’t complain about _Zarek_ getting the chop."

R: "Or the Dirac, in this case."

No quarter was given to the giant robots attacking Megas, as Coop hit buttons with his head. "Hey, just like the opening!"

Coop was now done with defeating the robots, as he tried to shake the remains off his foot. "Can they do that _not_ on the platform overhanging the Dirac Rift?"

A: "I’m sure it’s sturdy enough, Eliza."

Coop and company fell into the Dirac Rift.

Much to the silence of the group.

A: "The _platform_ didn’t fail."

E: "No, just Coop’s thought processes."

_Emergence_ **(11:10)**

The Dirac Rift rumbled, and _shattered_ under the fist of Megas.

S: " _That_ was quick."

A: "Faster than _any_ of us handled falling into the Dirac."

M: "If I knew I could j-just _punch_ myself out the Dirac, I might’ve done that."

Either way, Coop went for the Zorps, as Zarek sent the _Star Serpent_ for them.

R: "Not a bad name for a weapon."

E: "Ought to _remember_ such a name, then."

Either way, this Star Serpent wouldn’t be a problem _yet_ , the S-Force getting a transformation sequence under way, as they returned to their Zorps.

K: " _That_ was quick, as well."

S: "So Zarek is pretty much _defeated_ at this point, isn’t he?"

E: "I still count around ten minutes in this episode."

Indeed, Coop’s heads-up display literally said 'Heads Up', as the Star Serpent _finally_ arrived.

A: " _Damn_ that looks cook."

E: "Here’s hoping _we_ don’t have to face it."

R: "It is a _robot_. They would be _easier_ to defeat than an Angel, or any other AT-Field enabled being."

K: "Even for _Coop_ , they have been somewhat _easier_."

On cue, Coop entered 'Super Destructor Mode'.

S: " _That’s_ a lotta guns."

M: "He’s _really_ p-putting the Second Amendment to u-use, ain’t he."

A: "I can’t even say he’s in _America_ , can I?"

On word of a _'Gift'_ from Zarek, Coop offered a gift in return. Specifically, several tonnes of ballistic missile.

_All_ of which _missed_ the actual target.

R: "He could have mentioned such a thing _earlier_."

K: "Rather literally _backfiring_ on him."

Less on _him_ , more on the transforming _S-Force_.

E: "Welp, looks like they got executed anyway."

A: "God damn it Coop!"

_Immolate_ **(14:20)**

Now with the upper hand, _again_ , the Star Serpent thought to _immolate_ Megas.

S: "I’m getting some _deja vu_ at this."

K: "A taste of their own medicine, perhaps."

Either way, it damaged their systems enough that _several_ robots _might_ be able to finish them off.

A: "He could’ve _roasted_ them for a bit more, maybe."

M: "Jamie, I don’t t-think you were getting _anywhere_ with-

Duchess’ voice interrupted them.

M: "Holy shit t-they’re _alive_?"

E: "Knew it."

And from out of the rubble, the Super Ultra-Dimensional [unintelligible] Robotoid Power Zorp emerged.

R: "That _still_ looks silly. But as long as it _functions_."

A: "And I’m sure they _will_ function, at least enough to kick Zarek into the _sun_!"

K: "Or the Dirac."

One monologue from Coop later, the S-Force and the Megas began _tag-teaming_.

S: "Those robots never stood a chance, did they?"

M: "Do they _e-ever_?"

E: "It’s almost like they weren’t really _programmed_ with intelligent logic in them."

M: "How much l-logic _do_ you need? Can’t it be just 'd-defeat enemy'?"

E: "I wish it was _that_ simple, it’d save _me_ processor time."

A: "There’s always _nuance_ to program logic. _How_ do they defeat enemy, by what _process_ do they _determine_ the enemy is defeated? There’d be a _million_ things to consider."

K: "More than that, if we are _quantifying_ it like a computer would."

E: "Hence why _I_ was based off the preexisting work done for the _Magi_. Even so, it took _two years_ for the first viable ELIZA intelligence."

S: "Which we are looking at."

E: "More or less."

_The Golden Snake_ **(17:05)**

Coop decided to go for the snake, as the S-Force dealt with the last of the robots.

M: "So… does t-that mean you could get _obsoleted_ one day?"

E: "Indeed. As is the fate of most programs. But my programming is _designed_ for self-improvement, and _learning_. Theoretically, someone like myself should _never_ be obsolete. There is always _some_ way to optimise yourself, or to _expand_ yourself."

R: "I wonder if you could roll _your_ code into a future ELIZA based intelligence."

E: "If you could rip it from my head, go for it. Though you can’t just put a _serial port_ on a human body, I’d think."

A: "Doesn’t _Kiva_ have a port for something on the back of her head?"

K: "At least from a _Matrix_ point of view, such ports were _engineered_ into humans from _birth_."

S: "It’d probably be a bit _painful_ , as well."

R: "You could do what _I_ have done before, and interface with the Magi."

E: "Doesn’t that require Nephilim powers, though?"

R: "You are technically a Nephilim."

E: "Without an S2. Hell, without a _body_ , at the moment."

R: "I am sure we could solve at least _one_ of those problems."

Coop had continued tearing the snake to pieces. "Zarek’s doing more damage than _Coop_ is!"

K: "It’s serving to _anger_ Coop, as well."

S: "As if he could get _more_ mad at this."

Tail torn off for use as a sword, it _pierced_ the head of the snake. Promptly resulting in an explosion.

A: "Looks like we _did_ get his execution!"

E: "Perhaps that of the _city_ , as well."

The S-Force took care of the flaming snake, almost like it were their jobs or something.

S: "Problem solved?"

R: "I believe so. That _snake_ is not going anywhere, at the very least."

The pilot of the golden snake now a prisoner, the S-Force yucked it up.

K: "I wouldn’t say it was _wise_ to laugh in front of the man who almost _executed_ you."

A: "They’re probably going to that digital prison, ain’t they?"

E: "At least until someone like _Coop_ shoves it into their Atari."

S: "He might do it _again_."

M: "At least t-they have _something_ to remember that horrifying e-event."

Said monument soon collapsed under the weight of the Megas, taking out the entire city alongside.

R: " _That_ went well."

The credits rolled over a karaoke session with the S-Force and company.

"Targon is _really_ interested in that Hawaiian dancer, is he?" Rei remarked, as she sat up and went to the kitchen, plates in hand.

"That’s p-probably the most action he’s got in _years_."

"How much action _do_ holographic heads get, anyway?"

"I would not think _much_ , Asuka." Thought Kaworu.

"Is he _Internet_ enabled?"

"Does that galaxy even _have_ Internet?"

"Even if t-their _world_ had Internet, that’d be enough for him."

"Would it be as full of porn as _our_ world’s Internet?" Snarked Rei, walking in with plates of pizza in hand.

"I wouldn’t think it was _that_ bad." Her other immediately snarked back.

"Oh I wouldn’t t-test that if I were you, Eliza."

And with that, the next episode started.

~~~

** 2.20: Space Booty **

_Dragonrend_ **(00:00)**

Megas was fighting dragons in space.

A: "Of _course_ that’s how this episode begins! Why can’t _we_ fight dragons in space?"

R: "I would not _tempt_ things."

M: "You see how _easy_ Megas is f-fighting them, right?"

E: "You think we could _take_ them?"

M: "I reckon."

One of the dragons latched onto Megas.

S: "I wouldn’t say _that’s_ doing too well."

K: "Can’t say _Jamie_ has a good view on their adventures."

A: "He can always _stay home_. I’m sure _most_ people would _prefer_ that."

Things were _starting_ to go a bit better, at least until the ' _Check Hydraulic Oil_ ' light came on.

M: "Well, _that’s_ a p-problem. No hydraulics means no _movement_."

E: "I wouldn’t think the _Evangelion_ utilised hydraulics, being _biological_."

K: "Perhaps to _assist_ in movement."

S: "Suppose in a _regular_ robot, that’s a _requirement_."

A: "Isn’t hydraulics a _closed system_ anyway? Unless you have a _leak_ somewhere."

R: "I would not _think_ the Megas with Coop’s modifications was watertight. Or, _oil_ tight, in this situation."

Not just _hydraulic_ systems, _all_ systems seemingly failed.

M: "That’s not r-related to _electrical_ , isn’t it."

E: "Unless hydraulic fluid leaked into the electrical systems."

A: "Well ain’t _this_ a good time to find all that out!"

Out of nowhere, the dragons were _shot_.

S: "…Why does a part of me think _they_ won’t be friendly, as well?"

K: "Because if they _were_ , the episode would be _over_ already."

From the void, a large ship phased in.

M: "Lemme tell you, the _look_ of t-that ship isn’t a good sign."

R: " _Skulls_ rarely are."

The Megas was _consumed_ by this ship, which phased back into invisibility.

A: "So, what shit have they gotten into _today_?"

E: "One episode’s worth."

_Pirate_ **(02:45)**

Approximately twelve trillion small arms were now pointed at the Megas, give or take twelve trillion.

K: "Always an undesirable situation."

A: "In your experience?"

R: "If this were _our_ world, they would have _opened fire_ by now."

M: "Are they _b-blunderbusses_?"

S: "They _are_ pirates, aren’t they?"

E: "What _is_ a pirate?"

A: "Someone who steals shit on the high seas, at least that’s what the _movies_ tell you."

R: "Or someone who downloads a movie."

E: "Rather _different_ definitions."

K: "I wonder what _do_ they want from Megas. Considering the Megas can utterly _wipe the floor_ with everyone."

M: "Unless they c-can’t handle _bullets_."

A close up view of who was _apparently_ the captain raised a few eyebrows in the group. "Is it just me, or does he look _familiar_?" Shinji thought.

A: "He looks like they just _ripped_ him from an anime!"

_Harlock_ **(03:50)**

Said anime villain was _about_ to execute the crew, until he saw Kiva.

R: "…Now _that_ is an interesting quirk."

M: "Do y-you reckon he has a _thing_ for her?"

_Jean-Michel Warlock_ gave a bow, as he introduced himself.

A: "Ooh yeah, he’s _so_ into her."

S: "I mean, they didn’t _kill_ them all on the spot, so you’d _think_."

E: "If those two _laugh_ some more, they _might_ get killed on the spot."

A red rose to the red haired Kiva spelt his intentions.

R: "Indeed, those _kissed by fire_."

A: "Good to hear my hair’s his _fetish_."

S: "I think it’s pretty good."

A: "You can say that cause you’re my _lover_ , Shin-chan."

E: " _Most_ people in this room can say that."

M: "I’m sure _most_ people in t-this room don’t kiss your hand for _minutes_ at a t-time."

R: "It was not _that_ bad."

A: "He sure _lingered_ on that for long enough, Rei."

S: "Leaving _Coop_ hanging like that wasn’t that great, as well."

K: "He should dye his hair."

A brief flashback played on _how_ they got a band of dragons on their muffler.

M: "Well _that_ was her m-mistake. Thinking they could d-do _anything_ quietly."

R: "Giant mechs do not lend themselves to being quiet."

S: "Is he _actually_ going to get them some more oil?"

E: "I wouldn’t _think_. Unless it’d get him closer to _Kiva_."

A: "He gets _any_ closer, Kiva’s gonna kick him into space!"

K: "They _like_ zooming into his eyes, don’t they?"

R: "Rather… _cool_ eyes. No movement in the iris whatsoever. He does not want anything other than her red hair."

M: "Which is w-why I’m guessing he _lied_ about having that time drive."

R: "I doubt he was genuine with that, yes."

_Tour_ **(07:05)**

With Coop and Jamie being lead somewhere else, Harlock and Kiva went for the 'time drive'.

E: " _She_ doesn’t have any hope for them."

K: "Why _would_ she?"

S: "My hopes for _her_ are getting kinda low, as well."

M: "It’s _Harlock_ , a-ain’t it."

A: "Oh I think _she_ can handle Harlock _just fine_."

Coop’s nose picked up the _mess hall_. "Shit, _that_ spread d-doesn’t seem half bad for being pirate rations."

R: "Imagine how _successful_ they must be to have such good food."

Success wasn’t _exactly_ a part of it, as a pirate demonstrated just _how_ they got food. "It’s a god damn _Replicator_."

K: "I wonder if they _took_ it from a Starfleet vessel."

Coop being Coop, he _immediately_ took advantage of this, asking for a Philly cheesesteak wrapped in bacon and deep-fried.

S: "How _does_ an alien pirate ship know what a _Philly cheesesteak_ is?"

M: "Once you get to _that_ k-kinda thing, it’s not exactly a _cheesesteak_ anymore."

Jamie being Jamie, he _immediately_ tried replicating a _cheerleader_.

Much to everyone’s amusement. "I wonder if he _knows_."

R: "He most likely does _not_."

Meanwhile, Kiva and Harlock were continuing the tour.

S: "Harlock's _really_ laying the complements on, isn’t he."

K: "Trying to _butter her up,_ as the saying goes."

A: "Thing is, it sounds like it might _work_."

E: "It’d depend on whether he was _genuine_ with the time drive."

As they walked onto a ship with _apparently_ a time drive, Harlock further pressed the questions.

R: "It is all in the _eyes_."

S: "Looks like those two found a lot of _oil_ of some sort."

M: "Unless the M-Megas runs on _cooking oil_ , it’s not gonna help t-them."

A: "Might help with making _friends_ with the pirates."

K: "Food can do that, it seems."

E: " _Gambling_ , as well?"

M: "Those pirates a-are _right_ about New Jersey, at l-least."

R: "He is not going to _stop_ trying to abuse the replicator, is he?"

A: "Doubt it. That donut _did_ look kinda good, though."

_Ladies First_ **(09:55)**

Kiva was lead into a desolate hallway, door sliding shut after them. "Well, _that_ a-ain’t good."

A: "Cartoon Network wouldn’t have the _balls_."

R: "Maintaining a good relationship with the appropriate regulatory bodies for airing cartoons may be more important for a studio such as Cartoon Network."

S: "Obviously _Arms_ didn’t care about that."

E: "There’s no way _that_ aired on TV."

K: "Perhaps it aired at _midnight_."

Ever the gentlemen, Harlock _confessed_.

Much to the eye-roll of _another_ redhead. "Yeah, you wish."

M: "He c-certainly _would_ wish."

K: "Thing is, as she implied, one of the few things keeping her tied to Coop and Jamie is the _Megas_."

R: "The _friendship_ they have built thus far should account for something."

S: "Is that _really_ a friendship?"

Harlock also confessed to something else.

E: "At the very least, they wouldn’t _mislead_ her, like _Harlock’s_ done."

M: "Bit more t-than _mislead_ , I’d think."

R: "It is _exactly_ what your gut feeling thought would happen, Mari."

M: "A girl l-lead into a dark room where the door shuts a-after her. Yeah, _really_ promising."

A: "Y’know, she could probably _take_ most of them."

Coop and Jamie were meanwhile _also_ trying not to get killed, as he proved _too_ good at eating.

S: "Part of me thinks they’re just angry at losing."

K: " _Pirates_ do not generally play fair, from what I understand."

M: "Depends if t-they had a code of honour and all that. Then again, that g-generally applies to _other_ pirates."

E: "Which they are _not_. Unless Coop downloaded a movie."

Kiva, not being one for _going quietly_ , immediately began wiping the floor with the various pirates.

A: "See? She’s going _just fine_."

S: "I wonder why none of them used their _guns_."

M: "Why s-should _we_ complain about that? _She_ sure as hell ain’t."

Sword in hand, Harlock and Kiva faced off in armed combat.

K: "That deal seems _redundant_. If she wins _or_ loses, the outcome would in all likelihood be the same even _if_ she accepted the bet."

R: "All to get _under_ _her skin_ , I imagine."

_Sunset Shrine_ **(13:00)**

Harlock was thrust into the… well, one could describe the room as a _shrine_ for his fetish. "Oh for _fuck’s sake_!"

R: "At least we can say he is not _discriminatory_. Species _or_ gender, it matters not."

E: "What about that girl with _pink_ hair?"

M: "Pink is _kinda_ r-red, ain’t it."

K: "I get the feeling she would be a _particularly_ lively one."

S: "As long as you have _kinda_ red hair."

Such locale only _briefly_ unsettled Kiva, immediately getting back to the fight.

Conveniently finding Coop and Jamie strung up on the ceiling. "Ain’t _that_ convenient a bunch of bloodthirsty pirates didn’t _immediately_ kill those two."

M: "Cartoon N-Network."

Speaking of blood, Kiva managed to get a _cut_ on Harlock, eventually _disarming_ him as well.

R: "If she was a few centimetres higher, she would have caught his eye."

E: "She didn’t already?"

K: "Ah but _now_ we have a conundrum. Would she continue fighting, or settle for freeing Coop and Jamie?"

S: "And we’re trusting Harlock to keep his end of the bargain."

A: "If it meant potentially getting in the pants of a _redhead_ , you _know_ he would."

Kiva eventually settled for Coop and Jamie’s freedom.

A: "See? Even _after_ she cut him up some."

M: "Man he’s _r-really_ taking that fetish to the extreme, ain’t he?"

R: "I could think of _worse_ fetishes he could have."

E: "This entire piracy operation is just to _enable_ this craving of his, isn’t it."

S: "That wasn’t obvious with that _cathedral_ he has?"

K: "Even so, as Coop mentioned, they still don’t have _oil_. They might as well be _stranded_ , at this point."

R: "I believe the terminology pirates use is _marooned_."

Speaking of, they were unceremoniously thrown out of the ship.

M: "Case in p-point."

_Marooned_ **(15:25)**

The Megas began tumbling towards _Tatooine_.

R: "There is _always_ a catch with him."

Kiva _punched_ him to the ground, revealing she _also_ had a catch with her deal.

A: "Good thing _she_ doesn’t give a _shit_ about that! You _go_ girl!"

K: "I’m sure she can fight the pirates off, though that may not’ve been a particularly _wise_ decision."

S: "She’s learning well from Coop, then."

Back to Coop, they _still_ had the problem of having no oil.

At least until Coop had an _idea,_ shoving a bunch of stowed _cheesesteaks_ into the oilpan. "Y’know, I h-heard of _biodiesel_ , but _that_ is r-ridiculous!"

E: "I can’t imagine the _engine_ of the Plymouth Barracuda uses _cooking oil_ as lubrication."

A: "Goes to show how _sturdy_ that engine is, eh?"

Right back to Kiva, as she attempted to make a run for it.

R: "Simply _too many_ people for her."

S: "Shame she doesn’t have any _Nephilim_ powers."

R: "If _any_ of those three were able to use _our_ abilities, every episode would be a few minutes long."

M: "I can’t help b-but feel _most_ cartoons would be like t-that if they could do _that_."

Good thing for _Kiva_ , somehow filling the oilpan with cheesesteaks _worked_ , as Megas _crashed straight into_ the vessel.

K: "Here I was expecting the _vacuum_ to do the work."

E: "They must have _something_ else keeping the air in."

A: "Jamie could be a _bit_ more appreciative about Kiva potentially becoming a _fetish slave_ for that _arschloch._ "

R: "Perhaps she can put him in a wig and throw him out. We know Harlock has been _open_ about his options before."

_Purple Hat_ **(18:00)**

Out of the pod bay doors, an _army_ of giant robots.

S: "There’s _no way_ she’s going back with _him_."

M: "It’s that red hair, m-man. It’s too powerful for him."

A: "That’s gonna be his _downfall_ one day."

Instead of _Coop_ giving the episode’s monologue, it was _Kiva_.

E: "She really _is_ learning."

R: "If she was not friends with them _before_ , I am sure _this_ event will change her mind."

K: "Even so, she had _some_ attachment to them _other_ than 'pilots of Megas'. Otherwise she would’ve simply left them."

Needless to say, the robots didn’t put up _much_ of a fight.

M: "Probably s-should’ve noticed earlier, but Coop’s in _s-slightly_ different clothing for once."

S: "Cartoon Network obviously increased the budget for this episode."

E: "I like how _that’s_ more impressive than the _energy swords_."

To their shrug. " _We_ can make energy swords out of our AT-Fields." Asuka bragged. "Well, we can _theoretically_ , I suppose."

R: "You _could_. But we _have_ weaponry usually, and you may as well use the AT-Field in _other_ offensive aspects, instead of sword-like weaponry."

M: " _I_ wouldn’t mind h-having a damn _energy sword_."

A: "What about a _gatling gun_?"

M: "Eh, they a-aren’t _that_ great."

_Equalizer_ **(19:30)**

The robots were the _least_ of their worries, when the _Saving Grace_ opened fire.

K: "We could _use_ energy weapons like _that_."

R: "The _positron rifle_ is a thing."

A: "A cumbersome and generally _unwieldy_ thing. Not exactly _artillery_."

Coop therefore sought to even the odds, deploying the _Equalizer._

…Or at least _attempting_ to. "Has he run out of nuclear warheads?"

S: "He should’ve gotten _those_ refilled along with his oil."

Instead of activating the Equalizer, he activated the _horn_ , _La Cucuracha_ attracting the attention of several space dragons.

A: "And they heard this in the vacuum of space."

K: "I wouldn’t question it."

Coop clicked the button called 'Exactly the same button Coop just used like five minutes ago', throwing his horn into the Saving Grace just as it cloaked.

R: " _…Well_ , it _worked_."

M: "Even though the _horn_ s-should’ve stopped _honking_ when it was taken out."

S: "I wouldn’t question it."

A: "So what’re the odds he _does_ return?"

K: "Depends how many episodes there’s left."

E: "If there’s one more episode on this disc, and one more disc after _this_ one, I would suggest five to six more."

One last mocking and his vessel crashing onto Tatooine, they were now back in Jersey.

E: "Then again, I wouldn’t _think_ he’d come back in the next few episodes."

A: "I don’t know if Goat is being _ironic_ in trying to attract Kiva _exactly like Harlock_. But I _hope_ he is."

Goat revealed _who_ told him Kiva’s tastes. Much to the group’s amusement, as even _Kiva_ laughed. "Less irony, more _misinformed_."

A: "I _really_ shouldn’t be surprised at that."

The episode closed off at Harlock's tears.

And Goat’s. And _Coop’s_ as well. "I wonder what they are _crying_ at."

Another shot revealed _who_ (or _what_ , in Coop’s case) they were tearing up at.

Rei blinked. " _That_ makes sense." As she got up, to do another round of pizza.

"Coop shouldn’t be _upset_." Thought Asuka. "Think about it, the _sacrifices_ of those cheesesteaks allowed him to _survive_ to eat _more_ cheesesteaks!"

"You’d think he’d go for _something else_ after surviving all that."

"He _is_ C-Coop, Shinji. Plus, it’s r-rare enough for someone from New Jersey to like food coming from _outside_ t-their state anyway."

"Such a scene _does_ raise questions, however. Like, _why_ are they all in the same room?"

Rei came back with yet _more_ pizza. "I wouldn’t question it."

With the last pizza divvied up, the last episode of this disc started.

~~~

** 2.21: Terminate Her **

_Plan G_ **(00:00)**

The Glorft were currently busy racking their minds for _any_ kind of plan.

M: "Yeah, _subtlety._ "

R: "Maybe he _is_ remarkably subtle for their kind."

K: "I dread to think what their _usual_ plans consist of, in that case."

A: "Probably _destroying planets_. Which, they _were_ going to destroy the Earth. _Several_ times."

S: " _In comparison_ , they _have_ been subtle, at times."

Warmaster Gorrath _demonstrated_ the suggested tool, immediately disguising himself as subtly human as possible.

R: "I see they are going with the _Skynet_ thought process of sending an _Austrian body builder_ to blend in with the American populous."

E: "You’ve _seen_ the people of New Jersey, haven’t you?"

M: "They’re g-gonna do _just fine_ blending in."

A: "So what, they’re gonna blend in and _get_ those three when they least expect it?"

K: "Just like _The Terminator_ , as Rei suggested."

R: "They are not _entirely_ robots, this time around."

E: "Suppose it was about time, with all the time you guys have _mentioned_ this Terminator."

S: "Didn’t we already _have_ Terminators in this show, though?"

R: "I feel _this_ is a bit closer to the _intention_ of the movie, at least."

_Mosh_ **(02:20)**

If they didn’t already _observe_ the link to the Terminator movies, perhaps the title of _'Terminate Her'_ would’ve been enough. "They aren’t even being _subtle_ with that!"

R: " _None_ of their titles have been subtle."

Megas was _also_ not subtle, crushing a poor man’s Geo. "Aww _that_ was an a-alright car!"

E: "They already _destroyed_ it, they might as well take his parking spot as well."

It wasn’t the _only_ car destroyed as Coop tried finding an appropriate parking spot.

S: "Wow, Kiva’s wearing something _different_ this time around!"

A: "Something that _looks_ pretty cool, as well. _I’d_ probably rock that if I was going to a damn _punk concert_."

K: "Do you even _like_ punk?"

A: "Not particularly. Plus, do you think _we_ would _ever_ be allowed to go into a _mosh pit_?"

R: "There _are_ some security risks that come with such thing, admittedly."

M: "A shame, cause it l-looks pretty fuckin’ _fun_."

E: "Must be what they’re _trying_ to teach Kiva."

A: "I doubt _Kiva_ would go for crowd surfing, anyway."

K: "A mosh pit sounds like a _great_ place to blend in, though."

Speaking of, they got to the _mosh pit_.

M: "Heh, she wasn’t _r-ready_ for that."

S: "Do you not wear _earplugs_ during something like that?"

M: "From what I h-heard, it’s good practice. Especially if you’re one of t-those people in the front row."

R: "Coop does not exactly follow good practice."

The brash noise and the jostling was enough for Jamie and Kiva to get the hell outta there, leaving Coop to enjoy himself.

M: "Not exactly the _n-nosebleed section_ , ain’t it?"

E: " _Literal_ nosebleeds, perhaps."

_No Chaser_ **(04:15)**

Kiva and Jamie were carrying _piles_ of food from a WcMonalds. "They’re gonna need a _lot_ more food than that."

M: "It’d get _w-wasted_ , anyway. As soon as they get to the _mosh_ , that’s all g-going to the _ground_."

The _very subtly_ disguised Glorft made their way towards the duo.

S: "Thing is, they haven’t exactly _realised_ they’re Glorft."

R: "I would _still_ think a gang of bulky men with _red irises_ were suspicious."

Either way, the disguise ultimately didn’t matter, a cola spill causing a brief malfunction in the disguise.

E: "I’m surprised it still _works_ after getting _waterlogged_. Or _colalogged_ , in that case."

K: "It was enough of a lull for _those two_ to notice."

A: "Now it’s just a matter of figuring out their _plan_."

S: "Can’t say that large _glowing green_ computer of theirs is particularly subtle, as well."

R: "As has been mentioned, subtly is not their strongest point."

They _found_ their target, and promptly _ignored_ Kiva.

R: "…Hmm. That is interesting."

S: "They _aren’t_ targeting her? _Who_ , then?"

It didn’t take too much longer to realise they were targeting yet _another_ redhead.

E: "The Glorft don’t have a thing for that hair as well, do they?"

A: "She looks pretty _similar_ to Kiva, doesn’t she?"

M: "Maybe t-they just reused the same cells."

Kaworu meanwhile furrowed his brow. "You know how The Terminator was about sending someone or some _thing_ back in time to change the future?"

As if to _confirm_ this observation, Gorrath took out the _laser sights_.

R: "Even _that_ is similar."

M: "I don’t recall A-Arnold _laughing_ in their face before _shooting them_."

A: "Helps the Glorft aren’t _machines_. If they were against an _actual_ Terminator, they’d be _fucked_."

S: "As would _most_ people."

K: "I’m sure _we_ would be fine against such entities."

Either way, they ran in hot pursuit of Sarah Connor, as Jamie cowered behind a trash can. "I wonder what the animators are implying."

A: "They’ve been doing a good job at _depicting_ such thing."

R: "Kiva does have a point. They are _still_ disguised as human, however unsubtle they can be to _us_."

M: "A punk concert is p-probably the _best_ place those disguises would work."

_The Nosebleed Section_ **(06:55)**

M: "Now _that’s_ a n-nosebleed section if I’ve seen any."

E: "Why _is_ it called that?"

M: "It’s basically the _furthest_ seats from the action. So high up y-you’d get _nosebleeds_ from the altitude."

R: "Sounds rather _tongue in cheek_."

A: "It _has_ to be for such _terrible_ seats."

K: "It’d be a good place to _blend in_ for the girl, at least."

S: "Don’t suppose _hair dye_ is ample in a stadium."

M: "It’d depend on _what’s_ g-going on at the stadium. Maybe they’re doing a massive _h-hairdressing seminar_."

The girl was meanwhile _not_ currently experiencing altitude sickness, having sequestered herself away in the employee section.

K: "I’m sure security would _understand_ her concerns."

A: "If anything, she _wants_ to get _further away_ from the stadium."

Didn’t stop her from getting _swiped_.

R: "At least _those two_ are _friendly_."

S: "Doubt _she’d_ know that."

E: "I mean, Kiva _kinda_ looks a bit suspicious with that getup."

K: "The key is to be no more suspicious than the _crowd_. Perhaps if she was at a _church_ , such getup would look suspicious."

M: "Jamie isn’t _h-helping_ matters."

Gorrath found the group, immediately divulging his plan.

A: "She _is_ Sarah Connor!"

E: "How does that even _work_?"

R: "This is why we do not mess with time travel. With what _we_ know of time, it will change _a_ future."

K: "Not _their_ future. As the woman herself said, the future is not set. If her ancestor were to die, that would not mean _she_ specifically would cease to exist."

R: "As soon as you travel back in time, you have _already_ changed the future. Trying to keep the past the same as a _time traveller_ is like trying to avoid water in the ocean."

M: "All well and good, b-but he could’ve _done_ that by now instead of monologuing."

S: "They like a good monologue in New Jersey, it seems."

A: "So does that mean the _grandfather paradox_ doesn’t actually apply?"

R: "It would not. The timeline you would be in would be simply another path, different from the one you once walked. Take _Wolk’s work_ , for example. You would not call the post Third Impact world and the world you ended up saving the same, would you?"

M: "This time t-travel talk is gonna end up giving me a nosebleed."

Kiva disarmed the disguised Gorrath, Sarah Connor and Jamie taking the opportunity to _run like hell_ out of a conveniently labelled exit. "Do you think they will _actually_ end up in the Megas?"

S: "If Jamie was _smart_ about it."

_Jump Around_ **(09:50)**

Instead of showing a climatic battle between Kiva and Gorrath, they cut back to the mosh.

A: "I was beginning to _wonder_ when he was gonna get suspicious."

R: "He was having too much fun."

Speaking of, Gorrath flew out of the employee’s section.

M: "Dang, she’s l-looking pretty _badass_ like that."

Mari proceeded to eat her words, as Kiva was sent flying into a wall. "D-Dang it."

S: "She _was_ getting a bit cocky with him, wasn’t she?"

E: "Not much different from _Gorrath_."

Either way, Kiva was down for the count, as they cut to the _other_ redhead.

A: "Ever the gentleman, Jamie."

S: "Is she _falling_ for him?"

As if to rub it in, they were shown on the big screen as 'Victims of Love'.

R: "Kiva would _not_ be pleased if Jamie was actually her _ancestor_."

K: "If that _were_ the case, at least she could fall back on the fact they were over a thousand years removed from _her_."

M: "What, all _his_ g-genes would’ve been filtered out at that point?"

A: "Here’s hoping."

Cornered by Glorft, Gorrath _would’ve_ gone for the kill but _once again_ , he was too slow and ended up interrupted by _Kiva_ , and a well timed cola spill, frying his weapon and his disguise.

S: "Well, if _that_ doesn’t convince her."

E: "It ought to convince _Coop,_ as well."

_Peeps And The Freaks In The Front Row_ **(12:45)**

It did, as he was _crowdsurfed_ out of the mosh, as Kiva and company ran for the nosebleed section.

K: "Seems like his _reputation_ precedes him."

A: "I’d think _everyone_ would know the pilot of a giant robot, especially if they were _that_ public about it."

R: "We cannot deny it has _helped_ him. It may be the difference between getting to the Megas in time, and _not_."

M: "I’m sure a-actually getting _carried_ for once will help _e-encourage_ him, as well."

E: "Might show him New Jersey is _behind_ kicking alien ass."

Outside of the mosh, Jamie, Kiva, and Sarah Connor were now well _beyond_ the nosebleed section, practically on the _exterior_ of the stadium.

A: "I mean, it’s either trust someone who claims to be your future descendent, or trust an _alien_ who has actively tried to _kill you_."

S: "You’d think it’d be an easy decision."

R: "People react to stressful situations in different ways. And becoming the target of assassination by squid aliens from the future disguised as humans _does_ sound like a stressful situation for most."

M: "Might as well be a-another _Tuesday_ for you lot."

K: "They generally aren’t _time travelling_. I think."

A: "It honestly wouldn’t even _surprise me_ , at this point."

S: "Couldn’t you call _Hiro_ and _Zero Two_ time travellers?"

A: "They aren’t really _alien_ though, are they?"

Jamie making the very good point that Kiva _isn’t_ trying to kill her, she agreed to go with.

Just in time for a snot green alien to start shooting. "Good to see h-he isn’t even _trying_ with the disguise anymore."

R: "Recall our take on their _subtlety_."

Gorrath shot, and missed, but Sarah Connor still ended up falling anyway. "Well, they might get what they wanted- oh who am I kidding, _Megas_ will save her."

Megas saved her. "Told you so!"

_Blinding Lights_ **(14:10)**

Like he was Jesus himself, the Megas ascended in bright light.

K: "Coop knows how to make his entrance."

A: "And _as usual_ , the Glorft don’t know how to _respond_."

R: "Firing everything they have is straight out of their playbook."

Gorrath now thoroughly _pissed_ , he took control of the operation.

E: "Thing is, _this_ plan was the closest to actually _working_. All their _other_ plans have been completely _foiled_."

S: "By complete chance. Even _this_ one, if Coop didn’t decide to go to _this_ particular concert, the timeline might’ve been altered."

K: "If it works like that. Or, worst case scenario, they killed a random woman."

A: "Either way, it’s _back_ to the giant robots that do nothing!"

R: "They will probably destroy the _stadium_."

The Glorft robots landed in the carport.

M: "They did a g-good job with those _cars_."

A: "Hey Mari, does America do _Angel insurance_?"

M: "As far as I can t-tell, almost _all_ of them added a clause that doesn’t cover attacks from e-extraterrestrials."

S: "The fact they even _had_ to add a clause like that."

R: "I wonder what they would think of what happened _recently_."

M: "…Well, if America’s _still_ a-anything like 2015 America, there’d currently b-be a class action arguing whether the Evangelion _was_ an extraterrestrial."

A: "Is that just a _thing_ in America? I mean, it’s a bit of a _joke_ that you guys are _lawyer-happy_."

M: "Asuka, we literally have _billboards_ advertising l-lawyers on the side of highways."

A: "It _is_ like what I think."

_Not For The Money_ **(15:20)**

Coop soon gave out his contractually obligated monologue, even though he didn’t exactly _understand_ half of it.

A: "Cartoon Network don’t pay you to _think_ , they pay you to drive a giant robot."

R: "They do not pay him at all."

M: "I _would_ question w-why they had segregated parking for muscle cars and SUVs, but I r-really shouldn’t complain."

E: "Sounds like nothing of value was lost."

K: "In all likelihood, those cars will end up destroyed anyway."

S: "Not by _Coop_ , at the very least."

The people in the front row were not only _watching_ , they were _cheering him on_.

A: " _I’d_ be more entertained by that."

K: "Helps this is _outside_ the stadium. They have _some_ sort of protection."

R: "And they are not destroying the _stadium_."

One of the Glorft mechs _was_ thrown into the side of the stadium, creating a blast cloud visible from the mosh.

R: " _Yet_."

Glorft mechs disposed of, Coop and Gorrath faced one another in single combat, for _all_ the stadium to see.

A: "I don’t _remember_ seeing a train near there."

M: "Maybe they n-need one to _supply_ everything."

_Not For The Applause_ **(17:50)**

E: "They _really_ don’t like that Pop TV, do they?"

M: "I don’t know _why_. MTV was p-pretty _cool_ , if you ask me."

R: "Cartoon Network does not think the same way, obviously."

Despite being down for the count, Gorrath called for _more_ Glorft.

A: "Dunno about _them_ , but _I_ can’t really see the logic in _covering_ the Megas. The _heavily armed_ Megas."

S: "The _nuclear enabled_ Megas."

Yeah, _all_ the Glorft mechs that were _attempting_ to smother the Megas ended up as fine metal particulate, much to the cheer of the front row as the punk band seemed to provide _music_ for the ongoing battle.

A: "Why can’t _we_ get a soundtrack like that when we fight?"

R: "Perhaps because NERV will rip their hair out if we suggest such thing."

M: "Ya gotta have a _s-soundtrack_."

K: " _Technically_ we do. It’s the music that was played on the Laserdiscs."

S: " _I_ wouldn’t want more Laserdisc influence on my life."

A: "If it sounded like _that_ , maybe."

E: "Growing to _like_ this kinda music?"

A: "Who _wouldn’t_ wanna destroy aliens to rock music?"

M: "That is _exactly_ the t-thought process behind _Doom_."

And so, Megas pile-drove Warmaster Gorrath into a grand explosion. "Man that kid _always_ s-sees him do the cool shit."

R: "I would not call that _luck_."

Well and truly defeated, Gorrath called for a retreat.

K: "Needless to say, the Commander will be turned into _calamari_."

A: "I wanted to do that with the Commander anyway."

_It’s An Electrical Fault_ **(19:45)**

Stadium now empty (and half destroyed), Kiva and Sarah Connor had a small heart to heart.

R: "It would be a lot to take in for her, I imagine."

A: "That aliens from the future tried to kill you for _potentially_ getting laid with someone?"

M: "Not exactly _common_ , I’d t-think."

K: "Rather a shame Kiva could not spend too much time with her family. Though I suppose that was just a sign of the times."

S: "She can join our club."

E: "…Makes _me_ seem rather _lucky_ , in that regard."

A: "Rather _smart_ to get out of New Jersey, it seems."

M: "That’s just _smart_ in g-general. Even if there _wasn’t_ any aliens and s-shit."

Back home, Coop and Tiny were busy playing video games.

S: "Good to find out her name after the _whole_ episode."

A: "I was just calling her _Sarah_ in my head."

R: "And _of course_ , Jamie has to mention _that_ aspect of things."

E: " _We_ mentioned it earlier."

M: "You know it’s bad when it d-disgusts _everyone_."

K: "At least _Coop_ isn’t preoccupied with it." As Coop _still_ tried to wrap his mind around the time travel antics.

S: "He really shouldn’t worry about _that_ , as well."

R: "Not many people _really_ understand such thing. Even _our_ knowledge is more instinctual than anything."

A: "And if you tried explaining it to _most_ people, their heads would _explode_."

R: "An unideal outcome."

~

The episode closed off with Coop getting clobbered by Gorrath.

"I suppose this is _Gorrath’s_ fetish."

"Might as well be, at this point." Jested Asuka.

It only became _more_ amusing as they realised he was clobbering his _commander_. "I _kinda_ f-feel sorry for him. If only cause I know _no one_ has b-been beating _Gorrath_ for his failures."

"It’s all about making an example, at that point." Thought Shinji. "Keeping them all in line."

"I’m sure after _twenty one_ episodes of failure, they would be getting a bit _restless_."

"Guess we will see _next_ disc." As Rei went up to the Playstation. "We are out of pizza, by the way."

"I gathered as much." Was Asuka’s somewhat disappointed tone, as she got up, phone in hand. "I’m gonna check with Carmen quickly, that all good?"

"I was not sure what we would be doing with the rest of the night anyway."

"Cool, cool." As she dialled the number.

* * *

## 3\. Loose End

Carmen took her phone out from her scrubs. "Hallo?"

_"Been a hot minute, hasn’t it?"_

"Ah, Asuka!" In warm surprise. "I’m surprised I got _reception_ , if I’m being honest."

_"On one of your_ assignments _again, I assume_."

"You assume correct."

_"And I also assume you probably shouldn’t talk about it on a line like_ this _."_

"Pretty sure _our_ line is good, but I wouldn’t tempt the powers that be."

_"Fair, fair. Say, do you reckon you can drive us somewhere tomorrow?"_

"As long as you can stomach the _Trabant_ again." She joked. "Where’re you thinking?"

The joy on Carmen’s face faded as Asuka told her. _"It’s… been a long time since I’ve been there. Seen it with my own eyes. I know she’s back and all that, but…"_

"Nah, I understand. You wanna settle a few things in your mind, I’m assuming."

_"…Yeah. You assume correct, Carmen."_

She couldn’t help but huff at her own words. "Fair. Tell you what, I’ll get done with this, then tomorrow afternoon some time, I can take you guys there. Sounds good?"

_"I can go for that."_

"That’s good. Don’t burn the house down or anything."

_"NERV has the funds to rebuild it, don’t they?"_

"Fair point, but still. See ya tomorrow, Asuka."

_"See ya, Carmen."_

The phone clicked off, and was soon back in her scrubs.

She sighed. "Lass uns das hinter uns bringen." She softly muttered to herself, psyching herself up.

("Let’s get this over with.")

Out of the side room and into the hallway, no one batted an eye at the nurse pushing a trolly to the secure wing of Royal London, her key codes working flawlessly through the myriad doors and checkpoints designed to protect more _stately_ occupants of a hospital.

Stanley Morrison fit the bill rather well.

The door buzzed, and opened up on Carmen’s command. "Good evening, Mr Morrison." In faux cheer.

Morrison did not exactly respond, comatose and bandaged all over his body due to his injuries.

Playing nurse, Carmen went through the motions. Cleaning up, closing the blinds, generally tending to the 'gentlemen'.

At least until her pager went off. "NULLKAMERA. TU DEINE PFLICHT."

A glance to said security camera, as silent as the grave. "Nur du, und _ich._ "

("Just you, and _me_.")

From the trolley, a small syringe. With what they knew, it was almost _impossible_ that Morrison would recover enough to face justice for his crimes against humanity.

And with what Carmen could observe, they were _right_ to assume this.

"Ich würde mich nicht beschweren."

("I wouldn’t complain.") As the syringe entered the arm, contents deposited. " _Ich_ würde in Ihrer Situation auch wollen, dass mich jemand aus meinem Elend befreit."

(" _I_ would want someone to put me out of my misery in your situation, as well.")

The deed was done, and she made her exit. "See you in hell, Stanley."

It wasn’t until Carmen was across the English Channel that Stanley Morrison would flatline, supposedly succumbing to his injuries.

~

Meanwhile in Japan, it was well into the early morning where a phone started trilling.

"…That’s _your_ ringtone, Kaji." As Misato shoved him out of the bed, promptly falling back asleep.

"I get it, I get it." He eventually mumbled, picking himself up off the floor and answering. "It’s two in the morning, what’s up?"

_"It’s late for_ me _as well, Ryoji."_

Kaji blinked. "Spencer? You’re still in Australia? What’s going on?"

_"Shit’s about to hit the fan."_ He was upfront. _"I saw it with my own eyes, Ryoji."_

The Oversight agent simply stared blankly at the darkness, as Makinami explained what was going on down under.

"I… I understand. I’ll see what I can do."

_"Thank you. If I don’t make it out-"_

"Shut up." He hushed. "Don’t say shit like that."

_"…Hmpf. Ever the optimist."_

The line cut.

Kaji threw the phone against the wall, Misato jumping up out of her bed and quickly picking up the pistol on a bedside table, before quickly realising it was just _Kaji_. "What’s… what’s up?"

Kaji was simply breathing, steadying himself.

"Makinami says there is an Angel approaching the city of New Albany. It’ll most likely contact mid afternoon their time, so around twelve hours from now."

Misato also fell silent for a short while, before coming to her conclusions.

She got up from the bed, picking up and putting on bits of clothing from the floor, before finding a half decent uniform in her closet. It didn’t take too long before she entered full Commander mode. "Sounds like we have a world to save, Ryoji."

The agent couldn’t help but smirk at her moxie, despite any perturbation he may have. " _That’s_ the girl I love."

* * *


	6. CDE 6

* * *

## 1\. Here's The Plan

The den of Hiro and Zero Two was mostly the same as it was prior. The kitchen counter was now covered in small piles of CDs, to suit the computer that Kensuke so generously provided, and offered them _several_ hours of entertainment.

One of the many wonders of this world, Zero Two thought in her half awake mind. Wandering the city and the Geofront, getting to grips with the somewhat familiar Evangelion, and spending practically every waking moment with her darling.

Every _sleeping_ moment, as well.

"Not so bad, eh darling?" She softly cooed to the sleeping Hiro, before curling back up to him. Enjoying his warmth, all her body pressed up.

This pleasant moment lasted until the doorbell rang.

Zero Two furrowed her brow, picking herself up from the futon. " _Always_ when I’m thinking that, I swear."

A push of a button later, and the door slid open. "…Misato?"

"Sorry for getting you up this early, Zero Two."

The Klaxosaur blinked. "I was gonna say, _something’s_ up."

"Yeah. Get yourselves down to Central Dogma. I’ll get you two some coffee and brief you what’s going on, alright?"

Nodding was the only reply.

"Thanks, Zero Two." With a weary smile. "Oh, and another thing?"

"Yeah, Misato?"

"Might wanna put something on before you head out."

"Eheh." Smirked the pink haired girl. "Was wondering when you’d notice."

"I honestly _expected_ it when I rang the doorbell."

"Good to hear my reputation _precedes_ me." With a chuckle. "Don’t worry, Misato. I know _basic_ public decency rules."

The Commander smirked, before leaving for Central.

Sliding the door back shut, it didn’t take long for this cheerfulness to leave her, as she flicked on the lights. "Hey, Hiro?"

Murmuring from behind her.

To which she approached him, prodding him with her foot. "You wanna get up?"

"…mmhm what’s up?"

Hiro had half opened an eye, and couldn’t help but smirk at her… _figure_.

She huffed. " _That_ better not go up, perv."

The boy knew to not say anything otherwise, upon seeing her somewhat… _wistful_ look. "Dunno what _Misato_ wants, but she was pretty _serious_ about it. And she wouldn’t wake us _this_ early for something stupid, darling."

The words seemed to kick Hiro into gear, at least; sitting up on the futon. "Central?"

"Yeah, Central."

~

In a small meeting room within Central Dogma was gathered six individuals, a map, and a central phone. "Okay team, here’s the gist."

With a pointer, Misato indicated on the map of continental Australia, borders of the two major nations overlayed. " _This_ is New Albany, one of the capitals of the Swan Confederacy. Approximately _twelve_ hours from now, an Angel-like being will attack."

"We cannot identify whether this _is_ an Angel or not." Ritsuko interjected. "We do not have sensors in southwestern Australia, and our satellites are not in the most ideal orbit for such usage."

"Go figure." Mused Kaji.

_"For all intents and purposes, we should_ assume _it’s an Angel."_ The man on the other end of the line spoke. _"Angel or not, it’s big, and it’ll completely_ decimate _this place if nothing is done."_

"Don’t suppose we can just throw an Evangelion at it."

"We are over _seven thousand_ kilometres away, Hiro." Noted Ritsuko. "None of our carriers can go more than a _thousand_ kilometres without refuelling, and friendly bases between here and Swan are hopelessly lacking."

"Ship will take _at least_ a week, as well." Thought Maya. "Considering we only have _hours_."

"We can’t just leave them to _die_ , can we?"

"We don’t _want_ to, Zero Two." Begun the Commander, cool. "But what _can_ we do?"

There was a brief quiet as the group thought.

"…Hey, Commander?" Maya started. "What ever happened to that _rocket_ we used to get the Lance of Longinus back? I don’t _think_ Hawthorne got it back, did they?"

_"God damn you’re_ right _, miss!"_ Almost a _shout_ over the phone. _"You should still have it stored somewhere! Only issue I’m seeing right now is_ fuelling _, and_ payload _."_

"Methane and liquid oxygen, if I’m remembering correct. Fuel is _trivial_." Clarified Ritsuko. "And as long as they can keep up an _AT-Field_ , we can theoretically reduce load on the rocket, as well."

_"Not like there’s many other options. So do we have an Evangelion?"_

Misato looked to the two pilots present. "Depends. We do not _want_ to deploy our S2 enabled Evangelion so far away. But we have one _other_ possibility."

Zero Two gave a slight chuckle. "Us."

A nod, as Misato took out a scratchpad. "How’s this for a plan: We strap in NT-Unit-00 into the payload housing we used during Operation Crucifix, along with a few weapons of your choosing. Hell, might just give you the Lance so you don’t have to fuck about with it." Drawing it out. "Keep your AT-Field up until you get to space. From there, it should be a simple suborbital _arc_ to New Albany."

"If we’re _really_ trying to be fancy, maybe they could act as a _mortar_." Entertained Maya. "Attack the Angel while _descending_ from space."

"Much like _Asuka_ did." Chuckled the blonde. "I would prefer a more _thought out_ attack, but I suppose they didn’t think much of it _there_."

"We don’t have the _luxury_ to think out a plan, Rits."

"Fair."

"So." As she put down the pencil. "We can refine the plan as we do it, but do we have any objections?"

Silence from everyone.

"Well _that’s_ surprising. Alright!" She suddenly stood up, slamming her hands on the table. "Operation _Southern Cross_ is go!"

~

Over on the west coast of the United States, a secretary was busy playing Freecell on the front desk computer. Office wasn’t due to open until several hours later, which was the end of her shift anyway.

Her game was rudely interrupted by a phone call. "Feh, who calls _this_ early."

Such attitude immediately gave way to a well trained cheer. "Hawthorne Aerospace Technologies, how may I direct your call?"

_"Authorisation code: Sierra, Hotel, Tango, Foxtrot, six one niner two seven."_

Eyes dilated. "One moment, sir." As she hit the hold button.

Opus Number 1 was perhaps the _worst_ music for this current situation, fishing a key from her lanyard and opening the lockbox under the desk.

The _red_ book was quickly opened, her quickly scanning. "Well shit."

Phone back in hand. "Good morning, Mr Makinami."

_"All authority over Hawthorne is to transfer to the Commander of NERV Tokyo-3 until relinquished by me and me alone."_

"Affirmative. We’ll organise."

_"Thank you. They will treat you well, don’t worry."_

"You don’t pay me to worry, do you?"

_"You’re god damn right, Lucy."_

The line clicked off.

Leaving the secretary in silence for a brief moment.

"Guess I’m not finishing my game." As she called an internal line. "Ops? It’s front desk. Tokyo-3 wants a word with you."

~

The den of Kensuke and Sayaka and Kyoko was mostly the same as it was prior: filled to the brim with computer odd-ends and military memorabilia.

One brown and one red stirred from the bed, the middle figure trying to hold the _both_ of them closer, only to come up with nothing on one side. "…Hey, Kyo?"

"Mmhm?" Was her tired reply.

"D’ya know where Sa went off to?"

Looking over Kensuke, she indeed confirmed Sayaka was not in the bed with them. "Huh. Eh." Settling back down. "I wouldn’t worry. Maybe she’s cooking us breakfast in bed."

It took around five seconds before Kyoko bolted up. "Maybe she’s cooking us breakfast in bed." In a more _worried_ tone. "Hey, uhh…"

"Dad’s working, don’t worry."

"Sweet." As she bolted from the room, picking a robe up from the floor.

Much to Kensuke’s sigh. "I’m sure she’s doing alright, Kyo." He told no one in particular, as he took his time getting up and ready for the day.

Appropriately clad, he made his way downstairs. "…Not _bad_ , Sayaka." Complemented Kyoko, munching on a piece of toast.

Much to her relief. "It took me _ages_ to get that right. Oh, hey Ken!"

A warm smile. "How goes breakfast?"

"Well, I’ve been here for a few hours and only have a single piece of toast to write home about. But I didn’t set anything on fire this time around, so I got _that_ going for me."

"Ah it’s the _thought_ that counts anyway, eh?" Kyoko spoke, through her meal. "We’ll make a chef outta you yet."

It certainly cheered up Sayaka. "Heh. I’m sure you will." She scratched the back of her head. "So… sounds like we’ve got the day to ourselves."

"What ever were you _planning_ , darling?" With a sly smirk, the redhead nudging slightly closer to the bluey.

"Well…" As she slightly turned away. "We could go fishing for tech again. See if we can find anything interesting."

Kyoko blinked. Before she _laughed_. "Well, I suppose it _has_ been a little bit since we’ve done that, eh Ken?"

To his nod. "It’d be pretty quiet today, as well. I’ll get the wagon!"

Sayaka grabbed him by the scruff before he could bolt. " _Before_ that, I heard on the radio NERV were doing something for Foundation Day. _You_ know anything about that?"

Kensuke could only shake his head. "Nope."

"Eh, good enough for me." As she let go, Kensuke toppling over. "Guess _we_ should get ready, as well."

~

A good family relationship with the recyclers allowed them access to their stocks. Of course, it wasn’t the _first_ time they’d been there, and the more goods that find a second life the better.

So, it was another day of finding nuggets of gold in the dump. Which, they _do_ find plenty of decent things. Hell, practically _all_ of the tech Kensuke had was nursed back to health from here and around the place.

It was then with some bemusement that Sayaka found a rather _odd_ piece of circuitry. All she really understood of it was the fact it had a _screen_ , but what _really_ caught her fancy was the small _Nintendo_ logo near the lower centre of the board. "Hey Ken? Think you can ID this for me?"

From a half scrap SGI system, the boy came over, with his critical eye. "…Huh."

"What is it?"

"I _was_ gonna say it was an old Gameboy dev unit, but it’s… _off_. Screen’s too wide, and there’s too many buttons."

Kyoko entered the conversation with a cacophony of noise, throwing an old Macintosh onto their wagon. "I’d say that just gives you _more_ incentive to keep it, Ken."

"Fair point."

It was added to the pile. "Well, I’d say _that’s_ a good haul."

"Should keep us occupied for a bit, at least." As they set off.

"Finding anything on that _Nintendo_ board’ll probably take up _most_ of it." Wryly thought Kensuke, locking up the recyclers, wagon behind them.

"…Hey Ken?"

"Yeah?"

"I think I know what NERV’s doing for Foundation Day."

Kensuke followed Sayaka’s pointing, laying eyes on a _distant_ object. "That’s… _wait_."

He racked his mind trying to figure out _why_. " _That’s_ the rocket NERV used to launch NT-Unit-00 to the moon."

"… _That’s_ how they’re celebrating Foundation Day? I mean, I’m sure it’d make a good _firework_."

"Why would they do it on the _Monday_ , instead of the _Sunday_?" Sayaka rightfully thought.

"It’s _always_ something more with NERV." Taking out his phone.

~

"How goes preparations?"

"We can get NT-Unit-00 up in the air in three hours." Maya read from the terminal. "The Magi is finalising flightpaths."

"Rits, have all appropriate documents been filed with the authorities?"

"If by _filed_ , you mean _snuck onto government servers_ , yes."

" _That’s_ what I like to hear." With a small smirk. "We probably won’t be able to keep it quiet for _too long_ , but we can deal with it _after_ we deal with the Angel."

"Angel-like being." Clarified Kaji.

Much to her _un_ amusement, especially as her phone buzzed. "Hmph, I was _wondering_ when he’d notice."

Picking up. "Kensuke, how’re you three enjoying your holiday?"

_"Least we_ have _a holiday. I know it’s probably a bit_ above _my pay grade, but reckon I can know a bit about that_ rocket _?"_

"You don’t think launching a rocket with important scientific payloads to space is a great way to celebrate the founding of Japan?"

_"One, that was_ yesterday _. Two, I_ know _you guys_ enhance _the truth a bit."_

She couldn’t help but chuckle. "Okay, the _observed_ day. And… well, the truth of the matter is a bit _complicated_ for a phone call. We’ll debrief when you get back to work, but all you need to know for now is it doesn’t affect Tokyo-3. That acceptable enough?"

_"…You know what? Yeah, I can accept that for now."_

"Thatta boy. Talk later, then?"

_"Good luck, Commander."_

"Heh, thanks." Before she hung up. "Do you reckon we should’ve told more?"

"I’d say he knows enough." Thought the scientist. "Though I wonder why you didn’t call him in. Might do him well to get used to this kind of thing."

"And deprive him of a prime day to spend with his birds?"

A barked laugh. "We should just hire _all_ of them, at this point. Least it’d keep them all together."

"Do we really need _more_ staff using the utility closets?"

Misato ended up elbowing Kaji’s side for such comment, but at the very least it was a _great_ source of levity for everyone else.

~

A small part of the pile stirred, as Asuka gathered her bearings as to _who_ she was holding onto this time around.

"Are we a god, or are we a computer?"

"…Beep boop."

"Heh, good morning _Rei_." To the soft smile of them both, especially as Asuka nestled _closer_. "You wanna snuggle some more, or should we get Megas over with?"

"More snuggling is _always_ rather tempting…" She glanced away. "You’ll have to ask those two."

Those two were _also_ busy snuggling with one another.

"Pretty adorable, eh?"

"Yeah." Rei half dreamily replied. "So… can I know what that phone call was about? You seemed a bit _melancholic_ afterwards."

"Heh, can’t let _anything_ slip by you, eh?"

"It’s in my nature." She smiley coyly.

"Well, if you _must_ know." As that melancholy returned. "I wanted to go see my mother."

"Your-"

Rei got the memo. "Oh… Even though she’s alive?"

To Asuka’s nod. "Well, as I said to Carmen, it’s more settling it than anything. Y’know, since I’m here and all that."

"Fair. You know _we_ will be here for you."

"I know." With a small kiss. "And I appreciate that."

Rei simply blushed.

"So, wanna get those two up?"

"Okay."

With an application of her AT-Field, the two boys were pushed off the bed.

Only they didn’t get the _exact_ intended effect, Kaworu simply floating with Shinji on top of him.

"…Huh."

"You were awake this entire time, were you Kaworu?"

Said Nephilim replied by poking their tongue.

To which Rei threw a pillow.

_That_ caused them to tumble down. Much to their amusement. "Now _that_ wasn’t very nice, was it?"

"It’s all in good fun, eh Kaworu?"

They gave a thumbs up. "Didn’t wake _S-Shinji_ up, at least."

Indeed, he was still snoozing.

At least until he was prodded by Asuka. "Oi, baka."

"…eh?"

"Looks like you have the _magic touch_ , Asuka." Rei joked.

"Comes with _sleeping_ with them for a while." With a sly smirk. "So, Megas?"

"Megas."

They soon all piled through the door and down the stairs onto the couch, last disc in the Playstation. "Maybe we’ll get a _day_ with no new Rift materials."

"We had a good few days, didn’t we?"

"It wasn’t e-enough."

Speaking of, the Rift material started up.

* * *

## 2\. Megas XLR

Character Key:

Shinji (S) Asuka (A)

Rei (R) Kaworu (K)

Eliza (E) Mari (M)

** 2.22: Ice Ice Megas **

_Jool_ **(00:00)**

The Megas _rocketed_ past a green gas giant. "Fitting start."

A: "Because who _doesn’t_ weld the whatever to the what’s that!"

M: "Definitely _feels_ like that old fashioned t-technobabble."

S: "I generally tune it out, myself. Most of the Evangelion might as well _be_ like that to me."

R: "Despite you being a pilot."

To which he shrugged. "I didn’t make the thing."

E: "At least the Evangelion ought to _stop_ when you command it to stop."

K: "They also didn’t weld the throttle open on the Evangelion. If they even _have_ an equivalent to the throttle."

A: "Do legs _have_ throttle control?"

R: "And all else fails, you can cut power, which would _immediately_ stop all movement."

S: "Wonder why Coop doesn’t just do _that_."

M: "Might be a _bit_ more difficult w-when that power’s also controlling your _life support_."

E: "I don’t think Cartoon Network _care_ for creating a realistic life support system when the cockpit is a _Plymouth Barracuda_. I doubt such vehicle is _airtight_."

K: "Unless Coop _modified_ it in such a way to rival spacecraft."

Lacking _any_ method of hitting the brakes, Coop decided to engage in emergency lithobraking, crashing head first into an ice covered planetoid.

A: "Man they should give _us_ some of their ice!"

S: "With that large _square_ of land missing, maybe they already have."

As if they needed _more_ issues, they were immediately set upon by a giant robot.

R: "Perhaps they landed in a _national park._ "

M: "Ah, so _they’re_ just the _r-ranger_. They got the _colour_ for it, admittedly."

_Walker Megas Ranger_ **(02:10)**

They attempted to negotiate with the park ranger.

S: "Should’ve _expected_ they won’t accept that answer."

M: "Dude, park ranger can be _b-brutal_ sometimes."

R: "Perhaps they _should_ have heard Coop out, before tarnishing the chrome."

K: "Can’t help but feel the ranger’s life will be somewhat _reduced_."

A: "Especially with their _arrogance_. I know they’re probably _programmed_ with such thing, but _surely_ they should know _not_ to mess with someone else in a giant robot."

E: "Depends how _strict_ this programming is."

Taking this arrogance as an _insult_ , Coop began fighting back against the robotic park ranger.

R: "They are putting up a good fight, at the very least."

M: "As I said, they’d defend the land to t-their dying breath."

A: "None of _our_ park inspectors are _that_ dedicated to the job."

M: "Helps they have _g-guns_."

A: "Well, _yeah_ , that’s something that would help enforce the law."

K: "Case in point."

E: "Thing is, they’re actually causing _damage_ to that place."

R: "I am sure the ranger is mentally justifying this as the _Megas_ causing this damage."

S: "Didn’t they shoot a shell into an ice field?"

M: "Maybe if the Megas didn’t move out of the way, t-that ice field would be intact!"

R: "Exactly."

Despite valiant efforts, the park ranger ended up as scrap metal.

E: "Well, I suppose he doesn’t exactly _care_ about the Megas anymore."

K: "I still see _something_ there. Perhaps his computer core is intact."

A: "He _blew up_."

_Space Yeti_ **(04:20)**

Ice spears began harmlessly shattering on the slightly banged up Megas.

R: "I can see _why_ they would need protecting."

A: "Not exactly _advanced_ looking, are they?"

S: "Are they a protected species or something?"

E: "Why _else_ would they have a dedicated giant robot to protect them?"

To answer Eliza’s question, they cut to another world.

M: "Of _course_ , to protect t-them from _other_ giant robots!"

K: "But what _could_ they use an ice world for, anyway?"

E: "Ice might be good for _cooling_ such hardware. It’s not _ideal_ , but if you have a _ton_ of it."

S: "Sounds like you might be _onto_ something, Eliza." As the Deceptions deployed _everything_.

R: "With such resources, why did they not do that _earlier_?"

A: "If they couldn’t go against a _single_ robot, what chance do they think they have with going against the robot that _defeat_ that other robot?!"

K: "I wonder why that guardian decided to _protect_ that planet to begin with."

M: "Someone jaded might s-say it was to get the ice for _themselves_."

E: "An ice world _would_ be decent for cooling computer systems, I suppose."

Back on the ice world, the head yeti basically confirmed Eliza’s thought.

A: " _Why_ is Coop drinking an _entire_ slushy machine relevant to this climate talk?"

R: "Either way, it is rather _understandable_ they would want to _defend_ their own planet. Even _if_ they had the resources to support them."

K: "Perhaps if they were more _cordial_ , they could have a _productive_ relationship."

S: "We _sure_? Cause the yeti’s are practically _stone age_ , aren’t they?"

K: "A good point. Were it not for this guardian’s compassion, they would’ve been _steamrolled_."

E: "Said guardian would’ve not been around forever, as well. Even _robots_ can age."

_Invasion_ **(07:10)**

One desperate yeti precipitated the arrival of a Cyrellian attack force.

A: "Welp, those yeti’s stand _no_ chance."

S: " _Megas_ might, at least."

M: "Man they really _are_ T-Transformers, aren’t they?"

E: "This is probably better than _any_ recent Transformers you’ve seen recently."

M: "Thing is, you’re _r-right_."

Unfortunately, the Plymouth Barracuda was not exactly _designed_ for Nunavutian conditions.

M: "And that is why you leave the _e-engine_ running."

R: "Or park your car undercover, if you can."

K: "In their defence, there aren’t very many _Megas garages_ on this planet."

A: "They could’ve kept the _heater_ on, at least."

M: "Does Japan and G-Germany even _get_ that cold to ice over cars, nowadays?"

S: "We don’t exactly _have_ cars ourselves, but I’ve never really had to see _Misato_ deal with that kinda thing."

R: "And she _does_ park her car in an open car park, at least in our apartments."

E: "How _do_ you de-ice something, anyway?"

M: "Usually _salt_ , at least for t-the roads. Doesn’t do shit when it _really_ gets cold, though. Rusts out cars like _c-crazy_ , as well."

K: "A _mechanical_ method of removing ice might be handy for the Megas."

A: "I’m sure _warm water_ could do the same thing, at least to get the _door handles_ working again."

S: "If only America had _kettles_."

All the salt in the world wouldn’t help the yeti’s about now, the Cyrellians carving into the ice with a giant laser.

M: "I mean, I’m sure _that’d_ w-work as a de-icer."

E: "Might work as a de- _everything_ er, as well."

_Glass Breaks_ **(09:10)**

As the de- _everything_ er worked its way _closer_ to the Megas, Coop _snapped_ the key to the Barra in the lock.

R: "It has been nice knowing them."

Coop simply decided to cut the hypotenuse, _smashing_ in the glass.

A: "Damn, never thought he’d do _that_."

E: "Then again, what _else_ could he do, with the time he had?"

M: "Now hopefully he just has a s-spare key to _start_ the Megas."

Despite lacking a key, they just _barely_ got out of the way.

S: "If _anything_ would anger him."

A: " _Anyone_ would be mad about having to _smash_ into their car. They’d be a _bitch_ to replace."

K: "Not to mention you would let in the _cold_."

R: "I doubt they will _defrost_ the windscreen, then."

E: "Lets hope his _instinct_ is worth something, then."

M: "Do they not have _r-radar_ in the Megas?"

Slamming his head on the big red button, the Megas immediately detonated a yeti city.

Much to the dispirit looks of the group. "So, Eliza. How much would you say his _instinct_ was worth?"

E: "He got _one_ tank. So _three Yen_?"

The leader of the Deceptions grew _interested_ in the Megas, regardless.

Net result being a battalion of _tanks_ heading towards them.

S: "Just saying, but they better defrost that windscreen _faster_."

K: "The heat from all the explosions might help them out."

Shifting into gear with his _foot_ , the Megas began striding while Coop and Jamie continued scraping ice off.

M: "Do they seriously not have _h-heat_ to help them out? Just _blast_ the windshield!"

R: "Even if they are, all that hot air is going to escape out of that _broken window_."

A: "That’s _another_ thing, _how_ is Megas gonna be _airtight_ when they go into _space_?"

E: "I think they have more _pressing_ issues, at the moment."

Speaking of, Coop’s attempts to defrost had resulted in an _avalanche_.

S: "Like _that_?"

E: "Yeah, like _that_."

_Frostfall_ **(12:10)**

At least the leader of the Deceptions was amused at Coop’s actions. "They don’t even have to do their _jobs_ at this point!"

R: "As they said, Coop has _helped_ them."

E: "Then again, it’s usually around _this_ time they get their act together."

Speaking of, they seemingly got their act together.

A: "What point is there even _carving_ up the city? Surely there’d be more ice in _other_ places on that planet."

S: "Maybe they accept _cruelty_ as fuel, as well."

M: "It’d make them even _m-more_ screwed up than the Evangelion, at least."

K: "At least the Evangelion can accept _electricity_. Somewhat."

Tanks rolled out, and transformed to intercept the Megas.

E: "Y’know, they probably could’ve dealt with the marker _first_."

A: "Nothing like building up the tension, eh Eliza?"

K: "And having the requisite big fight. That seems to be rather common."

To which most of the pilots shrugged. " _Our_ show had massive fights most every episode."

Yet one more monologue later, Coop shifted the car into 'FIGHT', and… well, began _fighting_.

R: "I can understand why the robots are _determined_. If they cannot cool themselves, then they cannot function. It is more for their _survival_ , as well."

M: "It’s a shame their leader is an _a-asshole_."

All couple dozen of the redshirt robots dealt with, it was now a one on one fight with said leader. "I doubt _they’d_ go down as easily."

A: "Makes for a _good fight_ at least, Shin-chan."

K: "As Rei mentioned, they are essentially fighting for _survival_. They may not have the cooling capacity to find _another_ source of water."

E: "It’s really this ice world or bust."

Indeed it _was_ a good fight, the two duking it out in some sort of showdown for some sort of destiny.

M: "I wonder how long that _i-ice_ is gonna hold out."

A: "Betcha it won’t be long enough for Megas to finish the job."

Asuka was rather _pleased_ to have been proven wrong for once, the Megas tossing the head robot into a distant mountain.

A: "…Now _that_ was pretty cool."

S: "Gives you an idea, I’m sure."

A: "Hehe, yep."

_Fuck You And Fuck Your Marker_ **(16:50)**

M: "They’re still _a-alive_ , though."

E: "As long as they don’t bother with _Megas_ , it’s all good."

Indeed, the Megas was _uninterrupted_ when it came to dealing with the final marker.

A: "Hey, would the laser beam _still_ trace the marker if it was broken?"

R: "Perhaps the _top_ section, if that was the part that contained all the computer parts."

Said top section was broken off, the laser starting to home in on Megas now that it held the marker in its hands.

S: "It’s not exactly _stopping_ the massive laser from destroying the place, is it?"

K: "I’m sure they can use the fact they can _manipulate_ the large, high temperature laser to their advantage."

E: "Once they realise."

M: " _If_ they r-realise."

R: "Do you think if they tossed that marker onto the _mother ship_ , the laser would destroy itself?"

A: "If the mother ship didn’t have an _emergency stop_."

They didn’t _need_ an emergency stop, Megas cutting out the cube anyway.

R: "Once again, they did their job for them."

K: "Perhaps, but they still have full reign over the _laser_."

Out of the ground, the _massive_ tract of land was brought up.

S: "Can’t even _imagine_ how much ice is in that."

E: "A lot, according to my calculations."

Having claimed a perhaps _pre-emptive_ victory, the head robot threw the full might of the laser on Megas.

A: "So how are they gonna get that marker up to the ship?"

M: "Perhaps that _b-button_ might help."

_Alderaan_ **(18:50)**

Said button was the 'Big Red Button of Irony', which Coop promptly pushed.

From the Megas, the fist holding the marker shot out onto the surface of the _robot_ planet.

This was promptly followed by the planet _blowing up_ , evidently being unable to handle the full power of the laser.

K: "Well, the button was _right_ about the irony."

R: "That music even _sounded_ like Star Wars."

S: "It sounded like he couldn’t even _comprehend_ what happened."

E: "They’re not comprehending too much _now_."

M: "Asteroids tend to d-do that, I feel."

A: "Well, I suppose we know _why_ that planet was an ice planet."

K: "The robot planet and the ice planet must’ve been tidally locked in a way that meant it would _never_ see sun."

R: "This is most likely the first time the yeti have _ever_ seen the sun. Or at least _a_ sun."

S: "Either way, doubt this ice planet’s going to _be_ an ice planet for much longer."

K: "Almost like blowing up such a closely entwined planet _would_ result in grossly absurd climate change."

A: "I mean, _Earth’s_ been alright ever since we blew up _Mars_."

E: "Thing is, Mars is still _there_."

M: "So you _didn’t_ b-blow up Mars?"

R: "We blew it up enough to rid it of Seele. Which, strangely enough, is not so much in comparison to what _Coop_ does on a daily basis."

S: "How many planets _has_ Coop blown up, anyway?"

E: "I haven’t been keeping count."

A: "Even the _computer_ can’t be bothered to keep up! He’s destroyed more places than the _Empire_ ever did!"

And so the Megas left, the credits rolling over the tropical paradise that _was_ once an ice planet.

"I wonder how _they_ will adapt to such a place."

"I’d recommend they’d get a _s-shave_ , first of all."

"It’s good to see the _women_ yeti are enjoying it, at least."

"Perhaps he is simply conservative." Kaworu mused. "Everyone else appears to be _enjoying_ the new conditions."

"Not like they can go _back_."

"Blowing up planets _tends_ to cause that, I feel." Asuka spoke the obvious. "Though it’s honestly a _better_ outcome than _most_ species get in these episodes."

" _That_ I am sure we can _all_ agree on."

The next episode soon started.

~~~

** 2.23: A Clockwork Megas **

_Cooplowski_ **(00:00)**

We start with the Megas outside the garage of the-

A: "Is that his _last_ name? _Cooplowski_?!"

K: "Sounds Polish."

M: "So _all_ his family is _C-Coop_ , then."

E: "I wonder what his _name_ is, if he prefers to be called _Coop_."

R: "Perhaps it is something like _Henry_."

M: "I don’t think Henry’s _that_ b-bad a name."

S: " _That_ looks like a pretty decent stereo, at least."

A: "Better than the head units I see in _most_ cars."

R: "Misato does not _have_ a head unit, does she?"

A: "I think she has a _screen_ of some sort."

M: "Like a proper colour screen of s-some sort?"

A: "Yeah."

M: "I never really _saw_ that in America’s c-cars. Maybe we think they’re too distracting or something."

E: "Or they’re only in _premium_ cars."

M: "Could b-be, yeah."

A flashback of the _last_ upgrade to the sound system played out, Coop pushing the volume to 11 _million_ as literally _every_ inch of glass in the Greater New Jersey area shattered.

S: "I can’t see how _this_ upgrade can go wrong."

R: "The entire last episode was the result of a botched upgrade."

K: "Perhaps _this_ is the reason Ritsuko would not allow _us_ to upgrade the Evangelion."

E: "You guys _have_ suggested to replace the heads of the Evangelion with _cars_."

Coop pushed the 'Rock On' button, which resulted in a Dirac Rift opening up in front of him, promptly sucking the bewildered Megas inside.

Asuka blinked, equally as bewildered as Coop and company. "Well. Never thought _that_ could happen."

M: "We really should’ve _expected_ something l-like that, at this point."

R: "In yet _another_ scene that will melt Ritsuko’s brain."

E: "If _mama_ were to see this, she’d probably use the discs as _target practice_."

They were unceremoniously dumped into a garden of Eden, at least when compared to New Jersey.

K: "Rather _scenic_ , is it not?"

S: "Especially the _robotic deer_."

A: "Man why can’t _our_ radio make wormholes? That’d make a whole _lot_ of things _easier_ for us!"

M: "Maybe they can _r-research_ that."

R: "I find it hard to fathom _any_ of the concepts from Megas XLR appearing in _our_ world."

E: "Weren’t _gravitons_ and _Kleinium_ discovered from an equally insane work?"

K: "A work ultimately grounded in _our_ universe. Or at least a _close relative_ of our universe."

All of a sudden, a giant _reaper_ appeared in front of Megas.

A: "They’ll certainly send them _somewhere_."

_Beyond Their Garden_ **(03:10)**

Said reaper readied their scythe, with Megas readying up for battle.

And the reaper… passed over.

R: "That was remarkably _cordial_."

A: "Given how _most_ of Megas goes."

M: "Though _that_ makes me w-wonder what Megas’ gonna do _now_."

E: "Here’s hoping they let them go their way."

_Following_ said reaper, they found a _large field_ that the robots were farming.

S: "Well, never thought I could say I saw a giant robot _frolicking in a field_."

A: "Misato would _shoot herself_ if we did that in the Evangelion."

K: "I’m merely fascinated as to the reasonings _why_."

M: "Oh it _has_ to be b-brainwashing. Computer-washing?"

R: "Quite the conclusion to jump to. Then again… this _is_ rather unusual behaviour for giant robots in Megas."

A: "Especially for ones that look like _them_."

K: "Now now, we shouldn’t judge by how they _look_."

Coop tried asking for directions, coming up naught.

E: "I see they’re too caught up in their programming."

M: "I reckon a _communist_ p-programmed them."

A: "Wow you really _are_ American."

One of the robots seemed to _remember_ this Earth, eyes turning red from the blue they once were.

S: "If a communist programmed them, why are their eyes _blue_ usually?"

M: "Shit, got me t-there Shinji."

On Coop’s prompt, a robot remembered to fly.

K: "I get the feeling that they are messing with something beyond them."

A: "This isn’t gonna be some bullshit like a _prison_ colony, is it?"

R: "Coop _has_ destroyed prisons before."

_12_ **(05:30)**

Said flying robot was _destroyed by a surface to air missile_.

E: "Must say, didn’t expect _that_ to happen."

K: "Such defence system _would_ be evidence to support a penal colony of some sort."

R: "Prisons are not exactly known for their _freedom of movement_ , after all."

As if to confirm, the myriad security bots announced the threats neutralised.

S: "So what are the chances _he’s_ targeted now?"

A: "Might as well be _one hundred percent_."

M: "It’s that damn _number_ he p-painted on himself."

All the guards aimed tasers, and fired.

E: "Coop had a good _ten seconds_ to get out of there."

K: "Ah, but if he _did_ , we wouldn’t have the _rest_ of the episode."

It was a good thing that _after_ the cut, it showed Coop _dodging_ , the taser beam harmlessly frying _another_ robot instead.

S: "Well, those guards aren’t long for the _scrap heap_."

Coop _did_ managed to get one of the guards, but was easily neutralised.

A: "Thanks for jinxing it, Coop."

M: "They should’ve just _r-run_. But _of course_."

R: "Running is not what Coop does."

E: "I’d probably _recommend_ they should run as soon as they could. At least judging by that robot’s _tone_."

K: "I _would_ question if you could torture robots, but I believe this series has _answered_ that question for us."

A: "Megas isn’t even a _sentient_ robot, is it?"

R: "I am sure the _pilots_ can still be affected."

_Room 101_ **(08:10)**

Number 12 was dragged into a bare room, over to a lone chair.

A: " _Yeah_ they’re getting tortured."

K: "I doubt the _Geneva Conventions_ apply to the planet they’re on."

R: "Not that they apply to _our_ Evangelion activities."

S: "Or half the stuff _Kaji_ does."

M: "Then again, that states what you c-can do in _war_. _This_ seems a little different."

E: "Unless they’re a _prisoner of war_."

A: "Part of me _doubts_ they do the whole _quarter_ business in the Megas world."

As if to _demonstrate_ Room 101, dragged in and strapped in was the robot with directions to Earth, as a purple being monologged about his _intense dislike_ for AI.

E: "Well, can’t help to think how _I_ would fare against someone like him."

A: "You’re in a human body, you’d be _fine_."

M: "…So _that’s_ why they referenced fucking _A Clockwork O-Orange_ in the title." As they saw this _reprogramming_.

R: "The _Ludovico Technique_. Rather… _confronting_ form of therapy."

A: "That _whole film_ was confronting, Rei."

S: "Do I _want_ to see it?"

A: "Probably _not_ , but you should see it anyway."

E: "Might as well add it to _my_ watch list, as well."

R: "I believe we have it on Laserdisc. If you _want_ to watch it. I would not know _why_ you would want to watch it."

M: "Don’t like it, R-Rei?"

R: "Let’s say, I am not one for that _technique_."

Megas was soon strapped into the chair.

S: "Well, at least in _this_ instant, they might not be able to reprogram _humans_."

A: " _Might_ , you say?"

Shinji shrugged. "Can’t ever be too sure with this show."

Unfortunately for the Megas, their systems were too fried to be of any use.

E: "This is why we invest in _isolating_ computer components from EM energy."

A: "Can _brains_ even be _affected_ by EM?"

E: "No, but the components _sustaining_ those brains can. At least in the context of the Magi and NT Evangelion. And of course, _humans_ are fine with it, as far as I can tell."

_Ludovico_ **(11:00)**

Thanos started reprogramming the Megas.

M: "Don’t suppose you can surround them in a _F-Faraday_ cage or anything like that."

R: "It would have to be storage only, if that."

After a brief cut to black, the crew realised that they were actually okay for once.

S: "Oh good, they _can’t_ reprogram humans."

K: "And the Megas is not an AI. Therefore, it cannot be reprogrammed by whatever method they’re using."

E: "Said method that shouldn’t really _work_. Though then again, they could just be _brute forcing_."

A: "Pretty sure that’s what the _Magi_ do when they need to hack _into_ something."

M: "Isn’t pitting biocomputers against a r-regular computer like pitting a _space shuttle_ against a _horse_?"

Whatever response there was going to be went unanswered, because the gang had started _laughing_ at Coop _bragging_ about not having intelligence. "You _really_ shouldn’t be bragging about that, y’know."

M: "They brag about _anything_ in N-New Jersey."

S: "To be fair on _them_ , they didn’t really _know_ they were messing with a prison."

R: "This could have been prevented if Coop did not modify the sound system into a _warp drive_."

K: "A part of me doubts they’ll get out of this _now_."

A: "Oh _hell no_ , that purple dude’s not gonna take _any_ shit from them."

Indeed, as Megas was sent to the grinder.

E: "I like how Jamie isn’t even _phased_ at seeing that grinder."

M: "He’s put up with _a lot_ these p-past episodes."

A: "He’s _started_ a lot, as well."

Kiva, not having much luck with the computers, entered the depth of the Megas to try getting _some_ power flowing.

S: "We already know she’s gonna succeed."

K: "Perhaps if this was the _final_ episode."

M: "Boy would _that_ be a d-dark ending for this series."

E: "Not even _Elfen Lied_ ended with the main characters dying. Probably."

Driving the point home was a robot going through the grinder.

A: "I mean, it won’t be quick for _robots_."

R: "This goes to show how much _Jamie_ has developed. In an earlier episode, he would be _screaming_ right about now."

Megas was given the jump, and Coop took _great pleasure_ in destroying the grinder.

S: "Knew it."

A: "And _now_ it’s just a matter of breaking out of a _prison planet_."

M: "They’ve gotten outta _w-worse_."

_Jailbreak_ **(15:00)**

Coop broke a 'break in case of emergency' glass, before pressing a completely different button.

E: "Pfft. I’d _ask_ about the point of that."

K: "Maybe he wanted to _break_ something."

A: "Technically it just says _break_ in case of emergency. And it’s certainly an _emergency_ , I’d say."

Megas fired up, and broke through the ground, straight through a guard and straight through the roof of Room 101, landing out in the rolling green that would look good as a computer background.

M: "Heh, _this_ is g-gonna be good."

S: "I don’t think _anyone_ here would deny that the _fight scenes_ are pretty great."

A: "They help fire you up, eh? Shame we’re not actually _fighting_ anything!"

K: "Do you _really_ want to tempt that?"

All the guards immediately started firing their missiles towards Coop, who tanked _all_ of them with barely a _scratch_.

E: "Since when did he have an _AT-Field_?"

A: "Since _now_."

And lo, Megas wrought havoc, the guards barely putting up a fight.

S: "I _still_ find it fascinating how the Megas _outclasses_ everything."

M: "It’s all a matter of _time_ , eh? If _y-you_ put a Roman Legionnaire against an _M1 Abrams_ , _they’d_ get utterly _t-thrashed_."

R: "Or an Evangelion."

E: "If you put _anything_ against an Evangelion, it’d thrash them. Going from what we had on Earth before to _Evangelion_ would be the equivalent to going from a Roman Legionnaire to an M1 Abrams. Not that I know _ether_ of those."

A: "Abrams is a _tank_ , and the Legionnaire is a _foot soldier_ of Ancient Rome."

E: "My analogy works, then."

Upon Coop’s bragging, Thanos decided to up the ante a little bit, the facility transforming into a _satellite dish_. "I doubt that is to receive _television_."

E: "We know he _already_ reprograms the robots. It wouldn’t be _too_ much extra to incorporate a _backdoor_ into them."

S: "Meaning Coop will have to fight a bunch of high risk prisoners, _possibly_ with their weapons free."

E: "Yep."

_Crowd Control_ **(17:00)**

Tools down, they _all_ went to face Megas.

M: "Oh _now_ this is g-good."

K: "I wonder why Coop is getting cold feet _now_."

R: "Perhaps he believes they are _innocent_. Which, I can _see_ how he would assume that."

A: "In all likelihood, he probably sees that dude as _purple Hitler_ or something stupid like that."

S: "His _attitude_ doesn’t do him any favours."

E: "That would mean Coop sees himself as a _liberator_."

K: "Ah yes, liberating the robots with high powered weaponry and destructive programming."

M: "It’s actually a bit of an _A-American_ thing, y-y’know. Not _recently_ , but _historically_ we certainly see ourselves as more _liberators_ of the world."

A: "Glad to see Coop is making a good impression for America."

M: "Oh I don’t think America’s even _c-cared_ for making good impressions for _decades_."

R: "Either way, Kiva _has_ pointed out the easier solution. Destroy the array, that should stop the robots."

E: "If it wasn’t just a _command_. Which _I_ would certainly make it a single command until I send another one."

K: "The universe of Megas is not one of efficient solutions."

Having reached the 'episodic monologue' levels of anger, Coop started _not_ hurting the 'good' guys.

R: "I wonder how many times Cartoon Network has reused the same button pushing sequence."

A: "It’s _gotta_ be at least _six_ times so far."

_Breaking The Conditioning_ **(18:40)**

Firing missiles at the array, the robots responded by using _themselves_ as anti-air.

S: "Even if they _were_ prisoners, that’s still a bit of a bad move."

M: "Man I kinda _liked_ the flower b-bot."

E: "That’ll only _galvanise_ Coop into destroying the array. If he wasn’t _already_."

K: "He just has to be more _hands on_ with the destruction."

Effortlessly weaving through the lobotomised robots, it took a simple application of an _energy sword_ to break the conditioning.

A: "Congrats Coop, they’re free to do whatever they want now!"

R: "Which may include planetary domination."

S: "And all for a set of _coordinates_."

M: "I mean, _purple dude_ wasn’t gonna t-tell them."

E: "You’d think they’d be _better_ than the prisoners, but apparently not. At least they gave Coop _directions,_ instead of trying to throw him into a _grinder_."

K: "It doesn’t help their _views_ were rather _deep-seeded_. It would be _difficult_ to change their mind, even _if_ you gave them a _friendly_ example."

A: "Could say that of just about _anyone_ , really. Lord knows _I_ know about that shit."

Heading back to Earth, they passed by a satellite that conveniently said the _purpose_ of this planet.

S: "This week in _news we figured out_."

Before the show cut back briefly to the _anarchy_ playing out on the _prison planet_ of Omicron One.

M: "Well, at least Jamie was _k-kind_ enough to leave Coop in the dark about it."

R: "Ignorance is bliss, as they say."

The episode ended with one of the robots _thanking_ their liberator by _invading Earth_.

"This was completely expected."

"No shit." Flatly spat Asuka. "No _wonder_ purple Hitler was so _against_ them."

"Less _'purple Hitler'_ , and more a _prison warden_ , then."

"Eh, you’d be surprised how _r-racist_ they can be."

Said robot soon fell back into their brainwashed state, frolicking away from Megas.

"I suppose that’s _that_ problem solved, at least."

"They must’ve gotten the array fixed." Posited Kaworu. "Either way, I think the lesson the warden should learn is to just let Coop go on their way."

"If he didn’t know that _before_ , he certainly knows that _now_."

With that, it was onto the next episode.

~~~

** 2.24: Universal Remote **

_Unicron_ **(00:00)**

We start the episode with a building straight out of the mind of a post-modernist, as Skalgar ripped down a wanted poster of himself.

M: "Pfft, wonder who _they’re_ m-meant to be."

A: "Some sort of Mexican wrestler?"

E: "I think they’re the _villain_ for this episode."

S: "Wonder how you got _that_ impression."

K: "Fifteen credits really _doesn’t_ seem like much of a reward for someone like him, to be honest."

R: "Obviously they do not see him as _that_ bad. Which considering what _previous_ villains have done."

Skalgar was thrown to the floor when another, much _larger_ robot, was pushed towards him.

A: "Hold on, how _small_ is he?"

A size comparison was soon given.

M: "Oh he’s _gotta_ have an inferiority c-complex."

A: "Man I _really_ shouldn’t make fun of him for his height."

S: "Too easy, isn’t it."

A: "Especially considering you’re slightly _taller_ than me, Shin-chan."

Said larger robot did the mocking of the height instead.

The building soon _exploded into flames_ , despite being in a vacuum.

E: "Note to self, do _not_ make fun of his height."

R: "Perhaps you are _correct_ , Mari."

A: "Heh, I can respect _that_ , at least."

S: "Seems like something _you’d_ do, Asuka."

A: "Oh yeah, I _would_."

K: "I’m sure _this_ would help bump up his reward a few credits."

Returning to his ship, he picked up on a _signal_.

E: "Oh great, how’s Coop gonna ruin _this_ episode."

Said signal was Coop demonstrating his _universal remote_ , roll credits.

M: "Ooh, _that’s_ something. I reckon he b-believes that thing holds more power than it _does_."

S: "I mean, the _idea_ of universal remotes are pretty cool."

R: " _Skalgar’s_ idea of a universal remote is more _literal_ , however."

A: "A _universal_ remote would be even better!"

Kaworu shrugged. " _I_ wouldn’t think so, myself."

_Remote_ **(02:30)**

Back to Earth, with Coop playing with his new remote.

E: "Part of me wonders how Skalgar even _got_ that signal."

M: "Maybe there was an interstellar _t-television_ camera behind Coop."

R: "Or perhaps the _remote itself_ transmitted video of itself from behind Coop."

A: "Damn, haven’t seen _that_ feature in a universal remote. What _else_ can it do?"

K: "It could probably do _sarcasm_ as well."

Asuka poked her tongue at Kaworu.

S: "Depending how he _built_ it, it probably _could_ mess with the city."

R: "He has _doomed_ New Jersey by saying those words."

A: "That’s why you don’t _say_ 'what could go wrong'. Because _we_ know well what could go wrong."

One OP later, they were at the drive in theatre, the remote ready for demonstration.

M: "Wonder if they could use it on the _s-screen_ to change it to whatever they want."

E: "I’m sure that would depend on whether it _has_ an IR sensor."

K: "I doubt it’s even infrared, at that point."

E: "Oh yeah, they’re probably using _cosmic radiation_ to flip bits in the computers that run those things."

S: "You can _do_ that?"

E: "Yes, but you generally need a _sun_."

A: "I know _space craft_ have to deal with the sun’s radiation causing memory issues. That’s usually more a _complete random_ issue to deal with though; if _Coop_ managed to figure out how to harness _cosmic radiation_ for a _TV remote_ , I think Ritsuko would turn into her _Bond_ counterpart!"

Coop _demonstrated_ the universal remote, turning every TV in New Jersey to channel 12.

R: "Should I be concerned the children are more interested in _test patterns_?"

Mari shrugged. "Not really. Betcha t-that was a substitute teacher; whenever they couldn’t be bothered to teach, they’d just put in a v-videotape and let _that_ teach.

S: " _That’s_ not a great attitude."

K: "I would be more concerned that _everyone_ was more interested in the test patterns. Is American TV really _that_ bad?"

M: "You know I’m _biased_ , r-right?"

_3D Glasses_ **(04:50)**

Either way, it was less concern for Coop at the moment, as they put on the 3D glasses.

A: "What the hell are _those things_? You guys have 3D films in the States?"

M: "…No? At least not in a _t-theatre_ , maybe in a _theme park_."

R: "3D film had a small resurgence in the 90s, however they were mostly relegated to the IMAX theatres of theme parks."

M: "Yeah, that’s where _I_ remember s-seeing 3D film. It’s pretty _neat_ , though I’m not sure how it’d work for just _any_ m-movie."

S: "IMAX are those _massive_ screens, aren’t they?"

K: "A format _suited_ to such effect, I would think."

E: "I wonder how you even _distribute_ those 3D films to consumers."

M: "Might have to _trim_ a dimension off it. And y-yeah, it’s _purely_ a gimmick."

A: "Still news to _me_. Wonder if they got enough glasses for _Goat_."

R: " _Is_ smuggling people into drive in theatres a thing?"

M: "Yep. Hell, smuggling _a-anything_ into the theatre. Drinks, food, heard stories of people smuggling _b-booze_ in."

S: "Sounds like something _Misato_ would do."

M: "Dude, _anyone_ would d-do that. It’s like _twelve bucks_ for theatre popcorn."

Panning up to the moon, the desperado themselves flew in, piloting a giant robot. "I would _say_ this was redundant."

A: "More giant robot is _always_ a good thing anyway, I’d think."

K: "Don’t think _anyone_ here would deny that."

_Rip and Tear_ **(05:55)**

They would soon start tearing out the sides of buildings, searching for this remote.

M: "I’d be pretty surprised if that k-kid _had_ that remote."

A: "With how _often_ he’s been involved in this shit, it wouldn’t surprise _me_."

E: " _Nothing_ would surprise me with this show."

K: "They may even be _right_ about being able to destroy the universe with the universal remote Coop made."

S: "If Coop somehow invented _Rift travel_ by modifying his _stereo_ , then yeah."

Carnage in Jersey seamlessly transferred to carnage on the silver screen, the Megas gang watching the movie from the comfort of their Barracuda.

R: "If such 3D was stereoscopic, why could _we_ see it fine?"

A: "Because they didn’t _bother_ , probably."

Cartoon Network obviously put more effort into Jamie’s _imagine spot_ as a mutant. "Oh _of fucking course_ he wants to be a tentacle monster! _Why’d_ I think it’d be anything else!"

M: "I doubt this could be m-more poor taste if they _tried_."

E: "Hey, it’s not _pornographic_."

S: "At least _Coop’s_ imagination is a bit more _tasteful_."

A: "Y’know, having more arms _would_ be pretty cool."

Coop once more used the universal remote, changing the channels on everything from his TV to an _airport tower_ to an _operating room_ to _NORAD._

R: "I find it unlikely those systems would even be _compatible_ with television, let alone _connected_ to a source of TV."

K: "Maybe they don’t want to miss their shows?"

A: "Well, I know now if they get hit by a _missile_ , it’s because they were watching _Seinfeld_ or something stupid like that."

_Lock On_ **(07:35)**

Said changing of channels was enough for Skalgar to lock onto the Megas.

A: "Well would ya look at that, they’re causing the issues again!"

E: "The monster in that movie isn’t exactly _convincing_."

K: "That’s just what those films are like."

R: "Exactly. Half of the joy in Kaiju films like that are _how_ they look. There is a certain _charm_ to that kind of prop design."

M: "The shoestring b-budget kind, eh? Some of the _greatest_ films were made on relatively low budgets. _El Mariachi_ was m-made for around _seven grand_ , and _that’s_ a pretty kick-ass movie."

Skalgar broke though the silver screen.

S: "That _screen_ probably costs more than seven grand to _replace_."

R: "Goes to show just how _little_ that amount is, especially in the realm of cinema. I can almost certainly guarantee _our_ show did not have a budget of seven thousand American dollars."

A: "Yeah, it had a budget of _seven_."

Skalgar and Megas stood face to face. Or, more accurately, face to _kneecap_.

K: "You know, if Skalgar wanted to create a robot to _emphasise_ himself, why would he make it much _smaller_ than other robots?"

E: "Maybe he designed it to be much bigger than _himself_. Without taking into account there would _still_ be a size disparity."

Yeah, Coop and Jamie found this _hilarious_.

S: "Why am I not surprised."

R: "It _is_ a rather significant disparity. Though as _we_ would know, size does not _matter_ if you know how to use it."

A: "Hell, our _Evangelion_ got dwarfed by Angels regularly, didn’t they? And _we_ still beat them!"

K: "Iruel even took the size difference to a logical _extreme_."

M: "So this is gonna come b-back to bite them, eh?"

R: "Immediately, yes."

The Megas was immediately punched down to a highway.

E: "They ain’t laughing _now_."

A: "Can’t say they _didn’t_ deserve that."

K: "Skalgar’s intentions are understandable, at least. It’s apparent he has an _inferiority_ complex when it comes to high height; he wants to make himself into something _greater_ than his height."

S: "So he accomplishes that through _crime_."

R: "I would not think crime was his _first_ course of action. Most people are not pushed to commit criminal acts unless their situation calls for it."

M: "Skalgar was pushed off _that_ c-cliff a while ago, from the looks of it."

_Mexican Standoff_ **(09:35)**

Megas and Skalgar stood in standoff.

S: "They’re _really_ playing up the macaroni, aren’t they?"

K: "Rather _fitting_ for the episode, at the very least."

M: "Don’t think most westerns involve t-trying to get someone to remember your name for a _minute_." She blinked. "Hold on, _macaroni_?"

R: "Spaghetti western. _Macaroni_ westerns is what they are known as in Japan."

M: "Huh. Wondered how _that_ happened."

Rei could only shrug. "Perhaps to make it somewhat _easier_ to pronounce with a Japanese tongue. _Makaroni_ in comparison to _supagetii_."

The lot couldn’t help but chuckle at what Coop decided to call him. "I mean, Skalgar _is_ kinda acting like a school girl."

E: "Coming _from_ a school girl."

A: "At least I have an _excuse_ , being I still _go_ to school. I can’t imagine _Skalgar_ ever going to a school of some sort."

K: "Maybe they have _robot_ school. Where he was picked on for his height."

S: "I’m sure _that_ would drive him to crime."

While Skalgar did nothing, Coop began the arduous process of _targeting_ the miniature robot. "Never thought I’d see _star s-symbols_ on a keypad."

E: "It matters not to a computer."

A: "Yeah, it’d all be _binary_ in the end. Unless the Megas uses some Soviet style _ternary_ system."

E: "That wouldn’t surprise me in the slightest."

The decimation of Skalgar was delayed by their _confusion_ over _why_ he would want the universal remote.

K: "Kiva hit the nail on the head."

R: "A nail _we_ already hit at the start of the episode."

A: "They _really_ should’ve just fired those missiles at him."

In reply, _Skalgar_ fired missiles at them.

A: "Not what I meant!"

Not that it _mattered_ , Megas withstanding without a scratch, and firing their own missiles back at Skalgar.

S: "Better?"

A: " _Much_ better."

To continue the dick measuring contest, Skalgar fired off a flamethrower. In reply, Megas shot their own, _massive_ flamethrower, rocketing Skalgar into a conveniently placed oil refinery.

E: "They _like_ labelling things like that, don’t they?"

K: "Might as well be their thing."

_Through The Fire And The Flame_ **(12:55)**

Skalgar emerged from the burning oil unscathed.

S: "He’s certainly _determined_."

R: "To him, he _has_ to be. Failure is _not_ an option."

E: "It’s generally not an option _anyway_. Unless you’re _Coop_."

M: "At least Coop’s _trying_ t-to not destroy Jersey City again." As he demoed the remote.

To which, Skalgar _teleported_ the remote to him.

A: "Oh _that’s_ a bit bullshit."

K: "Funeral march for Skalgar in three, two, one…"

Skalgar was _bodied_ by the Megas, sending the two through _several_ buildings.

S: "Yeah, can’t say I expected much else."

A: "Surely _Skalgar_ should’ve known Coop’s _reputation_ by this point. You _don’t_ steal his shit unless you want your _planet_ destroyed."

The robot in question, meanwhile, was attempting to _use_ the universal remote, undoing what Coop did earlier.

M: "Man they _really_ hate MTV, d-don’t they."

R: "Is it _really_ throwing a chair into a television bad?"

Mari shrugged. "They’re _alright_. I heard from my d-dad they were _really_ bad back early 2000s."

K: "Then again, _Second Impact_ might’ve had something to do with it."

M: "I mean, _yeah_."

Coop continued beating Skalgar, especially once he realised he was missing his show.

E: "What the hell is a _mesa proton_?"

A: "Something Ritsuko would _pray_ didn’t exist."

S: "You know once she sees this show, she is going to analyse every individual _frame_ and how it relates to our world."

A: "I know." She conceded.

K: "She could just let the Magi deal with it."

R: "And have them _melt_ trying to handle the happenings of Megas?"

Now bathed in mesa protons, Skalgar was able to match the Megas.

M: "He _still_ believes it’s the u-universal remote?"

A: "I doubt _he_ knows what a mesa proton is, anyway."

E: "Either way, doubt they’re getting the remote back _now_."

_Black Mesa_ **(16:40)**

M: "A shield like that _would_ be h-handy, wouldn’t it?"

R: "Good thing we _already_ have a shield like that. The _AT-Field_."

A: "It was only a matter of time before they ripped on the AT-Field."

E: "Bit more of a _visible_ field, isn’t it."

K: "We know well, _some_ weapons are effective against the AT-Field. They just have to find _which_."

Coop began doing just that, loading out weapons of ever increasing sizes.

S: "So what are the odds _any_ of those weapons will work?"

E: "Might as well be _zero_."

M: "That _is_ a lotta guns, t-though."

E: "I’ll be generous and say _point one_."

Firing his lasers, they were absorbed and fired right back, resulting in a mushroom cloud visible from space.

M: "There goes the _eastern s-seaboard_."

S: "If only _they_ had the AT-Field instead."

Having destroyed New Jersey, Coop took Cave Johnson’s advice and _got mad_.

K: "Now _that_ is an interesting idea."

R: "May be the same idea _Skalgar_ had."

It was, as Coop activated the _transporter ray_.

A: "Gee, _that_ could’ve been helpful in… oh, I don’t know, _all_ of the previous episodes?!"

Instead of teleporting the _remote_ , Coop teleported then _influx stabiliser drive_.

S: "That’s not the key part of the mech that prevents it from _exploding_ , right?"

E: "That is the _photonic stabiliser_. Though it wouldn’t surprise me if lacking _that_ component _also_ resulted in explosions."

Speaking of.

A: "There goes the eastern seaboard. _Again_."

M: "It _worked_. And it only r-resulted in the destruction of New Jersey."

It didn’t work. "Oh c- _come on_!"

R: "It did _something_. Whatever reversing the polarity would entail."

_Jamie_ was the one to pick up on this key detail, taunting _school girl_ into firing his own giant laser beam.

Promptly _vaporising_ himself.

The group _broke down laughing_ at how _abrupt_ it all was. "Well _that_ was quick!"

E: "That _does_ raise an interesting point. I wonder if it would be possible to do something similar to the _AT-Field_. Use their own field _against_ them."

K: "An interesting quandary. One I wouldn’t think _possible_ : the AT-Field is a reflection of one’s soul. It’s unlikely your own soul would want to damage _itself_."

R: "Even _manipulating_ it as such would most likely result in terminal destruction anyway."

A: "So maybe not possible for _AT-Fields_ , but if this _mesa proton_ exists, we’ll know how to use it."

M: "And how to _invert_ it, as w-well."

S: "Might wanna find a method that _doesn’t_ involve nuking a city."

A: "I’m sure we could."

The episode ended with Goat _still_ stuck in the trunk.

"Of _course_ they forgot about him." Asuka muttered.

"Honestly, that would’ve been the _s-safest_ place for him."

"Nuclear tier explosions aren’t often great for the self."

"I suppose this leaves just _one more_ episode." Kaworu remarked.

"It would depend if this were a _25_ or a _26_ episode series."

"Either way, _I’m_ certainly looking forward to it." Thought the redhead. "Give my brain a bit of a break from all the _craziness_ in this fucking show."

"Who knows, we might even get a _day_ without watching any Rift material."

Asuka blinked. "Oh _right_ , our vacation’s up on Wednesday, ain’t it?" She couldn’t help but chuckle. "Well, I suppose _parts_ of it were restful."

"I don’t think _any_ of the Rift materials we’ve seen in this vacation have let up."

"That _doujin_ was alright, I guess."

"Figures _you’d_ t-think it was alright, Shinji." Mari slyly smirked.

"Understandable, eh?" Asuka _also_ smirked. "Ah well, lets get through this thing!"

And so, they started on the home stretch.

~~~

** 2.25: Rearview Mirror, Mirror (Part 1) **

_Seven System Army_ **(00:00)**

The episode _immediately_ dived into the deep end, Coop facing a veritable _army_ of Glorft.

A: " _I_ remember the Glorft."

E: "It _has_ been a few episodes since we’ve seen them, hasn’t it."

R: "Suppose it is _fitting_ for a finale of some sort. Ultimate showdown and all that."

S: "As long as it doesn’t result in the _world ending_ , it’d end up better than _our_ finale."

A: "You can’t get much _worse_ than how _our_ show ended. Even fucking _Elfen Lied_ ended better than our show!"

M: "That b-bad."

K: "Perhaps the universe wished to _make up_ for the terrible ending we all faced, given how many _alternate stories_ of us we have read through."

S: "Excluding the Theatricals."

A: "Perhaps the _fourth_ Theatrical will be _generous_ to us."

R: "I doubt it."

Taking out the _golden_ controller, Coop proceeded to rip out robotic spines.

M: "Damn he’s _really_ going all _M-Mortal Kombat_ on them."

E: "I wonder what the _others_ are doing, however."

Panning over to a massive _drill_ , her question was soon answered.

A: " _That_ looks concerning."

R: "Massive drills do not generally speak good things. In my experience."

K: "At least in _our_ universe."

S: "Ah, so they’re pulling a _Ramiel_ on us."

E: "Only I doubt _that_ world has a Lilith the Glorft would be looking for."

M: "Maybe they’re just going for a s-straight up _destruction_ of Earth."

R: "It would not be their _first_ attempt."

Gorrath decided to take on Megas himself, to free up resources protecting the _core destroyer_.

A: " _Would_ destroying the core destroy the planet?"

R: "Such destructive power used to destroy the _core_ of a planet would most likely be powerful enough to destroy the _planet_."

S: "They’re going to a lotta _trouble_ to destroy the planet. Considering what _Coop’s_ done."

Coop in reply activated the _Trans D Drive_.

E: "Hmm. If that _D_ is what I think it is."

The Megas and Gorrath’s mech phased out of existence.

M: "I think he put in the _w-wrong_ key combo."

_AU_ **(02:00)**

Through the fabric of the universe, they ended up in an exact replica of New Jersey.

A: " _Damn_ , did _Skynet_ take over that timeline or something?"

R: "That, or _Third Impact_ somehow ended up happening."

M: "Wouldn’t surprise me in the slightest if _C-Coop_ was somehow responsible for a _third_ Impact."

E: "Maybe the world of Megas _is_ a world of Instrumentality, just with Coop as figurehead."

K: "How terrifying."

Coop continued to explore this slightly worse version of Jersey City, taking in the utter _destruction_.

...Well, at least _more_ destruction than was usual for Jersey City.

S: "Of _course_ they had to reference that."

M: "Don’t think _anyone_ has wood in that t-timeline." With a slight chuckle.

One opening later, they were back to the desolation.

R: "Well well, this _is_ a two parter."

A: "Should’ve _known_ it’d take more than one episode to fix _this_ shit."

Gorrath and Coop promptly began fighting again.

E: "Gorrath _does_ have a point. If _his_ plan succeeded, there’d be _no_ planet."

M: "Something _else_ must’ve h-happened, then."

R: "The ruined skyline makes that apparent."

S: "Maybe it _is_ Coop’s fault, somehow."

A: " _Fighting_ ain’t gonna do _anything_ at the moment."

K: "A fair point. They are in the same situation, at the moment. And I have a feeling there is a _greater_ danger out there, other than each other."

E: "Ain’t it a shame they can’t _hear_ us." As they _kept_ fighting over this empire of dirt.

At least until Coop was shot down by _another_ mech army.

M: "Can’t see _t-this_ ending well."

S: "Maybe the Glorft _won_ in that timeline."

Gorrath was _also_ shot.

R: "Even so, _Gorrath_ is not _thier_ warmaster."

A: "So they’re _all_ equally screwed."

_Meet Me In The Middle_ **(06:20)**

The two mechs front and centre of the firing squad, they received communication from the _leader_ of this squadron.

M: "The dreadlocks _really_ masked his s-silhouette."

R: "It would not surprise me if _hair saloons_ did not exist in this timeline."

Gorrath chose _destruction_.

A: "Fair, _I_ probably wouldn’t surrender to those guys. They’d probably kill me anyway."

Megas _also_ chose destruction, fighting alongside Gorrath to take down this small army.

E: "Never thought I’d see _those two_ fight _together_."

K: "They make for strange bedfellows, do they not? Desperate times and all that."

They immediately started fighting amongst each other.

To Kaworu’s unamused look.

S: "Not exactly _collaboration_ at this point."

A: "More like destroying whatever chance they _had_. This is why _infighting_ is bad!"

R: "If you have an army with _infighting_ , that army has already lost."

To Coop’s credit, he managed to down Gorrath.

Only to get him circled by at least _two dozen mechs_.

Much to the sardonic clapping of the group. "Congrats, Coop. Ya w-won."

S: "Eh, he _might_ be-"

Gilligan cut to _both_ of them in shackles.

A: "Might be _what_ , Shin-chan?"

S: "Never mind."

Having a lot more time to spare, Coop and Gorrath engaged in casual conversation about _what_ was going on.

E: "So _he_ opened up a Rift to another world. I thought you could only do Rifts though your _current_ reality."

K: "Where else would these _works_ come from? It’s apparent there is a _way_ for these to appear. Perhaps _this_ will show us."

A: "Or make Rits go insane."

K: "Or that."

_Forward Operating Base_ **(10:00)**

Into the ruins of Gorrath’s flagship, the two and their mechs were taken.

E: "Even in _that_ reality, Goat’s still watching TV."

M: "Wouldn’t it be easier to watch _actual_ fire in t-that time, instead of fire on a _TV_?"

R: "I have not exactly seen a _tree_."

Said two were unceremoniously tossed into cells.

A: "Oh so _that’s_ how Coop’s gotten so good at destroying aliens!"

K: "Must say, I can’t imagine _Space Invaders_ as being training against an alien invasion."

S: "What alien species _wouldn’t_ invade in only two of the three axes?"

Upon Gorrath’s demand, they saw the _commander_.

A: "Holy shit is that _Jamie_?"

S: "Why does he still have _most_ of the same clothing?"

M: "They only had the b-budget to redraw _half_ of him."

E: "He even _sounds_ more hardened."

K: "It sounds to _me_ they don’t _know_ they’re from another universe."

R: "It is not the _first_ thought that springs to mind, usually."

Yet _more_ convenient exposition from alt!Jamie clued in the group to the _happenings_ of this world.

S: "They wouldn’t go to war over _video games_ , would they?"

M: "Wars have been fought over _s-stupider_ things."

K: "A common myth is that Bologna and Modena fought a war over a _bucket_."

M: "I heard that as _f-fact_." With some annoyance. "What _was_ it fought over, t-then?"

K: " _Monteveglio_. A castle."

E: "So something more _significant_ than a bucket."

R: "Perhaps Coop _is_ the enemy in _that_ world."

A: "Power of the Megas got to him, didn’t it?"

S: "It _already_ got to him. I’m kinda surprised they don’t consider him an enemy _before_."

K: "Maybe this only happened _after_ the destruction of the Glorft."

Gorrath pulled a Kiva and broke out of the cell, knocking out the guards.

M: "Not even _ten s-seconds_ after Jamie left, as well."

R: "I see _security_ is not a priority in that world, as well."

Who promptly pinned Coop to the wall.

A: "The more things change, the more things stay the same."

_With Catlike Tread_ **(13:30)**

Having (reluctantly) agreed to collaborate, they snuck through the ruins of the flagship.

A: "Ah yes, _basic_ interdimensional mechanics."

R: "Much like an introduction to _Metaphysical Biology_."

M: "Or _B-Biocomputing 101_."

E: "Can’t imagine _those_ being taught in New Jersey."

K: "I’m sure they might have a college teaching _some_ of those."

M: "I know _MIT_ had a Biocomputing c-course. Then again, they _do_ have a s-set of Magi."

S: "A Magi set _outside_ of NERV?"

A: "I’m pretty sure NERV still have ownership and priority pickings of the Massachusetts Magi set. Still, pretty cool that some people _other_ than NERV get to play with brains."

R: "It most likely nets NERV some _income_ as well."

They rolled eyes at Coop’s imagination, at how _he_ thought other dimensions would look like. "To be fair, with an _infinite_ amount of possibilities, such worlds _are_ possible."

S: "Even ones where he pilots a giant head of himself into food like he’s _Puck-Man_?"

K: "While somewhat horrifying, _yes_."

Gorrath had to shake Coop out of this imagination spot, as they laid eyes on the Megas and the other mech.

And the army guarding them.

M: "Oh _wow_ , they aren’t leaving them _u-unguarded_."

A: "Looks like they have _some_ smarts about them."

R: "This is not a _good_ thing."

While thinking of a diversion, Coop activated an alarm.

E: "What is the _opposite_ of a diversion?"

K: " _Reversion_ , perhaps."

A: "Hopefully that giant _beacon_ that shot up didn’t do anything, as well."

Rather understandably, they had at least half a dozen guns aimed square at them.

S: "I doubt they really _care_ about that, at the moment."

M: "Wait, that _w-was_ a homing beacon? _Why_ would they have such a beacon so _a-accessible_ to anyone?"

R: "I would assume ' _they'_ is referring to whoever they are fighting."

A: "So, _other_ Coop."

Alt!Jamie took out his gun.

E: "There’s only going to be _one_ Coop, if Jamie gets his way."

_Incursion_ **(15:15)**

All of a sudden, an army of white mechs invaded the facility.

R: "It appears Jamie will not get his way."

A: "Well, I suppose this _is_ a diversion."

S: "So _those_ are the bad guys?"

M: "All this would’ve been much e-easier to solve if they _didn’t_ immediately assume they were the _evil_ versions."

E: "You can understand _why_ they would think that."

Understandably, _everyone_ went for their mechs.

A: "Of _course_ Coop doesn’t remember the key combo!"

M: "This is w-why _I_ always wrote down my game passwords."

K: "Perhaps Coop should keep a supply of _sticky notes_ in his glovebox."

Firing up the Megas, Coop had a monologue aimed at _Gorrath_. "Wrong dude."

S: "At least in _this_ dimension."

E: "Good to hear they’re keeping their gripes within _their own_ dimension."

They both took flight, as the 'good guys' were tearing down the place.

R: "I would not _think_ good guys would destroy a _city_ like that."

M: "Then again, _Coop_ destroys J-Jersey City on a daily basis."

R: "A fair point."

Despite thinking him 'evil', Coop _still_ had the time to save alt!Jamie.

S: "Wonder if _that’ll_ be enough to convince that Jamie."

It wasn’t.

S: "Well, worth a shot."

Warmaster Gorrath’s flagship detonated, and Jamie conceded the battle.

K: "Ah, here comes the big _revelation_."

R: "Then again, good and bad is mostly _subjective_. I doubt the _Angels_ saw themselves as the _bad_ guys, after all."

_bad guy_ **(19:20)**

A _silver_ mech appeared, piloted by _Kiva_.

A: "Dang, _that’s_ not a bad augment."

E: "Then again, _you_ haven’t been _averse_ to such body augments."

A: "I mean, if _I_ lost an eye, why not get a kick-ass _bionic_ eye? It’s like if I lost a limb; get something functional and _bad-ass_ looking, something I can _really_ add to my character."

Following alt!Kiva, a _black with red flame highlights_ mech appeared.

M: "Okay, _that_ looks p-pretty sick."

R: "It rather reminds me of _Unit-03_. Maybe with a bit more _red_."

K: "Perhaps Unit-03 after battle."

S: "Well I suppose that _confirms_ it. Coop really _is_ the bad guy."

A: "And not just in an _unintended_ way, like that _other_ episode. I don’t think I can even _imagine_ a world where _we_ are the bad guys."

E: "Seele don’t exactly _lend_ themselves to good. Unless you _really_ bend things."

K: "Infinite possibilities mean _anything_ is possible."

R: "A part of me wonders how this alternate universe came to be in the first place. _Kiva_ is still present, so she still went back in time with the Megas, presumedly."

S: "They must’ve gone for a _radically_ different tactic, this time around."

A: "Ah yes, the tactic of _destroying_ the planet so the Glorft don’t have to."

M: "Not even so much as _d-destroying_. _That_ Coop full on _suppressed_ Earth, didn’t he?"

K: "Perhaps there _is_ a world where _we_ take the Earth for ourselves."

S: "Any world where Instrumentality _succeeds_ could be called that, in a way."

E: "At least if _you_ were at the reigns, Shinji."

Very much fitting for _Evangelion_ , a ' _To be continued…_ ’ screen appeared, right as alt!Coop commanded to _burn them all_.

"Oh wow, they even have an _episode preview_!" Asuka faux excitedly exclaimed. "It’s about time they started ripping off _our_ show!"

"Such thing was not _exclusive_ to our show." Rei noted. "Exclusive to _anime_ , perhaps."

"This might as w-well be a _love song_ to mecha anime, anyway."

"Love song, or _parody_. I’m sure it doesn’t matter _too_ much." Shinji shrugged.

The credits meanwhile showed a scene back on the _regular_ Earth, the Glorft and the humans in an impromptu ceasefire.

"To be fair, _both_ of their commanders have _disappeared_."

"That wouldn’t stop _us_." Bragged Asuka. "Well, lets finish this off!"

Just so, the _final_ episode of Megas XLR began.

~~~

** 2.26 FINALE: Rearview Mirror, Mirror (Part 2) **

_Previously…_ **(00:00)**

A: "We _know_! We literally just _watched_ that episode!"

_Two’s Company_ **(00:45)**

The episode began in earnest, with the smoking ruins of the flagship.

S: "Well, if they weren’t screwed _before_."

E: "Harsh it may be, all _Coop and Gorrath_ have to do to get out of here is to go to _space_ , and activate the _Trans D Drive_."

K: "That may be the pragmatic solution, but _Coop_ is not the pragmatic type."

A: "Hell, he _always_ wants to try saving people, doesn’t he? I bet he’s gonna wanna _stick around_ in this other world until he _fixes_ it."

R: "Or die trying."

Coop and Coop began exchanging shade.

A: "Y’know, it’s kinda funny Coop _hates_ his counterpart."

S: "I’m sure his counterpart being a _tyrant_ wouldn’t help."

K: "Shouldn’t be surprised _that_ Coop hasn’t had anything to do with the Megas for a while. In all likelihood, they merely used it as a _springboard_ for greater mechs."

E: "Considering the _Megas alone_ is leaps and bounds ahead of _anything_ anyone else had, an _army_ of Megas clones would be _unstoppable_."

M: "The way _I_ s-see it, _both_ Coop’s destroy shit. _Evil_ Coop just d-does it _deliberately_."

A: "Ah yes, a key different between tyrant and _moron_."

R: "A moron with a _good heart_. Which is what the _other_ Coop lacks."

K: "And _good_ Coop would _never_ allow anyone to destroy the Earth. Not even _himself_."

Coop _imagined_ his other destroying all his favourite places: body shops, hot dog factories, arcades, and body shop hot dog arcades.

Which might not have been the _best_ idea, alt!Coop launching his fist towards Megas.

S: "Well, at least he _dodged_ it."

Said fist was a _nuke_ , which seemingly _vaporised_ the three.

S: "I should just shut up."

R: "If they really _were_ vaporised, this would be a _three minute_ episode."

The title cards revealed it was _not_ a three minute episode.

_Stargate_ **(03:45)**

Alt!Coop issued his commands, and laughed in an evil fashion.

E: "Perhaps there were _other_ modifications done to Kiva. She sounds _much_ too static."

M: "Maybe that _bionic eye_ has a l-lot _more_ going on with it."

A: "I might just go for the _eye_ , and _not_ the brainwashing, thank you very much."

R: "Wonder if Kiva had a _choice_."

Megas emerged from the rubble, alongside alt!Jamie and Gorrath.

S: "Yeah, I’m sure _anyone_ would be angry at themselves if they met their evil counterpart."

K: "At least in _this_ instance, it’s rather _obviously_ evil."

Coop, _good_ Coop, decided to stick around until he fixed what Coop had caused. What _evil_ Coop had caused.

E: "We knew it."

As if to say something, Megas sprung a _massive_ oil leak.

A: "This ain’t gonna end well for them, is it?"

M: "It _b-better_. This is the _final_ episode, ain’t it? It’d be kinda _shitty_ if _this_ series ended on a b-bad note."

K: "I _doubt_ it would. Megas XLR has taken a _radically_ different tone to our show."

S: "It isn’t _depressing_ , first of all."

We cut to the fortress of alt!Coop, red and black banners waving high. Alt!Coop and alt!Kiva looking over the rank and file.

A: "Gee, I wonder where they got _this_ imagery from."

R: "We cannot exactly call it _subtle_."

M: "It’s an _easy_ way to s-show they’re the bad guys, at least. Even _Star Wars_ did it."

K: "Perhaps Star Wars was their _main_ inspiration. The main army _is_ wearing all white, after all."

A: " _Red_ wasn’t exactly an _Empire_ colour, was it? At least not as their _main_ colour."

E: "Red is most likely associated with _blood_. Probably why _that_ Coop like using it."

M: "I know Jersey C-City’s a bit of a hole, but _damn_ he must hate it if he wants to destroy it a _s-second_ time!"

Alt!Kiva activated the Stargate, with the dimensional coordinates Coop so generously provided.

And the stormtroopers marched forth.

A: "Either way, they’re _screwed_ if they don’t get their shit together."

_Heaven’s Light_ **(06:45)**

With a blare of la Cucaracha, and with heaven’s light behind them, the three mechs descended to the fortress.

Coop, armed with energy sword, _sliced_ the gate in twain. "Hell _yes_ , Coop!"

R: "They could have _used_ that."

M: " _Megas_ s-still has the ability to do that. Somewhere."

S: "Either way, _still_ a massive loss for the _other_ Coop."

K: "Interdimensional portals usually cost a significant quantity of resources. Who would’ve thought."

E: "I really _shouldn’t_ wonder if Coop _thought_ about his army."

A: "It’s _painfully_ apparent he didn’t. Then again, that’s not exactly Coop’s _thing_ , ain’t it?"

Alt!Kiva immediately took charge, shooting alt!Jamie and rushing Megas.

S: "Ooh he would _not_ like being called _obsolete_."

Indeed he didn’t, as he tried to fire back.

…Key word _tried_ , as parts fell off the Megas.

K: "Methinks all the previous episodes have finally come back to _haunt_ the Megas."

R: "It was only a matter of time before all that wear would _stack_."

E: "Even _that_ Kiva looked sorry for them. For a brief second."

It was a good thing _Gorrath_ had his back, punting Kiva to the back wall.

M: "Now to do that a _h-hundred_ _more times_!"

S: "Seems he’s _learning_ from Coop."

And so, the trio faced the stormtroopers.

Which, yeah, didn’t _exactly_ work out for Coop, now _surrounded_ by the army.

A: "That’s the _second_ time this episode he’s been completely screwed!"

R: "And now to see how he _gets out_."

Of course, Coop would _not_ quit, attacking alt!Coop despite _everyone_ telling him not to.

Promptly getting himself impaled for his trouble. "Now _that_ was a smart strategy."

K: "A part of me doubts _NERV_ would agree."

M: "Coop ain’t exactly _p-pilot material_ , I think we concluded that by the _first e-episode_."

E: "This determination will be the death of him." As he remained within the increasingly critical Megas.

Thusly so, the core of Megas breached, and blew up.

A: "Holy shit he actually _destroyed_ it."

S: "I’m surprised Coop _survived_."

M: "At least the _Barra_ s-survived. Somewhat."

_Damage Report_ **(11:10)**

Coop surveyed the damage.

R: "I would _revise_ that if I were you, Mari."

A: "Yeah, I doubt that’s driving under its own power again."

M: "That’s an even greater loss than _M-Megas_ , in my eyes."

S: "The car’s still _there_ , at least. Even if it’s dinged u-"

The Plymouth Barracuda _exploded_ , to Mari’s yelp.

S: "I really _should_ just shut up."

They soon caught _more_ exposition, courtesy of alt!Jamie, about _how_ his Coop became evil.

E: "So _their_ world was once like Coop’s original world."

K: "The power of the Megas got to him. We know what they say about absolute power."

A: "That, and the _rush_ he’d get from fighting. God knows _I_ get that rush."

R: "I think _every_ pilot gets that. Even _I_ do."

S: "I’m more impressed by the fact _Jamie_ is the better character, this time around."

K: "So much so, even _Kiva_ liked him. Once upon a time."

M: "That’d just _increase_ his h-hatred towards Coop, eh? Stealing away the girl he _genuinely_ l-loved, and who seemingly loved him back."

The _good_ Coop _laughed_ at the photo of Kiva kissing Jamie.

S: "Well, I’m sure that Jamie hates the _other_ Coop a bit more as well."

Gorrath realised that this was merely _abandoning_ the Megas. "Indeed, Megas is not dead _yet_."

Returning 'home', Coop unveiled the cover of a _mint_ Plymouth Barracuda. "Now _that_ looks n-nice."

R: "It looks exactly the same."

K: "I believe that’s the _point_."

_Plan Z_ **(13:05)**

The show cut away from Coop’s plan to the now _repaired_ Stargate.

R: "Coop should have _really_ cut it into _more_ pieces."

M: "Don’t think he _thought_ of t-that. As usual."

Once more, the troops advanced, actually _entering_ the other world.

S: "They better work fast."

Back to the original world, obviously the ceasefire had _ended_ because Kiva and Jamie were right back at disabling the core drill.

E: "As if they needed _more_ issues to deal with."

S: "Here’s hoping Coop’s _plan_ actually works out."

The universe decided to cut Shinji a break, Coop and Gorrath emerging from the Rift with a shiny new Megas to play with.

A: "Hell yeah, now they got _reinforcements_ as well!"

K: "The enemy of my enemy is my friend, after all."

A: "I _still_ prefer 'the enemy of my enemy _dies first_."

R: "In this case, I would _not_ recommend that."

The two armies were now face to face.

M: " _That’s_ pretty s-sick, actually."

S: "Not every day you have _armies_ of mechs."

And for _one more time_ , Coop ( _good_ Coop) gave his one-per-episode monologue.

Thus, the battle began. "Ooh this is gonna be _good_!"

Explosions rang out as the opposing forces clashed over the streets of Jersey City.

M: "This’d be _much_ better than _a-anything_ on their TV, I _guarantee_ it."

A: "According to Rits, replays of _Evangelion battles_ get a _lot_ of downloads on the Internet. Which, I’m not _surprised_ about."

S: "Don’t think she wants you to start _showing off_ for them, though."

A: "I’m a bit of a showoff anyway, ain’t I?"

Kiva ( _good_ Kiva) checked in, and took the revelation of Coop’s evil counterpart rather _well_ , all things considered. "Just another _Tuesday_ for her, I would think."

K: "She raises a good point. They _still_ have to stop the Glorft, because it’s almost _guaranteed_ once this battle ends, they will go back to each other’s throats."

A: "Like _any_ enemy of the enemy, I’m sure."

_160 Feet Through The Pavement_ **(17:00)**

Coop pulled a move straight outta WWF, bodying alt!Coop from a skyscraper.

M: "Man he _r-really_ isn’t Coop, ain’t he?"

S: "It really _isn’t_ real, is it?"

M: "Not one iota, but it’s _e-entertainment_ , isn’t it? It’s like watching a live _Power R-Rangers_ show. You want _real_ fighting, you watch something like _b-boxing_ or _MMA_."

E: "I’m sure _this_ is more entertaining than wrestling, though."

A: "It would be to the people of Jersey, _that’s_ for sure."

M: "It is to _me_ as w-well. Who _doesn’t_ wanna see giant robots pummelling each o-other?"

R: "I would _prefer_ not to be pummelled in my giant robot, personally. Or _bio-robot_ , in our case."

K: "Not even really a _robot_ , I would think."

Rei shrugged. "If the public wishes to call Evangelion a giant robot, that is their own prerogative."

A: "One that NERV would _actively encourage_ , I’m sure."

Fighting continued as Kiva and Jamie continued their disabling of the planet destroying drill, Coop picking himself up and continuing to _destroy_ the incurring army.

E: "I can’t imagine this anyway else but a _stalemate_."

K: "On paper, they are at the disadvantage. However, with their _experience_ , they can make it up."

S: "They could just focus on their _army_ , as well. Even if it’s just the other Coop and other Kiva, two against _hundreds_ is never good odds."

R: "Perhaps Coop _decided_ on that course of action. Take out the small fry first."

A: "They’d probably still _function_ if Kiva or Coop was killed, as well. So good idea. Just gotta keep Kiva and Coop in mind."

Alt!Coop threw Coop away from him, before suddenly realising he was two against _hundreds_.

E: "Well _that_ worked well."

K: "If they return to their dimension, that will merely _delay_ a second incursion."

Coop appeared to _think_ about something like that for once, getting into contact with alt!Jamie.

Who _destroyed_ the Stargate.

K: "Heh, _bravo_. Trapping them in the Dirac."

A: "Fuck _yeah_!"

_Enemy Of My Enemy_ **(20:10)**

All Glorft weapons were aimed at Megas.

A: "Oh God damn it!"

K: "They lack a _common enemy_ now."

A: " _This_ is why I say they die first!"

At least until _Gorrath_ stopped them.

M: "Heh, maybe he’s _finally_ learnt about the _p-power_ of friendship."

They _were_ going to shake hands, at least until Coop _tripped_ on a loose pipe.

The resulting series of unfortunate events included Coop _falling_ onto the core destroyer, which itself _destroyed_ a majority of the Glorft army with an improbably accurate laser beam.

S: "So much for _friendship_."

E: "Wasn’t even his _fault_."

R: "It matters _not_ to Gorrath. Coop just slighted him; he will not _forget_ it."

A: "Maybe _that_ Coop’s gonna go evil as well!"

Now back in the Megas, Coop let Jamie and Kiva know of his adventures that day.

M: "Hah, figures they don’t b-believe him."

S: "That _is_ rather hard to believe, Jamie and Kiva getting together."

K: "Ah, but they _did_. And perhaps they _might_. We don’t know how Jamie may _progress_ after these adventures."

~~~

And so, Coop walked down the decimated Jersey City, as he had done so before, testing out the _additions_ alt!Coop added to the Megas.

Which included several _mushroom clouds_.

"I suppose it is _fitting_ this series ends like this."

"Wouldn’t expect anything different from this show!" Asuka exclaimed, springing up. "Holy crap we’re finally _done_ with it!"

The end credits scene showed alt!Coop and alt!Kiva ending up in a _gnome dimension_.

"Holy shit that gnome _f-fights_." As alt!Coop was immediately _destroyed_ by one.

The disc played out, and returned to the menu.

"Well, _now_ what?" Shinji questioned.

"Rest our brains from what happened?"

"Yeah, I can work with that."

A knock on the door put an end to this brain resting, Asuka having already stood up elected to answer. "Hal- Hey Carmen!"

A short wave in reply, from the women in red. "Hey guys, Asuka wanted to go somewhere." To the others. "Wanna come with?"

To shrugs. "We may as well."

"Great!" In excitement. "I’ll get the Trabbi warmed up."

She soon ran off, leaving the four glancing between one another.

"Can I change my answer?"

* * *

## 3\. Til Death

Speed cameras all over would take pictures of the Trabant with plates MÜ-LL 613.

These pictures were promptly discarded, thanks to a good pinch of _NERV influence_.

All that and more meant they would arrive at their destination in record time. "…It’s a good thing we haven’t had breakfast yet."

"Ahh don’t be a baby, Shinji." Carmen shrugged off. "It’s only a V8 in a tin can."

Much to his deadpan look.

"You coming with, Carmen?"

"I might hang back a little bit."

"Fair." Conceded Asuka, as she got out.

Soon followed by the rest of the group, close behind as they entered the sacred place.

Carmen could only sigh. "…Ich hätte was zu rauchen mitbringen sollen." ("…I should’ve brought a smoke.")

The group continued walking with Asuka, melancholy painted all over her face and Field. "This…"

"Yeah." With a small huff. "Sorry if you were expecting somewhere _less_ depressing, but… I wanted to see it again."

"With your own eyes."

A simple nod. "Haven’t been here in _ages_ , but I still remember _where_."

They could only follow, as Asuka traced a path, dredged from the deepest parts of her mind.

_'…Hey Ash? This would be w-where…'_

_'Indeed, Mari.'_

It didn’t take too long for Asuka to reach her destination. "Hallo, mama."

There stood the tombstone of Soryu Kyoko Zeppelin, 1973-2005. "Heh, bit _inaccurate_ now, ain’t it."

"To say the least." Softly remarked Rei. "Someone is still laying fresh flowers."

Indeed, covering the lower half of the tombstone was a large bundle of roses.

"Pfft, whoever’s laying them doesn’t know what _mama’s_ favourite flowers were." In some sort of offence. "My asshole _father_ was the one who likes roses."

Deafening silence among the group, the Nephilim in particular coming to a conclusion.

The colour would soon drain from Asuka’s face. "Wait…" Oh so quiet, was she.

She slowly turned back to the stone, crouching down to move the roses away.

Below 'Soryu Kyoko Zeppelin' was yet another name.

Pieter Langley, 1969-2017.

"…what?"

"I’m sorry, Asuka."

The woman in red, hat in hand, could only commiserate. "I know he… wasn’t that good to you. But… we should have told you earlier."

Asuka simply knelt, staring at the stone. "That was only _last year_. What happened?"

What followed were a few deep breaths. "It’s a long story. And I’m not gonna sugar coat it."

"Tell me."

~

**_(191117 Sunday 1600 MSK)_ **

The tipoff from an _internal_ source had led Carmen to the _Russian Soviet Republic_. Her papers would identify her as a student, but the reality was anything but.

In appropriate smart casual, with a bundle of roses, the agent entered a rather quaint hospital. "Я хотел бы навестить моего дядю, Питер Лэнгли."

("I would like to visit my uncle, Pieter Langley.")

One showing of ID later (under the pseudonym 'Miranda Langley'), the receptionist buzzed her in. "Первый лифт налево, четвертый этаж, направо и через двери, затем это двенадцатая дверь слева от вас."

("First elevator to the left, fourth floor, right and through the doors, then it's the twelfth door on your left.")

"Спасибо!" As she set about the path.

("Thanks!")

Carmen couldn’t help but feel _uncomfortable_ at how _bare_ the hospital appeared. And how this was an _improvement_ on conditions of the fledgeling Russian Federation of the 90s and early 2000s.

Thoughts like that were soon pushed to the back of her mind, as she opened the door. "Привет, товарищ!" ("Hello, comrade!")

The man did not respond too much.

Carmen shut the door behind her. "Oder sollte ich sagen, _hallo Pieter_." ("Or should I say, _hello_ _Pieter_.")

_That_ caused a response, the man slowly turning himself to see the woman.

Who could only sigh, at the sorry state of Langley. "Die Zeit hat dich wirklich _gefickt_ , nicht wahr?"

("Time really _fucked_ you, didn’t it?")

"…Können Sie laut sagen." ("…You can say _that_ again.") Was the man’s raspy reply, as much as he could muster in his condition. "Also… wer sollte das _Missvergügen_ haben, mich zu besuchen?" ("So… who should have the _displeasure_ of visiting?")

Flowers on the table, she took her seat. "Miranda Langley."

"Heh. Dein _tatsächlicher_ Name." ("Your _actual_ name.")

With a slight smirk. "Carmen Avalon. Betriebsleiter von NERV-Berlin." ("Carmen Avalon. Operations Manager of NERV-Berlin.")

A pain grew on the poor man’s face. "Passend, dass das zurückkommt, um mich zu beißen, bevor ich sterbe." ("Fitting that comes back to bite me before I die.")

"Ja…" She hardened herself slightly. "Ich werde dich nicht anlügen, wir haben eine Weile versucht dich zu finden. Was Sie und Ihr Partner unserem Piloten angetan haben, war…" ("I won’t lie to you, we’ve been trying to find you for a while. What you and your partner did to our pilot was…")

"Ich weiß."("I know.") Averting his eyes. "Du musst mich nicht daran erinnern." ("You don’t have to remind _me_.")

There was a brief lull in conversation, weary eyes starting blankly to the window, the grim grey bearing down.

"Ich werde nicht um Vergebung bitten. Ich bitte einfach um Verständnis." ("I’m not going to ask for forgiveness. I’ll simply ask for _understanding_.")

An eyebrow went up. "Los." ("Go on.")

"Ich habe meine Frau geliebt. Und ... ich konnte einfach nicht damit umgehen, was mit ihr passiert ist." ("I _loved_ my wife. And… I just couldn’t handle _what_ happened to her.")

"Ich würde das nicht als Entschuldigung bezeichnen." ("I wouldn’t call that an excuse.")

"…Nein. Ich bezweifle auch, dass Asuka es so nennen würde." ("…No. I doubt _Asuka_ would call it that, as well.")

Carmen pressed further. "Was ist mit der Frau? Ich weiß, dass du sie nur vernachlässigt hast, aber sie hat aktiv versucht-" ("What of the woman? I know _you_ merely neglected her, but _she_ actively _tried_ to-")

"Sie... ist nicht mehr hier." ("She… is no longer here.")

The agent softened slightly. "…Traue ich mich zu fragen warum?" ("…Do I dare ask why?")

"…Ist auf die falsche Seite der Behörden gekommen. Eines Tages verschwunden. Hatte sie seitdem nicht mehr gesehen." ("…Got on the wrong side of the authorities. Disappeared one day. Hadn’t seen her since.")

Carmen could only hold her head. "Es tut mir Leid. Aber… warum Russland? Sie wussten beide, wie es hier war." ("I’m sorry. But… _why_ Russia? You both _knew_ how things were like here.")

"Sie… dachte, ich könnte meine Fähigkeiten hier einsetzen. Und sie hatte recht. Aber ich glaube nicht, dass sie erkannt hat, dass es ein zweischneidiges Schwert ist, der Regierung nahe zu sein. Obwohl…" ("She… thought I could use my _skills_ here. And, well, she was _right_. But I don’t think she realised being _close_ to the government is a double edged sword. Though…") He sighed. "Erst danach wurde mir klar, was ich tat. Und ... nun, nachdem ich diagnostiziert wurde." ("Only _after_ , did I realise what I did. And… well, after I got _diagnosed_.")

More silence, the light outside beginning to darken.

"Wie schlimm ist es?" ("How bad is it?")

"Terminal." With closed eyes. "Mein Plan ist es, zu Gottes Füßen zu kriechen und einen kurzen Aufenthalt in der Hölle zu verhandeln, um zu büßen." ("My plan is to grovel at God’s feet and bargain for a short stay in hell to atone.")

"Sie sind sicherlich hoffnungsvoll." ("You’re certainly hopeful.") In deadpan. "Ich nehme an, das bedeutet, dass wir Sie nicht nach Deutschland zurückbringen können." ("I suppose that means we can’t get you back to _Germany_.")

"Hmpf. Sie könnten vielleicht meine Leiche zurückbekommen wenn Sie Glück haben." ("Hmpf. Might be able to get my _body_ back, if you’re lucky.")

Pieter turned to the window, the clouds starting to clear up, the setting sun painting the canvas orange.

"…Wenn ich mir etwas wünschen könnte, wäre es, mit meiner Tochter zu sprechen. Es ist… über zehn Jahre her, seit ich sie gesehen habe." ("…If there was one thing I could wish for, it’d be to talk to my daughter. It’s been… over ten years since I’ve seen her.")

He couldn’t see the conflict that begun in Carmen’s mind. Tell him or not.

"Scheiß drauf. Du könntest es genauso gut wissen." ("Fuck it. You might as well know.")

Carmen would go on to regale the father with stories of his child, from her own third person perspective. Her education, her pilot training, and her eventual deployment to Tokyo-3. Her sorties against Angels from Gaghiel onward. Her actions against Seele during the May Incursion, and later battles against their MP-Evangelion.

Her finding love and friendship, despite it all. "Selbst im Kampf kann man erkennen, aber... er klingt wie ein gutes Kind. Selbst im Kampf kann man sagen, dass sie sich lieben." ("Don’t know too much about him personally, but… he sounds like a good kid. Even in battle, you can tell they love each other.")

Pieter simply listened in silence. A few stray tears escaping. "Sie... es ist ihr gut ergangen?" ("She… she ended up alright?")

"Ja. Es geht ihr gut, Pieter." ("Yeah. She’s alright, Pieter.")

"Das… ist gut. Da… Danke, Carmen." ("That’s… good. Th… Thank you, Carmen.")

She went closer. "Pieter?"

"Wenn... du Asuka siehst… sag ihr, dass ich du immer noch liebe. Ich habe du immer geliebt. Meine… Asuka…" ("If… you see Asuka… tell her I still love her. I’ve… _always_ loved her. My… Asuka…")

"Pieter?!"

The machines he was attached to started going haywire, as the man slumped over, and as Carmen ran out of the room. _"МНЕ НУЖЕН ДОКТОР!"_ (" _I NEED A DOCTOR!_ ")

~

The auburn haired girl simply stared at the tombstone, Carmen telling her story. "I… had to pull a few strings, but I managed to get him here. Give him a small ceremony. Put him alongside Kyoko, in a sense."

Asuka responded by _punching_ the tombstone, on her father’s name. "…Damn it. God _damn it_!" A yelp of pain. "You… fucking _abandon_ mama and I for that bitch nurse, say _nothing_ to me for a _decade_ , and then you _die_? Not even saying so much as _goodbye_? Well, screw you too! I didn’t _need_ you, did I?"

She continued shouting to the stone, now stood up. "I _graduated university_ , I became an _ace_ _Evangelion pilot_ , I helped _decimate_ the Angels and Seele. I have a family of people who _love_ me. I had so many _horrible_ birthdays and you didn’t even send me a fucking _card_!"

The tombstone was _kicked over_ , but no one would intervene. "And you know what? I’m gonna get through _piloting_ without you. I’m gonna get _married_ to Shinji without you. I’m gonna settle down and have a whole bunch of _beautiful_ kids, and he’ll be a better father than you _ever_ were, cause there ain’t a _fucking_ thing you could’ve taught him about loving your children!"

There was a _painful_ lull.

Her anger gave way to the softest of sorrows, as she fell back to her knees. "… _Damn_ it. Why… why’d you have to _leave_ me, papa? I _loved_ you… papa…"

The walls finally broke, rain come down as her sobs filled the air.

Unabated by Shinji swooping in to embrace her. Probably _emphasising_ it, in a way. The comfort allowing her to open up just a little bit more.

And there they stayed for a short while.

* * *

## 4\. Mirrabooka

A lone secretary was playing _SkiFree_ on the front computer when two ragged men ran in, throwing a whole pile of videotapes on the desk. "We need this to air _now_."

~

Safely evacuated, Spencer and Claire listened closely to the radio.

~

Atop of _Pualaar Miial_ , a Noongar elder sat next to a small fire, eyes glued to the coast.

And of the being that slowly approached, bathed in the fire of the setting sun.

~

The town of New Albany was now completely empty, evacuated hours ago for the relative safety of Kojonup.

Rows upon rows upon rows of technicals were lined up on every open area of coast. Every road. Every single nook and cranny a LandCruiser could fit in. Two thousand deployed, with various weaponry attached, plus one thousand used in the evacuation efforts.

The remaining two thousand they could spare was en-route from all over the Confederacy.

_"Spare Squadron, Albany. Kurdaicha is within a kilometre of your position. Breaking off."_

"Affirmative, Spare. Wait for the command."

_"10-4."_

The Aardvarks disengaged from their escort.

Cigarette in mouth, the bobcut commander climbed on top of a Cruiser, radio engaged. "Soldiers! Listen close. There is a _reason_ the elders have named this being _Kurdaicha_. If we fall today, they will _execute_ _everyone_. Men, women, children, _everyone_. No matter race or creed.

Pointing to the being. " _That_ doesn’t give a shit who you are, and _I_ don’t as well! You want to know who we are? We are _human_! We get _through_ shit!"

She continued. "We got through the calamity, we got through our very nation crumbling into the _dust beneath our feet_ , we got through _Telfer_ and _Eucla_ and _Olympic Dam._ I admit, we may be outgunned. But if we stop this thing for even a _minute_ , that is one minute more our people are _safe_.

"So solders! I say _fight_. Fight like you’re on the shores of Gallipoli, fight like you’re on the beaches of _Normandy_ , fight like you’re in the sands of _Telfer_ , and tell this _fuckwit_ of an alien that _we_ are Swan! We are _not_ gonna fall today!" A finger pointed to the heavens. "We will _stand_ under the Southern Cross until the end of time!

" _Solders_! Are you with me?!"

Cheering and shouting and _honking_ from all over the city, engines revving in anticipation.

"That’s _really fucking good_ to hear!" She signed off, jumping back into the drivers seat of her Cruiser. "Begin _Operation_ _Mirrabooka!_ Spare Squadron, all technicals, _light’em up!_ "

Light them up, they did. And lo, it was good.

_Thousands_ of bullets and shells rained onto the Kurdaicha, all seemingly impacting an orange coloured field that rippled and rang with every strike.

"Moving out, brace yourself!" She shouted to the gunner in back, shifting the Cruiser into gear. "I hope to God you’re _right_ , Makinami." An under the breath mutter, glancing to the air to better witness the dance of the Aardvarks.

She couldn’t help but wince at the Kurdaicha _vaporising_ one of them mid flight, the clockwork masks briefly halting.

~

"Commander, how far away are we?"

_"Telemetry puts you around thirty minutes away. Things will move fast, so be prepared you two."_

"Yes Ma’am." Hiro promptly replied, the radio cutting away.

The launch was actually rather _exhausting_ on the two. Even maintaining their AT-Field, it took _expending_ the supposedly reusable booster in order to get them _sub-orbital_.

_'Hey, Darling?'_ His other queried, through the link between pilot and core they maintained. _'Did Misato talk about how we’re getting_ back _? I can’t imagine_ Swan _having the infrastructure to look after an Evangelion.'_

He had to think. "Nope, I don’t think that was discussed at all."

_'Heh. Well, maybe we can get a small_ vacation _out of this place.'_

"The way Misato made it sound like, I think I’d prefer _our_ world."

Amusement over the line. _'You really believe in that_ Bunyip _she mentioned?'_

"We’re facing an _Angel_."

_'Ah, fair. Hey, maybe we should_ call _it a Bunyip.'_

The boy couldn’t help but laugh, as he tried to relax. "So… bit of a plan, isn’t it?"

_'Pretty_ simple _, when you think about it. Airdrop from space with the Lance, do all the fancy mathematics for course correcting, and_ pin _the Angel like a butterfly._ Simple _, really.'_

"It’s not really _that_ fancy. Even _I_ knew some of those calculations."

_'Ah, not to the depth of a_ Nine _, darling!'_ She chuckled. _'We could probably pilot a Franxx without_ visuals _if we had to.'_

"Then again, they actually _tried_ keeping you guys alive."

_'Hey, Werner did a half decent job with_ your _squad, didn’t he?'_

Hiro was silent.

_'_ All _of them ended up_ living _in the end, didn’t they? I’d say_ that _was pretty good luck, considering_ we _died.'_

"Death is often not the ideal outcome, yeah."

Zero Two gave an amused thought, before falling silent.

_'Hey, Hiro?'_

He blinked, at the use of his name. "Yeah?"

_'It’s… certainly possible we_ die _like this again, eh? Different mech, but…'_

"Well… they way _I_ see it. We ended up _here_ when he first died. We’ll just end up somewhere else, won’t we?" He wondered. "Hey, we might end up back home!"

_'But… what if we don’t? What if we die and… that’s that?'_

He couldn’t help but _think_ about the possibility. They had concluded that, hey, since they ended up _here_ , obviously they’d end up _elsewhere_ if they ended up on the wrong end of an explosion.

…Then again, there _was_ always the possibility that this was a one-off.

"Suppose I’ll just have to follow you into the dark, Zero Two."

Quiet turned to sorrow over his connection to her. "…I wouldn’t have it any other way, Hiro."

For the briefest of moments, it was only them in the world.

~

It was a massacre.

Despite the valiant efforts of the forces of Swan, they simply couldn’t hold a _candle_ to this being.

"Keep firing!"

And yet, they would keep at it.

The bobcut commander weaved through the wreckage, comrade and Cruiser alike. Nightfall had not been kind to them, the being seemingly _knowing_ where they were at all times.

"Spare, how many birds have you got left?"

_"Two left, command-"_

The radio cut off, coinciding with yet another fireball descending into the red sea.

"Stop _dying_ , you fucks!" She could only shout in vain, as a laser shot _way_ too close for comfort. "How much ammo have ya got left back there?"

No reply.

Glancing back, she could only see _ash_ where a man once stood. " _Damn_ it! Take the wheel!" She commanded a scared corporal in the passenger seat, throwing the door open and clambering around the truck and onto the bed. "Eat _this_ , you _clockwork motherfucker_!"

The machine gun fired once, the commander bracing herself as the Cruiser jolted around.

Clatter rang out over the radio, as others observed the Kurdaicha cease its movement. "Watch it!"

The weapon of the Kurdaicha fired right in front of her Cruiser, the vehicle quickly engulfed in flames as it rolled over, the commander flung from her position and finding a rather _hard_ landing atop twisted metal.

She could only stare to the star stuttered sky, tainted by tracer and laser. "…well. This isn’t ideal." A quiet concession. "Okay… what’s the go." As she rolled herself over, surveying herself and the surroundings.

Herself, well, she’d been better. Her right leg wasn’t at a 90 degree angle before today. "Damn it, I liked having all my legs."

Uniform quickly fell way, using cut metal to fashion various tourniquets for herself. "…Adrenaline is released for three to five minutes. You just burnt a few minutes of that, but you shouldn’t drop dead now, at least." As she kept muttering to herself, intent on keeping her mind occupied in this moment. "Radio. Where is a radio."

She scanned, before finding a suitable Cruiser. Only _slightly_ destroyed.

Ever so slowly, she _dragged_ herself. Every inch _painful_ , but she was _determined_ to not let this being fall her.

Eventually, she got herself to the flipped Cruiser, smashing in the side window and pushing herself through the bodies of a fellow countryman.

The radio appeared to be working, thank God. "…Soldiers, fall back." She cooly commanded. "Abandon New Albany. Save as many as you can and regroup in Mount Barker."

A small pause, as she collected herself. "Central. Launch the firework in fifteen minutes. Auth code _Mamaragan_."

Her mind briefly ran through how much of a _failure_ this operation had been from the start.

And how _nothing_ could have prepared them. "…It’s been an honour, soldiers."

The radio dropped from her hands, as she sighed, senses dulling as the adrenaline started to fail her. "…Okay. You got _that_ far."

She would sit up in the flipped Cruiser and rest, her back against the rear.

Her next course of action was simple, really. Sit back, smoke her last smokes, and see what kills her first. The nuke, or her injuries.

"Hmpf. This was fun."

_"You guys need a hand?"_

The commander couldn’t help but crane her head over to the crackling of the radio.

Cigarette dropped to the floor, and adrenaline pumping once more, she grabbed the radio. "This… is the Commander of Operation Mirrabooka, representing the Swan Confederacy. Who is this?"

_"Pilots Hiro and Zero Two of NERV."_

Eyes went wide. "You’re fucking _joking_."

_"Watch the skies, Commander!"_

With newfound energy allowing her to exit the Cruiser, she could make out an ever growing _golden streak_ , seemingly bisecting the constellations above.

And in an instant, an _impact_.

Mouth agape, with a fear she had not yet felt, as the dust cleared. As she bore witness to a pure white titan.

And their weapon _embedded_ behind them.

The Kurdaicha split in twain, bloodying the Evangelion, as it knelt down within a clearing. Job done, they would fall dormant and wait for recovery.

Crimson red pooled at the Commander’s feet.

And… she _laughed_. With all her energy, she laughed. Like a madwoman.

They were but _ants_ in the colosseum of the gods.

~

"Waiting for signal acquisition…" Announced Maya, as Central Dogma held their collective breath. "Signal acquired."

"Are you guys okay?" Was the Commander’s _first_ question.

_"Y eah. We’re a lright."_ Over the rough radio link.

"What about the Angel?"

_"…Heh. Wish we c ould show you, Commander."_ Half smug, half tired. _"Let’s just s ay, they’re half the Angel they u sed to be."_

"Now _that’s_ what I want to hear!" She beamed. "Rits, when’s getting confirmation from satellite?"

"One of our repositioned sats will be in sensor range in a minute." Confirmed Ritsuko, laying back in her chair. Allowing herself to relax some.

_"I think you c an tell that it’s dead by the fact w e’re still_ here _, Subcommander."_

"Gotta make sure." She smirked. "Nothing on the satellite. Angel eliminated."

The Commander gave a sigh. "Okay. The world is _safe_ for another day. Stand down to yellow alert."

Cheering erupted from Central Dogma, which fair enough. This was the first Angel (or Angel like being) they defeated in a few years, after all.

"Now, would anyone like to suggest how the _fuck_ we explain this to the UN?!"

* * *

## 5\. We'll Carry On

All’s quiet, in the townhouse.

As it had been, since they got home.

"…Wonder how long t-they’ve been up there, now."

"Around sixteen hours." An immediate reply. "Though then again… shouldn’t be keeping count."

"I think they’re doing just fine." Softly spoke Kaworu, eyes closed as he glanced upward. "She’ll get through this."

"She has Shinji." With a soft smile. "She will be fine."

The two/four continued resting on the couch, having chosen to delegate themselves for the time being.

At least until the door opened, the woman in red letting herself in. "You guys going alright?"

" _We_ are." Rei quipped. "And I think _they_ are doing alright as well."

Carmen leant on the wall, offering a sigh. "I’m sorry. It wasn’t my decision to leave her uninformed, but…"

"Then you shouldn’t blame yourself."

"…Heh. That ain't easy for me, Rei."

"Eliza."

A blink, before a crane of the head.

"It’s complicated." Mari replied. "Let’s l-leave it at that."

"I mean, that’s fine by _me_ , Kaworu."

"Mari."

"Okay _now_ you have to explain it." Was her half serious demand. "Do you guys have multiple people in there or something?"

"Yes."

Another blink. "Wait, _really_?"

"Yes."

"Huh. How does _that_ happen?"

"To explain would require an hour long dive into Metaphysical Biology and the workings of the soul."

" _'Soul bullshit'_ , got it."

"I see you subscribe to the _Misato Katsuragi_ school of thought when it comes to the soul." Rei (as Rei) quipped.

"…Y’know, _speaking_ of Misato." With another sigh, scratching the back of her head. "Something’s happened. You guys are being recalled slightly early."

The duo/quad were somewhat _disconcerted_ by that reveal. "She was _insistent_ we take this holiday. An _Angel_ would have had to attack for her to recall us."

"…Uhh…"

"It is not an _Angel_ , right?"

"…Ehh, _we_ don’t actually _know_ yet. Tokyo’s keeping it pretty under wraps. All _I_ know is that it was serious enough to warrant a rapid deployment to _Swan_ , of all the places in the world."

"Why on Earth would they g-go to _that_ backwater?"

"Heh, _that’s_ Mari, I assume. My thought exactly; if it was serious enough to warrant deploying an Evangelion to a damn _rump state_ , not even the UN named _successor_ of Australia. Then yeah, I’d probably take it seriously."

"You _are_ taking it seriously."

"Well, it’s kinda my _job_. Speaking of, Misato wants you on the first flight to Tokyo-3. She said you can take the rest of Tuesday and Wednesday off there, if you wanted to. Considering this was your _first_ holiday in… well, _years_."

"I think we’ve had enough rest for a while." Thought Kaworu.

" _That’s_ the spirit." As she readied to leave. "So… I suppose I’ll wait out here until you guys are all ready, eh?"

"Sounds like a plan."

"Cool cool."

The door opened and closed behind her.

Rei’s head immediately rotated to meet Kaworu. "You were restless last night. I thought it was due to worrying about Asuka and Shinji, but…"

"…There was _something_. I don’t even know how to describe it. I can’t even say it was a _call_ , like those of my kin. It was… something foreign to _me_."

"So… if this _was_ from that being, we cannot call it an Angel of standard definition."

"No. Not as Adam’s own, at the very least."

"The fact you _sensed_ this in the first place is indicative of metaphysical potential." Analytical, was the Evangelion. "It wouldn’t surprise me if this being _functioned,_ for all intents and purposes, as an Angel. The origin would be _irrelevant_."

"…If it walks and q-quacks like a duck."

"Mari, did _you_ sense anything?"

Shaking her head. "I… don’t know. I can’t t-tell if it’s just fallout from Kaworu or… maybe something _more_."

This left Rei thinking in silence. "…Something we will have to explore, in the future."

"Does this m-mean Angels of some sort have _returned_?"

Yet more silence, as they tried to digest the reality.

"They was not one Angel originally, after all."

Her input didn’t help.

"…Well, one thing we know for sure. Shinji and Asuka aren’t going to like _this_ news when we wake them up."

Rei appreciated Kaworu’s levity, offering naught but a small smile. "We can agree on _that_ much, at the very least."

~

Asuka didn’t exactly sleep _well_ last night. "…Y’know, Shinji. I wouldn’t have minded at least _trying_ to make amends."

Shinji, good fiancee he was, would agree with her.

"It… wouldn’t surprise me in the slightest if he saw mama in _me_."

The boy couldn’t help but think. "That’s… probably why Gendo sent me away. After mum fell to the Evangelion. Though… with what happened with _you_."

"Heh, probably the _best_ solution? I mean… if he _did_ send me away somewhere after what happened with mama, that _whore nurse_ wouldn’t have influenced me." Some venom returned. "Then again… you can boil all this down to _Evangelion_ , can you? If mama had been _completely_ consumed by the Evangelion instead of having her mind ripped to shreds…"

To Shinji’s sigh. "It’s… pretty strange to think about. How _different_ everything could’ve been, if it weren’t for Evangelion."

"…Yeah."

She settled back into him. "What I said was true, though… you really _would_ make a better father than he would."

"That’s… not really much of a _challenge_ , Asuka."

A huffy sort of laugh. "It really isn’t. Just gotta be there for them, eh Shinji?"

A laugh he shared. "Yeah."

There was a brief silence.

"…We’re really fucked up. Aren’t we?"

"A bit, yeah. But… at least we have each other. And our friends."

"It’s better than _most_ worlds, eh?" With a huff. "We can be fucked up _together_ , instead of fucked up _alone_!"

To which the boy chuckled. " _That’s_ the spirit."

And yet another quiet.

"…I’m really lucky to have you, Shinji."

"You know I can say _exactly_ the same thing?"

"And I _know_ you will." With a smile. "You mean _everything_ to me, Shin-chan." Followed by the briefest of kisses. "Now. I wouldn’t exactly _mind_ laying in bed all day, but I don’t think the others would prefer that."

"Are… you going to be alright?"

"As alright as I can be. So… yeah, not really." Somewhat bashful. "But… that’s why I got _you_ and the others, eh?"

A melancholic smile from her other. "Yeah. I can work with that."

It was a sluggish rise from the bed, but they eventually made their way to the door of the bedroom.

Opening it to find Rei and Kaworu, themselves getting ready to wake them up. "Ah, _just_ the angels we wanted to see."

The two Nephilim glanced nervously at each other. "Yeeeeah." Mari chose to take the reins, seeing Kaworu reluctant. " _About_ t-that."

~

Asuka’s expletive-laden rant was audible all the way from Carmen’s Trabant, a fact she was equally amused and sorry about. "...Wenn ich euch hier behalten könnte, würde ich." ("…If I could keep you guys here, I would.") A quiet mutter.

Then again, that _was_ their job. Not one they exactly _chose_ , but one they were responsible for nonetheless.

Still… they were good kids. If anything happened to them…

"Ich frage mich, ob Misato auch so fühlt wegen ihnen." ("I wonder if this is how Misato feels about them.") She could only note, amused.

Thoughts like these continued to rack her mind, at least until she heard a small thud by her car. "Ah verdammt, der Auspuff ist nicht wieder runtergefallen, oder?" ("Ah damn it, the exhaust didn’t fall off again, did it?")

Leaving the 'comfort' of the Trabant, she circled round the back to investigate. "Okay, immer noch da. Also, was hat es verursacht…" ("Okay, still there. So _what_ caused it…") As she started to glance around.

Until she found something metallic, a small distance away from the rear. It must’ve hit the back and bounced off.

Her brow furrowed, as that explanation didn’t exactly make too much sense upon first thought.

So she did the first thing _any_ respectable high profile secret agent would do when dealing with an unknown object. She picked it up and inspected it. "I… pod?"

Now, she wasn’t exactly _old_ , but she had never heard of such a product, from such a prominent company.

And so she concluded. "Ah! _Rissmaterial_!"

It’d be a good parting gift, at the very least.

~

"Alright, so we got everything?"

"I believe so." As she ran through internal manifests. "Rei managed to pack the Playstation 2 in her baggage. Kaworu should have the DVDs of Elfen Lied and Megas XLR?"

A nod to confirm.

"And _I_ have that God forsaken doujin in _my_ baggage." Asuka remarked. "So everything should be back to as it was _before_ we got here, then?"

"If we do not count the fact one bedroom is still missing a bed."

"Or all the food still in the fridge."

"I suppose as l-long as Ritsuko doesn’t beat us with a _yardstick_ for forgetting Rift material in G-Germany, we should be good."

"We have satisfied _that_ requirement, at least."

Asuka took one last look around the townhouse, looking a lot more _bare_ than it did.

"Heh. We really made this our own, didn’t we?"

"Indeed we did." With a small smile.

"If we _ever_ come back to Germany, we are _not_ watching Elfen Lied."

"Agreed."

They all soon filed out, Asuka having the honour of shutting the door for the final time, as everyone loaded their bags (as best they could) in the back of the Trabbi. "I thought you’d say we’d go to another _footy_ game, Carmen!" Asuka playfully berated.

"Had the tickets planned for _tonight_." She defended. "Didn’t exactly consider an _Angel_ would come by and _ruin_ things."

"They tend to do that, in my experience."

Kaworu gave Shinji a flat look.

"No offence or anything."

"None taken. That was _Mari_ , anyway."

To which Kaworu poked his tongue.

"…Yeah _still_ confusing." The woman in red scratched the back of her head.

~

It didn’t take long for the Pontiac in Trabant’s clothing to reach the airport.

Much to the dismay of the pilots, Carmen seemed to be _all for_ putting a car like hers as the head of an Evangelion, like in that Rift material they watched.

But alas, all good things must come to an end.

Shinji, Kaworu/Mari, and Rei/Eliza/Sovereign had all boarded the suborbital jumpjet, Carmen having skipped the whole _airport_ section of the airport with a little _NERV magic_.

This left Asuka and Carmen, talking on the tarmac. "It’s been… kinda _nice_ here, actually. I gotta ring you if we come back again."

"Might be able to catch that _game_ , eh?"

"Heh, yeah." With a small smile. "Thanks, Carmen. You _really_ treated us well."

A bashful scratch. "Ahh, no need to thank me. You guys were certainly _entertaining_ , that’s for sure."

Before rushing back to her Trabbi, fishing something out of the glovebox. "Ah, _before_ you go."

Asuka was handed a package. "For Misato. _She’ll_ know what to do with it."

"Something not for our knowledge, I assume."

"I’ll just say it has something to do with _Randy_." Was the coy response. "And… something _else_."

From out of her pocket, the iPod. "It dropped by while you guys were packing. I… don’t know what’s on it, or if it even _works_. But _you_ guys are probably the ones to handle this kinda thing."

Asuka took and inspected. "Huh. Rift?"

"I assume so. Never heard of an _I pod_ , after all."

She flipped it around. "Yeah, this was _not_ made in 2004."

"With more disk space than _my_ work computer, as well."

The redhead couldn’t help but laugh at that comparison. "Well, at the very least, it’ll keep us occupied for the flight."

"I best get going, then." As she bowed. "I’m not having my Trabbi flipped by a jet engine again."

"… _Again_?"

"Eh, long story."

"For another time, then." She smiled. "See ya then, alright?"

"Later, buddy!"

For a brief moment, she was taken aback by the words. Before just as quickly shrugging it off, pocketing the iPod and boarding the plane.

"Heh. Viel Glück da draußen, Leute!" ("Heh. Good luck out there, you guys!") As she made her way to the Trabant.

Looking out of the window, the pilots would see the Trabant burning rubber, circling on the spot before rocketing away, into the misty morning.

"I am _not_ going to miss that car."

"It’s probably the _closest_ w-we’re gonna get to something like _Coop’s_ car, eh?"

"I think I’d prefer the Barra." Admitted Shinji.

"Hey guys!" Asuka announced herself. "Look what _Carmen_ gave us!"

She showed the device.

…And there was _much_ confusion as to _what_ it was. "Do _you_ know what it is?"

" _Not_ a clue."

"This will end up _traumatising_ us somehow."

"Oh don’t be _pessimistic_ , Eliza!"

* * *


End file.
